Internal battle

Internal battle (Full Version)

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j76969 -> Internal battle (10/8/2012 7:37:04 PM)
I find at times the internal battle that rages inside me will black me from submitting fully. My life and circumstances require that I am very much in control and constantly independent. I need to find ways to reconnect to my submissiveness or turn off the other part. It's frustrating. Any advice?

JanahX -> RE: Internal battle (10/8/2012 7:53:13 PM)
Who are you submitting to?

DarkSteven -> RE: Internal battle (10/8/2012 8:22:56 PM)
First off, welcome to collarme! With that out of the way... you can't just "submit". You have to submit TO someone. And you will meet all kinds of men that you can't see yourself submitting to, until you find the one you CAN see it happening. In other words, you can't get submission from yourself only.

myotherself -> RE: Internal battle (10/8/2012 10:51:22 PM)
My life circumstances also dictate that I'm in charge of my life. I do tend to take charge of situations out of habit (mostly), although it's not something I seek. However I met a man who inspired me to submit to him. When I'm with him, submission seems natural. It's not always easy (especially when I disagree with his decision lol), but it is natural.

RemoteUser -> RE: Internal battle (10/9/2012 8:02:13 AM)
No matter who you are, we all find ourselves wanting to control a situation that we just can't. In your case, you want to let go of the need to control. You can only do that through acceptance. Sometimes you have to make yourself accept things, and sometimes the right person can help you or inspire you to accept (even want) letting go. Take some time to consider your situation and choose your priorities, then go from there. Even when something is frustrating, it's worth it if you decide that it is. Best of luck!

SacredDepravity -> RE: Internal battle (10/9/2012 10:44:23 AM)
If you are like me, you hang on until you can let go. If I am still holding on to something, it is because I don't trust someone else with it yet. Whether it be in my relationships or my faith, letting go is a process over time helped or hindered by the actions of the one I must trust in order to let go. It is not the right thing to let go when it is unwise. It is the most natural and wise thing to do to finally break down the walls when you know it is safe. Walls are only needed when there is not peace in the land or until someone builds a better wall that you may share together. SD

Duskypearls -> RE: Internal battle (10/9/2012 2:41:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SacredDepravity If you are like me, you hang on until you can let go. If I am still holding on to something, it is because I don't trust someone else with it yet. Whether it be in my relationships or my faith, letting go is a process over time helped or hindered by the actions of the one I must trust in order to let go. It is not the right thing to let go when it is unwise. It is the most natural and wise thing to do to finally break down the walls when you know it is safe. Walls are only needed when there is not peace in the land or until someone builds a better wall that you may share together. SD I like that. May I plaigerize?

SacredDepravity -> RE: Internal battle (10/12/2012 6:54:16 PM)
But of course! [:)]

Duskypearls -> RE: Internal battle (10/12/2012 7:33:42 PM)
Muchas gracias!

SacredDepravity -> RE: Internal battle (10/12/2012 7:38:35 PM)
De nada, darlin!

mousekid -> RE: Internal battle (10/13/2012 2:25:22 PM)
If you have a play partner and are struggling to submit to him/her you could try incremental goal setting and work your way into it. They say that if you have a lot of pressure in your professional life you might need the release of submitting control in the bedroom, but that is not true for everyone. You might feel more release from being a top in the bedroom. My partner had a high pressure job and was "the boss," but he still liked to come home and relax by being "the boss" in the bedroom. It's a myth that everyone is the opposite in bed. Also, if you are partner-less and crave submission you can try self-submission. I assume many would say that there is no such thing, but I can tell you from a personal experience that when there is no Dom in sight, I find submissive release by forcing myself to keep to an exercise regime. I am sure there are various ways, but exercise is particularly nice because it is healthy and physical. Just likes another act I know and am fond of.

DesFIP -> RE: Internal battle (10/13/2012 7:27:37 PM)
How long have you known him? Does he keep his word every time? Does he make good decisions, so you can trust him to be in charge? It isn't something you can do on the first date, nor should you. You probably shouldn't hand over your credit card to let him do the grocery shopping when you don't know him. If you've been together ten years, you wouldn't think twice about giving him your card and the list.

evesgrden -> RE: Internal battle (10/13/2012 10:02:38 PM)
Your profile says that you are new to the lifestyle, but you want to "reconnect" to your submissiveness. Have you had a real time relationship with a dominant?

j76969 -> RE: Internal battle (10/16/2012 9:11:39 AM)
Yes I have had a real time relationship and it ended badly. :-( it did teach me however to ask questions and to verbalize my set limits. Even if they are not being asked. Right now I am single so it's more of staying connected mentally I guess. I like the exercise idea and I do need to so thanks for that tip.

Kana -> RE: Internal battle (10/17/2012 2:14:46 PM)
My general experience is that many women go through this, especially when new. It takes lots of time to learn to let go, time and trust. That comes not from BDSM so much as from spending hours, days and months together, getting to know each other inside out until you trust them. Not because they are Master or Sir or dominant or anything like that, but because you trust them for who and what they are as people. It's my opinion that when you meet the right guy, you'll let go. Not because you want to, but instead because you can't imagine not doing so.

angelbreath22 -> RE: Internal battle (10/17/2012 3:10:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana My general experience is that many women go through this, especially when new. It takes lots of time to learn to let go, time and trust. That comes not from BDSM so much as from spending hours, days and months together, getting to know each other inside out until you trust them. Not because they are Master or Sir or dominant or anything like that, but because you trust them for who and what they are as people. It's my opinion that when you meet the right guy, you'll let go. Not because you want to, but instead because you can't imagine not doing so. Thank you. Struggling a bit myself with this issue. This helps

Kana -> RE: Internal battle (10/18/2012 2:47:29 PM)
I think it helps just knowing that you ain't alone in feeling this. It's real common in my experience. In fact, I'd say it happens lots more often than not...

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Internal battle (10/18/2012 2:59:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana My general experience is that many women go through this, especially when new. It takes lots of time to learn to let go, time and trust. That comes not from BDSM so much as from spending hours, days and months together, getting to know each other inside out until you trust them. Not because they are Master or Sir or dominant or anything like that, but because you trust them for who and what they are as people. It's my opinion that when you meet the right guy, you'll let go. Not because you want to, but instead because you can't imagine not doing so. I quoted this b/c I like it so much, but also b/c with the right person, they are struggling with the same concepts. But they want and need you to trust them, so they are doing everything they can to be trustworthy. This is who you give yourself to, someone doing everything they can to earn your trust. It has to be a mutual need. When it's there, yeah you will know it. If it's not, forget trying to manufacture it.

TallullahHk -> RE: Internal battle (10/18/2012 3:39:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt quote: ORIGINAL: Kana My general experience is that many women go through this, especially when new. It takes lots of time to learn to let go, time and trust. That comes not from BDSM so much as from spending hours, days and months together, getting to know each other inside out until you trust them. Not because they are Master or Sir or dominant or anything like that, but because you trust them for who and what they are as people. It's my opinion that when you meet the right guy, you'll let go. Not because you want to, but instead because you can't imagine not doing so. I quoted this b/c I like it so much, but also b/c with the right person, they are struggling with the same concepts. But they want and need you to trust them, so they are doing everything they can to be trustworthy. This is who you give yourself to, someone doing everything they can to earn your trust. It has to be a mutual need. When it's there, yeah you will know it. If it's not, forget trying to manufacture it. Double quote because Kana and ChatteParfaitt articulated it so well. When it is right, your fears and struggling subsides and it just feels natural. It feels right. At least that has been my experience.

porcelaine -> RE: Internal battle (10/19/2012 12:33:57 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kana Not because they are Master or Sir or dominant or anything like that, but *because you trust them for who and what they are as people. It's my opinion that when you meet the right guy, you'll let go. Not because you want to, but instead because you can't imagine not doing so.* This. Thank you. xx ~porcelaine

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