quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: toria899


I just recently asked my husband to play in the bedroom him being the Dom and me being submissive, I am really dominant all the time outside of the bedroom. But I want to be submissive in the bedroom. He can be really dominant at times outside of the bedroom and I get excited when he is like that but then he switches to submissive again when we enter the bedroom or if I challenge him.

I have asked him what he is feeling and he says he really wants to play but doesn't have a clue where to start on how to dominate me as I am usually the one to initiate things and wondered is there a site or somewhere he could learn to do this to me?

Please be nice. I am very nervous never been on a site like this before and very self concious and has taken me a while to build up the confidence to ask this question and quite scared that if i get any negative comments it will knock me back, but I can take constructive criticism

Thanks for your advice in advance

Your problem is that "dominant" (or "submissive") isn't just an adopted role but a state of being per an individual's persona. And hubby isn't a Dominant. The part where "he really wants to play but doesn't have a clue" is a half truth. He doesn't know how because it's just not in his nature; that his only real interest or motivation is that it's what YOU want.

I'm not gonna fault anyone for wanting to accommodate a loved-one's needs or desires but since it's not his true nature, your submissive needs are intimidating him. And ultimately, his manhood is threatened if he can't take care of his woman's needs.

I'm tempted to say stop challenging him, for starters. But therein lays the problem.... When my girl challenges me, it gets my "take charge" dominant juices flowing, whereas your hubby folds in a submissive heap.

Has it ever occurred to you that the very reason he became attracted to you and eventually married you etc is because "I (you) am really dominant all the time outside of the bedroom"? Absolutely anyone can be and at sometime is "really dominant at times outside of the bedroom" when the need arrives. You think submissive women (for example) are incapable of disciplining their children; of implementing rules and structure for them?

I think you're scaring him to a point where he's worried he may lose you. That's his one and only interest or motivation in wanting to dominate you. Most common reason people stray in a relationship is because a certain need isn't being met. Question is, is this worth your marriage?

Apologies for the long post with no easy answer at the end.

Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: toria899


I have asked him to sit down and watch kinky porn with me to discuss it but he says he won't watch it long enough because he will get distracted like all the past times we have watched it together it which lasted all of 5min of the film, but yea its a good idea just need to find a way of keeping him focused long enough.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

lol, figured i would check out my last post here, from a couple months ago. low and behold, my stalker replied to me within a half hour.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

lol, figured i would check out my last post here, from a couple months ago. low and behold, my stalker replied to me within a half hour.

I think what you meant to say was 'I was missing the drama, so lo and behold, I came back to stir up some more'.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Karmastic

lol, figured i would check out my last post here, from a couple months ago. low and behold, my stalker replied to me within a half hour.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50

quote:

ORIGINAL: toria899


I just recently asked my husband to play in the bedroom him being the Dom and me being submissive, I am really dominant all the time outside of the bedroom. But I want to be submissive in the bedroom. He can be really dominant at times outside of the bedroom and I get excited when he is like that but then he switches to submissive again when we enter the bedroom or if I challenge him.

I have asked him what he is feeling and he says he really wants to play but doesn't have a clue where to start on how to dominate me as I am usually the one to initiate things and wondered is there a site or somewhere he could learn to do this to me?

Please be nice. I am very nervous never been on a site like this before and very self concious and has taken me a while to build up the confidence to ask this question and quite scared that if i get any negative comments it will knock me back, but I can take constructive criticism

Thanks for your advice in advance

Your problem is that "dominant" (or "submissive") isn't just an adopted role but a state of being per an individual's persona. And hubby isn't a Dominant. The part where "he really wants to play but doesn't have a clue" is a half truth. He doesn't know how because it's just not in his nature; that his only real interest or motivation is that it's what YOU want.

I'm not gonna fault anyone for wanting to accommodate a loved-one's needs or desires but since it's not his true nature, your submissive needs are intimidating him. And ultimately, his manhood is threatened if he can't take care of his woman's needs.

I'm tempted to say stop challenging him, for starters. But therein lays the problem.... When my girl challenges me, it gets my "take charge" dominant juices flowing, whereas your hubby folds in a submissive heap.

Has it ever occurred to you that the very reason he became attracted to you and eventually married you etc is because "I (you) am really dominant all the time outside of the bedroom"? Absolutely anyone can be and at sometime is "really dominant at times outside of the bedroom" when the need arrives. You think submissive women (for example) are incapable of disciplining their children; of implementing rules and structure for them?

I think you're scaring him to a point where he's worried he may lose you. That's his one and only interest or motivation in wanting to dominate you. Most common reason people stray in a relationship is because a certain need isn't being met. Question is, is this worth your marriage?

Apologies for the long post with no easy answer at the end.

Focus.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alltiedup57

Can you please inform me as to where I can go to talk about this...as I don't want to interrupt this topic.
I was being mentored an trained, went to Masters n Slaves on Fetlife an asked a question.
Now I found out Sir saw what I said, not realizing what I asked would pop up in my profile.
Now He has changed it for "training" to "teaching". What happened???

I had asked the question, in a poly house where its M/S yet married, an now training me, we have not had sex yet an its been 3 weeks.
Is that normal???
Again, I DID NOT KNOW Sir would see the message, I was trying to get information so I could be knowledable....think it backfired on me.

Please tell me the difference.....in 3 wks all I do is watch...or clean their home, an make toys for them.
Im confused about all this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

....read The Surrendered Wife. Better than any bdsm book imo.