quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I think it's approach. Check out the recently locked thread in intros...

Men approach me as the person with the toys, and I should be satisfied with the chance to abuse them. Women approach me wanting to do things for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DNAHelicase

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


There are very few men running around complaining about do-me femsubs.

Yep, and that's because some male "doms" are only wearing that hat so they can get laid. They're more than happy to follow a female sub's list of demands to the T so they can get in her panties. I can't recall ever meeting a female dom who claims the title solely so she can use it as an excuse to have sex with hot, young men.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I am a slave to Master. I am female. I never TELL Master what I want but I DO ask him for things. It's his choice on whether to give me what I ask for or not. Before I met Master and I was still seeking, yeah, I listed things I wanted in a partner but I DID NOT look at a Dom as a fetish delivery system. I wanted to get to know a man for his personality, not his fetishes.

Male subs on the other hand, write profiles that specifically are all about the fetishes they want. They never want to meet a woman for being who she is...a human female with diverse interests and views. Male subs most of the time, will basically take any woman who will give them what they want sexually and when they do get a woman, it's all about what they want. They don't ask, they TELL and if you don't give them what they want then all of a sudden you're a bitch and not a weal domme.

Does that answer your question?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

There are some patterns for sure, but there are also a lot of double standards about the ways that female dominants are "allowed" to treat male subs. I think a lot of them are controlling bottoms, not subs, but there are the guys, like a friend of mine who is a freaking AWESOME msub, who meet the female dominants who want you to cut off your finger to even be considered, and if you don't, you're a do-me who should be blacklisted from the community.

There's a contingent of lady doms around here in NE who make comments like "i just want to hit someone until i don't feel angry anymore" -- WHAT? If a male dom said anything remotely like that, he'd have all sorts of "red flag! run away!" messages flying around the interwebs, correct? Why is it okay for women to say things like that?

There are a lot of strange double standards between MDom/fsub culture and FDom/msub culture, at least in what I've observed over the years I've been floating around the NE scene. There was one lady here who was just an awful person, bad attitude, hypocritical, obnoxious, and she was considered an "upstanding female Dominant." Who also blacklisted anyone who didn't jump through all her ridiculous hurdles.

So yes -- while the bulk of "male subs" I've met have really actually been controlling bottoms who want to be topped a certain, very specific way and with certain, very specific activities, the double standards there really aren't solely their fault.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder
Kana sez, it's because women have the pussy

lol! There's that!

OP,
I don't think there is so much a double standard as a misconception. A double standard implies that male and female slaves are arbitrarily the same, and they are not, they are male and female first, and generally those who seek them out are also male and female first. The argument could also be made that what is explicitly asked of one type is generally assumed to come naturally to the other.

Men and women are wired differently. You will notice similar "double standards" with subs seeking Dom/mes where generally the boys want to be assured that they're getting into a sexual thing whereas the girls want to know that they will be in good hands non-sexually.

The other thing is, females in general have greater experiences and exposure to being victimised on internet dates. This, as you can imagine, contributes to the over all defensiveness of their profiles. In reality you will find that many of these "demanding female subs" are perfectly reasonable and pliant when properly engaged. I don't feel their "demanding" profiles are much different from male subs whose profiles read as angry rants against Pros and Fin scams.

As for a Dom/me's expectations of them being variable, that is because, I'm sure, the Dm/me in question responds differently to the genders. I'm certain an asexual Dom/me disinterested in the gender of their sub/slave would have the exact same standards and expectations for any applicant, male or female. Myself, because I see males and females as inherently different and embody different things, I expect and look for different things in male and female subs/slaves.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

When I met The Man my profile was all about my real life, about things I cared about, and so on. My sex/play interests were summed up in one small sentence and it wasn't the focus of my profile. My pictures are never of my genitalia. And so on.

Most male subs are all about their genitalia and what fetishes they want catered to. Not about what they need in a relationship to be happy.

I wasn't seeking to check things off a bucket list of kink. I was seeking a relationship, compatibility and a friend.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NiceButMeanGirl

When I was "looking," I was open to either male or female subs, as I was listing as bisexual at the time. I saw quite a few of the so-called "do-me" types among females on the other side too, not just the guys. But they might not have problems being that way because 1. they have the pussy and 2. there are a number of guys who just call themselves Doms so they can have some of that pussy. I've never met someone who calls herself a Domme just so she can get some cock.

I have absolutely no problem with guys having needs too. As a matter of fact, if you're not getting your needs taken care of, why the hell stay in a relationship? The problem comes with the approach, when someone approaches me as a fetish-delivery system rather than a live woman with eclectic tastes and desires of her own. And I hold males and females to the same standard on that.

Also, there's the issue that a number of so-called do-me subs are really bottoms rather than subs/slaves. On Fetlife there's an option to list yourself a bottom, but there is no such option on CM. So the site itself really limits you as to how honest you can be about your self-designated role, unless you add it into the essay section of your profile. Come to think of it, that might be a good idea to do, as that's where most of the do-me stuff gets put already.

NBMG