RE: Eye Contact (Full Version)

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bandit25 -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 2:51:19 PM)

I'm mostly on the phone or conduct my business via email...I support over 3,000 users.  When I do have one of my users in person, I look them in the eye.



slavejali -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 3:22:11 PM)

I think there is somethingto be said for that saying "the eyes are the window to the soul". I think all of our senses are communication tools for very intimate interaction. I think sight and hearing are the two senses that sometimes arent really acknowledged as such very much. When we touch soemthing, we are immediately conscious of the fact of having a relationship with the thing we are touching, that is touching us, we feel a kinda communion with the thing/person. When we taste something, its going inside us and we are aware of that. What we smell can have a profound effect us, we are aware of that too. We very easily connect a relationship with those three senses and are aware how they can effect our moods, thoughts and feelings. Same goes for hearing and sight. What we hear can have an effect on us as well as what we see.  Example, when we are mad with someone we dont want to look at them, when we in love with someone we want to stare into their eyes forever. I think looking into anyones eyes has an effect on us whether we realise it or not.

To answer the ops question: I look into peoples eyes to assess them initially. Then the way that I look at them will be dependent on the situation and person.

I could ramble on about this subject, but stopping here.




juliaoceania -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 6:35:12 PM)

I am assertive and can maintain eye contact. If I am flirting with someone I find attractive I do tend to look away a lot, I guess I am more demure in that situation.

There are no eye contact restrictions with the person I am seeing now. The first time we met I could not look away from his eyes. I felt like a mouse in the hypnotic pull of a cobra...smiles. He is a Scorpio, they do tend to have that hynotic thing going on....lol. I literally couldnt look away..



talibahh -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 7:54:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlechameleon

I do try to maintain eye contact when speaking to someone.   I also see it as a sign of respect and because I want them to know I'm listening and understanding what they say.  BUT, it's not easy and I'm so 'aware' of it - I find it almost distracting to do so.  So, perhaps I'm only pretending to listen to what they are saying whilst silently reminding myself I really should be looking at them in the eye.  *shakes her head*



quote:

ORIGINAL: talibahh

 


However... as a submissive/slave, i am quite partial to the idea of having eye contact restrictions (at times) with my Master... it just enhances, deepens, emphasises (searching for the right word...), my submission to Him



I agree with you, talibahh.   I also find that because I do have eye contact restrictions at certain times....it's very hard for me to look him in the eye at appropriate times.  If this makes sense.



smiles from tali littlechameleon.... yes it does make sense [;)]
 
tali



akisha -> RE: Eye Contact (6/13/2006 8:24:07 PM)

I look pretty much everyone straight in the eye (unless i'm drooling over their other areas *s*) but really, when i'm talking to someone i look right at them and usually maintain eye contact. I work in a 99% male enviroment and with some very big tough guys. Last thing I want them to do is ignore what I'm saying because they think I'm too weak to stand up to them.



Sensualips -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 12:05:23 AM)

I generally look people in the eye, unless I am "thinking."  I tend to look away if I am formulating a response in my head or doing some other type of multitasking brain thing.  It is very bad habit that I consciously try to avoid, but still catch myself staring off into space absently. Eye contact, slouching, and pausing before speaking are things I remind myself of in every formal work type situation and sometimes nonprofessional settings as well. The pausing before speaking helps me with my tendency to talk over the end of someone sentence and a habit of start/stopping/restarting a sentence. I had a stutter as a child and it is a bit of a carry over.



gardenbluebird -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 5:33:31 AM)

i used to have really good eye contact, but i no longer do.  i think a big part of my issue is that i work for a non-American company and part of the culture of the country is to avoid eye contact.  i got some training in how to work with the ex-pats and really had to work on the eye contact thing.  Now it has just spilled over everywhere. 



ChainedExistence -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 8:55:02 AM)

so funny you should bring up this point. I've always struggled with looking people in the eye. My parents constantly commented on this and tried to get me to do it, but I found it almost impossible to maintain gaze with anyone, ESPECIALLY if I felt they were in some sort of position with authority over me-like a parent, teacher, interviewer, boss, traffic cop. I've been told repeatedly that I needed to maintain eye contact so I didn't appear untruthful or insincere, but I simply cannot do it for more than a few seconds. I'm not exactly shy...in fact, I'm known for being quite animated..but I just FEELpeople's power over me. Believe me, it's not something I think I am supposed to do because I'm submissive...it's just something that happened naturally. Most of the time, I am not even aware that I'm not doing it unless it is brought to my attention.



BeingChewsie -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 9:04:09 AM)

I have huge issues with eye contact. I don't hold eye contact with people. I just don't like too. I have been training myself too, but I hate it. My owner gets on me about looking at him when he speaks and when I do. I struggle so much. It is just not natural feeling to me. 



BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 10:07:14 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sab

OK - a question for the sub's around here, and please be as spacific as you can, this is not about a command/order that you are given.

In everyday life, do you look at people in the eye and maintain eye contact with them or do you find yourself inadvertantly looking away, not in the shy sense, but one where you are in your nilla life outside of this lifestyle (for those who hate that word, transpose your own).



I pesonally prefer eye contact. Eyes are the windows to the soul. They give nice tell tell signs of someone trying to bullshit about something. When one lies.. it's in the eyes. Most the time anyways. There are a few out there that has mastered the eye deversions. 

But when talking... I want...and give eye contact. Nilla or dom.. no mater who.. I prefer eye contact. If someone can't look me in the during conversation... I feel they're not actually there...and a waste of time. So I end the conversation politely...and then excuse myself.



TNstepsout -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 10:59:07 AM)

I tend to wander all over the place. I think I must look at mouths and lips a lot because I always seem to recognize actors and actresses by the shape of their mouths/lips.  If I am taking intructions, or learning something, especially if it is new or complex, I find I must look away in order to engage my brain. I just can't seem to process the verbal information I'm getting while I'm also processing all the things I'm getting visually.



composer83 -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 11:11:45 AM)

always always always look people in the eye when speaking to them...
it shows respect to them & it also aides in they respecting you....
there is so much emotion in the eyes.....they cannot lie......
this is why i do not like 'eye contact restrictions' as a kink......if i am doing something to please my Mistress....i think i should be able to look Her in the eye & know it.......& likewise......She should be able to look in mine & know what i am thinking...

~m



Bearlee -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 11:48:16 AM)

Wow… very interesting question, Sir.  I will say I must hold eye-contact more than usual…at least sometimes.  LOL  …I say this because a gal-pal once told me (a gay gal-pal, btw) she KNEW I was gay because I looked her in the eye and was not the first to look away!   Lordy…that was a long time ago; it’s been awhile since I thought of that.

Still, if I am around a Dominant man (into the ‘lifestyle’ or not), I find all my submissive buttons going off and I generally drop my eyes when speaking with him. 

Weird?

Generally, I am and think people see me as quite confident, capable and independent.  I agree with what angelface said about how Doms view that, too.  I feel the best ones like it.  I can’t imagine how tiresome it must be to control nearly every aspect of another’s life.  Still, I can’t imagine ‘eye contact restrictions’…I think I’d feel shamed.

Thank you again for a neat topic, Sir...I'm enjoying the comments.  What are your thoughts on the subject, Sir?  Why did you ask?



spankmepink11 -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 12:14:47 PM)

I enjoy maintaining eye contact always. both personally and profressionally. 



hizgeorgiapeach -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 12:16:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sab
In everyday life, do you look at people in the eye and maintain eye contact with them or do you find yourself inadvertantly looking away, not in the shy sense, but one where you are in your nilla life outside of this lifestyle (for those who hate that word, transpose your own).
  I maintain eye contact whether it's in a bdsm setting or otherwise.  I don't do the eye contact restriction thing even in my relationships - don't like it, never have, probably never will.  It's simply an aspect of how I was raised.... if someone isn't willing to look me in the eye, it causes me to doubt their honesty and sincerity.



Sab -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 12:52:19 PM)

I wanted to know how other sub's felt on the subject - I specified nilla life because I was interested in whether the trait of submissiveness flowed through peoples lives or it was just about when they were with their Dom, Master etc.

I had a discussion with wife (obviously sabswife) about it, and it was one of those things that piqued my interest so I decided to ask.

I do thank all those who have responded.

As for my eye contact - part of the discussion we had - wife told me I can clear a gangway in the mall by the way I look/stare/gaze and keep that eye contact, something I hadn't noticed myself, it is just something I do.



servicing -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 1:07:54 PM)

I'm usually looking at breasts.  Haha, just joking.  I look people in the eye, but I'm not going to stare anyone down or look deep into someone's eyes.  It's mainly for active listening than something metaphysical like forging a bond through eye contact.  I’m not going to be locked eye to eye for an conversation and I’ll let my eyes wander, but they’ll return when the other person will say something or I’m trying to say something to them.  I do have "shy" moments where it's a bit difficult to.  Those are usually brought about by embarrassment or feeling generally awkward.  I don’t like playing stare down games.  Sometimes people bore me, it's usually the really incessant extroverted blabbermouths that do that, and my eye contact will go with my general interest in what they're saying. 



BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 2:40:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
Still, if I am around a Dominant man (into the ‘lifestyle’ or not), I find all my submissive buttons going off and I generally drop my eyes when speaking with him. 


I see the OP responded to this too....and I'm curious.... how is this suppose to be a submissive thing? I've seen this in other  areas too. And mostly when one is kneeling before their owners at parties.. etc... but on a regular day to day... with joe blow.. you still feel the need to not give eye contact?



SoquilisGirl -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 6:06:02 PM)

As a child I was extremely shy and made very little eye contact with anyone if I could help it. In high school I was considered "stuck up" because I did not greet people in the hallway or respond with more than a mumble on the rare occasions when someone asked how I was.

Even into my early 30s I tended to avoid people's eyes when walking in public places, including the office. I now work in a friendly office where even strangers smile and say hello very often. That has made it much easier for me to respond the same way and it has rubbed off to the degree where I will now sometimes greet people even in non-work situations, like in a store.

Also, in the past few months the thought (and some days the actuality) of wearing my collar or the necklace my Daddy gave me makes me keep my chin up. I find that when I keep my chin up my whole posture changes and I walk with confidence. I also look more people in the eye now.

LadyHugs said, “True, the person hides themselves.”   I never thought of closing my eyes as hiding, but early in our time together Daddy started forcing me to look at him, keep my face raised. He said once (while I was blushing and looking down), “No, no. You can’t hide from me,” as he lifted my chin and made me look him in the eyes. It’s getting easier and easier to look at him at times when I feel very submissive or embarrassed, but it still does not come naturally to me.



marieToo -> RE: Eye Contact (6/14/2006 6:14:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sensualips

I generally look people in the eye, unless I am "thinking."  I tend to look away if I am formulating a response in my head or doing some other type of multitasking brain thing.  It is very bad habit that I consciously try to avoid, but still catch myself staring off into space absently.


Its actually quite common, and normal to look up and to the left, or up and to the right when you are "thinking"; especially when trying to imagine or remember something.  Its almost an involuntary type of thing.



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