RE: Irrational Requests...

RE: Irrational Requests... (Full Version)

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gungadin09 -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/14/2012 11:05:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 The problem with irrational requests is...that they can ruin a good budding chemistry. I guess I'm easygoing, then. I probably wouldn't consider it a problem. That's why the other thread surprised me. I thought, really, this many people are going to throw the guy out just for that? Pam

Shininglight23 -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/14/2012 11:24:55 PM)
FR I wouldn't throw away what seemed to be a rational.. put together kind of guy because of something silly like that. I would answer the question and move on. That being said.. I wouldn't risk my safety by giving out personal info., but I don't think that is the issue here. I haven't come across the thread that perked your interest, but from what you're saying... a harmless question is just that...harmless. Allie

DesFIP -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 1:43:41 PM)
Just because you consider something an irrational request doesn't mean the other person holds the same view of it. I'd take this as a sign of incompatibility.

LaTigresse -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 1:52:54 PM)
What ^^ said.

OsideGirl -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 2:18:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 The problem with irrational requests is...that they can ruin a good budding chemistry. I guess I'm easygoing, then. I probably wouldn't consider it a problem. That's why the other thread surprised me. I thought, really, this many people are going to throw the guy out just for that? Pam Yup, I tossed a bunch of guys out that expected me to do things before or at the first meet.....and ended up with the love of my life.

NuevaVida -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 3:25:39 PM)
~ Fast Reply ~ Like what Des said, it may seem irrational to me but it might be important to him. I'd ask to understand why it was important to him. That's part of getting to know each other, after all. I suppose it just depends on what the request is. That said, I haven't had requests like this, although I haven't made plans with many people to meet up. Sharing a picture was a non issue here, that seemed perfectly rational to me. I actually sent him mine before he asked, and he sent his in return. I agree with what OsideGirl said about not submitting before meeting, though. And I did tell him I wouldn't be having sex with someone I wasn't already developing a relationship. That was a non-issue for him.

JeffBC -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 4:42:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 Would you comply with what you considered to be an irrational request, or not? How important is it that the needs of the person you're dating make sense to you? As a general rule I make a life habit of not judging other people's needs, hopes, desires and dreams. They are theirs, not mine. I don't need to understand why something is desirable or needful to Carol although understanding is always nice. I just need to know that it is so and then I make a choice to deliver or not. In the situation you're describing it'd be a no-brainer. So long as I don't see the request as "crazy" then it's simply something I wish to honor or not... no big deal. I'd more than likely honor such a request because if I was interested enough to be meeting someone with the intent to start a relationship then small things wouldn't matter. She wants me to wear a pink t-shirt to the meeting? I'm cool with that despite not preferring pink myself. I'd be curious why it was so important to her but as I said above, that understanding is not really necessary. If I didn't already think I was dealing with a more or less stable, mature, competent adult adult then we wouldn't be meeting to start with.

PurrPett -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 4:57:06 PM)
Hot damn, I enjoyed reading that message! Lol (sigh) lucky lilone!!

PurrPett -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 5:04:26 PM)
I am incredibly happy that I made the trip in here!!! I always, always get asked "what are you wearing when we meet?" I have always thought that a first meet should make both/all parties comfortable in order to feel relaxed and get to know each other better. Constantly I hear you WILL wear short skirt, blouse, stockings, heels... Irrational for me.. I'm a beach bum not a high powered exec! Lol So, after reading these messages... I feel a little more empowered and confident to submit when & if I'm ready! Thank you everyone! xox

RemoteUser -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 5:57:25 PM)
I didn't exactly dictate what my girl would be wearing when we met. I knew it would be a hot day so I told her to dress sensibly, and then asked for one specific thing. I told her it was up to her whether she fulfilled my request or not, and she knew why I was asking. She also knew this was an actual request, not an order. She did as I had requested. It was a defining moment involving the D/s part of our D/g dynamic. We have happily stumbled from there, and we've both had our irrational moments. We talk it out when we need to, and we're better for it.

gungadin09 -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 10:19:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PurrPett I am incredibly happy that I made the trip in here!!! ... So, after reading these messages... I feel a little more empowered and confident to submit when & if I'm ready! Thank you everyone! xox That's rad! (Yes, that's right. I said "rad".) Pam

sexyred1 -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 10:58:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 What is considered irrational? Whatever you consider irrational but easy to comply with, and have no compelling reason to refuse. For example, say that before you meet this person just needs to know what grade you got in 3rd grade social studies, and wants you to look it up. Not simply to make work for you, but because, for whatever reason, it's just REALLY important to them. Something kind of weird, but harmless. Not an order, simply a request, but important enough to them that it might make a difference for whether or not they'll meet you. Pam No. I would not look up my grades from 3rd grade social studies. I don't let strangers give me work. If my grades in 3rd grade were so important to whether someone met me or not, I would think they had some issues. There are so many current things I could discuss that asking me that seems rather far fetched.

seekingreality -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/15/2012 11:46:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 I was thinking about that thread where the guy was complaining that the girl he was meeting wouldn't send him a picture beforehand. That OP was badly written and ambiguous, and gave rise to a lot of speculation about what he must have really meant, but let's just set that aside for a second. The OP believed (or at least purported to believe) that he needed the picture for the sake of safety. He took criticism from a number of posters for what was perceived to be an irrational request. That surprised me. I don't really know whether having a photo of who you're meeting makes you any safer or not, but let's say (for the sake of this argument) that we all know that it does NOT make you any safer. Let's say: You make contact with someone who seems to be a good fit for a potential partner. You have that chemistry online. Now they want to take the next step and meet in real time. Then they make an irrational request. It's not a crazy request, it just strikes you as unnecessary. It seems irrational. The request is easily complied with (like sending someone a face pic before meeting because they feel safer that way), if you wanted to comply. You simply disagree that having that picture in fact makes them any safer. Nevertheless, you know it makes them FEEL safer. ETA: Other than this one thing, the person in question seems rational. Would you comply with what you considered to be an irrational request, or not? How important is it that the needs of the person you're dating make sense to you? Pam Frankly, I think most people want to exchange photos just to see if the other person fits their basic range of what they consider physically attractive. Nothing worse than meeting up with someone who has refused to share their photos and knowing at first glance that they simply don't do it for you physically and the whole thing is a waste of time before you even say hello. Personally, I want to see their photo, and want them to see my photo, so we both know what we're getting into. I have never balked at a reasonable request. It makes sense for someone to want my phone number, for example. I've never had anyone ask for information I thought was unreasonable.

BoundSlave4Life -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/16/2012 12:25:33 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RemoteUser I didn't exactly dictate what my girl would be wearing when we met. I knew it would be a hot day so I told her to dress sensibly, and then asked for one specific thing. I told her it was up to her whether she fulfilled my request or not, and she knew why I was asking. She also knew this was an actual request, not an order. She did as I had requested. It was a defining moment involving the D/s part of our D/g dynamic. We have happily stumbled from there, and we've both had our irrational moments. We talk it out when we need to, and we're better for it. Requested. That's the key word there. There's NOTHING wrong with REQUESTING something.

crazyml -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/16/2012 12:38:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12 The problem with irrational requests is not that they're irrational, it's that they can ruin a good budding chemistry. Like any aspect of D/s, the sub is dominated via consent, and her (or his) enjoyment of the domination is what leads to consent. When you are given an irritating order, it can kill that feeling, and you wind up thinking that you're going to be submitting to an idiot. I would submit to an irrational request if I wanted to and if they gave a good reason for it, simply because I would want to show willing in regards to submission. But if I didn't like them, already had my doubts, or didn't want to then I wouldn't. Bingo.

DarkSteven -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/16/2012 3:35:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PurrPett So, after reading these messages... I feel a little more empowered and confident to submit when & if I'm ready! Thank you everyone! xox My emphasis. As a Dom, if I talk with a prospective sub, it's my place to gauge if she'd be willing to submit to me. If I misread her, we're likely not compatible.

gungadin09 -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/16/2012 11:07:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven As a Dom, if I talk with a prospective sub, it's my place to gauge if she'd be willing to submit to me. If I misread her, we're likely not compatible. Steven gets a pass on this, really? By all means, gauge the prospective sub's willingness to submit. If you misread her and you're not compatible, it's because she decided that you're not. Pam

OsideGirl -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/17/2012 8:10:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: gungadin09 quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven As a Dom, if I talk with a prospective sub, it's my place to gauge if she'd be willing to submit to me. If I misread her, we're likely not compatible. Steven gets a pass on this, really? By all means, gauge the prospective sub's willingness to submit. If you misread her and you're not compatible, it's because she decided that you're not. Pam Actually, I read that differently. I interpreted that as "if can't read her enough to see if she wants to submit, then we're not compatible" meaning that the connection isn't there.

littleone35 -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/17/2012 11:56:52 AM)
When Master and i wer first talking he did not get a pic i gave him my number after talking by e mail for a week, i knew i was interested and talking by e mail too much of a time lag. I did not have a face pic onlime but i described my self. When we set to meet i said wi will be wearing a green top and jeans. As soon as he sa me he cane up and saidlittleone? kris? i stood up an hugged him. he said i am glad you wor green i love that color i said i do too. I made it clear ni sex n the first date( actually for the first 3 dates). I did not condiser him asking me for my number irratino. He can dictst to me ehatto wear now i beling to him. Now not before.! Matt's littleone

amaidiamond -> RE: Irrational Requests... (10/17/2012 4:05:58 PM)
it would depend what the request was and how much I liked the person. Face pic? Sure no issue Picture of me in the nude - no way not happening... I also don't do the submitting before meeting thing - I wear what i decide to a first meet

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