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Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 1:36:14 AM   
DonnysStar


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/2/2012
Status: offline 		I heard my Daddy telling another girl that it has been a while since he's had a fighter. I have always wanted to fight but am afraid if I resist or fight he will stop thinking that I don't want it. But I want him to get rougher with me. I know it is in him and he has said that he would love to have that again. So how do I do this without appearing to just be giving in?

How do I tell him I want to take it to the next level of roughness without actually telling him. I want it to be natural and I feel like if I say something then he will think I am just giving it to him because he said something or that he will do it only for me?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 2:24:42 AM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Please don't start duplicate threads in different forums :)

(in reply to DonnysStar)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 6:08:33 AM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		Stop trying to be clever about this and just tell him.

(in reply to Alecta)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 8:33:54 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DonnysStar


How do I tell him I want to take it to the next level of roughness without actually telling him.



So ,basically, you want him to be psychic rather than being open and honest with him.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DonnysStar)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 10:55:15 AM   
Lucifyre


Posts: 1067
Joined: 3/27/2012
Status: offline 		I hear plain English works wonders.
That's why you have a safeword.
Consentual non consent and all that

HF!
Lucifyre

_____________________________

"Batteries? OMG, Bitch Please! My Shit plugs in!"
I do this because it fucking feels good.
I like girls who like girls
The thing about standards is: There are SO many to choose from.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 12:06:22 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DonnysStar

I heard my Daddy telling another girl that it has been a while since he's had a fighter. I have always wanted to fight but am afraid if I resist or fight he will stop thinking that I don't want it. But I want him to get rougher with me. I know it is in him and he has said that he would love to have that again. So how do I do this without appearing to just be giving in?

How do I tell him I want to take it to the next level of roughness without actually telling him. I want it to be natural and I feel like if I say something then he will think I am just giving it to him because he said something or that he will do it only for me?


Do a forum search for keywords: take downs and force play

Print them out, tell him it makes ya hot and see what happens. It's cool to be all shy about it and stuff, bat your eyes, turn red, be embarrassed .. it's all cool, but you have to get it out there in some way and that's one of the ways you might be able to do so without having to say that delicious thing you want so well.

I'd be happy to speak with you on the other side or here. I adore force play.

Don't remain silent. I think force play is one of the hotter scenes but that's just me. It has everything going for it imnsho. Exertion, sweat, blood, tears, energy, marks, connection, contact and the list goes on.

::wipes the drool:: <-- that was literal by the way

Good luck and be brave!

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to DonnysStar)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 12:33:15 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Need Help being a better Sub

Communicating your needs is one of the biggest responsibilities in being a "better sub".
I'd be cautious about you feeling as though you are lacking in your submission, simply because
you have yet to actually do this.

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to DonnysStar)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 2:25:22 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise

quote:

Need Help being a better Sub

Communicating your needs is one of the biggest responsibilities in being a "better sub".
I'd be cautious about you feeling as though you are lacking in your submission, simply because
you have yet to actually do this.

By this, I mean being a fighter and pretend struggling for rougher sex.
Just in case others think my this referred to communicating her needs,
which it looked like to me upon further reading, and no time left to edit

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to poise)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 2:58:20 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Tell him you heard him refer to this and now you're curious. Ask him what it entails, how one does it without harming the other or does anything go? In general, just ask him to teach you about it. If after he explains it, you think you might be interested, ask to try it out. If it works, ask if he wants to include it in the future or not. If it doesn't, ask if he's okay that you don't seem to be into this.

But remember, all this time he's been with you, he's been happy. So it obviously isn't that important to him.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 4:48:49 PM   
DonnysStar


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/2/2012
Status: offline 		This was always my thought that as a sub I wasn't supposed to fight him just give in but he has expressed to others that he get off when his girls fight him. While I know that I do what to take this to the next level as there isn't anything I wouldn't do for him, I just worry a lot. I have a lot of self worth issues. We have only been together for 6 months and there are other women in his life that he doesn't share. I know that he is in it with me for the long haul and I am willing to accept that I am not his only sex toy. I know that I am the one that takes care of him and the only one that is willing to give him what he wants.

< Message edited by DonnysStar -- 10/3/2012 4:56:23 PM >

(in reply to poise)
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RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/3/2012 11:00:25 PM   
AthenaSurrenders


Posts: 3582
Joined: 3/15/2012
Status: offline 		there's no 'supposed to' about being a sub. If it works for you guys, that's all that matters. So forget about what subs are supposed to do.

What's coming out now is that you're insecure about the relationship arrangement. So he has multiple sex partners, and it seems like you're not keen on the idea. Do you feel you have to compete with these other women? That's not a healthy way of looking at it. Not everyone is ok with open or poly relationships. If that's not for you, then that's ok. But don't put yourself through the heartbreak of remaining in that type of relationship. Especially if you're already having self-worth issues.

_____________________________

Being your slave, what should I do but tend
Upon the hours and times of your desire?

(in reply to DonnysStar)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/4/2012 8:54:37 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DonnysStar

This was always my thought that as a sub I wasn't supposed to fight him just give in...


There is no "supposed" to, other than what is outlined for your relationship.

For example, in my relationship, my "supposed to" is to be free to completely be myself, and express myself accordingly. Therefore, yes, I do push back sometimes, and I do tell him when I disagree. And in play, I do fight back sometimes - whatever naturally comes out of me. I wrote a lengthy response to your other thread - so I'll just refer to that. But "giving in" is not a constant expectation in my relationship, and unless it's been ordered of you, I wouldn't assume it's the case for you, either.

6 months is pretty new for a relationship so you're probably still working out all the expectations, and getting to know each other more. I would ask him how he feels about you expressing your opinions on things, and what he expects of you in play. Sometimes we create rules for ourselves in our own heads and they have nothing to do with what the dominant one really wants.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to DonnysStar)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/4/2012 4:19:03 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		For me, being a great sub didn't entail "fighting back". In fact if i had, i would have been shown to the door.
If it isn't natural for you, perhaps you should go there.

On the other hand, if this is something you might like, and during play time, basically its role playing, talk to your dom. He can't read your mind, and doesn't know that perhaps you might like to try this. If you start fighting back, he may well think that you are off your rocker and pull back. I really like the idea of you asking him to teach you about it - makes it his idea as well.

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/4/2012 11:01:19 PM   
MasterAutarch


Posts: 38
Joined: 3/6/2012
Status: offline 		If you just suddenly fight back you may startle your Dom and he may even think that he did something wrong, exceeded your emotional limit and that he needs to pull back. Just the wrong reaction to what you want. So you must tell him what you want to try. Indeed, you are afraid to do it but with his encouragement you may find the courage.

(in reply to kiwisub12)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/8/2012 10:58:45 PM   
DonnysStar


Posts: 9
Joined: 10/2/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you all for your advice am making forward progress, slow but sure. While our relationship is only 6 months old it, our sexual experience is almost 3 years old. This man is my best friend and is the one that has shown me that this is the lifestyle I want to explore, I have tried without him but nope it's him or not at all. I trust him 100% with everything in my life including my life.

(in reply to MasterAutarch)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Need Help being a better Sub - 10/9/2012 3:04:14 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Like others here have suggested, you guys need to talk. Success is all about being open because if you are not open then all you can ever do is second guess each other. Wow doesn't that remind you of life before kink?!?
Steve loves a good fight and he's the only man I have ever known who doesn't hold back. That can get a bit scarey because I honestly didn't believe that men were so much stronger than women. It means I have to have speed on my side and I have to use a certain amount of trickery
We have had fights that have lasted for hours, where we were both bleeding and wet from perspiration on all fours fighting for our next breath but absolutely refusing to give in.
Those fights didn't just materialize out of thin air. They were talked about in an open and frank way. 'If you ever bite me', I told him, 'you better never fall asleep on me again!!'.


(in reply to DonnysStar)
Profile   Post #: 16
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