what's the problem (Full Version)

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Bill41 -> what's the problem (9/27/2012 7:45:06 PM)

i have been talking with Pro and Lifestlye Dom's for only six months but had some good comunications about every other day for 4 months just chatting. Then i became involved with a Pro Dom about 2 months ago and we hit is off big. Hours of phone calls and emails before we even started. We are right for each other. It's not perfect because she is 700 miles away but she is fantastic. We are in contact almost daily now. Not sure where it will send me.

Anyway my question is why have my other friends Doms and Subs shut me out. It's "have fun' and no more response. i know You will call me a newbie etc etc but is there no more? Is is that cut and dry when you are collared you are off limits. I am collared btw. I imagined people in the fetish world were less shallow. Alas i may be wrong unless You can tell me what i have done wrong. i still send them emails but get no response.

any ideas to mend fences? i really liked my old friends they gave me some good advice and to be honest the nearest one was 300 miles away.

thanks

bill



JanahX -> RE: what's the problem (9/27/2012 7:49:43 PM)

Youre collared? How does that happen when you havent even met in person?

These people were your friends? Like you hung out with them and did things together? Or are you talking about internet strangers that you dont know?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: what's the problem (9/27/2012 8:15:54 PM)

Setting aside that you're collared to someone that you never met...

Being collared implies that you are off limits in a lot of ways, yes. If someone was flirting with you, or using you for wank fodder, I can see where they'd step back.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: what's the problem (9/27/2012 11:13:11 PM)

What LadyHib said. If they are stepping back it's probably because they were interested in something sexual from you which is now off the table, or perhaps they are expecting that you will be less available now that your priorities have changed.



tsatske -> RE: what's the problem (9/27/2012 11:21:44 PM)

Bill, if you had made friends in person, you would probably feel less isolated now. Go to a munch. Your new Dom should be fine with that, I hope. And try making friends with other subs. Since you have some of the same needs, which, presumably, you can't fill for one another, they might have less sexual expectations from you. i would suggest you try to find a subs group to join, in person or online - or better yet, one of each, if you can.



Alecta -> RE: what's the problem (9/27/2012 11:57:22 PM)

The vibe I'm getting is this.... You got involved in an online relationship with a woman you feel is fantastic, but your other online friends do not necessarily agree. You're happy, but they're skeptical. You've probably already had one or two spats with them other this subject without you realising that essentially boiled down to them going "I wouldn't do it and here's why" and you going "oh but you don't know what you're talking about, Mistress is fantastic".

What else is there to say at that point? There's no telling who's right or wrong and honestly it doesn't matter. You haven't heard from them because there's been nothing else to discuss. Either because there hasn't been any new discussion points or you've alienated them enough at some point that they've washed their hands of you. Without more detailed and concise information, we can't tell.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: what's the problem (9/28/2012 12:46:47 AM)

Alecta, you are very good at reading people's situations, I would bet there is some truth to what you said.

There may also be a degree of 'that's all he wants to talk about now'. I think we all know how frustrating it can be when a friend only ever talks about their new squeeze - cute at first, boring soon afterwards.

So OP, there are lots of possible reasons, it could be any/all of these or lots of others we haven't thought of.



Bill41 -> RE: what's the problem (9/28/2012 6:13:58 AM)

Thank You all of Your points are true especially Mistress AthenaSurrenders i may have talked it up too much and bored them to death. i appreciate all Your input.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: what's the problem (9/29/2012 3:20:02 PM)

~FR~
Are you collared to someone you've never met in person!? Regardless of whether that's the case or not, being collared means you are off-limits to others in many ways. I would be quite pissed if my sub was collared to me and dilly dallying around with others, sexually, flirting, and so on. By the same token, I would have nothing to do w/ a collared sub other than for platonic friendship.

NBMG



littlewonder -> RE: what's the problem (9/29/2012 8:38:44 PM)

If the doms and subs are online only, they were never your friends to begin with. You don't know them the stranger in the street. They disappear because they were hoping you would want them instead of the woman you are talking to now. Its the only reason they spoke to you at all. Ever have friends in real life who disappeared after you started dating someone? Yeah, they were never friends, just someone trying to get you to grow on them for you to say "sure, I'll fuck you".



LadyPact -> RE: what's the problem (9/30/2012 1:11:20 AM)

So, you see the people who are respecting your dynamic by no longer messing around with you, to be shallow?

I don't suppose it's occurred to you, OP, that some people are more protocol oriented than others? Just tonight, I had clicked on someone's profile because I thought he lived in a certain area and may have information for another poster. I hadn't seen his profile in a while and it's changed since the last time I read it. Very clearly, at the top, it now says who he is owned by. Seeing that, means that I don't need to be asking him anything via private mail. If anything, if I want his help in the matter, I'm going to write her first, rather than him. If she would tell Me that I'm free to contact him and have her blessing to do so, all is well and good. It's My recognition that his time belongs to her, that says if I want something from him, it's really up to her whether he can do Me a favor or not.

Protocol is kind of like good manners. Always set the higher bar. If it's unnecessary or people have a laid back dynamic, they won't be offended if you go with the higher of the options. Go lower when they are higher protocol people, you've got a shot at pissing them off.



hauser -> RE: what's the problem (9/30/2012 3:21:42 PM)

OP, I'm a little confused with your post. Are you saying you're collared by someone you've never met???? You haven't given this person your credit card number by any chance, have you???

Any way, putting strange dynamics aside, could there be other reasons why people aren't responding to you? Are you coming off to strong, opinionated or judgmental?? Are your expectations reasonable? I won't go after someone that is claimed by another. And I don't want to get involved with anyone that isn't free to be involved with me. But above all, if the person isn't "real" and honest, I will pick up on that real fast and I'm done with that person in the blink of an eye. Just a friendly suggestion, maybe you should do a little "personal inventory" of yourself and how you are interacting with others. You may find the answer as to why you think your "friends" have abandoned you.



MsSylverdawn -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 4:05:33 PM)

First thing I learned in leather....

Dont touch what you dont own... You ask for permission first... My best girlfriend who brought me into the leather community from the kink world known her for like four years got collared.. I didnt even say hello to her without asking her owner for permission first... He is her priority nothing and no one should mess with that focus even in the most banal way. Her leather family ask him for permission to hug her hello... so yeah.. you get collared and your off limits...



Alecta -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 4:25:13 PM)

I kindda figured if he was collared in a higher protocol situation he'd have been drilled in the rules and expectations and won't have this confusion lol
But I guess we don't know unless he clears things up.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 4:26:33 PM)

What protocol would you have electronically?



Alecta -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 4:31:37 PM)

You'd have to check with the camboys for details. Teamviewer is popular I hear?
Although op was quite ambiguous as to whether i is online or not. I read it as long distance.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 4:49:48 PM)

Regardless, 'person not met'. IMO, people he's spoken to are figuring he's taken, so are moving on.



LadyPact -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 6:29:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What protocol would you have electronically?
Did you mean in the OP's case or in general?

I can have My own thoughts about never met, velcro collars, insta-dynamics, and everything else. To be very honest with you, when somebody says "owned," I don't really go looking for details. If it's the first line in their profile, I'm done reading.

Besides that, they think it's something. Our opinions about whether it's fluff really are secondary.




LadyHibiscus -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 6:33:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

What protocol would you have electronically?
Did you mean in the OP's case or in general?

I can have My own thoughts about never met, velcro collars, insta-dynamics, and everything else. To be very honest with you, when somebody says "owned," I don't really go looking for details. If it's the first line in their profile, I'm done reading.

Besides that, they think it's something. Our opinions about whether it's fluff really are secondary.




I am SO not expressing myself clearly these days...

There is no accepted internet group protocol, so the people who are not speaking to him are all responding for their own reasons. What WE are all agreeing on is collared = off the market. Even in the world of velcro collars that's standard practice.

Whew! Can't wait for the weather change to be over!



Alecta -> RE: what's the problem (10/2/2012 6:44:17 PM)

Hm but there is no overall accepted "real time" group protocol either... some people are leather, or High Protocol, of Gorean, but there isn't a well-defined universal set of protocols... just basic common courtesy and sense?



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