May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (Full Version)

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damagedgoods1326 -> May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:23:57 PM)

First of all, I'm a straight submissive girl. And this is a little long and possibly confusing, but if someone could offer advice I'd really appreciate it.

I began exchanging messages with a dominant man and we eventually moved to instant messaging. After a week of sporadic and dull conversation I decided to tell him I didn't think we were very good together and that I was moving on.

In response he tried to trick me into sending him nude photos of myself undergoing some punishment for "leaving" him. He told me I had already emailed him graphic pictures of myself when I was drunk one night and if I didn't comply with his punishment he would upload the photos to a porn site and send the link to everyone on my facebook account.

I knew he was bluffing. I don't send out photos like that, ever. Or get drunk. Or give out any information that could link to things like facebook to men from this site. I shot him down, told him what a scumbag he was, and not to contact me again. Thats when he started begging me to be his mistress and punish him for trying to trick me.

After some more begging, I agreed. I was angry and the thought of making him hurt and humiliate himself was appealing. I wanted to have him take embarrassing photos and threaten to post them on websites for everyone to see. But after a few days my anger passed and I realized I couldn't do it. I'm not a dominant. Its draining on me to try to be one. I told him this and thats where I'm really having trouble.

He sends me messages about how lonely he is. How I'm the only one who seems to care about him at all. He talks about how his mother and grandmother humiliate and abuse him. He tells me he wants to kill himself. And while I know I'm being emotionally manipulated...its also really difficult to just walk away from. If I knew more about where he lived I would contact authorities in his area about the suicidal messages...but I don't. And I'm just...completely out of my element. I don't know what to do.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:27:01 PM)

Click, HIDE, or BLOCK, or whatever you need to do to make him not be able to see or contact you.

You owe him nothing, you've given him enough time and thought. Next time, cut the dud contacts off sooner.

Don't be taken in by sad stories.

Hope this helps. You sound like a kind person :)



Lockit -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:32:21 PM)

You don't feel able to handle him... walk... seal the deal by doing what LadyHib said. Next time.... and there very well could be a next time... stop it faster.

Then send him to me... I will scare the fuck out of him. [:D]



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:34:06 PM)

1. If you've already left someone, he has NO right to punish you for anything whatsoever. What a wanker!

2. Calling himself a Dom didn't work to get what he wanted & now he wants you to be his Mistress? Either he's a switch(nothing wrong with that) or he was lying about either or both just to get into your pants(there is something wrong w/ dishonesty & lying).

3. Him being lonely and/or wanting to kill himself? NOT NOT NOT your problem. He is being emotionally manipulative and, IF he does kill himself, you did not make him do it. He did it to himself.

4. I would get FAR FAR away from this dude, a.s.a.p. I don't know you, but I would bet you don't need that kind of manipulation and lying in your life.

NBMG



MissToYouRedux -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:40:49 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: damagedgoods1326

...

He sends me messages about how lonely he is. How I'm the only one who seems to care about him at all. He talks about how his mother and grandmother humiliate and abuse him. He tells me he wants to kill himself. And while I know I'm being emotionally manipulated...its also really difficult to just walk away from. If I knew more about where he lived I would contact authorities in his area about the suicidal messages...but I don't. And I'm just...completely out of my element. I don't know what to do.


Do what the smart Lady Hibiscus says. There *is* such a thing as too nice. Bluntly put, you could die tomorrow and he would have to deal with it. You do not owe him anything, let alone your life and emotional well-being.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:42:34 PM)

This, in spades.



quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Click, HIDE, or BLOCK, or whatever you need to do to make him not be able to see or contact you.

You owe him nothing, you've given him enough time and thought. Next time, cut the dud contacts off sooner.

Don't be taken in by sad stories.

Hope this helps. You sound like a kind person :)




JanahX -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:43:55 PM)

stop answering him - block him on all levels. Its really that easy.

Youre bringing on your own problems.



lizi -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:54:43 PM)

Just another voice saying cut all contact with him.
You owe him nothing, you have no way of knowing what, if anything, he has said is true. He could be abused, he could be a manipulator - he's so unstable it's impossible to tell what is true. You're just a person on the internet, he's a stranger, why does it fall to you to get this guy help? If he were really that badly off, someone in his real life must know about it. It doesn't fall to you to fix a stranger's life, or stick around to be manipulated some more.



damagedgoods1326 -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 2:59:02 PM)

The answer seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it. It makes sense, it just sort of feels wrong you know?

Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. I really needed other perspectives on it and its not really the sort of thing I can run off to ask mom about :P



Lockit -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 3:03:43 PM)

How is protecting yourself wrong? By not playing into his games of... I will hurt myself if you don't do this or that? That isn't wrong... that is smart. You don't let someone else's mental illness or the presentation of one, control you to the point of feeding them. There is something really wrong in that! You help him more by walking than sticking around to let him get worse. You can't help him. You can only play his game... If it makes you feel better, recommend him to a good professional and then walk.



LadyHibiscus -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 3:04:20 PM)

People lie on the internet. Especially attention seekers. It's okay to be rude and cut them off, honest. "Sorry, can't talk to you anymore, bye!"



DarkSteven -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 3:05:02 PM)

A bit of a hijack, but welcome to collarme from a fellow Coloradoan!



lizi -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 3:25:52 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: damagedgoods1326

The answer seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it. It makes sense, it just sort of feels wrong you know?

Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. I really needed other perspectives on it and its not really the sort of thing I can run off to ask mom about :P



How does it feel wrong when the guy might be lying through his teeth to get you to play along? You don't know what the case is. People say and do all kinds of things. If the things he's saying are true, why does it fall to you to get him help? You are a complete stranger, isn't there someone who is closer to him that should be in the position of being a helper more than you? I'd find it a bit strange that someone in another location who didn't know me at all was supposed to help me through some pretty major stuff.

You're well acquainted with how much people lie on the internet right?



Alecta -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 3:30:00 PM)

This guy's neither sub nor Dom and probably learnt all he knows about BDSM from bad vanilla-orientated porn.

When a guy switches out of the blue and asks to be your sub after you've rejected him as a Dom, that's your red flag right there because what he really is is a horny man looking for an easy way to get women's attention and interactive porn. Telling you about his life sob story is just more attention seeking and manipulation. He's trying to guilt you into being his sex puppet, don't fall for it.

Never feel guilty about telling someone you feel no connection and walk away. Sure, hardly anyone likes rejection, but it's not your fault that there is no connection. It isn't theirs either, some things are just not meant to be and you don't owe anyone anything.

Please be aware that there's a dozen "ebooks" out there teaching men how to get, control and take advantage of women via psuedo-BDSM ruses. Just because he knows the right words doesn't mean he's for real. Go with your gut and don't apologise for it.



LadyPact -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 3:40:05 PM)

OP, you would benefit greatly from taking a self defense class. It is obvious that you do not know how to say "no" and mean it effectively.

Come on! Do you need help in real life when people order you to show them your tits? Do you have trouble walking away from people in real life when they try to tell you to do things you do want to do? Are you sixteen and are listening to some guy who says, but, if you loooooove, you'll do it.

Stop acting like an adolescent. If you can't handle guys on the internet, maybe you need to become more acquainted with the real world before you attempt BDSM.

Next, people are going to come to these forums and ask what they need to do to cross the street.



theresthavegonew -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 4:18:06 PM)

I've been reading these forums for awhile, but this one I had to post too. so greetings to all you regular posters

I know the OP asked for ladies advice, which I'm not but I have experienced something kind of like this. so I wanted to add a couple thoughts.

1. A few sporadic conversations hardly made you his to leave or punish.

2. If he is lying about being suicidal that's nobody you want to deal with.
If he is telling the truth he needs help you probably don't have the skills to give him and it's far far to emotionally draining to try. and bad for both of you in the long run



DomMeinCT -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 4:22:24 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

This, in spades.



quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Click, HIDE, or BLOCK, or whatever you need to do to make him not be able to see or contact you.

You owe him nothing, you've given him enough time and thought. Next time, cut the dud contacts off sooner.

Don't be taken in by sad stories.

Hope this helps. You sound like a kind person :)





Everything above, PLUS, I think you should ask yourself why you've allowed yourself to become involved with someone unstable(?) abusive (?) that you don't even know?

Walk away wiser and try for a healthier relationship.



JanahX -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 4:40:15 PM)

Either youre desperate for attention - or youre crazy - whats the problem again? Then again there are people that write to serial killers in prison and want to marry them - so anyways, have fun dealing with loonies.

quote:

ORIGINAL: damagedgoods1326

The answer seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it. It makes sense, it just sort of feels wrong you know?
Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. I really needed other perspectives on it and its not really the sort of thing I can run off to ask mom about :P




BitaTruble -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 4:45:14 PM)

fr

You might want to give a rethink about your screen name.. that is in addition to all the good advice you already got such as block and delete except if I were you, I'd delete my screen name and start over with something that's not going to attact someone like dom/sub/loser/liar dude.
Good luck.



JanahX -> RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation. (10/7/2012 4:48:00 PM)

Well maybe she is damaged goods. Sometimes they actually are -



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