RE: The two Doms. (Full Version)

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nvfemale -> RE: The two Doms. (10/1/2012 9:37:51 PM)

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

The first gives me a sense of protection that you're in touch with me. The second could naturally be said in the same breath as the first.



kitkat105 -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 12:12:50 AM)

I actually think it's very similar. From my perspective, I really enjoy doing things for Him because it's what he wants (no. 2), and I like the first option when it comes to things I need motivation/direction/persuasion to do (no. 1).



RaspberryLemon -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 12:43:47 AM)

My Master is both 1 and 2--what's best for me is what he wants.

To be more detailed, in my experience I don't see the two as contradicting each other at all. My Master has a good balance of getting what he wants and desires from me while simultaneously looking out for and taking care of me--making the best decisions for us. I like that. I like that he always has my well-being as a top priority; it makes me feel safe and loved. And I like that he has no hesitation in asking for or taking what he wants; I love doing things for him, it fulfills me.

So what it ends up being is a mutually fulfilling happiness. I can feel free and content/safe to serve him in whatever way he asks because I know he is always looking out for me. He gets what he wants, and he also loves taking care of me. He loves being the leader, which to us, involves both options #1 and #2.

I think those who have traits of both 1 and 2 are well-rounded individuals, healthy and in the right place to be in charge. The exact "recipe" of how much of 1 and how much of 2 there is will be different for each individual, and each combination is great in the right place--somewhere out there, your "recipe" is what is right for someone.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 9:45:39 AM)

I just saw this, and I am lol-ing at "inner asshole".

We are who we are. I want what I want, the whole parental surrogate dom stuff creeps me the fuck out. Can't we help each other flourish together? Why do I have to be the arbiter of all wisdom and growth just because I'm the leader?

Part of what I want(ed) was a harmonious relationship. Which means that we both get what we want, and ideally no one is an asshole for any length of time.

(and my parents said no all the time, and boss me around all the time, so what's up with that?)



RemoteUser -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 9:57:27 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

The first statement reflects more what I am. A Daddy Dom type, one who's focused on his partner, developing her.

Over the weekend, I saw a Dom who embodied the second statement. The bad boy. It's all about me, and serving me.

With that realization, I know I have to develop the second Dom within me, to get in touch with my inner asshole. Part of becoming a fuller person.

My question for you subs - which kind of Dom do you respond to better?


I'm a Daddy Dom too, and I've gone through this myself. I have secured what's best in mind for my girl, and now I let the other side out when I want to in a way we can both enjoy. As long as you're doing what you both want (and that includes what you want that she is willing to accept), you'll be fine. Just enjoy her, and do what you need to do for yourself. [:)]




littlewonder -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 4:06:12 PM)

quote:

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."


Kana sez he's both, simultaneously.
Let's here it for (To quote Private Joker) the duality of man.
Huzzah!



BitaTruble -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 11:19:41 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

My question for you subs - which kind of Dom do you respond to better?


I'll take the person who says 'we' a lot. If I can't have that, then "I want" works better for me.. "I want.." gives me a clear indication without having to second guess and I appreciate not having to get my crystal ball repaired on a weekly basis when my mind reading abilities fail me. 'I want' from a domly gives me the ability to decide if I also want.. and if I don't, then I can walk. That can certainly be achieved without being an asshole. Asshole = Smelly thing that spews shit. Pass, pass, pass.

First place is 'we' or 'us' though and if that 'we' is three or more people, so much the better. I've always wanted to live in a commune. [:D]





DonnysStar -> RE: The two Doms. (10/2/2012 11:55:28 PM)

I like Dom A. My Daddy is that way. I have also been with the B type and that really sucked.



crazyml -> RE: The two Doms. (10/3/2012 1:16:01 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."


Doing what's best for her IS what you want, so I don't understand the inner conflict you seem to be experiencing.
To answer your question directed at subs, there is a whole lot of us in our relationship, but truth be told,
I tend to find more joy in giving/doing with his interests as my motivator as opposed to it being solely for my benefit.


ding dong!



ursamajour -> RE: The two Doms. (10/3/2012 1:27:19 AM)

I've always thought of being a dom as an expression of the mindset of the leader. A leader expects his orders to be followed quickly, competently, and without unnecessary questions. However, a proper leader's orders are rooted in concerns for the welfare of those he leads. In my mind, 1 and 2 are the same, or should be, at any rate.



Lucifyre -> RE: The two Doms. (10/3/2012 6:47:41 AM)

Mr is an uneven combination of both. How He is really depends on what's happening at the moment. Sometimes He can be both at the same time. Sometimes I feel the need to ask Him to be more like #2 (Daddy, come home and take what you want from me, grab my hair and drag me out of bed and and and...) But there are times when it is more appropriate for Him to lean into the #1 attitude more (my dog passed away and He needed to be nurturing and loving and order me to take care of my needs to get through it)
Like others have said DS, you are who you are and you shouldn't change that. Rather, you should find someone to fit who it is you are naturally. Like vanilla relationships, you don't become someone else just because you're with someone, they love and respect you for what you already are ahead of time and if that's not right for them they need to move on.

just my 2 pennies :)
Lucifyre



DesFIP -> RE: The two Doms. (10/3/2012 3:06:23 PM)

A certain a mount of selfishness is hot. But a guy who is totally asshole is not.

I prefer more of the Daddy Dom for the health of the relationship. But sexually is when the second is most appropriate.



NuevaVida -> RE: The two Doms. (10/3/2012 5:03:46 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."




A blend of both.

Here's the tricky thing with me. With the history I've experienced, I became really really in tune to who I am and what makes me tick and what's best for me...and what isn't. I've been with the Mister 3 1/2 years now but I've been with *me* almost 47 years. So because of the way I'm wired, someone saying "This is what's best for you" is going to automatically trigger my inner gauge, and I'm going to do a check within myself to see if I agree or not. It's just how I process things now.

Doesn't mean if I disagree I won't do it. I will. And guess what - most often times he was right about it. Surprise surprise. But it's my own...oh I don't know...defense mechanism that comes up from time to time.

Like poise said, him saying "I want this" can certainly be *because* he thinks it is best for me. Sometimes he says "This is what is best for you and I want this" all in one breath and there's certainly no arguing that one. [8D]

Saying what he wants does not mean he's being selfish. It could be what he wants for me, for us as a relationship, or for himself personally. He is my Daddy, and he shows me every single day how much he loves and supports me. So the two options above - on their own - wouldn't take from that.



kallisto -> RE: The two Doms. (10/3/2012 5:29:13 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


I tend to find more joy in giving/doing with his interests as my motivator as opposed to it being solely for my benefit.



This is me in a nutshell. [:)]



ejmichaels -> RE: The two Doms. (10/5/2012 5:35:34 AM)

Some sort of blend works for me, varying with the situation. However, when I'm in an especially submissive mindset, I'm uncomfortable being asked what I feel like doing. My answer is usually along the lines of "submitting to you". It's not that I don't have physical preferences (and my partner knows about those), but it sometimes sounds like we're about to do a top/bottom scene instead of D/s. I'd much rather hear something like "I'm in a sadistic mood, but I'll let you pick the toy". We're nominally in a full time D/s relationship, but our play doesn't always work out that way.



culareD -> RE: The two Doms. (10/5/2012 7:56:36 AM)

1. "This is what's best for you."

I don't know if the two statements are equally divided for me, but my interpretation of the first statement goes hand in hand with the fact that I have to trust the Dom to have MY best interest in mind. If he/she is communicating with me and understanding where I am coming from, then I can trust him/her to know what is best for me.



2. "This is what I want."

Again, for me communication is paramount. I need clear direction on likes/dislikes and what is expected of me.



littleone35 -> RE: The two Doms. (10/5/2012 2:30:35 PM)

My master has a blend of both but leans more toward the Dom 1 side. He not only cares about but loves me. What is best for me is taking care of hm and doing all i can to keep him happy and satsified. I tust him totally to always do what is best for me.

Matt's littleone



TieMeInKnottss -> RE: The two Doms. (10/8/2012 10:55:49 AM)

I agree with Athena (in my limited experience) and am struggling with trying to find that perfect blend because sometimes that asshole is great..he is looking out for himself but by belonging to him sometimes you benefit from that "don't mess with my pleasure" because YOU are his pleasure.. Hey If it is any consolation, I am having a two sub crisis!



aaron237 -> RE: The two Doms. (10/8/2012 11:17:18 AM)

Awesome question! I've thought about it myself quite a bit. I fluctuate between the two, in play I am mostly Dom B. But in day to day living I'm mostly Dom A, but I am never quite 100% on either side.



orgasmdenial12 -> RE: The two Doms. (10/8/2012 12:31:54 PM)

The second one. I need to know he is completely focused on his own pleasure, and I am merely a willing hole to facilitate that.

The first one can work for me when what's 'best' is severe s&m followed by objectifying, orgasm denied sex for his pleasure. There's something very cruel about being told that painful things are good for you, nom nom :-D



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