RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master



Message

y687master -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/27/2012 1:06:56 AM)

So it would appear that after much discussion, valid points, opinions and experiences included:

If it makes you uncomfortable you have choices, (a) msg them back "get to know me first", (b) mess with their heads until they give up in embarrassment, (c) msg them back "Warning: last guy that called me back was found in multiple pieces across several states", (d) there was also: something about if I was playing with salami where would you find it :P (sorry loved the analogy), (e) she shoots, she scores 3pts in the recycle bin, and (f) if it has positive effect or turns you on, go with it.

Really in all honesty, it's about what you as an individual are comfortable with, there is no true right or wrong way to handle the situation. Given the options you have, make the best choice for yourself. Granted there are a lot of a**holes out there that will try to convince you that you have no choices. Understand this one simple concept: "The only time you will ever have no choice in any matter ----> Is when you limit yourself"

I do understand, accept and respect all the opinions, analogies and personal experiences expressed in response to what I had to say about the issue [DarkSteven, poise, searching4mysir, smartsub10, littlewonder, crazyml].

Personally, the vast majority of my contact with people on this site are those initiating first contact with me. They seem to have no problems being respectful in messages sent back and forth; even though I am not their Master/Daddy/Dom. I appreciate it and I do thank them for doing so.

Maybe it's a male thing; maybe not, who really knows.

Master Devan [sm=crop.gif]





littlewonder -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/27/2012 12:04:47 PM)

Nah...no a Dom thing. Usually those women who contact first are usually...a)not female, b)from Nigeria c)looking for something more than just a "Dom" such as cash or just kinky play.

I think it's weird that so many men on here don't catch that but instead think some girl about 19 years old with a body to die for and ultra-submissive, is actually real and wants them.

So of course they won't have a problem of you calling them "slave" or whatever other term you want to call them.




y687master -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/27/2012 1:37:14 PM)

nah, littlewonder; sorry, that you didn't catch on to this; I'm gay and deal with guys ... lol :D; and when the conversations do get to a more serious level, I have seen them on cam or confirmed by some other means who I am talking with

I'm a lil smarter than the average; pls at least give me that much credit. :)

Master Devan [sm=crop.gif]



DoctorSir -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/27/2012 5:56:25 PM)

I have to agree with Stephen. wea re all still people no matter what kink your into. respect is always first and formost either here or out of cyberspace. addressing names and "you" are very neutral and can still allow for things to progress.



Aurion -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/27/2012 9:37:19 PM)

Not really. The person is not my slave or pet, so I have no business using anything other than their name unless they request or allow something different.



GrandMasterChet -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/28/2012 4:25:59 PM)

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.



OsideGirl -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/28/2012 5:30:26 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.


So, apparently you think it's okay to demand your expectations from someone that is not your slave or submissive. Well, thanks for weeding yourself out of the running early.




NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/29/2012 5:50:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: y687master

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

Devi's Advocate time: But should someone have the balls to demand respect, one would think that should be pointed out in their profile. That way for those who would be offended by such, they have the choice to ignore to their hearts content. [:)]

I actually say right in my profile
Please, do NOT call me "Goddess" or "Mistress." I am NOT a female supremacist.
If the guy has problems with that, more than likely he's NOT a good match for me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.

Do you mean, those terms are expected even at a first meet? That would make me think the one who expects that is very "full of himself." At least you've weeded yourself out of the running early on for those who don't want to give in to demanded respect on a first meet.

NBMG



NuevaVida -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/29/2012 10:58:45 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.

I'm not a slave until I'm owned. A man who doesn't recognize that is not the man for me.

I'm also not an "it." The Mister would not own an it. He enjoys a stimulating, somewhat complicated human being. It keeps him charged.



BoundSlave4Life -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/29/2012 11:22:32 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.


So, you want people to approach you "respectfully" (As per your profile) but you lack the decency to do the same? Hypocrite much?

If you messaged me calling me an "It" my MASTER/OWNER/FIANCEE would be on your disrespectful ass so fast that your head would spin and shortly after you would be posted on CollarMeFakes for such a complete flippant disrespect for another's slave.

And if I wasn't owned I would tell you to go fuck yourself for BEING a raging hypocrite. Sorry but "Do as I say, not as I do" is NOT someone I would EVER obey.

A slave is what their MASTER says they are, and I can tell you right now you won't be a Master to anyone on these forums. Some random jerk calling me an "It" shows NO respect common protocol... or even common sense. Not to mention this lifestyle as a whole.


And now I need to wash the "Ick" off of me.



LadyPact -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/29/2012 11:28:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.
Every once in a while, a poster types something up that shows the rest of us exactly why he is searching for a sub/slave, rather than have one of his own already.

If you are wondering why you haven't been elected to the Grand Poohbah of the Water Buffaloes, and had to self proclaim your own rank of Grand Master, this and other idiocy may just be the explanation.




BoundSlave4Life -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/29/2012 11:28:56 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet

A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.
Every once in a while, a poster types something up that shows the rest of us exactly why he is searching for a sub/slave, rather than have one of his own already.

If you are wondering why you haven't been elected to the Grand Poohbah of the Water Buffaloes, and had to self proclaim your own rank of Grand Master, this and other idiocy may just be the explanation.




You made me giggle. Thank you, LP <3



wittynamehere -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/29/2012 11:33:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: sandelwoodrose
I find a lot of the mail I get from cm addresses me as girl, slave, or it. Its something of a turn off for me.

Do you think its appropriate to refer to a slave in that manner when first contacting them?

Yeah, why not? Does the master exist to turn you on?



KenRath -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (10/30/2012 8:32:15 AM)

I usually either call them by their username or any name preferenced in the body of their profile on a first contact. Just because someone is list as a slave/sub does not mean you should not show them the same amount of respect you would to anyother person you run into in public.



SeekingLTR40 -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (11/10/2012 11:16:00 AM)

What I have noticed, through the years, is that people who initially address others with titles, or in an impersonal manner, are either exceptionally narcissistic; or they are acting out fantasy role-play. It's not limited to Dominants or Masters. It applies to submissives and slaves as well.

It reeks of someone who has done a little reading, identified with someone else's definitions, and is acting upon them; or are so narcissistic that they think they are better than others. In acting out their fantasies and delusions, they demand for everyone else to comply in fulfilling their fantasy. We've all seen it play out a million times over, here and elsewhere ~ A "REAL" Master/Dom/sub/slave...... etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.

In order to be "Real" you must adapt to their rules, demands and desires. The moment you don't play by "the rules" they set off to mock you as some kind of "fake" or a "fraud."

And, of course, others read that, and adapt it for their own fantasies.....

If a person doesn't initially address you as they would any other person, I wouldn't waste much time with them; unless you're merely seeking out such fantasy play as well. And there's nothing wrong with fantasy players ~ so long as they keep it between themselves. The moment they try imposing their fantasies upon others, however ~ they need to be put in their place with a healthy dose of reality.

Narcissists, on the other hand ~ it's best to not feed their narcissism in any manner. They'll "take their toys and go play in another sandbox" so-to-speak, if they don't get their way.



Esme611 -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (11/16/2012 12:33:24 PM)


You cannot start calling someone a slave or sub or say you are their master right from the jump. The men who do this are amateurs. They don't know or don't understand that there has to be CONSENT first. Consent from the sub is what makes this life different from assault and abuse. A dom does not TAKE a person's will. That will has to be given willingly and freely. The limits have to be discussed before hand. And a contract should be done in my opinion or what agreed upon and what isn't. You can't start topping me without my permission and I will definitely not allow a Dom to top me without first asking me what I will and won't do, what I am comfortable with or even if I like them! etc. CONSENT, CONSENT, CONSENT, CONSENT. If you are a DOM and you don't get consent then you risk going to PRISON for felony abuse!!!!!



JeffBC -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (11/16/2012 2:38:39 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeekingLTR40
In order to be "Real" you must adapt to their rules, demands and desires. The moment you don't play by "the rules" they set off to mock you as some kind of "fake" or a "fraud."

Hence my long-standing half-joke... I'm not nearly submissive enough to be a BDSM master.

quote:

If a person doesn't initially address you as they would any other person, I wouldn't waste much time with them; unless you're merely seeking out such fantasy play as well. And there's nothing wrong with fantasy players ~ so long as they keep it between themselves. The moment they try imposing their fantasies upon others, however ~ they need to be put in their place with a healthy dose of reality.

I would say it a bit differently... there's nothing wrong with fantasy players so long as they keep it in fantasy space. But the moment you start trying to navigate real life with a cartoon map you just know shit's going to go bad. Like you, I prefer to deal in reality so I am expecting people who address me to address me as a person not a cardboard cutout "master" or "dom".

quote:

ORIGINAL: GrandMasterChet
A "SLAVE" is an "it". My subs are "you" or "sub" when addressing them. After some service time has passed WITH A SUB I actually relax the commonly accepted demand to be called "Sir" or "Master". In the beginning those terms are 100% expected from a sub or a slave. A slave is never excused from formality.

Dude.... seriously? SERIOUSLY? Tell me that was a humor that I just didn't get... please.

quote:

ORIGINAL: y687master
To me as a self identified Master/Daddy, there is nothing wrong with showing some respect.

This is definitely one of those "to each their own" things, but to me, there is EVERYTHING wrong with it. It is folks like you that make me use the phrase "BDSM respect" as opposed to "actual respect". Bluntly, I don't want a concept which is very important to me watered down by surface appearances and shallowness -- the SHOW of respect. No thanks. I want the real deal. Then again, I readily admit that I have a very, very pragmatic mindset and tend to keep my feet planted firmly in actual reality... probably to the detriment of a good fantasy life at times.

Out of curiosity, can you describe what value you find in the empty show of token respect? Obviously it must acknowledge you in some way but I just have never understood what that way could be. I'm willing to run with the notion that you're neither stupid or insecure so that leaves me looking at it wrong. What am I missing?



SeekingTrinity -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (11/16/2012 2:46:17 PM)

Fast reply

I believe that people should be seen as people first and as their kink secondarily. Whether they are submissive or slave, they are people first.

You cant go wrong with being friendly, respectful, and conduct yourself appropriately. Or I should say thats how I conduct myself anyway [:)] If I met any one of you in real life, I certainly wouldnt walk up to you and say "hi, my name is ________. Its nice to meet you, slut. " While we all kind of "wear our roles on our sleeves" on this website and know which side of the crop each of us falls on (for the most part), it doesnt mean that we have the right to take liberties we havent been given. Calling someone by a pet name (girl, slave, submissive, etc, etc, etc) is an intimate thing IMHO. If I was to introduce myself to you on here, I would use my name and continue to refer to you in a respectful manner. But then again, thats just the way I do things. I tend to also use terms like "sweetheart" and "sweetie" when referring to people. So I might do that too, but it would be in a respectful and friendly manner.



SeekingLTR40 -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (11/16/2012 6:29:42 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
Hence my long-standing half-joke... I'm not nearly submissive enough to be a BDSM master.


I tend to use a bit more cynicism... So to be a "Master" one must submit to the rules and definitions of others? Isn't a submitting dominant kind of an oxymoron?


quote:

ORIGINAL: JeffBC
I would say it a bit differently... there's nothing wrong with fantasy players so long as they keep it in fantasy space. But the moment you start trying to navigate real life with a cartoon map you just know shit's going to go bad. Like you, I prefer to deal in reality so I am expecting people who address me to address me as a person not a cardboard cutout "master" or "dom".


Are you infering that respect is earned? That to earn respect one must give respect? Now I have to rework my whole, "I'm a mighty dom so bow down and worship me" speech. *Grumbles*

*Chuckles*

I think we're pretty much on the same page with this topic.



MissAsylum -> RE: How do you feel its appropriate to address a sub/slave on first contact? (11/16/2012 6:32:32 PM)

~FR~

I'm guessing, "Hi, how are you? My name is...." is outdated.



Page: <<   < prev  1 2 3 [4] 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875