RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (Full Version)

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ARIES83 -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/4/2012 12:06:25 AM)

The only thing I really have set in my mind
for something to make sure I do when I have
kids, is to always answer their questions and
discuss things that they don't understand.
This is what my mum did with me and I've
seen the result of when parents shrug off
their childrens questions or fully just keep
telling them to be quiet.

And again, my OP was not talking about what
goes on in the bedroom.

Thanks everyone so far, it's been a good read.

-Aries



Aswad -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/4/2012 12:18:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

Sometimes I think we worry too much about our kids. Love them, care for them ... let them eat dirt once in a while and read them books. They'll be fine.


Worked for me. Though, I would also second the bit Aries said about the importance of taking their questions seriously.

Everyone I know that's followed your advice and his has had their kids turn out wonderfully.

IWYW,
— Aswad.



AnimusRex -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/4/2012 8:12:08 PM)

FR-
Kids aren't interested in our sex lives. So we just shut the door and they shut theirs, and all is well.

We have the god fortune of being hetero and Patriarchal, so we are just seen as"old fashioned" instead of kinky when she fetches me things, removes my boots and lays out my clothes for the morning.



Baroana -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/5/2012 4:40:01 PM)

With regard to exposing the lifestyle to younger members of the family, I think the point has been largely missed. I don't believe anyone here is interested in making breakfast or dinner table conversation out of their sex life.

As a woman and a FEMINIST (yeah, that's right, feminist), I am deeply concerned about parents teaching their children that it's either normal or acceptable for males to dominate the household. I feel the very same way about teaching female domination. However, the latter is not quite something I would describe as an epidemic in American society.



doctorgrey -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/5/2012 4:43:45 PM)

fr

Abandon your families and walk quietly into the hills, the valleys and the forests.

DrG



Exidor -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/12/2012 5:05:55 AM)

quote:

I wear my 1.25" thick leather collar (with a tag engraved with 'Property of *his name*') wherever I go.


Even in my small rural area, I don't think that would attract too much attention. I've seen a mother/daughter pair identically garbed in fetish wear at Wal-Mart, and a teller in 6-inch spike heels and a collar at my bank.

Goth is old enough to have had at least one resurgence; with its variations, it can be confused with Our Thing.

Practically all the "romance" novels my sub reads would have been classed as BDSM not that long ago. BDSM isn't exactly mainstream, bit it seems to be leaking over into reality-as-we-know-it. Or maybe it always has, and I never paid attention before...



Salinedion -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/12/2012 5:50:59 AM)

Her whole family is obviously gagging for kink (as is her young adult daughter). Mine too. We see even touching the subject with a 10 foot pole as a no upside deal. You'll never be able to unring that bell, so think twice or several million times before opening your mouth.

We did slip OBEY into our wedding vows, but those lord lovers didn't bat an eye.



ARIES83 -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/12/2012 7:41:30 AM)

Haha! Lord lovers [:D]



Baroana -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/14/2012 9:41:50 AM)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_4267204/tm.htm

Any questions?



RumpusParable -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/14/2012 8:21:57 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

I was wondering how those of you in a D/s,
M/s relationship deal with family?
I personally don't let anyone know what goes
on between me and my partner, so there is
always the "perfect normal couple" image in
family situations, atleast my family...
I often feel less restrained around other peoples
families, but anyway...

How do you deal with it.
Open and honest?
Pretend everything is vanilla?
Two sets of holidays,
Family Xmas followed by M/s Xmas?

I'd be interested in reading any experiences
with this sort of thing.

-Aries



We're open and honest about it.

I've never used the Magic PE Words with my mom or step-father, but they definitely know I'm in charge. That Chael clearly and openly served me was the first thing they noticed and liked about him when he met them... When mom was talking to me alone at one point she told me "Me and (my step-father) really like Chael... It definitely helps that he waits on you hand and foot!"

As to BDSM interests in general... Well, when my mom and sister came to stay with me in my dinky one-bedroom apartment they slept in the bedroom that I had set up as a play space... Shelves all filled and covered with my sharps equipment, etc and the air mattress was placed under my suspension rack as there was no where else to put it.

Stuff like that.

Depending on my style of interaction with others I may or may not refer to Chael being submissive to me... But again, whether or not I use the Special Magic Words people see quickly how things work. For example, when some rude co-workers asked Chael why he allows me to dye my hair like I do or travel without him, he's told them clearly that he doesn't "allow" me to do anything; that any "allowing" in our marriage goes the other way.

He loves the artistic cuttings I put into him and shows them off to friends/friendly co-workers. When co'workers have brought such things up he's told them that I've worked as a dominatrix.

We don't go around screaming to everyone WE'RE INTO PE RELATIONSHIPS AND BDSM! But if the conversation or friendship goes that way, we'll talk about it just the same as Chael's interest in boats or my being a pro body piercer.



RumpusParable -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/14/2012 8:27:15 PM)

Oh, and since I stage my trip to Camp Crucible each year from my parents' home (they live MUCH closer)I tell mom and sis about stuff I'm planning on and then what I did... Sis really wants to come to Camp but her husband would flip.



Calandra -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/15/2012 9:09:27 PM)

My entire family knows about my D/s lifestyle. To cubby and I, D/s is NOT about sex. It is about who makes the decisions, who sets the rules, and who gets her way if there is a conflict. Of course that carries over to the bedroom too, but our D/s is a lifestyle. Both of my boys (grown now) have always known I was the boss. My mom knew. Our friends know.

It's interesting, no one who knows us is confused about the situation, and yet kinksters CONSTANTLY confuse D/s with "bedroom activities"

Sheesh



SirLangsdorff -> RE: D/s, M/s, and Family?? (10/16/2012 12:59:52 AM)

My family knows everything about me, whether they understand what it means or not. I believe I have to live by example. If I teach honesty, I have to be willing to live it. Period.



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