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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/5/2004 11:10:33 AM

perverseangelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules

It's good to find people who experience the same things. For me. . .I was thinking: "Geez, I feel the need to seek out pain, yet, it seems that the only "valid" reason for doing so is for sexual gratification. . .I must be weird." And I find that others do as well!
I think the "theraputic" aspect of pain isn't talked about much. Afterall, most people tend to seek CURES for it or want it ALLEVIATED. I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

Jules

I think a lot depends on the reasons one seeks pain. Yours seem "healthy" (does that sound odd?) or at least well-grounded. You know what you're doing and (seem to) have a fairly decent controll over it. I think when the impulse for pain becomes destructive or uncontrolled is when it needs to be cured or tempered.

It makes me feel good, as well, to know that other people seek out pain for release. Other people, that is, who -aren't- depressed/psychotic/manic/etc. It helps me to accept that the parts of the desire that are left over after everything are ok, or are shared, especially if they are controllable.

Or something.

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/8/2004 3:57:12 PM

LadyAngelika

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Jules,

Once again it seems like you and I are coming from the same place. I completely and totally understand your idea of masochism.

I think I might enjoy a slight sexual overtone or sex afterwards but yeah, that whole idea of sex during isn’t all that desirable for me.

I completely understand your issue of purging. For me it isn’t self-punishment, penance or anything like that. It’s about “feeling something real” as corny as that sounds.

My biggest issue with the whole thing is finding a strong sadistic man (I’ve rarely found a woman I want to bottom to) who will not try and get me to submit to him. Very few understand that although I am a total slut and a feisty masochist, I am not one bit submissive. Try and humiliate me or force me into submitting and I’ll bite back, and hard.

- LA

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/8/2004 6:10:51 PM

ShadeDiva

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I identify as being a heavy masochist.

I do not get aroused from pain, but I do enjoy it.

I'm not entirely sure, but that might be in part to the fact that I can actually control how my nerves perceive pain, even extreme pain, in fact the more extreme it is, the easier I can channel and process it. If I have no warmup, it is harder to do, but I can attain it, with a warmup it's nearly second nature. This both pleases and frustrates a sadist. *chortle*

However, I don't get sexually aroused from it - I *can* if I'm being manipulated sexually, as in if they are actually providing a sexual stimulation outside of it, but in and of itself, it has NO sexual tone for me, and in fact when we do play that is rarely (read less than a handful of times in 8 years) the intent or goal, really it is more a chance for us to express those sides of ourselves.

And in fact - I NEED that at times. It is VERY soothing. Ray will tell me when I start getting smarmy that I need to have my angst beaten out of me - it's a joke between us, and it's said in a joking manner - however, there IS more than a grain of truth in that. If I go a long time between a REALLY intense and hard scene, I get agitated, more mouthy than usual (POOR guy LOL), and I just am RIDDLED with a general sense of angst. But after a 3-6 hour beating I am remarkably calmed - and literally angst free.

It's very meditative, and very spiritual on many levels, and it's amazing how much it grounds and settles me.

Prob is - we don't get a chance to do that often. In part that's MY fault due to my internal battles with my duality - and partly due to not having a playspace at this time. And no, we can't go to a public dungeon/playspace, because well, I tend to be loud, as in laughing my ass off. Belly laughs, chuckles, giggles, guffaws, you name it, it comes pouring out and it's just freaking LOUD. Oh and I cuss a lot too. Yanno: <laughter>godDAMNit<laughter>thatfuckingHURT<laughter>andthatwasnt <laughter>happypainOW<laughter>heywatchitbuddy<laughter>fuckingAmanheythatothercheekOW <laughter>islonelywhatthehellISthat<laughter>owowowOWOWOW<laughter>endorphiansaremyFRIEND<laughter>fuckingshitthat<laughter>onestunglikeamotherfucker<laughter>OW<laughter>ow <laughter>owow<laughter>canyamakethatonesing<laughter>OWOWOWOW<laughter>guessso<laughter> ... etc etc etc

Combine that with me dancing around or hopping and well, it is sorta distracting, plus he hits HELLA hard so him alone is loud, if it wasn't perpetuated by my giggle attacks and constant vocal narration puncuated with sqeuals of fuckfuckfuck happypainiwanthappypain (being that he IS a sadist, and knows how easy it is for me to make it a fun thing, he's found ways to poke through that little channeling thing so I stay grounded and reactive to what he's dealing out. The meaniebutthead)

But it ain't a sexual thing at all.

But ohhh yeah talk about a spiritual and heavy energy release. Now if I could only manage to get past myself, I'd prolly be a lot less highstrung LOL.

I am DEFINITELY the type of person that most dominants would NOT want to handle - especially on a long term basis along with so I'm lucky I found someone that not only handles it but enjoys what I bring to the table, and doesn't mind my playful sassing. He just sorta figures if I'm sassing I'm okay enough to take more, and he KNOWS the laughing is a green light to keep piling it on, since as long as I'm laughing ... I'm processing JUST fine. LOL.

Oh fuck, I'm just a weirdo. LOL

Ah well, someone's gotta wear the weirdo label, might as well be me since I don't mind all that much LOL.

~ShadeDiva

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/8/2004 7:01:26 PM

Yankeestick

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Great thread, Jules, and great posts from others!

It took me a helluva long time to get really comfortable with that part of me that I call "sadist".

To actually come to KNOW that there's nothing wrong with having this set of mental/emotional/sexual vectors (or whatever you call 'em) and to take sheer JOY in expressing this part of me as much as I express (say) my love and affection - this has been a big deal - and a long, gradual unfolding of self-acceptance - in my own life.

So to hear someone like Jules - a Domme Goddess - express that complimentary set of vectors called masochism should (hopefully) provide any number of ill-informed (though sincere) folks a bit of an education - and squelch the need to libel and label the dance of S&M by calling it abuse, eh?

If my point isn't entirely clear - let me know and I'll say it again with smaller words and simpler sentences.

Yankeestick

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/8/2004 7:06:34 PM

danae

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subbiejenn

i enjoy pain for a few reasons, i am submissive so pleasing the Dom is a plus for me. i do get some sexual gradification from it but i also hold a lot of things in and its a release for me.
... Most of the time the tears are not coming from the pain but from all my emotions coming out. Afterwards i always have this weird sense of peace.

i can not relate to everything you wrote here but i can relate to how it is a release and the inner peace.

I had been fighting my Master calling me a pain slut, simply because I'm such a wuss and I still don't like pain for pain's sake (unless it's sexual lol)....and yet... you all have hit it on the head about the release. There are times I ask him to please hurt me because I need to cry, need to let go, and without the baggage of sex, pain's the quickest, surest, purest way to get me stable again.

Great thread for self-reflection.

danae

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/8/2004 7:24:01 PM

MrThorns

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M Jules,

Your situation is exactly why I typically refuse to label or otherwise categorize people at Top/bottom, Dom/sub, Master/slave, etc. I think that your post is most intriguing and very well delivered. Unfortunately, I cannot relate as a dominant with masochistic tendencies. Rather...I absolutely hate pain. I avoid it whenever possible. My slave, on the other hand, is a subdistic bitch. Very dominant in her day to day life, extremely centered, focused, yet slave to her core and a masochist to boot. She is the "Bizarro" version of what you had described in yourself.

I really don't have any comments to add other than I am happy to hear that Jules is as self aware as she appears to be. Kudos.

~Thorns

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/9/2004 8:24:44 AM

MistressFire70

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*chuckle*

Ok, I've got to know, Goddess Jules. How many offers for Topping have you had so far???

Fire
just being silly and nosy

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/9/2004 9:40:24 AM

Voltare

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From: Santiago, Chile
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Seems that this thread has been pretty adequately addressed, so I'll just add a short thought:

Understanding why we like something, sometimes makes the thing more pleasent (I like many sexual activities today, more, because I don't feel embarressed or ashamed to like them.) And, sometimes, it makes the thing less pleasent (I don't like Mt Dew anymore because I know that 1/4 of the can is pure sugar.) Having said that, introspection into understanding that certain pain under certain circumstances permits the release of pent up feelings is a great first step. While I am not suggesting that you should cut your masochistic desires out, perhaps there might be some value in looking for alternatives to releasing emotional feelings i.e. kickboxing, or martial arts?

Most importantly, as I'm sure you are aware of, being able to trust your partner/facilitator in any situation is far and above more important then anything else.

I hope this helps.

Stephan

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/10/2004 3:20:26 PM

GoddessJules

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Thanks for everyone's input! I realize now that there are people similar to me. . .and even different twists to it that I wasn't aware of.

I think someone asked if I was flooded with offers to be topped, the answer is a resounding, unequivocal NO. LOL I think that the regular posters have a lot more class than that. . .and I didn't expect any of the regs to flood my box with offers.

Oh and welcome back to the boards Voltare! Missed ya.

Jules

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RE: Me and Masochism - 11/10/2004 3:44:32 PM

Yankeestick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules

I think someone asked if I was flooded with offers to be topped, the answer is a resounding, unequivocal NO. LOL I think that the regular posters have a lot more class than that. . .and I didn't expect any of the regs to flood my box with offers.

Well - I can't claim to have any class, Jules.

The reasons I didn't offer were:

1. You're not local...and

2. Not being partnered at the moment, I'm not sure how easy it would be to follow your rules to the letter, even though I do my best to be a paragon of virtue and self-control.

Happy trails...

Yankeestick

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