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All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myself with a situation.

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May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found myse... - 10/7/2012 2:23:57 PM

damagedgoods1326

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/7/2012
Status: offline

First of all, I'm a straight submissive girl. And this is a little long and possibly confusing, but if someone could offer advice I'd really appreciate it.

I began exchanging messages with a dominant man and we eventually moved to instant messaging. After a week of sporadic and dull conversation I decided to tell him I didn't think we were very good together and that I was moving on.

In response he tried to trick me into sending him nude photos of myself undergoing some punishment for "leaving" him. He told me I had already emailed him graphic pictures of myself when I was drunk one night and if I didn't comply with his punishment he would upload the photos to a porn site and send the link to everyone on my facebook account.

I knew he was bluffing. I don't send out photos like that, ever. Or get drunk. Or give out any information that could link to things like facebook to men from this site. I shot him down, told him what a scumbag he was, and not to contact me again. Thats when he started begging me to be his mistress and punish him for trying to trick me.

After some more begging, I agreed. I was angry and the thought of making him hurt and humiliate himself was appealing. I wanted to have him take embarrassing photos and threaten to post them on websites for everyone to see. But after a few days my anger passed and I realized I couldn't do it. I'm not a dominant. Its draining on me to try to be one. I told him this and thats where I'm really having trouble.

He sends me messages about how lonely he is. How I'm the only one who seems to care about him at all. He talks about how his mother and grandmother humiliate and abuse him. He tells me he wants to kill himself. And while I know I'm being emotionally manipulated...its also really difficult to just walk away from. If I knew more about where he lived I would contact authorities in his area about the suicidal messages...but I don't. And I'm just...completely out of my element. I don't know what to do.

Post #: 1

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:27:01 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Click, HIDE, or BLOCK, or whatever you need to do to make him not be able to see or contact you.

You owe him nothing, you've given him enough time and thought. Next time, cut the dud contacts off sooner.

Don't be taken in by sad stories.

Hope this helps. You sound like a kind person :)

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 2

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:32:21 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

You don't feel able to handle him... walk... seal the deal by doing what LadyHib said. Next time.... and there very well could be a next time... stop it faster.

Then send him to me... I will scare the fuck out of him.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 3

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:34:06 PM

NiceButMeanGirl

Posts: 2756
Joined: 11/4/2011
From: Bellingham, WA U.S.A.
Status: offline

1. If you've already left someone, he has NO right to punish you for anything whatsoever. What a wanker!

2. Calling himself a Dom didn't work to get what he wanted & now he wants you to be his Mistress? Either he's a switch(nothing wrong with that) or he was lying about either or both just to get into your pants(there is something wrong w/ dishonesty & lying).

3. Him being lonely and/or wanting to kill himself? NOT NOT NOT your problem. He is being emotionally manipulative and, IF he does kill himself, you did not make him do it. He did it to himself.

4. I would get FAR FAR away from this dude, a.s.a.p. I don't know you, but I would bet you don't need that kind of manipulation and lying in your life.

NBMG

_____________________________

I'm now SweetlySadistic1 on CollarSpace. NBMG is an old profile, please see my new one.

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 4

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:40:49 PM

MissToYouRedux

Posts: 867
Joined: 1/23/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: damagedgoods1326

...

He sends me messages about how lonely he is. How I'm the only one who seems to care about him at all. He talks about how his mother and grandmother humiliate and abuse him. He tells me he wants to kill himself. And while I know I'm being emotionally manipulated...its also really difficult to just walk away from. If I knew more about where he lived I would contact authorities in his area about the suicidal messages...but I don't. And I'm just...completely out of my element. I don't know what to do.

Do what the smart Lady Hibiscus says. There *is* such a thing as too nice. Bluntly put, you could die tomorrow and he would have to deal with it. You do not owe him anything, let alone your life and emotional well-being.

_____________________________

- Miss Marie

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 5

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:42:34 PM

ChatteParfaitt

Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline

This, in spades.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Click, HIDE, or BLOCK, or whatever you need to do to make him not be able to see or contact you.

You owe him nothing, you've given him enough time and thought. Next time, cut the dud contacts off sooner.

Don't be taken in by sad stories.

Hope this helps. You sound like a kind person :)

_____________________________

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 6

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:43:55 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

stop answering him - block him on all levels. Its really that easy.

Youre bringing on your own problems.

< Message edited by JanahX -- 10/7/2012 2:44:33 PM >

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 7

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:54:43 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

Just another voice saying cut all contact with him.
You owe him nothing, you have no way of knowing what, if anything, he has said is true. He could be abused, he could be a manipulator - he's so unstable it's impossible to tell what is true. You're just a person on the internet, he's a stranger, why does it fall to you to get this guy help? If he were really that badly off, someone in his real life must know about it. It doesn't fall to you to fix a stranger's life, or stick around to be manipulated some more.

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 8

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 2:59:02 PM

damagedgoods1326

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/7/2012
Status: offline

The answer seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it. It makes sense, it just sort of feels wrong you know?

Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. I really needed other perspectives on it and its not really the sort of thing I can run off to ask mom about :P

(in reply to JanahX)

Post #: 9

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 3:03:43 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

How is protecting yourself wrong? By not playing into his games of... I will hurt myself if you don't do this or that? That isn't wrong... that is smart. You don't let someone else's mental illness or the presentation of one, control you to the point of feeding them. There is something really wrong in that! You help him more by walking than sticking around to let him get worse. You can't help him. You can only play his game... If it makes you feel better, recommend him to a good professional and then walk.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 10

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 3:04:20 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

People lie on the internet. Especially attention seekers. It's okay to be rude and cut them off, honest. "Sorry, can't talk to you anymore, bye!"

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 11

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 3:05:02 PM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

A bit of a hijack, but welcome to collarme from a fellow Coloradoan!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 12

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 3:25:52 PM

lizi

Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: damagedgoods1326

The answer seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it. It makes sense, it just sort of feels wrong you know?

Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. I really needed other perspectives on it and its not really the sort of thing I can run off to ask mom about :P

How does it feel wrong when the guy might be lying through his teeth to get you to play along? You don't know what the case is. People say and do all kinds of things. If the things he's saying are true, why does it fall to you to get him help? You are a complete stranger, isn't there someone who is closer to him that should be in the position of being a helper more than you? I'd find it a bit strange that someone in another location who didn't know me at all was supposed to help me through some pretty major stuff.

You're well acquainted with how much people lie on the internet right?

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 13

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 3:30:00 PM

Alecta

Posts: 1355
Joined: 1/19/2010
Status: offline

This guy's neither sub nor Dom and probably learnt all he knows about BDSM from bad vanilla-orientated porn.

When a guy switches out of the blue and asks to be your sub after you've rejected him as a Dom, that's your red flag right there because what he really is is a horny man looking for an easy way to get women's attention and interactive porn. Telling you about his life sob story is just more attention seeking and manipulation. He's trying to guilt you into being his sex puppet, don't fall for it.

Never feel guilty about telling someone you feel no connection and walk away. Sure, hardly anyone likes rejection, but it's not your fault that there is no connection. It isn't theirs either, some things are just not meant to be and you don't owe anyone anything.

Please be aware that there's a dozen "ebooks" out there teaching men how to get, control and take advantage of women via psuedo-BDSM ruses. Just because he knows the right words doesn't mean he's for real. Go with your gut and don't apologise for it.

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 14

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 3:40:05 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

OP, you would benefit greatly from taking a self defense class. It is obvious that you do not know how to say "no" and mean it effectively.

Come on! Do you need help in real life when people order you to show them your tits? Do you have trouble walking away from people in real life when they try to tell you to do things you do want to do? Are you sixteen and are listening to some guy who says, but, if you loooooove, you'll do it.

Stop acting like an adolescent. If you can't handle guys on the internet, maybe you need to become more acquainted with the real world before you attempt BDSM.

Next, people are going to come to these forums and ask what they need to do to cross the street.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Alecta)

Post #: 15

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 4:18:06 PM

theresthavegonew

Posts: 2
Joined: 8/29/2012
Status: offline

I've been reading these forums for awhile, but this one I had to post too. so greetings to all you regular posters

I know the OP asked for ladies advice, which I'm not but I have experienced something kind of like this. so I wanted to add a couple thoughts.

1. A few sporadic conversations hardly made you his to leave or punish.

2. If he is lying about being suicidal that's nobody you want to deal with.
If he is telling the truth he needs help you probably don't have the skills to give him and it's far far to emotionally draining to try. and bad for both of you in the long run

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 4:22:24 PM

DomMeinCT

Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

This, in spades.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Click, HIDE, or BLOCK, or whatever you need to do to make him not be able to see or contact you.

You owe him nothing, you've given him enough time and thought. Next time, cut the dud contacts off sooner.

Don't be taken in by sad stories.

Hope this helps. You sound like a kind person :)

Everything above, PLUS, I think you should ask yourself why you've allowed yourself to become involved with someone unstable(?) abusive (?) that you don't even know?

Walk away wiser and try for a healthier relationship.

_____________________________

The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances:
if there is any reaction, both are transformed.
~ Carl Jung

(in reply to ChatteParfaitt)

Post #: 17

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 4:40:15 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Either youre desperate for attention - or youre crazy - whats the problem again? Then again there are people that write to serial killers in prison and want to marry them - so anyways, have fun dealing with loonies.

quote:

ORIGINAL: damagedgoods1326

The answer seems pretty unanimous, doesn't it. It makes sense, it just sort of feels wrong you know?
Thank you all for taking the time to read and respond. I really needed other perspectives on it and its not really the sort of thing I can run off to ask mom about :P

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to damagedgoods1326)

Post #: 18

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 4:45:14 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

fr

You might want to give a rethink about your screen name.. that is in addition to all the good advice you already got such as block and delete except if I were you, I'd delete my screen name and start over with something that's not going to attact someone like dom/sub/loser/liar dude.
Good luck.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to DomMeinCT)

Post #: 19

RE: May I ask advice of you Ladies, please? I've found ... - 10/7/2012 4:48:00 PM

JanahX

Posts: 3443
Joined: 8/21/2010
Status: offline

Well maybe she is damaged goods. Sometimes they actually are -

_____________________________

The first rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

The second rule of Fight Club is you do not talk about Fight Club.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 20

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