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Question about collar - 10/3/2012 4:10:26 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		I want to know more about when a sub accepts a collar. No I'm not accepting one! My understanding about accepting a collar from a Do/Master is that it sholud not be taken lightly. It is a serious matter and reflects commitment. Am I right? Please share your knowledge.
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 4:12:57 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		sorry about spelling errors, I was typing too fast. lol

(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 4:13:20 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		It depends on what it means to you.

To some it's a fashion statement.

It can be a symbol of something temporary like training or an evening of play.

It can be something as serious as marriage.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 4:32:36 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Like Oside said, the collar, as a symbol, represents and reflects the relationship that already exists.

That might mean 24/7 wear, casual wear, play-only wear... It could be obvious or subtle (like a necklace). In the case of my girl, she wears it for me or when thinking of me, but she doesn't strut in public with it on. I don't tell her how to wear it, I don't need to; it's a symbol of our dynamic, and that is as private as she wants it to be. I'm fine with that. What's important is that she knows what it represents and accepts it, along with the collar.

Other Dom(me)s will have their own outlooks. Mine is not traditional, but it suits my relationship perfectly. Nothing else matters.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 5:06:51 PM   
Alecta


Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline 		Short answer, it varies from couple to couple. The question of how important a collar is and what it means needs to be discussed with your partner. For some people, it's a fetish, for others fashion; some have a series of different types for different stages of the relationship etc like karate belts.

(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 8:37:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Yes, some do wear it for fashion or play, but to Me, it means collared to someone. That means there is a committed D/s, M/s, or O/p type of dynamic going on. That will be My first reaction and I will respect that dynamic the same way I wouldn't hit on another person's spouse.

Oh, and for what it's worth, that collar that I put on him doesn't belong to clip. It belongs to Me, just like he does.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Alecta)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 8:45:20 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		It's up to you and him how important it is to you.

When Master collared me, there was no pomp and circumstance. He didn't bend on knee or even say much of anything at all, we never had some kind of party, etc....we were at the beach and I saw a bracelet I liked a lot. He said "go ahead and get it". He paid for it and put it on my wrist and it's been there ever since. And then he bought me another at Christmas for my other arm and put it on my other wrist. It also has been there ever since. It's important to us but they are just symbols. There's no doubt whatsoever that he owns me. For us it was just an organic relationship that happened. He never said "you are now owned". I just...was....with or without the bracelets.



_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 9:03:10 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline 		There is no knowledge to share. There are no rule books. There are no "subs" or "doms". There's just folks like you, me, Carol, and all these other people trying to make some relationship work.

Consider for a moment... what does a wedding ring represent? I know it means a lot to me. I've also seen an awful lot of couples for whom both it and the marriage meant very little. The collar is the same thing. For starters it is just a symbol so it only has whatever significance you choose to invest in that symbol. Second, what the symbol represents could be anything at all but whatever it is... again... it is only as significant as you make it.

For Carol and I the collar itself was originally important. It became detrimental at some point so know the collar itself is just decoration. The thing it represents continues to become more and more deeply important to us.

If I were you I'd ask the guy who wants to collar you what, exactly, that means to HIM. What agreement is he asking you to make. Then you decide if you like that agreement and presto... problem solved.

_____________________________

I'm a lover of "what is", not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. -- Bryon Katie
"You're humbly arrogant" -- sunshinemiss
officially a member of the K Crowd

(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/3/2012 10:50:15 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		When I met Master we agreed to date in a totally vanilla fashion, until we were both 100% sure we wanted to move onto the kink. That took a few months, by which time I was sure I could trust him. That first time he put a collar round my neck and told me I was to wear it whenever he came over and when I slept.

A year later he bought me a necklace which I now wear 24/7. It's a sign of both of our commitment to our relationship and our life together.

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/4/2012 1:21:09 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		The general consensus of collars amongst the people I call friends or more, is that collars are a very serious symbol of commitment. The commitment is what the 2 people have decided it means - in the most general sense that those two people have embarked up a relationship of some type with each other. My collar means to me and my Dom that we are monogamous, and in a serious relationship.

Like so many BDSM concepts, not everyone views collars that way. Not everyone views wedding rings the same either. Lots of Dominants seem to use the concept of collaring as a carrot to attract a submissive, and those collars seem to fly off and on quite frequently. As everyone has said, it's really up to the people involved. See how you feel about collars and keep that in your mind as the standard of what is meaningful to you.

(in reply to lkb0503)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/4/2012 1:41:07 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lizi

Lots of Dominants seem to use the concept of collaring as a carrot to attract a submissive, and those collars seem to fly off and on quite frequently.


I've seen a lot of submissives treat a collar like it's a trophy. They treat it as a status symbol rather than the symbol of a relationship.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/4/2012 1:48:54 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I've seen a lot of submissives treat a collar like it's a trophy. They treat it as a status symbol rather than the symbol of a relationship.



You know, you are absolutely right. I should have been more thorough and added that. Collars are treated by many as something more casual, irregardless of what sexual orientation that person is.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/4/2012 1:57:55 PM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		I think a collar (Much like a wedding ring) is only a symbol of a decision made long ago in the heart.
Same w/ collaring ceremonies

_____________________________

"One of God's own prototypes. A high-powered mutant of some kind never even considered for mass production. Too weird to live, and too rare to die. "
HST

(in reply to lizi)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/5/2012 10:16:41 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Think wedding rings and letterman jackets...

Most don't have happy endings...and for the ones that do, it wasn't the wedding ring or the jacket that made the difference.

(in reply to Kana)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/5/2012 10:25:07 AM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		Hmm, reading through the posts of others, I should also note that my girl wears a ring that I gave her. The ring is on 24/7 and doesn't reflect our dynamic, but it is a reminder of me to her. (That, and it has dinosaur bone inlay. She's my geeky amateur paleontologist.) By proxy, then, I suppose it reminds her of the dynamic as well, but I rather like that it makes her think of me before the dynamic.

_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/5/2012 10:29:31 AM   
Shininglight23


Posts: 1336
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Think wedding rings and letterman jackets...

Most don't have happy endings...and for the ones that do, it wasn't the wedding ring or the jacket that made the difference.

Quoted for truth.

_____________________________

Membership Co-ordinator, ProSubs"R"Us

Lead with love, live with love, leave with love.



(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/5/2012 10:33:44 AM   
Rainwalker


Posts: 38
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline
quote:

Think wedding rings and letterman jackets...

Most don't have happy endings...and for the ones that do, it wasn't the wedding ring or the jacket that made the difference.


Sir, one could argue the collar jacket or wedding ban exist only on the cognitive level but the impact stretches well beyond that and has a definite influence in both conduct and behavior. Think about it.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/5/2012 1:44:41 PM   
BambiBoi


Posts: 461
Joined: 8/10/2010
Status: offline 		Oside has the truth of it. Collars can be anything from straps of fabric to a wedding band. My advice is to agree on what it means to both of you. If it works for you, there is nothing wrong with play collars even if the relationship has not taken that romantic and ethereal step to the next level. Collars of all types (posture collars, choker necklaces, dog collars, certain pony tack, etc.) all have a place, and the addition or removal of one need not be a huge emotional commitment. A collar, to me, represents the bond of love, dedication, affection, and protection. But sometimes I like a little puppy play. THAT collar means nothing.

_____________________________

<3

(in reply to Rainwalker)
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RE: Question about collar - 10/5/2012 8:56:11 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BambiBoi

But sometimes I like a little puppy play. THAT collar means nothing.


Until someone pulls on it.

(Context.)



_____________________________

There is nothing worse than being right. Instead of being right, then, try to be open. It is more difficult, and more rewarding.


(in reply to BambiBoi)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Question about collar - 10/8/2012 9:53:27 PM   
lkb0503


Posts: 41
Joined: 8/28/2012
Status: offline 		Thanks my friends. I have not been asked to wear a collar. I'm enjoying my single sub life!! I ask questions to learn. I'm grateful for the many perspectives. The one that makes the most sense is
a collar will mean what I decide it means between me as the sub and the Dom I accept it from.

(in reply to RemoteUser)
Profile   Post #: 20
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