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Suleiman -> RE: Tolerance/endurance (11/6/2004 7:19:11 PM)
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Patience, dear one, patience and practice. Learning to build your threshhold for pain is like learning to deal with any other unfamiliar sensation. This requires that you be patient with yourself, and it requires some patience, care, and dedication on the part of your top as well. Explain to your top that you want to push your boundaries, but that it may take you some time. When you get into some sort of play that makes you uncomfortable, try your very best to go on, to endure more than you had before, but use your alternate safeword once you start reaching your limits.
(Some folks use multiple safewords to communicate various factors, including "stop the scene entirely", "stop using that particular toy/activity", "this is hitting a lot of emotional issues", "I'm having physical problems", "slow down/not so intense", or "more/faster/harder". Most folks do not use all of these safewords, as it is an awful lot to remember, but if you do not, you might want to adopt a secondary code word for training purposes)
It is helpful for your top to reward you when you have managed to exceed some previous endurance limit, and to encourage you in attaining your goals. In this, they are as much your trainer as you are their plaything, and I can think of few tops who, when their bottom undertakes such a regimen in order to better themselves for their partner's amusement, would not be more than happy to make suitable accomodations.
In the cases of extreme physical sensation, I have found that arousal is often quite helpful. My wife has absolutely no pain tolerance, and I have a taste for fairly severe sensation play. Cuddling and teasing early on in the scene helps her to relax and enter a submissive mindset, and then a continued program of teasing while increasing the amount of bondage and intensifying the sensations applied does wonders for her ability to submit (not to mention doing wonders for my male ego). Starting slow and gradually building the intensity is very often the way to go.
Of course, if this is how your top normally plays with you, you might consider the opposite approach. Some times the intense shock of an extreme sensation helps to desensitize, thus making lesser stimulation more bearable by contrast. Five or six hard snaps of the cane can make five minutes of nipple clamps seem quite mild, and could help you to gain more confidence in your ability to endure.
Finally, there is simply the "whining and crying" approach (which, actually, I am quite fond of. I kind of wish I didn't have such a high pain threshhold, since I think it's as much fun to do, as it is to do unto others). If your top seriously enjoys hurting you, and you want them to enjoy themselves, then make the fact that you find the pain unbearable part of the scene. Give yourself to them, with the full knowledge and anticipation of this torture, and be unabashed in your begging, pleading, and heartfelt shrieks of pain and suffering. Believe it or not, some times suffering is a serious turn-on. Don't "handle it". Don't bear it. SUFFER for your dominant's amusement. If your kick is to serve, and their kick is to hurt you, then suffer in your servitude and you can both gain some satisfaction.
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