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The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 5:22:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."

The first statement reflects more what I am. A Daddy Dom type, one who's focused on his partner, developing her.

Over the weekend, I saw a Dom who embodied the second statement. The bad boy. It's all about me, and serving me.

With that realization, I know I have to develop the second Dom within me, to get in touch with my inner asshole. Part of becoming a fuller person.

My question for you subs - which kind of Dom do you respond to better?

< Message edited by DarkSteven -- 10/1/2012 5:43:57 AM >

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."
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RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 5:43:17 AM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		I like about 80% dom A, 20% dom B.

In reality I want a level headed and loving partner who thinks his decision through and makes the right choices for both of us.

But from a pure animal attraction level, it's damn hot when he makes demands based soley on his own desires and whims.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 6:33:50 AM   
hellioncheriecpl


Posts: 21
Joined: 9/27/2012
Status: offline 		There is nothing 'asshole-ish' about knowing what you want and wanting what you want. I see nothing wrong with either of those statements, or dickish about either of them.

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 6:37:39 AM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I think the second statement seems super hot and inspires instant lust, but the first statement inspires trust and leads to long term lust, because the caring is there, which is the most important thing of all.

(in reply to hellioncheriecpl)
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RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 6:48:29 AM   
SlipSlidingAway


Posts: 223
Joined: 11/24/2006
Status: offline 		I think You should just be Yourself.

If, after many years in the lifestyle, You have never felt a need, or a desire, to be Dom #2ish, I'd have to question why You had this realization?

Calling it Your "inner asshole" does not sound to me like it's something You necessarily find to be a positive.  

Being a fuller person is all well and good, but some folks (even Doms) just ain't assholes (lol, although admittedly, many are), and there is nothing wrong with that.

I don't see why You have to be an asshole, or a bad boy, to get what You want in a power exchange relationship.  As a Dom, with a willing submissive, just wanting it and requiring it should be more than enough to get it.  No?

Edited to answer the last bit:  I respond better to a Dom who is authentic and who always has my best interests at heart, but who knows how to inspire me to get what he wants at the same time.  Those things do not have to be mutually exclusive by any means.


< Message edited by SlipSlidingAway -- 10/1/2012 6:51:21 AM >

_____________________________

"...ethical behavior should be based...on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. " —Albert Einstein

(in reply to DarkSteven)
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RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 7:21:06 AM   
fucktoyprincess


Posts: 2337
Status: offline 		How about just "let's have fun together".....is that a possibility, or does BDSM preclude that?

Okay, but in all seriousness, if you approach it from the notion of "let's have fun" - and fun can mean different things at different times (fulfilling her needs, fulfilling your needs, fulfilling mutual needs....just having fun together....) doesn't this get you as a couple where you should be?

Maybe I'm the odd one out here, but I do this stuff because I find it fun. It's not really purely about what's best for me all of the time or what he wants all of the time. At the end of the day, I want a mutually fulfilling, fun relationship with someone whose company I enjoy outside the bedroom as much as in. Oh yeah, and the relationship just happens to include elements of D/s and S&M.

From my perspective, sometimes these things can be overthought.

_____________________________

~ ftp

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 7:29:22 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hellioncheriecpl

There is nothing 'asshole-ish' about knowing what you want and wanting what you want. I see nothing wrong with either of those statements, or dickish about either of them.


The first statement says that a Dom is concerned about his sub. The second that he's concerned about his own needs. A healthy Dom is concerned about both. I feel I'm too weighted toward the first type.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to hellioncheriecpl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 8:15:06 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Master is a blend of both. And the second part is even when he he is in role #2, he will still be a gentleman. He says "please" and "thank you".

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 9:13:12 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		There's no reason that #2 can't be the same as #1. It's more about verbal approach at that point.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 9:32:38 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I need mostly 1 and then in some areas I need a hard ass with no problem making me do it by force, if nessesary.

_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to Alecta)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 9:43:25 AM   
theshytype


Posts: 1600
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

I like about 80% dom A, 20% dom B.

In reality I want a level headed and loving partner who thinks his decision through and makes the right choices for both of us.

But from a pure animal attraction level, it's damn hot when he makes demands based soley on his own desires and whims.




I agree with this completely!

(in reply to AthenaSurrenders)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 10:00:42 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		From my perspective, I need Dom 2 with a sprinkling of Dom 1.

I love to be nurtured, but I can't deal with someone who wants to make it all about me. I've dated some lovely Doms who wore their hearts on their sleeves and tried to give me everything I wanted, and I hated it.

My particular submission works because I'm making him happy, submitting to his desires, making his world a better place to be. And by doing that, I'm happy too.

Yeah, I need the occasional cuddle and reassurance of the emotion behind the relationship, but I don't want it to be all about me.

That's my style of submission, but it's not the only style. Some subs prefer the nurturing Daddy Dom, some prefer the 'selfish' Dom, others prefer something in between.

It's not about changing who you are Steven, it's about finding the sub that fits the natural 'you'

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 10:07:41 AM   
tsatske


Posts: 2037
Joined: 3/9/2007
From: Louisville, KY
Status: offline 		Dom 2 is, for me, a playtime thing - and even in playtime, I have to trust the descions he's making. Maybe they are about pleasing him - but I know he won't harm me while he's at it. I know he won't, as someone on here recently reported, disturb my carreer because he wants what he wants and he wants it right now. He will chose an approprate time and place to play, with saftty taken into consideration, so I can trust to do what he says even if I don't see the safety. if I think I am seeing a consideration he might not have, I will tell him - ONCE. Then I trust that he is keeping us both safe, and I do what I'm told.

In my daily life, I'm all about Door #1. Again, as in playtime, I need someone I trust to make the best descions for us both. If I can't enjoy down time with him, it's not going to work for me. As much as I love protocol, I love more just being real people together. And I need a Dom that is comfortable in his own skin. Jealousy just doesn't do anything for me.

_____________________________

“If you never did you should. These things are fun and fun is good”
~Dr. Seuss quote

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 10:35:41 AM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Both

There are times Master will say the first one when I am being stubborn and he forces an issue, such as my coffee intake. It's not for him, it's for me. Actually it's for him too because he wants the best slave he can possibly have and if that means helping me also in the process then even better.

There are times when he says the second one because he wants it...end of discussion. Yeah it is about him.

I like both sides of him because I like a well rounded, balanced person.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to tsatske)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 10:43:49 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		Call me 80% bad boy. She needs my force more than she needs my empathy.

The empathy is on 24/7, but obedience is something that really connects us whenever an opportunity for it to occur pops up.

_____________________________

I hate the 'reply to' note at the end of the post. Just assume I'm posting to the board at large and not the person above me unless I say diff, OK?

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 11:29:39 AM   
ARIES83


Posts: 3648
Status: offline 		Wheres option three?

3. "A combination of genitics and the world have
made me this way, and for better or worse you
are the deer in my headlights."

I'm sure there is more to a guy than two sides of
a coin Steven, but I wish you well with working on
yourself.

-Aries

_____________________________

530 DAYS

(in reply to Salinedion)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 1:06:20 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

1. "This is what's best for you."

2. "This is what I want."


Doing what's best for her IS what you want, so I don't understand the inner conflict you seem to be experiencing.
To answer your question directed at subs, there is a whole lot of us in our relationship, but truth be told,
I tend to find more joy in giving/doing with his interests as my motivator as opposed to it being solely for my benefit.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 1:56:47 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I'd prefer a leader who watches out for his charges, balances things, and isn't reluctant about directing attention to himself. So I'd prefer Dom 2 overall, as long as he had some of the Dom 1 sprinkled in, because if he were completely self centered I wouldn't respect him as being a leader. So what I'm saying is that it's easier, and preferable, to me for a man to know his mind and not hesitate to ask for his needs and desires. I find it easier and more gratifying to be free to do what I do, which is take care of others - let me know what I need to take care of and I'm good.

In my relationship we are both givers. It's not always a smooth ride, however we do make it work. I'd say I work best with a Daddy type who has clear boundaries and who doesn't hesitate to clue me in when he wants something.


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 2:02:55 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

Doing what's best for her IS what you want, so I don't understand the inner conflict you seem to be experiencing.
To answer your question directed at subs, there is a whole lot of us in our relationship, but truth be told,
I tend to find more joy in giving/doing with his interests as my motivator as opposed to it being solely for my benefit.



What Poise said here is ditto for me: I find it more joyful, fun, and soothing, to do things for others more than I find those qualities in doing things for my benefit. I am rarely motivated by doing things for me. I honestly could care less about myself, whereas if I need to do something for him, it becomes a woo hoo! type of event. Doing things for him captures my interest, doing things for me is meh.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: The two Doms. - 10/1/2012 7:26:54 PM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		A mix of the two.
What's-best-for-me Dom is good for everyday things, I like the idea that if I forget things, or feel less than stellar about my choices, someone's gonna check me, it gives a warm sense of security....

That said, in the bedroom, I don't want what's best for me, I want bossy selfish Dom who's all about telling me what he wants... and maybe making me beg for what I want too.

I think you're wise to want to be in touch with both sides, I think a good dom should be a mix of both, the percentages are purely preference though.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 20
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