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RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 8:41:41 AM   
TolerableCruelty


Posts: 447
Joined: 2/4/2005
Status: offline 		In the short time that you've been here, I've noticed a somewhat recurring theme to your threads, litleone....

quote:

   I've never considered a Dominant might need training.

Is it necessary?

quote:

Would any Master consider training a different a young dominant? 


Is this all coming down to the fact that you just don't trust your master ? The different threads have went from second guessing your master, to personality traits of dom/subs, to jealousy of others regarding said dom, now to training your dom....

Now, call Me silly.  However, looking at those topics, all by themselves, tell a story.  If, in fact, this is stemming from your current relationship, I think some introspection is needed.  It does appear, that *you* may be trying to *create* a Dominant to your own specs.  You will not be able to mold Him into what you want.  If he is not what you are looking for or feel comfortable entering this type of relationship with, then it's best to cut your losses and bail.  Keep on looking, for what you want.  In the long run, the inevitable is still inevitable.  This isn't something that is going to work out, and the longer you drag this out, the more resentful you both will be.. not only to each other, but to the "lifestyle" as well. 

Think about it....

T.R.

_____________________________

Never explain~~Your friends do not need it, and your enemies will not believe you

I'm sorry if I've offended you.... but maybe you needed to be offended

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 8:54:06 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Because dominants have that 'dominant' trait, are they less likely to ask for help when they need it?

If they are intelligent they ask for help when they need it, if they don't then someone risks getting injured. I'm Dominant and I will ask for help if I need it. I would never risk my subs safety because I was too proud to ask for help.

~Lashra

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 9:11:39 AM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Yes, there does seem to be an interlocking theme to all my threads here. This is because all the threads i've started are about things i either don't understand, or want to know about.

My first thread fixed my problem with Master, and i am beginning to be more secure in our relationship.

It does seem to look like i'm trying to create the 'perfect' Dom.  I understand there is no such thing, nor would i wish there to be.  I am merely trying to gather information for myself, to better understand Master. Though, asking Him these questions directly would be of better use, but i figured a wide variety of opinions would be helpful.

Like i said before, i am feeling more and more secure in my relationship with Master as the days go by. And my threads are merely for informational purposes (except, perhaps the first one, that was personal), and to understand.

(in reply to TolerableCruelty)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 12:16:05 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		There was a time when you didn't just decide to be a dominant and start off as one.
Learning from the bottom up was the way things worked and it didn't matter what you thought you were. There were many who simply didn't end up in the community because they wouldn't or couldn't deal with comming from the bottom up. The end of that system of bottom up training/learning was a two edged thing, it let into the community those who didn't want to be a bottom/ submissive/ slave first, and it let in those that didn't want to be a bottom/ submissive/ slave first, LOL.

There are perspectives that a Dominant who came from the bottom up has that one who didn't doesn't get. Is it absolutley nessisary to come from the bottom up? I would contend it is not, however there are advantages those who do have.

Are there people willing to train Dominants, yes there are still places where a Dominant can get training in both physical skills and mental/ emotional/ spiritual skills. In fact I have a lesbian boi who is under contract specificly so that they can learn to be a Daddy someday.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 1:55:29 PM   
Curiouslilkitten


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/14/2005
Status: offline 		I've often wondered about this myself. When my fiance' and myself started dating it was nothing abt BDSM. Even though it's something I had been looking for, him being Dominant in our relationship wasn't a requirement. The more we got into our reloationship, and the more sexual we became, I saw his natural 'Dom' tendencies. I sorta steered him in the direction of being even more Dom by being submissive in my actions during our love making.

It wasn't too much of a suprise to me when he asked if I would 'role-play' with him. He wanted to tie me up, spank me, pull my hair... etc etc etc. Of course we did and when he asked me abt my expierences with BDSM I told him and he was/is so very curious.

Even though I can (and have) switch, I prefer to be submissive. So when W/we actually put a name and words to his natural tendencies, he wanted to explore more... learn more. I don't know how to train him though.

I led him to different sites like this so he could ask his own questions and read to learn more. That really excited him and he dove in head first. But, I really feel he went too fast. He didn't realize what he was doing and the results his actions would garnish. It confused him.

I can Domme... I can sub even better but... I don't know how to tell him or train him to Dom me...

Where do I point him to get the questions he has answered? He wants to learn how to recognize limitations and how to test those limitations.

How do I help him? Why isn't there a "Dom'ing for Dummies" manual somewhere? :P

(in reply to Archer)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 2:01:42 PM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		There is a Domming Manual, a number of them actually. "The Topping Book", "The Loving Dominant" to name a couple. Also a frequent poster on this site John Warren has penned a couple of books that would also help (grinning).

(in reply to Curiouslilkitten)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 3:16:44 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Curiouslilkitten
Where do I point him to get the questions he has answered? He wants to learn how to recognize limitations and how to test those limitations.

How do I help him? Why isn't there a "Dom'ing for Dummies" manual somewhere? :P


There is actually- everywhere.  Here is one such resource.  However, you will be the biggest resource he has- only you can tell him what your limitations are and only you can know how to push them.  Start by saying "I think this is a great idea, can we try that next week?"

This thread may be a good start:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_269547/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cswitch%252Chelp/tm.htm#269547
he's a switch, I'm a sub, help!

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 6/13/2006 3:17:37 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Curiouslilkitten)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 3:25:27 PM   
Brosco


Posts: 238
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		When ever I see a topic that is about Dom or sub training I get the impression it is training in how to be a dom/sub.  To me it creates the impression of training someone to be what they aren't.

I do agree that training/education in the use of certain toys and techniques is worthwhile, and I happily seek for more information and variations in the specific kinks that have been part of me for a lifetime.  Learning is an ongoing thing and I would be very suspicious of anyone who thinks he know it all, even on any single aspect in D/s.

I do however believe in Mentors being a very valuable resource for helping others understand the dynamics in a D/s relationship.

Curiouslilkitten's situation is a perfect example.  Her fiance' could well benefit from a Mentor who could help him understand the subbie mindset (and specifically kitten's) before he dives in with a new-dom-frenzy into this whole new world.  I differentiate between trainers and Mentors in that a Mentor helps another find their own answers - a trainer teaches their own skills.

Brosco

_____________________________

Any Dom that believes he is in complete control ... has a very clever subbie.

(in reply to heartfeltsub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 3:56:42 PM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: talibahh

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

Nope, not necessary at all.
 
When you think about what it is a sub seeks within D/s, the simplified answer is that she seeks to serve a Dom/me both worthy of her service and of fulfilling her sub needs, too! 
 
Therefore, training for a sub is to learn how to meet their Dom/me's needs but only that particular Dom/me knows what their own unique needs are; so they really can't be taught or trained by someone else.
 
That said, if most Doms are like me, they come with an inbuilt need to control another in a non abusive way anyway, plus I keep myself open to self improvement such as physical skills with ropes and floggers etc.  And it's always interesting picking up new ideas to operate the non-physical side of a D/s dynamic on the girl, too.
 
There are many other "skills" which most would like their Dom/me to have, too, such as generally being likeable, trustworthy, stable, honest etc.  And they work both ways....  I had a recent reminder of a self-rule of mine that I expect to teach my girl everything she needs to know about serving me but I don't expect to have to teach that same adult woman basic manners.  If a sub can't be bothered with even a brief reply to two polite emails I've sent her, I'll consider myself as having "dodged a bullet" when deleting her details and not bothering her again.... lol
 
Focus.


well said Focus...
 
tali


I, too, agree that Focus is onto something here. Interesting way to put things.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to talibahh)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 5:54:33 PM   
WolfinShadow


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/13/2005
From: twin cities Minnesota
Status: offline 		well I guess I have a janticed veiw here ::smile:: since I run a BDSM school . so sort of take what I say with a grain of salt here . NO this is not an ad!!

Dominants are born , or grow that way,  An SM top is trained. Dominant is what you are SM is what you do. i order to be a competent SM top you need to either be trained or go through to difficult and at times painful , for you and others , process of trial and error. I do not train people to be Dominant and that is their path to discover , the one thing I can guarantee is that when they do define their dominant path it will be different from mine.

What I teach is tool skills , the flogger , cane, rope,chain,paddle, singletail and bullwhip with some Electric play and and the like tossed in . I can also teach specifics like positionsing < as i do it> mind flocking , basic D/s ideals and SM traditions. Everything else is up to the practitioner.

Now while I am on the subject the Idea that you need NO training is a hetrosexual D/s idea , in Gay leather it is still the norm to start your path to the " top" by starting at the " bottom" This is how my training started and I still believe it is the best way to create a Empathetic , proficiant and competant Top . But like everything else in this " Lifestyle" it is a Buffet ,  Yo pick and choose as you like to create your own world with its own Ideals.

Course I still think its a good idea to attend Demos and seminars and to seek assistance in learning a new tool.

_____________________________

Wolf
Headmaster Shadow academy
Minnesotas first and only BDSM school

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 5:59:22 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		<fast reply>

I read the title of this thread and flashed a picture of a Dom with training wheels attached to his ankles.

I now return you to your previously viewed thread; we apologize for the interuption.

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to WolfinShadow)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 7:39:41 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		I look at it this way.

1. Would you let a Dom tie you up and use a whip on you if they have never been shown how?
2. Would you let a Dom slide a knife across your body of they have never learned how to do it safely?
same for fire play, breath play, etc etc etc etc

I could go on and on and on. Somethings you don't need training for. Other things you sure as hell do. Some actions can cause some serious injury even death. To be perfectly honest I have no desire to be someones guinea pig while they try to figure things out on their own. This is exactly why there are seminars, weekend getaways, & demonstrations given on how to do things safely.

< Message edited by akisha -- 6/13/2006 7:55:47 PM >

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 7:45:11 PM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WolfinShadow
What I teach is tool skills , the flogger , cane, rope,chain,paddle, singletail and bullwhip with some Electric play and and the like tossed in . I can also teach specifics like positionsing < as i do it> mind flocking , basic D/s ideals and SM traditions. Everything else is up to the practitioner.


I appreciate your honesty here. However, talking about teaching flogging, etc. is like the NASCAR team member who knows how to change the tires. Those skills are valuable and lead to wins, I readily admit, but if I am going to enslave someone I need to be the engineer of the project.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to WolfinShadow)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 7:52:50 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		I agree wholeheartedly  with you. Though it would seem a little strange for me to ask a dom 'hey have you been trained in X, Y, and Z? Should the dom give that information freely?

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 8:00:21 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620
I agree wholeheartedly  with you. Though it would seem a little strange for me to ask a dom 'hey have you been trained in X, Y, and Z? Should the dom give that information freely?

We usually don't use the word trained.  It would be like if you had children and wanted to make sure the dom could handle that to ask if they've been trained in childcare.

Instead you ask things like "So what do you think about crops?  What are some of your funny stories in scenes?"  and "What do you have problems with in relationships?"

Yes, conversation should flow naturally and information should spew forth in abundance.  But doms can't KNOW what's important to you and priority and might not think to bring it up on their own.  So you need to ask about the really key things.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 8:10:10 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

I agree wholeheartedly  with you. Though it would seem a little strange for me to ask a dom 'hey have you been trained in X, Y, and Z? Should the dom give that information freely?


Darn Right you should ask. no pun intended but it's your ass on the line is it not? And if he isn't willing to answer your questions then walk away and fast.

You are basically handing over your safety and perhaps life to another person. You you really want to go "gee well you want to do it and you say your a Dominant so ok" Don't be silly. Common sense here please. Would you let some guy that said "Hey i'm a plastic surgeon" operate you with out seeing his diploma, maybe his portfolio? Would you take your car to just anyone cause they say they are a mechanic?

Maybe i'm a lil anal retentive when it comes to my body and my safety but even when i got my tattoo i went in and talked to the artist, looked at her portfolio, talk to other ppl that had been inked by her.

No one should EVER blindly trust someone else.  especially when you're putting yourself into a situation where there is a damn good chance you can't defend yourself if things go where you don't want them to.

In life we absolutely must use common sense. Submissive is not a code word for unable to think for ourselves.

I question people constantly. My doctor as to why he wants to prescribe something, what it does, what the side effects are. etc etc. why he feels an antibiotic would work on a virus when it's proven that they are completely ineffectual on them. *s*

You can never be over informed in any situation. Ignorance is not bliss. ignorance is laziness that could very well get you hurt and hurt badly.

If someone is the type of person that wants to blindly step off the cliff because someone else said that they wouldn't get hurt when they land then i'm sure we'll all be very sad when we hear they have suffered irreparable harm either emotionally or phyically.

Opps ok time to end my rant *s* 

Basically it is never ever wrong to ask questions of a person or persons you are trusting your safety to. To not do so is irrisponsible.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 8:10:21 PM   
litleone8620


Posts: 3669
Joined: 6/12/2006
Status: offline 		Say a submissive likes to whipped but the dominant hasn't learned how to use a whip, is it within the submissive's right to ask for the dominant to learn how to use a whip?

As i was writing this one, i came up with my own answer: i think so, simply because it could be dangerous for a dominant to use a tool he is unfamiliar with, and can have disasterous affects.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 9:11:58 PM   
talibahh


Posts: 389
Joined: 4/9/2006
From: NSW Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

<fast reply>

I read the title of this thread and flashed a picture of a Dom with training wheels attached to his ankles.

I now return you to your previously viewed thread; we apologize for the interuption.

C


lmao CERCKL...   love the way You think
 
tali

_____________________________

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time" ~ Sir Winston Churchill

in giving You my freedom, i gain the freedom to be me ...
~ tali ~

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Dominant Training - 6/13/2006 9:22:15 PM   
SpielMitMir


Posts: 80
Joined: 1/16/2006
From: Pittsburgh/Chicago
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: litleone8620

Why is it rarer for a Dominant to be trained? Is it because they have that dominant trait and think they don't need it? I find myself more attracted to Doms who admit they need training in something special, whether it's bondage or single tails.


I have no issues with saying I am new at different topics. I ask for help when needed. I would love for a chance to sit in and watch a session. Just to understand more.

I always try things on myself first before I use it on someone. How would I know what is too much pressure when I never tested it out myself? Some people might not do this. But I feel I should. Someone is giving themselves over to me.

I just got done reading a book I bought. It seems to be helping out alot.

To say you don't know everything shows that you are human.

(in reply to litleone8620)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Dominant Training - 6/14/2006 1:29:09 AM   
kittenTamer73


Posts: 3
Joined: 6/13/2006
Status: offline 		the problem I have about this is :I'v alway wanted to learn about this but never had a chance to act on it and
im 33 and new and not sure what im doing. we roleplay and do little spanking [and found out how much I like it more than she does}
and  im scared of hurting her.
I need more info so I can see what im getting into cause, I dont know much on the subject and I seen stuff on movies  but life is not like the movies.like I said
im new in this field and she let me do anything I want but im afraid  of hurting her and hurting our relationship by rushing into something that I know nothing about and being someone im not  she say she likes being the sub.but I need more info and dont know where to find good info on the subject

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 40
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