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RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:07:16 AM   
descrite


Posts: 459
Joined: 5/14/2012
Status: offline
quote:

So why do I keep the profile up? Because it's a statement of who I am and what I'm about.


On a dating site.

quote:

I said "For some of us, this is a social site. We like to chat here in the forums, share ideas, write stuff in our journals, share pictures, etc."



For everyone else, it's a dating site.


quote:

Because it's a statement of who I am and what I'm about.



On a dating site.

quote:

I put my profile up here only when I tried to send a message on CM to a friend of mine on the site, and a box popped up saying I can't send a message without having a profile.


You can hide the profile; it doesn't have to be visible to the public.

quote:

I shared my poetry and ended up with my girl.


So you used it for finding a partner. On a dating site. Good move.



Hey, I haven't really looked for such things, because I'm not at all interested in them, but aren't there lots of websites on the cyberwebs where women can get together and chat about flowers and families and current events and boyfriends and knitting and shit? Isn't that what Pinterest is? Honestly-- I don't know.

But I figure lots of those things exist.

There are, however, very few BDSM-oriented dating sites. So a great number of the folks (especially the men, evidently) coming here are looking for partners.

Therefore, it is odd when someone squeals "EEEWWWW! Someone just told me they want to do weird sexual things with me! Here, on this kinky dating site! Just because I've got a profile all about me, posted here, for all to see, on this kinky dating site! For kinky daters! How surprising and disappointing and oogy! I know-- I'll show 'em: I'll continue leaving my dating profile up on this kinky dating site, and just not respond to anyone who is interested in kinky dating. That'll show 'em! That'll make this place MUCH better for people who want kinky partners!"

Hey-- good plan. Best of luck with that. Seems very helpful to the kink community. It's important for kinksters to have someplace to discuss knitting.


quote:

For the same reasons I told you before. If I hide the profile, I won't come up on the geography search, and frankly, there's nobody else here for a hundred miles.

As a presenter, it's better for Me to have it up. It's easier for people to find Me and verify dates from My journal. Helps Me, too, since I'm not always the best with dates.


This is the first actual reason to have a non-dating profile. It took 16 pages to reach. And it's kind of similar to what I was saying at the beginning: financial reasons.

(in reply to GreedyTop)
Profile   Post #: 321
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:18:16 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

On a dating site.



The site does not claim to be a dating site. It claims to be "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet".

Not the same thing.

Do some people use it as a dating site? Absolutely, but that is not the explicit purpose of the site.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to descrite)
Profile   Post #: 322
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:18:49 AM   
wnyThroatLover


Posts: 214
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		Descrite...I havent responded to any of your posts yet...but here we go...

If you look at the top of any page on the main site, it says, "The largest BDSM COMMUNITY on the planet."

--not--

"The largest BDSM DATING SITE on the planet"

Get your facts strait.

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 323
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:19:41 AM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:


quote: LadyPact

For the same reasons I told you before. If I hide the profile, I won't come up on the geography search, and frankly, there's nobody else here for a hundred miles.

As a presenter, it's better for Me to have it up. It's easier for people to find Me and verify dates from My journal. Helps Me, too, since I'm not always the best with dates.


This is the first actual reason to have a non-dating profile. It took 16 pages to reach. And it's kind of similar to what I was saying at the beginning: financial reasons.


Except, LP is not a pro.

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to descrite)
Profile   Post #: 324
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:31:19 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wnyThroatLover

Descrite...I havent responded to any of your posts yet...but here we go...

If you look at the top of any page on the main site, it says, "The largest BDSM COMMUNITY on the planet."

--not--

"The largest BDSM DATING SITE on the planet"

Get your facts strait.


That's technically correct but, colloquially, a "dating site" is exactly what this is (amongst other things); especially on the other side.

Don't believe me? Check out this response from CM support regarding the new pop-up ads from this post:

quote:


"Thank you for contacting us about your concern over the recent pop-under campaign we have begun running. Collarme.com has been a completely free site for over 10 years and is the world's largest free BDSM dating site. In order to continue the site's free status and developing new features, we have had to increase our advertising in order to defray costs. The pop-under ad will only appear once per 24 hours and can easily be closed. We hope that you understand and will continue to support us."


From what that response seems to suggest, his facts are straiGHt.

I have noticed that what this gentleman (Descrite) has said has come to pass. His opinion is not a popular one so the attacks have already started and the sharks are circling.

It's a shame that the mob mentality so often displayed here isn't recognized as the drama-laden, clique mentality that it is.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to wnyThroatLover)
Profile   Post #: 325
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:32:37 AM   
MAINEiacMISTRESS


Posts: 1180
Joined: 9/12/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: searching4mysir

quote:

On a dating site.



The site does not claim to be a dating site. It claims to be "The Largest BDSM Community on the Planet".

Not the same thing.

Do some people use it as a dating site? Absolutely, but that is not the explicit purpose of the site.


Exactly. Some are just here for information, some are here to make friends. Some are here to find non-sexual Play partners. I'm certainly not here for sex, and I've found the site very useful.
--MM

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 326
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:33:41 AM   
BouncyBoo


Posts: 68
Joined: 11/12/2011
Status: offline 		FR:

Descrite is convinced this is a dating site solely for the purpose of dating and finding a partner/fuckbuddy. Is there a way to dissuade him from this notion? Probably not. Is there a reason we all want to try?

(in reply to searching4mysir)
Profile   Post #: 327
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:38:37 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wnyThroatLover

Descrite...I havent responded to any of your posts yet...but here we go...

If you look at the top of any page on the main site, it says, "The largest BDSM COMMUNITY on the planet."

--not--

"The largest BDSM DATING SITE on the planet"

Get your facts strait.

You're kidding yourself if you don't think CM is a dating site, no matter what the little banner at the top of the page says. Every time someone dares post anything resembling a personal ad in the forums, they're beset upon by people chastising them for not using the personals side of the site, which is CM. You can't have it both ways.

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to wnyThroatLover)
Profile   Post #: 328
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 11:42:11 AM   
Killerangel


Posts: 1169
Joined: 8/3/2010
Status: offline 		Descrite you don't get to choose why people are here and how they elect to use their profiles. It's up to them. Just because you don't agree with what they are doing doesn't mean much. It makes perfect sense for someone to use their profile, and this site, however they like. You keep insisting that if it doesn't fall into your narrow view of what is right, then it's wrong. Sorry. No one gives a rat's ass how you think they should conduct their personal business. In fact if this was some specific kinky act you'd be violating the TOS of this site by being openly derogatory and dismissive of other's kink. You're trying to specify for large groups of people what is the right way to act, and it's not up to you to draw the lines on what is acceptable and what is not.

I'm not going to hide my profile when I'm not looking for a partner, I don't owe the world at large any sort of explanation of my personal life and why or why not I am looking at any particular time. My profile rarely changes, I don't feel the need to change it according to whatever I'm doing - again, it's no one's fucking business. I post on the forums, I feel like leaving the profile up just in case someone feels like remembering who the heck I am. Why not? It's my prerogative. If someone chooses to write me, that's their prerogative. It's mine again to decide what I do with the message. You don't enter into the equation ever, your views don't mean squat. I don't care if you think it's rude, if I don't feel like risking a negative reaction I'll keep my silence and yes, I'll still keep the profile open for my own reasons, be it to keep in touch with friends etc. Whether you think that's lame, or baiting, or what, I don't care.

It's a social site, people use it for whatever they like, and however they like. It's no one's freaking business how any one person decides to use it. I don't owe anything to you, or whoever, or the kink community. I don't ask people what kind of car to drive or food to eat, I make my own choices and I don't own anyone an explanation. We live in a free country, we have freedom of speech, and freedom of choice- stop trying to act like we're supposed to conform to some model that's in your head. If it's not polite for me to not answer a message on this site....oh well. It's also not polite when I answer messages and get abuse in return. I guess I'll live with not being polite then in your eyes since I make my decisions based on what's best for me.

(in reply to descrite)
Profile   Post #: 329
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 12:00:00 PM   
wnyThroatLover


Posts: 214
Joined: 11/23/2011
Status: offline 		Stef

I'm not saying the site cant be used for romantic purposes (don't judge me!)...hell, thats why we made our profile...but thats not all it is.

I know people who use facebook (or friendface...some of you have to know about friendface...if not, youtube it) as a dating site, does that immediately turn it into one?

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 330
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 12:47:10 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		collarme on the other side is not collarchat.

Collarme on the other side is a dating site.

Collarchat is simply for chat. People come here to talk about absolutely everything under the sun. I belong to a health forum. People there end up talking about their relationships, kids, etc....I belong to a religion forum. Again, they end up talking about stuff other than religion. I belong to a gardening forum. The chats there end up being about everything EXCEPT gardening.

Forums do this the same as real life. I can be having a conversation with someone in real life and all of a sudden we end up on a topic that is completely different. It happens ALL THE TIME!

Sorry but people are not one topic of interest. People have a wide array of interests that end up in chats the same as in real life.


_____________________________

Nothing has changed
Everything has changed

(in reply to wnyThroatLover)
Profile   Post #: 331
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 1:03:25 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Killerangel

Descrite you don't get to choose why people are here and how they elect to use their profiles. It's up to them. Just because you don't agree with what they are doing doesn't mean much. It makes perfect sense for someone to use their profile, and this site, however they like. You keep insisting that if it doesn't fall into your narrow view of what is right, then it's wrong. Sorry. No one gives a rat's ass how you think they should conduct their personal business. In fact if this was some specific kinky act you'd be violating the TOS of this site by being openly derogatory and dismissive of other's kink. You're trying to specify for large groups of people what is the right way to act, and it's not up to you to draw the lines on what is acceptable and what is not.

I'm not going to hide my profile when I'm not looking for a partner, I don't owe the world at large any sort of explanation of my personal life and why or why not I am looking at any particular time. My profile rarely changes, I don't feel the need to change it according to whatever I'm doing - again, it's no one's fucking business. I post on the forums, I feel like leaving the profile up just in case someone feels like remembering who the heck I am. Why not? It's my prerogative. If someone chooses to write me, that's their prerogative. It's mine again to decide what I do with the message. You don't enter into the equation ever, your views don't mean squat. I don't care if you think it's rude, if I don't feel like risking a negative reaction I'll keep my silence and yes, I'll still keep the profile open for my own reasons, be it to keep in touch with friends etc. Whether you think that's lame, or baiting, or what, I don't care.

It's a social site, people use it for whatever they like, and however they like. It's no one's freaking business how any one person decides to use it. I don't owe anything to you, or whoever, or the kink community. I don't ask people what kind of car to drive or food to eat, I make my own choices and I don't own anyone an explanation. We live in a free country, we have freedom of speech, and freedom of choice- stop trying to act like we're supposed to conform to some model that's in your head. If it's not polite for me to not answer a message on this site....oh well. It's also not polite when I answer messages and get abuse in return. I guess I'll live with not being polite then in your eyes since I make my decisions based on what's best for me.



THIS x 10000000.



_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Killerangel)
Profile   Post #: 332
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 4:50:08 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		THIS is the bottom line.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
You know, a lot of us are very politely explaining things to you and you're not receiving it. It's kind of the point we're all making about when we try to politely explain to someone who emails us that we're not interested. The questions just keep coming, until we stop replying altogether.

What jezzabelle said - we are not a commodity.


Also... why should what a few people think is rude behavior dictate how we behave? CLEARLY you are in the minority, but your constant refusal to get the point absolutely demonstrates why many of us do not respond to email. If we wish to have a profile on the otherside, it is our business. We might have perfectly valid reasons for having one up over there and do not have to justify it to petulant oddities who insist their way is right.

Honestly I don't care who thinks it's rude not to answer. In my opinion it weeds out the ones that remind me of my ex-husband.


_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 333
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:22:45 PM   
BoundSlave4Life


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		When I woke up this.. afternoon... these were the messages I had in my in box.

Dated:
10/13/12 4:14 AM
Hi i am seeking to own and control online on cam then i would like it to progress to real time then progress to 24/7 this interest you ??

Someone else -
Dated:
10/13/12 11:02 AM
are you interested in older men

Someone Else -
Dated:
10/13/12 6:16 AM
skype now.

Someone Else -
Dated:
10/13/12 4:51 PM
i want you to tell me about what you want and what you want sexually


Do you REALLY think ALL of these people deserve a response? None of them CLEARLY read my profile, which means that no matter who they message, they most likely didn't read their profiles either.
"Politeness" "Respect" and "Manners" went out the window with these people!

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 334
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:32:33 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		My profile says "Just here for forums".

I got a message today that said (paraphrased):

"No, you're not. (Rambling about his experience) If we ever met, you might as well sleep with me, because if you don't, I'll tell everyone you did anyway. Now, be a good submissive and go read my profile."

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to BoundSlave4Life)
Profile   Post #: 335
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:43:43 PM   
ToyOfRhamnusia


Posts: 99
Joined: 8/4/2012
Status: offline 		descrite's words are very wise. The analogy with a retail store is completely relevant.

A profile is ADVERTISING - and if you put an ad up that attracts the wrong crowd for your interest, then your ad is to blame, not the people who respond to it in good faith.

You try to advertise your web site through Google, or some other pay-per-click traffic provider, and you will quickly learn to change your ad to ONLY attract those you are interested in, because there is a price to pay for attracting those who are not going to be your customers anyway. And it isn't Google paying it, I can promise you...

Whether we call CM a dating site or not - the fact remains that we are all here for a reason, and that reason almost always includes some desire to CONNECT with other people, for one purpose or the other. If we advertise that purpose in a crappy way, then the blame is on the advertiser, not on the people who respond in good faith.

Having said that, there will always be as nasty crowd of idiots left who refuse to read, but they are truly easy to deal with, as I explained previously - and they do not deserve any attention whatsoever.

But people who genuinely react to your advertising do indeed deserve at least a polite response. And such people will generally also respect a "no" when explained.

It really boils down to respect for other people, and the one who INITIATES disrespect is the one who deserve the flames.

_____________________________

Toy of Rhamnusia

- Freedom includes the right to choose to enter into a contract that strips you of all rights...

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 336
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:44:13 PM   
BoundSlave4Life


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline 		The sad part? If we posted every single message that we got that was rude, or disrespectful, people will claim that they are faked, not real, and we're making it up so we have an excuse to not respond to people.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 337
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:47:13 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ToyOfRhamnusia
then your ad is to blame, not the people who respond to it in good faith.


I don't have an ad and I sincerely doubt that you can say the message I posted above was sent in good faith.


_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to ToyOfRhamnusia)
Profile   Post #: 338
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:48:48 PM   
godmonger666


Posts: 126
Joined: 10/3/2012
Status: offline 		Why do people ignore emails?

BECAUSE THEY CAN...

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 339
RE: Why do people ignore mails - 10/13/2012 5:52:19 PM   
searching4mysir


Posts: 2757
Joined: 6/16/2011
Status: offline
quote:

A profile is ADVERTISING - and if you put an ad up that attracts the wrong crowd for your interest, then your ad is to blame, not the people who respond to it in good faith.


Yes and no. I more often than not get morons responding to the picture without ever actually reading the profile (with this account).

I have a sock account on the other side. It is completely empty. No picture, no text, no interests. Completely blank except for a fake age, race, and orientation. I created it as an experiment. I got an email telling me he enjoyed my profile and how we had so much in common. Really? We have a lot in common? What, pray tell, is there for him to enjoy in a blank profile?

_____________________________

No longer searching -- found my one and only right here on CM


(in reply to ToyOfRhamnusia)
Profile   Post #: 340
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