Need new ideas and information (Full Version)

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AKman770 -> Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 4:02:56 AM)

Hello everybody,

I am asking for some ideas and some knowledge to go with it. I have been involved with BDSM for a while now, and have always liked to play pretty hard, but not completely near the edge. I have always been interested in it, but have not cultivated much knowledge of the things at that end of the spectrum. Now, I find I very much want to go that direction. To that end, I have lately been corresponding with a certain female submissive who does like to play at the edge. We have not yet met, but I believe if conversations continue, a meeting is immanent. I want some help to be prepared when we do. I think the direction I am going is to RACK, and have seen a recent post about it that answered some of questions.

Let me call a time out on this right now. I am sure I will get roasted sixteen ways from Sunday, with everybody telling me the only way to learn is to be taught, hands on, and there is no way to learn edge topics by reading about them. Sheesh. Put a sock in it. I get that. All I am asking here is to have a nice conversation about some things that could be done, any useful information about them, how an edge sub might respond to them - or how they might enjoy or like them. Or maybe to state it more accurately, how they might need them and seek them out, but dislike them. Once I get my own creative juices flowing about what things I want to learn about, more tangible learnings will be sought out.

Just to give a brief idea about where my experience and activities are at right now, I would say I like impact play with cane, whip and flogger to the point of bruising, use of clips on the upper and lower tender parts, strict rope bondage, gagging with a ball gag. I don't think I have a lot of hard limits, as far as anyone offering ideas, but I am pretty respectful of breath play. I do have a bit of medical understanding, and think that is one topic in particular that requires a very precise understanding of risks and how to mitigate them. I probably won't go there. Still, feel free to comment on that, I will listen respectfully to any new ideas or information, since that is what I am looking for.

Well, I hope this question makes some sense to you all, and I hope to hear back with lots of new ideas. If anyone has any previous posts that can be referenced with a link, that would be great. No need to re-hash old discussions, and I am sure most of this has already been discussed.

Thanks a bunch everybody



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 4:31:35 AM)

OK I know you're going to roll your eyes at me for this but...

You're asking an impossible question. You've met a sub, you and she both want to do something a little more 'out there' than spanking and caning. But how can we even begin to guess what the two of you might want to do? It's such a broad spectrum. We have a whole website here about kinky stuff, so it's going to be very hard to have any kind of meaningful thread about extreme stuff in a general sense.

Have you considered both going through one of those old cheesy BDSM checklists and seeing what you are both curious about? Then once you have some bit of direction you could start a thread asking about people's experiences with needles/suspension bondage/urethral sounds etc.

Not trying to be snarky but I don't even know how to begin answering your post. What I consider extreme might be child's play to you, and vice versa.



AKman770 -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 4:52:16 AM)

Thanks for trying to answer Athena. No eye rolling. But it is not at all an impossible question. Just to try to be a bit more clear. I am not asking about going "a little" more out there. I think there is an area that is generally thought of as extreme. And that is what I am asking about.

And I agree fully that different people like different things. But I am looking to hear specifically what other people do, to get my own creativity flowing. I am looking for specific things, not general discussion. I am not asking anyone what I like, I am asking what you like, and what has worked successfully to push the limits to the edge. I want to hear different topics and techniques. I can listen to all ideas and topics, and sort out the ones I am interested.

Thanks again everybody.



lizi -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 5:04:41 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AKman770

Thanks for trying to answer Athena. No eye rolling. But it is not at all an impossible question. Just to try to be a bit more clear. I am not asking about going "a little" more out there. I think there is an area that is generally thought of as extreme. And that is what I am asking about.

And I agree fully that different people like different things. But I am looking to hear specifically what other people do, to get my own creativity flowing. I am looking for specific things, not general discussion. I am not asking anyone what I like, I am asking what you like, and what has worked successfully to push the limits to the edge. I want to hear different topics and techniques. I can listen to all ideas and topics, and sort out the ones I am interested.

Thanks again everybody.


Forgive me for pointing out the obvious- this is a message board. Shorter, pithy, topical comments are what is served up by the nature of what this is. Saying that you *think* there is an area generally thought of as extreme is really not much to go on. There are a lot of areas that are thought of as extreme and they vary from person to person. Could you be more specific? That way you might get the type of information you are looking for. As far as your other point of wanting to know what other people do...gosh, same problem of having a multitude of things fit that broad topic and no one is going to type all day- nor would you want them to. Asking for all topics and techniques is confusing to me - just in my life alone I could probably type on this for a couple of days.

It's apparent that you are very new, which is fine, but the people here can't get you up to speed on things with something so encompassing as BSDM with such a vague topic. Maybe it's me, but I'd certainly put in some effort here if I knew what you wanted. It's like telling a librarian that you would like to check out a book and does she have any recommendations? Then you tell her you'd like an 'extreme' book....on what? Extreme horror, extreme gardening, extreme auto mechanics, extreme pet care?



DarkSteven -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 5:05:03 AM)

Lemme see if I have this straight. You're expecting to meet a sub for play. You're a heavy player already (based on what I read) and want to make sure you're extreme enough to satisfy her.

1. First off, she may not be as heavy as she thinks she is. Just be your normal sadistic self and see how that satisfies her. Remember that even though your normal activities are old hat to her, they're not to her, and the new partner energy will satisfy her at first. Start off slowly, and check with her frequently.
2. The edgier activities that come to mind immediately are blood play, needles, electrical play, and suspension and predicament bondage. You live in Houston, which is big enough that I expect you could find local resources where you could get training in them. Don't forget that you also have mental play at your disposal - interrogation scenes, prisoner, etc. And simply use the same ol' clamps as ever, and just attach some weights.
3. I hate to throw cold water on you, but how do you know she's an edge player? Her definitions and yours may not b equivalent, and she might be a bullshitter.

Have fun! Give her a nipple tweak from me.



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 5:31:42 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: AKman770

Thanks for trying to answer Athena. No eye rolling. But it is not at all an impossible question. Just to try to be a bit more clear. I am not asking about going "a little" more out there. I think there is an area that is generally thought of as extreme. And that is what I am asking about.

And I agree fully that different people like different things. But I am looking to hear specifically what other people do, to get my own creativity flowing. I am looking for specific things, not general discussion. I am not asking anyone what I like, I am asking what you like, and what has worked successfully to push the limits to the edge. I want to hear different topics and techniques. I can listen to all ideas and topics, and sort out the ones I am interested.

Thanks again everybody.


OK, so I'm going to try and paraphrase what you are asking, tell me if this is what you are getting at:

'I am curious to learn which kinks and activities you indulge in that you consider to be extreme. What have you done that you felt was edgy or pushed your limits, and what did you enjoy?'

If that is what you are asking, I will try to answer it, though I am far from an extreme player so you might not get much from me.

Lately we've been experimenting with upping the intensity of our impact play and trying new things. I'm not a masochist so pain play beyond the basics feels like he is pushing me. We bought a dressage whip which is so thin and stingy it feels like I'm being cut open for very little effort on his part.

We've started to experiment with simple predicament bondage situations which I find to be edgy in the mental sense. I'm open to experimenting with cutting and needles, he is pretty ambivalent towards that so I don't know if we will go there.

I find most types of humiliation play to be pushing my limits. Physically there isn't much I wouldn't be willing to try. For me the scenes which feel most intense and extreme don't necessarily need to involve blood or great pain. I just really get off on submitting to him - it's really hot to do things that I don't enjoy because he likes them. It can be even hotter when he has me do things he doesn't even like, simply because he knows I hate it, just to get his sadistic kicks. That to me is pretty extreme in the emotional side of things.



SinFix -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 6:23:59 AM)

From what you have said, it sounds like you are talking to a sub that you feel as more experience than you.
As others have said this is a question you have to pose to her, what she thinks is edgy could me some rough sex and maybe some spanking. You have no real idea of if she actually has any experience at all and all she wants has been a fantasy for her. You need to slow down, correspond more and meet. Talk, talk, and talk some more about exactly what her wants are, and what you are wanting. Then maybe start slow and building up to whatever it is that you both are desiring.
I am an edge player, the guy I am seeing is just slightly kinky. We are going slow and talking, experimenting with what we are considering "mild". If we continue on as a couple then getting him some hands on knowledge from people that have more experience in the things we want to try as trust builds. For a frame of reference this is a man I have been seeing for 6 months, so you can get a feel on how slow the process can be in reality. We may or may not ever get into the "edge" play.



Kana -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 6:39:34 AM)

This is kinda an unanswerable question because no one has the same edges and limits.
Plus, everyone has differing likes/dislikes, hard lines of what they just can't do.
That said, for me, a quick definition of edge play would be finding her limits, then hanging ten off of them.
Now standard edge play involves more dangerous things-try some knife play, or maybe needles. Those are two basics used often.
You like canes and thuddy things-that's great, Try changing where you use em and how. A cane straight across the cunt is a whole different ballgame than a cane across the ass. Same with different types of canes. Some are kinda thin and whippy. Others do serious freaking damage.
Then there's things like resistance bondage-those fun fun ties where she is put in a position where she has a choice of two types of agonies (Think a suspension bondage where she can hang from her arms and shoulders until they ache, but the only way to ease this is to stand on her tippie toes, which will cause her calves to slowly burn and turn into agony. I love this shit. She suffers either way, but I get the pleasure of watching her alternate which form she maons in. And me, being the ass that I am-I add degrees of difficulty, things like whip her across the stomach from time to time to keep her hurting but good, make a bad situation even worse)
But mostly, and listen close here, edge play is about getting in her head, making her think.
Do something drastic once and it plants a seed forever. Put out a cigar on her once, and everytime after that she's gonna kinda flip when you bring a lighter into a scene-just lay that sucker on the table where she knows it's there and begin to play...no matter what you do, some part of her is gonna know that lighter is there and wonder WTF you plan to do with it.
Things like that. It's about getting way inside of her, hitting her (Either realistically or metaphorically) where it really counts.
And that's loads and loads of fun.

As for me, shit, I lay awake at night and think about twisted shit to do to her.
Trust me on this, evil ain't no part time job. It's not for slackers and wannabe's. It, like everything else in life, takes effort, commitment, study and dedication.



GreedyTop -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 6:51:49 AM)

once again, I am reminded why you scare the crap outta me, Kana...



Kana -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 7:21:21 AM)

"Why could that be?" he innocently ask...



crazyml -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 7:30:36 AM)

OP...

I'm with brother Kana on this one. Before I saw his post I was thinking pretty much the same. If you've got some experience with the cane, there's a fuck of a lot you can explore with that, from a base of experience.

Try different lengths and thicknesses. A long thin cane can produce some pretty awesome results.

I'd also echo his advice on different people having different limits.

I've encountered subs that said they loved a hard caning that had limits way lighter than I've been used to.

So... Use your common sense (and I do get the impression that you have plenty) and don't be surprised..

Oh and as you explore bear in mind that some bits of the body are more susceptible to long term harm than others.

I'd be happy to be corrected, but I'm sure unread somewhere that there are l/t risks associated with caning breasts for example.



GreedyTop -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 7:32:35 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

"Why could that be?" he innocently ask...



"innocent", my ass.


You DO realize who you're posting to, here, right?

*giggle*



RemoteUser -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 7:55:24 AM)

I sent you some fun ideas in cmail, Kana. Enjoy. [:)]

OP, I would strongly urge you to incorporate as much of the mental play into the physical play as you can. Kana's example with the lighter is a good one. Using your imagination to get what you want out of her can be as critical and pleasing as the caning, the knife play...

Make sure you discuss permanent markings before you do - then have fun.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 7:55:49 AM)

Using FR:

I'm not an edge player or an extreme sadist of any kind, yet I've never, that I remember at least, had these kinds of worries.

Why? B/c I understand for me at least it's not about the physical, it's about the mental. If you're inside someone's head, you know how to take them where you both want to go. And 90% of the time, you don't need fancy equipment or special training to get there.

When I begin with someone new, I *always* leave them wanting more. So far no one has ever thought I could not take control of them (not that they told me, anyway). There have been times when I lacked experience in specific kinks, like suspension. Experience you can gain.

This is why I choose to make the getting to know stage a slow leisurely dance. It's akin to serving appetizers before the meal. You whet the appetite, without sating it, so when the actual meal is served, the palate is prepared for what the chef has created.



TimeLimited -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 8:14:33 AM)

If you can attend some weekend functions where they demonstrate the things you wish to know about. Watch what happens in the play room. IF something catches your eye, make note of who the players are, but do not interupt the activity. When they are done and aftercare attended to, express interest in that and would they mind talking about it. Many are glad to show or even teach.

There are numerous video sites like Kink.com where they do some edgy stuff. If you see something you like and catch one of their special discount weeks, subscribe for a month and download anything that you want to study. Some of the videos even teach edgy stuff ... how to do and cautions. They have some free sites that include some lessons of the less edgy things. It can be time consuming finding what you are looking for as sometimes, they just do without teaching. You would have to sort the wheat from the chaff to find what you seek.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 8:15:33 AM)

The responses that get nasty replies are the ones where the OP is full of shit...you seem sincere...

So, canes can be VERY edgy as Kana pointed out. I remember the first time I saw them used almost 20years ago, scared the shit out of me, bloody stripes every time they hit...then years later they became my fave and I learned how to do anything from sensual to sadistic.

Getting inside their mind is the key to everything. I was auctioned off at a charity event once as a bottom. A very old school heavy bottom won me, I was scared shitless as this women had done all sorts of things. I was relieved when,she told me she was going to do a hot wax scene. She poured some on my shoulders and it spashed by my face and I could smell how hot the wax was. She started pouring it down my back when I complained she hadnt put baby oil on to make getting the wax off easier. She laughed and said nothing...

She then poured hot wax down my,hairy leg and I screamed you bitch! Her response was to pour it down the crack of my ass....later she then used a knife to cut it away.

Except the wax was that first drip....the rest? Hot water...total mindfuck.

So, you dont have the time to do Kana cigar trick...but find out what her hard limits are, tie her ass up and bring one out. Fuck with her head. But remember, non of this works universally, got to know how her mind works.

Now, here's my bit of advice. Do what YOU do well, do it with all the skill you can,muster and you will be better than the show ponies with 40 floggers. Focus on HER not WHAT you do and you will rock her world and if you dont, who cares as she isnt into YOU.

Create a connection between you, use that cane,like a conductors batton and play her body like an,orchestra.


Lastly, knives are almost always hot and,edgy. Looking down to see that razor sharp knife sliding under the,hood of her clit...priceless.






Alecta -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 11:42:33 AM)

OP, I notice you never mentioned what SHE likes.

If you're out to court her then looking into things that excite HER and get your creativity on from there is the most effective in my opinion. Draw from her favourite porn and erotica -- and if you don't know, then you should. It's one of the basic things that should be discussed when building a BDSM relationship centered on play (as opposed to service. Of course all relationships are relationships first).

I personally love Kana's and Michael's idea, but mindfucks might not be your girl's thing, so before you go off on that, check in subtly to see where she's at with having her head played with. But tread softly, you don't want to ruin the surprise by revealing your hand lol

Come back and tell us what she's into and her dark fantasy, that'll help coming up with better ideas.

Don't neglect to show her some of your "old favourites". As a woman I would be more impressed by you doing something slightly less edgy with great skill and confidence than something edgier that you've never done before and are unsure about on a first meeting.



LadyPact -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 1:04:15 PM)

It's not often that you come across somebody who is into actual whip play (meaning a real whip, not a flogger) who comes along asking about edge play. Usually people at the level of skill to throw a whip have got a better understanding about WIITWD and have been around the block a few times.

I am sorry that you don't like it, but I do honestly feel that the activities that I consider edge play should be learned in person. Fire, electrical, medical play, etc aren't areas that you want somebody typing stuff out about to where you can't see what they are doing and the precautions that are being taken aren't the best way to be instructed. I mean, you like rope, right? Wasn't it easier for you to see for yourself the areas where you need to use care so that you won't pinch nerves on the bottom that you are playing with? Even something as easy as wax, it's easier to show a person how far away from the skin the top wants to start pouring wax so that the liquid cools a bit through the air and we avoid burns or blisters.

Sitting here, typing out all of the stuff that I like would probably take Me a month. Trying to tell you how to do them over the net would probably take Me at least six. That's coming from someone who already teaches on some of these subjects in the physical world. I've done ninety minute presentations on fire/fire cupping, electrical play, wax. interrogation, and various other 101 type classes and I've got written handouts for all of them. Even if I reprinted every one of them here, it would still be lacking because I can't duplicate the visual that goes with them.

Look, if you pick a topping subject, I'll talk with you all day and do My best to help. The cattle call of "talk about everything that you like to do" doesn't work for Me.

I absolutely will second the earlier suggestion about getting out to your local community to learn about various subjects. You want ideas? Go to a play party. Ask the folks who are doing activities that you enjoy watching just how they do that neat thing. You'll get far better results and probably more thorough instruction than you will here.





AKman770 -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 1:17:38 PM)

Thanks guys, esp you later posters. That was the kind of thing I was looking for. Yes, I was and am being sincere in wanting an open discussion and sharing of knowledge and experiences. Yes, I will let you all know if it goes well. I did have intent for use of a cane directly on the pussy, and also on the ass crack. I have done the latter before, but not the former. It obviously requires a lot of careful observation to be safe enough.



Alecta -> RE: Need new ideas and information (10/7/2012 1:22:32 PM)

re canes on asscracks, watch out for the tailbone

eta: meh misread your post, sorry!



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