you guys want hair removal? try this

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needlesandpins -> you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:06:55 PM)
Stolen from another forum THIS IS AN ACTUAL CUSTOMER REVIEW FROM A MAN ON AMAZON.CO.UK AFTER USING VEET HAIR REMOVAL CREAM FOR MEN. After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly Rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly successful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit if a treat. I ordered it well in advance and working in the North Sea I considered myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...Oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well, and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen. I didn’t have long to wait. At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling not to bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel off in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen, by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and I tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream.. as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock within myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect. i thought it was very funny lol needles

LadyPact -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:17:54 PM)
That was the funniest flipping thing I have read in a long time. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for sharing that!

JstAnotherSub -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:21:24 PM)
Oh man I have tears from laughing. It proves I am correct when I say men are sposed to be fuzzy though!

ARIES83 -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:22:02 PM)
Certainly fake... but funny. -Aries

LadyPact -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:23:25 PM)
Fake or not, the mental image of a frozen sprout shooting across the room brought the tears of laughter. I tried reading it to MP, but I was laughing too hard.

JstAnotherSub -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:24:26 PM)
not fake at all

LadyPact -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:27:04 PM)
A quote from that same page: quote: (I am giving this product a 5 because despite the fact that I think my bollocks might fall off, they are now completely hairless.)

needlesandpins -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:29:37 PM)
we get so many questions on hair removal here that i just couldn't resist posting it. i also laughed very hard at the mental image i got. crimbo dinner will never be the same [;)] needles

ARIES83 -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:31:25 PM)
I know it burns, but no way is a guy going to insert icecream and frozen veg up his ass rather than rinsing it under a cold bath or shower.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:35:02 PM)
The lulz never end from that thread.

ARIES83 -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:42:22 PM)
Funny quote snippets! " Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth." "Before, all manner of organisms great and small lived down there, now nothing can grow; not even on a cellular level. Sadly this includes my genitalia" "Now it was time for the Twins to register their discomfort, by hiding as far inside my body as is possible and turning my ball-sack into a concrete bunker." "- My pain threshold has almost trebled - I can now pass urine in 3 positions: standing, sitting and curled in a ball weeping." Lottssssss of funny in those amazon ratings![:D] Thanks JAS! -Aries

LadyHibiscus -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:45:58 PM)
BEST part: they very obviously didnt read the directions. [:)]

JstAnotherSub -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:48:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus BEST part: they very obviously didnt read the directions. [:)] Do men ever read directions?

Ninebelowzero -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 3:49:47 PM)
Lol thanks for sharing OP.

ARIES83 -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 4:09:57 PM)
Sorry to keep spamming your thread needles, but the funny! "I ran outside into the cool night squealing like a stuck pig to hose down my crotch. I had no thoughts at this time of what the neighbours would think of this unholy banshee" "I later found out that the acrid fumes from my burning crotch were so pungent they cauterised my nostrils." "'Removes hair' massively under sells what this wonderful product is actually capable of. That said, getting 'removes hair, fingerprints and the ability to sit, stand or lie down for 3 weeks after application" "The instruction book did not get a look I thought I knew how to use Veet Whipped out my tower, whilst stood in the shower Spreading it liberally all over my meat I flipped off the cap, lifted up the old chap Pushing the limits i'm sure I wanted to groom in the valley of doom Now my starfish is bleeding and raw I tried to keep calm washing off the napalm Leaving me all of a fluster You could boil a small lake or cook a big steak With the heat from my genital cluster. Less grass on the wicked, but all's still not cricket It does add an inch or two A full week past, how long will it last? Still unable to sit, stand or poo. You may well cry but tears will dry, Leaving balls as smooth as jam jars, My slong looks huge, still no sign of pubes So i'm happy to award it 5 stars." It must send some of these guys mental. -Aries

CRYPTICLXVI -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 4:21:01 PM)
Directions??? What are these things you refer to as directions?

LadyPact -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 4:24:44 PM)
Psssst.... They are from the pre-GPS era, C.

NuevaVida -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 4:46:19 PM)
OMG all the reviews on that product are killing me!! - I can now pass urine in 3 positions: standing, sitting and curled in a ball weeping. made me burst out laughing!

MalcolmNathaniel -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 8:30:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JstAnotherSub quote: ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus BEST part: they very obviously didnt read the directions. [:)] Do men ever read directions? quote: yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, took the lid off and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing returned. Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn’t managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon. I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so. I took a handful of them and I tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found its way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running its engines behind me. This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before. Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering “ooooohhh that feels good” Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream.. as I hadn’t heard her come in it caused an involuntary spasm of shock within myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout fired against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn’t the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn’t improve my status…so to sum it up, VEET removes hair, dignity and self-respect. I've read directions. Well, once. It's not as fun as it sounds.

littlewonder -> RE: you guys want hair removal? try this (9/29/2012 8:57:49 PM)
I'm going to assume that the guy does not read the warning label and where not to put it lol. I tried using veet once and that was on my legs. My legs became red,swollen and in burning pain for about a week. I ended up with second degree burns on my legs. I swear I will never touch that stuff ever again. I feel empathy for the guy but it was funny simply because it was supposed to be a romantic gesture lol.....and eerrr....he put the ice cream back in the freezer??? I think he needs to do more than explain to his children why the ice cream looks strange. hahaha

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