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A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 5:02:37 PM   
sofaking


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		This may seem a oxymoronic in nature and i apologize ahead of time if i come across wilfully ignorant.  How does a master find out what a new slave's turn ons are?  I have seen slave's profiles on here with a laundry list of caveats and fetishs and ones that simply say looking for a master or wish to serve, etc.  It seems like outright asking would be out of the question and i suppose one could run the gamut of kinks in search of the perfect turn on but surely there must be better way.  I notice that a lot of slaves tend to wax poetic online, has anyone used journal writing as a way to get a glimpse into a particular slave's fantasy? 

thx ahead of time
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 5:08:21 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think journal writing is a very good way.  Often time we find it easier to write something rather than to speak it.  Another thing might be to have the slave write a fantasy.  One could pretty much assume that whatever the slave wrote would be a turn on or why have that particular fantasy?

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 5:14:53 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		http://www.collarchat.com/m_324861/mpage_1/key_journal/tm.htm#324866
journaling for subs

Reposted:
I think females in general really like journaling- it lets them say "lookit me!" without actually having to say it.

But I think too often submissives become dependent on the journal, RATHER than using it as a launchpad into more meaningful and direct contact.  If the dom doesn't take the impetus to bring up issues in person, I find that the issue doesn't really get raised at all- leading the sub to think that the dom doesn't care or isn't interested, rather than simply directly bringing it up.

I also feel it raises too many expectations- if a dom misses a reading or doesn't give some feedback on it, subs often begin to feel let down or insecure. 

I think encouraging someone to express themselves through writing is a fabulous idea.  But it should not become a crutch or substitute for actual discussion of issues, and should not become a burden or symbol of attention for the dominant to take on.



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 5:16:23 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
One could pretty much assume that whatever the slave wrote would be a turn on or why have that particular fantasy?


Because they perceive this to be a fantasy that would please their Master?

< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 6/13/2006 5:18:06 PM >

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to bandit25)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 5:19:16 PM   
tangria


Posts: 27
Joined: 5/20/2006
Status: offline 		journaling is a wonderful suggestion. and i have had success with sitting down together (whether it be online or real life) and going over the "limits list" to see what you both find intriguing, "squicky", or hot as hell! sometimes just watching anothers body language when a certain item comes up is worth more than any words could say. good luck, and peace to all.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 5:20:54 PM   
WolfinShadow


Posts: 27
Joined: 11/13/2005
From: twin cities Minnesota
Status: offline 		Well " turn on's" usually come out in negotiation and  pillow talk .  LOL I have not heard the term " turn on" in so long outside of playboy magazine that I get a giggle out of writing it. come to think of it I havent seen a playoy in about 15 years so it may not even be in use there.

Usually when I meet a New Slave or submissive they are so into impressing me that getting through to their core being can be difficult at times , But outside of negotiation I find that a quiet conversation is the best way to get to know their tastes. If your flying blind the codes of " body Language" and " Flush" and the old stand by " Moan" are usually good indicators of what turns them on and off . But it is best to spend the time to really get into their minds a few times before you trust your own instincts .

I have never use Journaling to discover such things as likes and dislikes , To jme Journaling is for them to discover themselves and though I reserve the right to reveiw the material I Rarly invade their privacy that way , Unless they request I do so.

If your looking to discover fantasy I would say give them a creative writing assignment , It works pretty well for me , Start with a small story , You can even start them out by giving them some scenarios  to work on , then tell them to write thier Hottest fantasy down. Keep in Mind a " turn on" and a " want to do" can be two different things , But you can gain some knowlage from the build up of the story without going as far as the climax so to speak.

As for those with " wanting to serve" in their profiles , to me this usually denotes inexperience , those who have done this In real time, with real people Know their Limits and the boundrys they wish to cross. When I see this type of answer it is usually followed by my asking , " well what do you want"  to which they answer " what ever master wishes" I then begin to discribe a particular fetish that involves a double mastectomy and stapling said appendages to their forehead. This usually gives them the clue that its not a good idea not to know your limits because I may not know mine.

_____________________________

Wolf
Headmaster Shadow academy
Minnesotas first and only BDSM school

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 10:08:54 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

quote:

ORIGINAL: bandit25
One could pretty much assume that whatever the slave wrote would be a turn on or why have that particular fantasy?


Because they perceive this to be a fantasy that would please their Master?

Depends on the instructions for writing.  When I write such stories, I am to put myself in each scenario and express what I am thinking and feeling as it occurs.  It's one thing to write only about the physical acts, but the Dominant can see where the submissive's mind is at if she/he visualizes the experience and includes his/her reaction.  I could write about doing such n such and say how difficult it was to do such a thing, but because it pleases him, it made me happy to do so.  Then I could write about this and that and say how it made my skin sizzle and my heart pound with want and need.  See the difference?

(in reply to champagnewishes)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 10:36:22 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		A slave's main turn on should be pleasing her Master. What pleases him should be what turns her on.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 11:42:01 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

A slave's main turn on should be pleasing her Master. What pleases him should be what turns her on.



Bingo.

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 11:44:34 PM   
Sab


Posts: 325
Joined: 5/2/2006
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sofaking

This may seem a oxymoronic in nature and i apologize ahead of time if i come across wilfully ignorant.  How does a master find out what a new slave's turn ons are?


Communication, communication, communication - ask, speak, write - no one is a mind-reader, though some wish they were, but the only way to find anything significant out about anyone's 'turn-on's' - well, is to speak (write) about it/them.


_____________________________

God blessed it and it brought me to her.

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 11:53:17 PM   
titching


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/30/2006
Status: offline 		W/we found that the check list is a good way to start. there is a huge list of almost every imaginable sexual act on this list, W/we sat down together and discussed what i was comfortable with or not comfortable with. it then becomes the responsibility of the sub to make it known to their Dom/Domme that they like what is being done to them, and also responsibility of the Dom/Domme not to cross the lines set up in the check list. i agree with Sab, communication is vital. 

(in reply to Sab)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/13/2006 11:59:35 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

A slave's main turn on should be pleasing her Master. What pleases him should be what turns her on.


Assuming all involved embrace this philosophy, one still might want to discover other turn ons.  If nothing else, it is a useful tool.

(in reply to amayos)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 6:21:00 AM   
desertdancer


Posts: 1095
Joined: 5/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Estring

A slave's main turn on should be pleasing her Master. What pleases him should be what turns her on.


Very well said!  I'm finding that things I never ever thought would turn me on, suddenly do now, because they are things He wants.  I am finding pleasure in things that would have repulsed me before, because my pleasure comes from that look in His eye's that says He's satisfied with me.  That's the very best turn on there is for me.  The biggest turn off is that look He gives when I've displeased him. that look can make my heart stop and my blood run cold.

~dancer


_____________________________

* Shimmy Shimmy *

(in reply to Estring)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 6:41:00 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sofaking
How does a master find out what a new slave's turn ons are?


Talking, communication.... in short I ask and discuss such things with her. I also watch her reactions when we do other things, or what catches her eye when we are walking past stalls etc.

You state that outright asking is out of the question? If *I* want information from my girl then NOTHING is out of the question to be asked! If I think she is holding back, or worse, telling me what she thinks I want to hear then I will push and 'demand' a fuller answer. When I want information it is for a reason and I expect to be given what I ask for!

Likewise, so long as it is done appropriatly, my girl knows there is nothing she can not ask me! How else is she ment to learn if she can not ask?


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 11:13:03 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sofaking

It seems like outright asking would be out of the question


For the life of me.... I can't understand why this would be out of the question!   I want an answer.. seems like the best way is to ask the damn the question!!!!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 11:21:45 AM   
heartfeltsub


Posts: 1641
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline 		i may be wrong, but i think i understand what the OP meant by asking for a particular type of "play". For example, one of the Doms that i play with never asks what i want for a particular scene, etc. and i don't know what i would do if He did. He knows my limits and anything inside of them are fair game for any scene.

As to find out turn-ons of things that a person likes, the other things that have been mentioned have already answered the question.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 11:37:41 AM   
sofaking


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		thank you all for your insightful answers and indulgences.  i guess my thinking behind the comment 'outright asking would be out of the question' is that a 'true' slave's opinion is unimportant and for a master to ask a slave what her kinks are might dispell his air of authority somewhat.  again, i am speaking from total ignorance here and making some assumptions about the M/s relationship.  i am sure many peoples relationships differ as do their opinions on the matter.  I  have read some profiles where slaves talk about wanting their master to 'get inside her head' and i am wondering how one goes about this without a lot of personal experience and/or serious mind reading talents heh.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 11:49:32 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sofaking
i guess my thinking behind the comment 'outright asking would be out of the question' is that a 'true' slave's opinion is unimportant and for a master to ask a slave what her kinks are might dispell his air of authority somewhat.


To follow that line of thinking all you would have in your collar is a piece of meat, a mear puppet or self propelled rubber doll..... Well this is one Master who prefers a PERSON in his collar, a real live girl and those, gosh, come with thoughts and opinions, needs and wants all of their very own.

I enjoy talking with my girl on almost any topic, it would be a bit boring if she only ever had opinions that matched mine... I may as well talk to myself in that case! Part of Geisha training was in the art of conversation!

Sharing her needs and wants... well I can see how that might bother some insecure master who thought that knowing such would mean he had to compromise his own choises. I don't, my girl shares those with me in full knowledge that they will be taken into account 'overall' in the relationship but that any individual decision is mine, for my reasons and she CAN'T top from the bottom. She is supplying relevant information... *I* am the one who makes any decision.


_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to sofaking)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 2:50:15 PM   
sofaking


Posts: 23
Joined: 6/5/2006
Status: offline 		point taken.   thanks for the feedback and for the record i dont disagree. 

(in reply to RavenMuse)
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RE: A Slave's Pleasure - 6/14/2006 2:54:07 PM   
BreakMeShakeMe


Posts: 339
Joined: 6/6/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

quote:

ORIGINAL: sofaking

It seems like outright asking would be out of the question


For the life of me.... I can't understand why this would be out of the question!   I want an answer.. seems like the best way is to ask the damn the question!!!!


I couldn't agree more with you here KoM. Just like in another thread about submissives likes and dislikes... or dominant ones likes and dislikes... the best way to find out.... ask the damn question! Mind reading is so over rated.


_____________________________

Wisdom is knowing what to do, Skill is knowing how to, Virtue is just doing it.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
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