How does a submissive maintain hope? (Full Version)

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Camer0n -> How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/6/2012 11:47:56 PM)

This whole lifestyle seems extremely overwhelming, as I've only recently identified myself as being submissive. Every Domme I meet seems to expect me to immediately fall on my knees in reverence of Her, which I would love to do. But I feel it takes more than a 5 minute conversation than for me to give myself totally to somebody. It is a treacherous thing for a submissive to find an Owner, as I am only now realizing. I feel being only 24 that I have nobody to relate too, especially locally. Can anybody out there give me some advice on how to begin this search?

I guess I can keep being honest with the people I meet, and keep using social media (such as this website); maybe I need affirmation of that. I'm not sure.

Any help out there? :/




Alecta -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 12:02:03 AM)

It gets easier when you stop expecting to fall to your knees in awe of an Owner within the first minute of internet conversation. Us real people find it tiresome. Forget about finding "an Owner". You are new. Find a friend, instead, and go to meet people in real life and have physical experiences that do not require you to instantly, mindlessly, become a slave bot.

You need to meet the right person, emphasis on person. Not just some sexy bundle of kinks.

Look for munches in your area (seriously, where's the sticky on this??). Hang out on the forums and talk to people. Even a BDSM relationship is a relationship first, so whether the D/s relationship you want is rooted in a platonic, romantic or transactional relationship, the rules in regards to establishing those kinds of relationships do not change.



lilmissdefiant -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 12:04:07 AM)

I'm not a Mistress but I hope I can help
Yes it can be a little overwhelming, and those who expect you to worship them straight of the bat...don't bother with them, it should be common knowledge that you need to get to know someone before you commit yourself to them.
You not only need to be honest with the people you meet but you also need to be honest with yourself, if it doesn't feel right, or its not what you want or you feel you need then just let it go.
Another good piece of advice I can give you is don't focus completely on finding someone, learn things along the way, finding someone isn't going to make everything better, you need to be confident in yourself before others can be confident in you, if you know what I mean



Tantriqu -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 12:04:58 AM)

Hi, Cameron, welcome to the forums.
We've all felt the way you feel, no matter what our role; it can be overwhelming, in both senses.
But, you've come to a right place here, which I wish was so available when I first realised who I was.

We suggest all newcomers read the 'Frequently Asked Questions'/FAQ section in 'Ask a Mistress', then write a positive profile about yourself. You've already got a good vanilla profile pic, so then dive [hah!] back in here with any more specific questions the FAQs didn't answer.

I'll start off with, age isn't nearly as important as maturity, smarts, and politeness. Just like vanilla dating, with a better likelihood of compatibility.

Good luck with your search.



Camer0n -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 5:07:10 AM)

Sorry!



DarkSteven -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 5:11:23 AM)

Geez, dude. You're only 24 years old. You have all the time in the world ahead of you. And yet, you're giving up on this site because it didn't work for you in five days? FFS, relationships take time, including starting them.

Patience.



lizi -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 5:16:19 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Camer0n


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alecta

It gets easier when you stop expecting to fall to your knees in awe of an Owner within the first minute of internet conversation.


I absolutely am not, that would be ridiculous. Thank you for you abrasiveness, however.

Based on the PMs I'm receving from this one little topic, I've decided this particular website isn't quite for me. Thank you to everybody else who took the time to respond.

Moderators, can you please delete this thread.



I honestly don't see any abrasiveness - Alecta has a point. When you can simmer down a bit, maybe you can see what she was after. Or not. No one here would miss the absence of yet another submissive man - there are hundreds of new ones every week. You should probably get off the computer if your feelings are already in a tizzy, to use one means accepting a bit of being out of your comfort zone as you can't dictate how others react to you- kind of like real life too.

FYI, threads can't be deleted.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 5:33:06 AM)

Welcome to the discussion side of CM, Cameron, where we think and discuss things beyond sex and kink and whether or not we will turn our CAM ON for the next not real and true Mistress.

You are beyond transparent starting a thread about how honest you are with a nick like CamerOn. But, you are young and live in CA, one of the serious kink states in the US. Get over yourself and go met real people in the many groups available to you.



capturemepetite -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 5:45:50 AM)

The person talks to people online here.



evesgrden -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 5:54:08 AM)

Correct me if I'm wrong here, but didn't he say it was the Dominants who were expecting him to fall to his knees, and he was the one who struggled with that idea?

I think he came here in all sincerity looking for some helpful advice.

Cam, I wouldn't waste my time on anyone who's expecting subservience from you right from the get go. Should they expect you to be courteous, yes, responsive with respect to answering questions? Within reason, yes. You don't owe anyone anything here. Not a thing.

By the same token, if you went to match.com, would you expect to meet the woman of your dreams inside of a week? Your wife?

Keep it in perspective, ok? And good luck to you.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 6:22:45 AM)

Yes he did say it was the Dominants with that expectation. But, you know, you can expend a great deal of time and energy attempting to change other's expectations, with zero results.

What you can change is your *own* expectations, and I went waaaaaaaaaay out on a limb and figured with a name like CamerOn, the young man has some unrealistic expectations of his own.

Could I be wrong? Oh sure, I've been wrong about young newbie male subs before. But 99% do just want to get their kink on, and if not in the first 5 minutes, in the first 15 for sure. Perhaps this youngster has seriously high expectations like actually wanting the "domme" to reciprocate, as in, cam back with him so he can see she is actually a female.

Good luck on that one, OP.

My advice stands, which is for him to get out in the real world of kinky California, where he has a much better change of meeting a like minded person that won't go poof as soon as the cam show is over.




Alecta -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 10:03:40 AM)

Think about it a bit. If all the women he talks to are 19-24 and hot pretty models eager to please, it's a no-brainer that the only messages he gets are from scammers. If the women he talks to are all about their kinks, no wonder they all expect him to be instantly enslaved... Blindly seeking to "be Owned" says that he's just interested in the kink ad idea and doesn't care who. When you act like any woman with a pulse would do, the only ones who respond to you will be those to whom anyone with a pulse would do.

PS Lizi, that was mean quoting him up like that :p



JanahX -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 10:15:51 AM)

It might help if you turn your profile on. Thats a good place to start.



MistressDarkArt -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/7/2012 12:37:52 PM)

CamerOn-

I live 5 minutes from you on the north end of the bay (thought I recognized that rock!). I'm not looking for a partner (I have 2) but I'd be willing to mentor you in how lifestyle matters work in the real world. All you have to do is behave like a respectful young man.

There, problem solved.

MDA



VioletViolence -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/9/2012 11:00:13 AM)

Dude, jump on that ^ offer. Seriously.



LadyPact -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/9/2012 12:04:04 PM)

If you are in that area, I'd actually like to recommend a group called S.L.O.L.O.C.K. There are quite a few members in that group who are about your age and are some pretty nice people. (I used to be a member there, but it wasn't all old folks like Me. [;)]) You should be able to find them without too much trouble. If you need a hand looking them up, drop Me a note on the other side.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/9/2012 1:35:28 PM)

I hope the OP comes back, he's had two great offers there.



DarkSteven -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/9/2012 5:44:10 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDarkArt

CamerOn-

I live 5 minutes from you on the north end of the bay (thought I recognized that rock!). I'm not looking for a partner (I have 2) but I'd be willing to mentor you in how lifestyle matters work in the real world. All you have to do is behave like a respectful young man.

There, problem solved.

MDA



FFS, CamerOn, that offer is golden. A well-connected and respected mentor can make intros, help you find yourself, and help you avoid making blunders. Jump on the offer!

And give MDA a kiss from me while you do it.

Note that this is a part of the lifestyle you may not have anticipated. Finding your dream partner is nice, but getting into the community and earning a good reputation is exceptionally useful. If I suddenly became single, I could pick up the phone and I expect I'd have a dozen prospects simply by asking people I know who have a good opinion of me. They'd never recommend prospects to a stranger.



MsGypsey -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/13/2012 3:23:37 PM)

I was going to say something witty about Obi-Wan Kenobi, but it looks like the OP has his answer.



cloudboy -> RE: How does a submissive maintain hope? (10/17/2012 5:48:11 AM)


His profile is gone already.



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