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Negative Personal Traits - 9/25/2012 9:40:49 PM

Dunamis2009

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
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Specifically to Doms, but of course open to everybody.

Tonight I learned something about myself that I really hate. I wrote about it in my journal, but the main point is that I feel like I crack under pressure. It hurt me a lot to realize this; I have extremely high expectations of myself.

If you have a major, negative character trait, how do you deal with it? Do you accept it and move on? Do you spend the outrageous amount of effort to fix/change yourself? Do you sit and cry like a baby and hope it goes away tomorrow (like my Id wants to right now)?

I'm looking forward to any experiences and input I might receive.

Post #: 1

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/25/2012 9:55:54 PM

RemoteUser

Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline

The method of dealing with the issue, depends on the issue and the person. You'll get a lot of specific answers, but they may not help anyone specifically. (Still, no reason not to share, you never know.)

When I find something I don't like in myself the first thing I do is find out why. Why do I do this, what's the reason for it? Then I address the reason. Sometimes to get objectivity I ask my friends, they're good at being blunt and supportive.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 2

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/25/2012 10:00:13 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
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Sweetie, nobody's perfect and no-one should expect you to be (except yourself ;p)

What does anyone who's In Charge do when there's a problem? Mop up the mess. Identify the leak, fix the leak, establish protocols to prevent it from happening again.

"Defect" is subjective and the only person who can really decide what you need to do about it and how serious the problem is, is yourself. Of course, everyone else gets to judge you on what you think is important to fix and what you think isn't, and you've just got to accept that and try to be responsible for and with yourself.

I tanked abysmally at exams all the time. I always get sick around finals week and am the one with the desk covered in damp snotty tissues. I did not deal well at all, although the delirium helped me skipped through a lot of the post-paper anxiety lol I put up with the illnesses, used it as an excuse to feel sorry for myself on exam days, burned my candle at both ends continuing to hit the books despite being sick, studied when I could and crashed into comas when I couldn't, kept my strength up with suitable greasy foods, then, on the last day of finals, crawl into bed and sleep until I stopped being germy.

For all the other times I felt I'd made a fool of myself, there's ice cream, binge drinking, and bed. Then you get up, clean up, remember that you're not perfect or special or spectacular, and move on and avoid making a fool of yourself again as best you can.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 3

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/25/2012 10:00:56 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
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I just read your journal - and all I have to say, is that youre imperfect for thinking that youre perfect at everything you do. Youre not. Probably not even close. But its all cool - you just keep thinking that. I havent met a 22 year old that knows all that much about life. You just think you do.

Ahhh the good old days.

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 4

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/25/2012 10:17:05 PM

Dunamis2009

Posts: 44
Joined: 7/9/2012
Status: offline

Thanks for your posts!
First: Janah, I know I'm not perfect. I admit to a slight embellishment of the truth there. Of course there are things I'm bad at, like memorization and handwriting and cooking and cleaning and getting to bed on time. And many more, and much more severe. What I really mean is that there's a lot that I can do, and can do well, and it just sucks running into a problem that I *absolutely* feel I need to solve, though it's also something that I feel won't be solved by simply following the "Practice in the mirror!" advice I've received as of late.

Alecta, Thanks for sharing your experience.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta
What does anyone who's In Charge do when there's a problem? Mop up the mess. Identify the leak, fix the leak, establish protocols to prevent it from happening again.

I think I'm going to print out this line and hang it on my wall. It's beautiful :)

Edit: Apparently, "at" signs are replaced with asterisks. Who knew?

< Message edited by Dunamis2009 -- 9/25/2012 10:18:36 PM >

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 5

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/25/2012 10:34:06 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

It depends on how much it affects others' lives around me. If it's something that is just a bad habit, then it's no big deal and won't do much about it. I do however, have a couple negative traits I'd like to fix because I know Master does not like them. I tend to be a little stubborn at times and I have a pessimistic attitude. If I were not with Master I doubt I would care enough to fix those about myself. But I am working on it for him.

_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 6

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 12:40:58 AM

ursamajour

Posts: 41
Joined: 10/26/2005
Status: offline

My worst trait by far has to be procrastination. I deal with it by recognizing it and acting against it. When I feel the urge to put something off that is important, I force myself to do it right then and there unless it is actually, factually impossible to do right away. I also had to deal with expecting perfection from myself. As others have mentioned, perfection is essentially impossible. Once you can accept that--and it took years for me to accept--you can move past it. Instead of demanding *perfection*, simply demand your best effort.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 12:21:33 PM

evesgrden

Posts: 597
Joined: 6/9/2012
Status: offline

Did you really think you could go through life and pitch a no hitter?

The problem is not that you have defects (please note, I used the plural form there). The problem is that you're at a loss of how to deal with them. Life isn't fair, life throws you curve balls, got lemons make lemonade, it's not the cards it's how you play the hand. These are cliches for good reason. Look at any branch of theology, you've got gods saints and saviors all with defects so you might want to figure you why you would be so surprised you have them too.

Figure out a way to be a better man for it. Figure out what you'll do the next time you unexpectedly choke in the clutch.. get folks to laugh about it or engage them to say what you just blipped. Study coping skills for anxiety (counting, breathing, change subjects and come back to it) since no question that's the fallout while you're doing a presentation.

And perhaps what you really need to consider is that circumstances don't make the man, they reveal him. (I wish I knew where I plagiarized that from.) How good are you when the chips are down.

(and my apologies for all the cliches and baseball references in this post.. don't know where they came from, but they seemed right)

good luck

_____________________________

What you permit, you promote.

(in reply to ursamajour)

Post #: 8

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 3:14:08 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

Grrrr, I smoke, and that's a terrible trait.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to evesgrden)

Post #: 9

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 3:49:18 PM

Titaniya

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/9/2012
Status: offline

I do the following:

1. Identify the issue.
2. Accept the issue as part of who I am. It's still a negative, but beating myself up over it tends to be more destructive than helpful.
3. Identify the ways in which the issue negatively affects my life (ie, productivity, relationships, self-concept, etc) and why I want to change that aspect of myself.
4. Figure out why I do that behavior/think that way/whatever.
5. Come up with a plan to change my habits and mitigate the flaw.
6. Come up with a way to stay accountable to my solution (ie, if I'm eating poorly and my plan is to eat better, I keep a food journal).
7. Follow the plan.

But that's me.

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 10

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 4:37:38 PM

noellesdestiny

Posts: 94
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline

I'm learning about the extreme pressure I place on myself to be perfect. I'm aware now its never going to happen and it takes up wasted time.

(in reply to Titaniya)

Post #: 11

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 4:56:50 PM

ARIES83

Posts: 3648
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Grrrr, I smoke, and that's a terrible trait.

Have you tried the pills?
Not sure what they would be called in the US,
but they were subsidised by the gov over here,
at first I didn't want to use them because I
thought I was robbing myself of some mental
victory by quiting cold turkey with will power,
but after a while I thought fuck it! these
chemicals are making me addicted so I'm going
to use chemicals to fix it...
Fight fire with fire kind of.

The pills mess with your head major! That is a
massive test of willpower by it's self but they
worked for me.
I've been off um for years!

-Aries

< Message edited by ARIES83 -- 9/26/2012 4:59:34 PM >

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Kana)

Post #: 12

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 5:10:39 PM

Kana

Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Grrrr, I smoke, and that's a terrible trait.

Have you tried the pills?
Not sure what they would be called in the US,
but they were subsidised by the gov over here,
at first I didn't want to use them because I
thought I was robbing myself of some mental
victory by quiting cold turkey with will power,
but after a while I thought fuck it! these
chemicals are making me addicted so I'm going
to use chemicals to fix it...
Fight fire with fire kind of.

The pills mess with your head major! That is a
massive test of willpower by it's self but they
worked for me.
I've been off um for years!

-Aries

The kicker is that I quit for a decade, then started again a few years back during a period of major stress.
Yesterday I found out that an old old friend, 45, wife, kids, the lot, went to the dentist, found a lump, got it checked-yeah, stage four throat cancer.
I think I'm finishing the smokes I got and no mas.
I got the message loud and clear.

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to ARIES83)

Post #: 13

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/26/2012 7:00:52 PM

joewordsmith11

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/3/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dunamis2009

Specifically to Doms, but of course open to everybody.

Tonight I learned something about myself that I really hate. I wrote about it in my journal, but the main point is that I feel like I crack under pressure. It hurt me a lot to realize this; I have extremely high expectations of myself.

If you have a major, negative character trait, how do you deal with it? Do you accept it and move on? Do you spend the outrageous amount of effort to fix/change yourself? Do you sit and cry like a baby and hope it goes away tomorrow (like my Id wants to right now)?

I'm looking forward to any experiences and input I might receive.

I wouldn't say I have a major negative character trait. I simply have flaws that come with being a human being.

I deal with my flaws, hopefully, by realizing no one is perfect and by retaining a sense of humility.

I recently saw an interesting presentation that showed that while great leaders can have an enormous range of personalities, a characteristic they tend to share is humility. (I am not saying I am a great leader, I say, humbly.)

Don't worry. As you get older, you become smarter because you realize how much you don't know, and you become more perfect because you realize how imperfect you are.

So don't sweat the small stuff; and the stuff you're sweating now, you'll realize at some point, is really, really small.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 14

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/27/2012 2:22:25 AM

RaspberryLemon

Posts: 422
Joined: 7/18/2011
Status: offline

I'm not a dominant, but here are a few examples from my own life of how I've dealt with negative traits:

I'm a very impatient person. It is, I feel, one of my biggest personality flaws. It certainly impacts my life negatively. I end up getting frustrated or even whiny when something is taking longer than expected (short-term things mostly.) Sometimes it can cause me to lash out at people who are being slow at understanding something. It is not a good thing for me or the people around me.

So we work on it. I try to remind myself to be more understanding. I try to remind myself to keep calm, and I lean on my Master for help in that department. My Master helps point out when I am getting into a spiral of frustration due to impatience, and I find all of that helps. However, I know that I will never become a patient person. No matter how much work I put into it, impatience will be part of me. I can't erase it. What I CAN do is to try to tone it down and keep myself in check, and to work on preventing it from impacting my life in such negative ways. I can improve, and I will always strive for more improvement.

I also have some self-esteem problems. Getting stuck in a rut of those negative feelings towards myself can have a pretty big impact on me, and it's not healthy. Since day one, my Master has been working with me to improve that. Confidence building. I've improved immensely. Still, there is a lot of work left to go. Some days it feels like no progress has been made at all. But I am self-aware enough to understand when I'm in one of those ruts and what I can do to work at getting it to go away. I need help with that and I know it. My Master and I work together.

I'm also pessimistic and stubborn, which in some cases are negative (though I won't say all cases.) Likewise with the problems above, I try to get down to what the problem is in my head, and work on not letting it affect my life in bad ways.

Overall, identifying the trait as a negative and figuring out why that is (how it impacts your life negatively) is the first step, I think. Do some introspection to find where the trait stems from, if possible. Being self-aware is a big help with improvement. Once you are self-aware and understand the trait and why it is bad for you, you can come up with ways to help you improve and prevent that trait from hurting your life or those around you. Understand what and how much can be done to change, and accept that. And sometimes you can't do all that on your own. Sometimes you need help, and that's ok. Seek that help, but also remember to keep personal responsible for yourself.

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 15

RE: Negative Personal Traits - 9/27/2012 4:19:34 AM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

Two of my biggest faults are my pride and my vanity. I recognize them as faults, and work on accepting them as traits within me that are less than appealing and yet still part of who I am.

I have had relatively limited success attempting to actually change, to actually be less prideful or less vain. I'm going to be 59 next month, so that I am vain has not helped me age gracefully. And I've gained the inner knowledge to understand how my pride sometimes gets in the way of my interactions with others I love.

I consider even a small sacrifice to my own pride or vanity a great success, and continue to work on accepting that this is who I am. I am human, and humans are flawed.

At 22 it's hard to accept that you are flawed, you're still a God within yourself. Which is to me, a right and appropriate place for the 22 year old's ego to be. But all Gods have feet of clay, and have to accept that.

ETA: Himself's comment that realizing the God within you has feet of clay is the first step to wisdom.

< Message edited by ChatteParfaitt -- 9/27/2012 4:32:37 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to Dunamis2009)

Post #: 16

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