|
lilmissdefiant -> PSA -The break up survival guide - A tried and true method of coping. (10/8/2012 11:17:17 PM)
|
Break ups in kinky relationship happen just like they do in the vanilla world, sometimes you grow apart, sometimes there are massive fights and sometimes you both come to realize that is just isn't going to work, and on rare occasions one of you is completely blind-sighted which leaves one of you completely devastated.
Feeling lost, vulnerable, betrayed, hurt, upset, angry, annoyed and feeling like you've failed are normal, as I said kinky break ups happen just like vanilla ones do, but sometimes with one added twist which can make or break someone.
In Vanilla relationships (most of the time) you are both equal, you both have a say and you both have an even part.
in some kinky relationships this isn't the case, some of the time one of you will have all the power and the other will have none.
Now I can only give you my prospective as submissive on what happens when Your Owner leaves you.
Its heart breaking, its awful and sometimes it can come and the most inconvenient times.
When we need that special someone in our lives to hold us up and suddenly they are not there...it hurts...it hurts so badly.
You feel like now you've got nothing to fall back on, and right now in this situation its true, you really don't...all you have is yourself and a memory of what used to be,
So how do you cope, here is a list of Do's and Don'ts
DO:
Cry - Cry your eyes out, for days if you have to, its natural to be emotional and not something you should be ashamed of.
Shower - Sounds silly but a change in temperature and time to think in your own private space can be healing.
Cry Again - cry some more, if you were really close to your Owner/Master/Dominant, then there is probably a lot of emotion still inside you, crying helps release it.
Talk - if you have a kink-minded close friend or if your really lucky, a family member, talk it out with them, it helps. If you don't have this support your in my boat, and the best thing you can do is write it down, or snuggle a teddybear (sounds lame as fuck but it helps)
Sleep - if you can sleep as much as possible, the mind shuts down (sometimes) when we sleep. Dreaming of the one you lost or the one who gave up on you is normal even though its rarely comforting. But lying awake for days is a lot worse.
Grieve - take time to think about the relationship you had, all the good times and all the bad times. you'll probably end up crying again, again its nature but when you've released it you'll feel better, if not at least a little numb.
Take a walk - A long walk (if its safe where you live) and do it during the day, look around you and absorb yourself in your surroundings, if you can go to the beach, watch and listen to the waves and smell the salt air of the sea. Nature can be a great comfort if you let it.
Music - Listening to break up music helps, pick out all those sad songs and play them loud, they help get the tears out. also to listen to songs of empowerment, about people who pushed on through and became a better person.
Go Out- go shopping, even window shopping, buy yourself something nice, it helps, but don't go overboard.
chat - If your still on talking to terms with your now ex, discuss it. this gives them the chance to explain themselves and help you see it the way they do, but be careful doing this, only do it when you know you can handle some very harsh truths that might come your way.
stay friends - if its possible although %80 of the time it isn't but if you can, it shows that you are both mature and you both respect each other. which is the way it should always be regardless of your roles.
Doings all these things should last a week maximum, any longer and your going to cause yourself a lot more pain, its best to just let it all out at once instead of letting out little bit by little bit
DON'T
Food - don't stuff yourself stupid with bad or fatty foods, that's comfort eating and its not good for you, yeah indulge a bit but don't go overboard with it.
Rush - Don't rush to the closest Dominant you can find and beg them to fill the void you now feel. Not only is this an insult to them, to you and to your now ex, its really bad for you. relationships end for a reason and until you can work out what that reason is and you've come to terms with it, don't try and find someone else right away, it will only be a rebound and you'll end up making the same mistakes again.
self harm - cutting, injuring, taking drugs (recreational or prescription), drinking heavily, getting into fights, punching brick walls bare fisted isn't going to fix anything and its nothing but self destructive, and it won't make you feel better because the pain you are feeling its mental not physical, physical pain is only a blanket that won't last very long.
blame yourself - Its like the old saying goes, Everything Happens For A Reason - yep its a cliche but its the way it is, just like every time a door closes another one opens, again its a cliche. Losing this special someone isn't the end of the game. Time heals all wounds, mostly.
Beg - Don't beg to be taken back, if they let you go, its their loss. Its really hard, yes this I know,when you give someone your world and they crush it and it feels like they are the only ones who can make it better, just remember...they crushed it, don't let them do it again.
Nobody likes breaking up, its hard, it hurts and it can take a long time to get over it
Its OK to be angry, just don't let that anger ruin you.
Cry a river, build a bridge and find a new path to walk.
Some people regret the things they did, but sometimes they regret the things they didn't do.
Taking chances is what leaves us open to being hurt, torn down and beaten down, but it sometimes can open us up to new and exciting experiences, we can learn things about ourselves we didn't previously know, we can find strengths we didn't know we had in us until someone else showed us they were there.
|
|
|
|
