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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 11:05:00 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
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quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
The problem with irrational requests is...that they can ruin a good budding chemistry.


I guess I'm easygoing, then. I probably wouldn't consider it a problem. That's why the other thread surprised me. I thought, really, this many people are going to throw the guy out just for that?

Pam


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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/14/2012 11:24:55 PM   
Shininglight23


Posts: 1336
Status: offline 		FR

I wouldn't throw away what seemed to be a rational.. put together kind of guy because of something silly like that. I would answer the question and move on.

That being said.. I wouldn't risk my safety by giving out personal info., but I don't think that is the issue here. I haven't come across the thread that perked your interest, but from what you're saying... a harmless question is just that...harmless.

Allie

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 1:43:41 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Just because you consider something an irrational request doesn't mean the other person holds the same view of it. I'd take this as a sign of incompatibility.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 1:52:54 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		What ^^ said.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 2:18:42 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12
The problem with irrational requests is...that they can ruin a good budding chemistry.


I guess I'm easygoing, then. I probably wouldn't consider it a problem. That's why the other thread surprised me. I thought, really, this many people are going to throw the guy out just for that?

Pam



Yup, I tossed a bunch of guys out that expected me to do things before or at the first meet.....and ended up with the love of my life.


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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 3:25:39 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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Like what Des said, it may seem irrational to me but it might be important to him. I'd ask to understand *why* it was important to him. That's part of getting to know each other, after all. I suppose it just depends on what the request is.

That said, I haven't had requests like this, although I haven't made plans with many people to meet up. Sharing a picture was a non issue here, that seemed perfectly rational to me. I actually sent him mine before he asked, and he sent his in return.

I agree with what OsideGirl said about not submitting before meeting, though. And I did tell him I wouldn't be having sex with someone I wasn't already developing a relationship. That was a non-issue for him.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 4:42:03 PM   
JeffBC


Posts: 5799
Joined: 2/12/2012
From: Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09
Would you comply with what you considered to be an irrational request, or not? How important is it that the needs of the person you're dating make sense to you?

As a general rule I make a life habit of not judging other people's needs, hopes, desires and dreams. They are theirs, not mine. I don't need to understand why something is desirable or needful to Carol although understanding is always nice. I just need to know that it is so and then I make a choice to deliver or not.

In the situation you're describing it'd be a no-brainer. So long as I don't see the request as "crazy" then it's simply something I wish to honor or not... no big deal. I'd more than likely honor such a request because if I was interested enough to be meeting someone with the intent to start a relationship then small things wouldn't matter. She wants me to wear a pink t-shirt to the meeting? I'm cool with that despite not preferring pink myself. I'd be curious why it was so important to her but as I said above, that understanding is not really necessary. If I didn't already think I was dealing with a more or less stable, mature, competent adult adult then we wouldn't be meeting to start with.


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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 4:57:06 PM   
PurrPett


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/14/2012
Status: offline 		Hot damn, I enjoyed reading that message! Lol (sigh) lucky lilone!!

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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 5:04:26 PM   
PurrPett


Posts: 33
Joined: 10/14/2012
Status: offline 		I am incredibly happy that I made the trip in here!!!

I always, always get asked "what are you wearing when we meet?"
I have always thought that a first meet should make both/all parties comfortable in order to feel relaxed and get to know each other better.
Constantly I hear you WILL wear short skirt, blouse, stockings, heels... Irrational for me.. I'm a beach bum not a high powered exec! Lol

So, after reading these messages... I feel a little more empowered and confident to submit when & if I'm ready!

Thank you everyone! xox

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 5:57:25 PM   
RemoteUser


Posts: 2854
Joined: 5/10/2011
Status: offline 		I didn't exactly dictate what my girl would be wearing when we met. I knew it would be a hot day so I told her to dress sensibly, and then asked for one specific thing. I told her it was up to her whether she fulfilled my request or not, and she knew why I was asking. She also knew this was an actual request, not an order.

She did as I had requested. It was a defining moment involving the D/s part of our D/g dynamic. We have happily stumbled from there, and we've both had our irrational moments. We talk it out when we need to, and we're better for it.

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 10:19:59 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrPett

I am incredibly happy that I made the trip in here!!! ... So, after reading these messages... I feel a little more empowered and confident to submit when & if I'm ready!

Thank you everyone! xox


That's rad! (Yes, that's right. I said "rad".)

Pam

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 10:58:39 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
What is considered irrational?


Whatever *you* consider irrational but easy to comply with, and have no compelling reason to refuse. For example, say that before you meet this person just *needs* to know what grade you got in 3rd grade social studies, and wants you to look it up. Not simply to make work for you, but because, for whatever reason, it's just REALLY important to them. Something kind of weird, but harmless.

Not an order, simply a request, but important enough to them that it might make a difference for whether or not they'll meet you.

Pam


No. I would not look up my grades from 3rd grade social studies. I don't let strangers give me work. If my grades in 3rd grade were so important to whether someone met me or not, I would think they had some issues.

There are so many current things I could discuss that asking me that seems rather far fetched.

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/15/2012 11:46:58 PM   
seekingreality


Posts: 599
Joined: 8/11/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

I was thinking about that thread where the guy was complaining that the girl he was meeting wouldn't send him a picture beforehand. That OP was badly written and ambiguous, and gave rise to a lot of speculation about what he must have really meant, but let's just set that aside for a second. The OP believed (or at least purported to believe) that he needed the picture for the sake of safety. He took criticism from a number of posters for what was perceived to be an irrational request. That surprised me. I don't really know whether having a photo of who you're meeting makes you any safer or not, but let's say (for the sake of this argument) that we all know that it does NOT make you any safer.

Let's say:
You make contact with someone who seems to be a good fit for a potential partner. You have that chemistry online. Now they want to take the next step and meet in real time. Then they make an irrational request. It's not a crazy request, it just strikes you as unnecessary. It seems irrational. The request is easily complied with (like sending someone a face pic before meeting because they feel safer that way), if you wanted to comply. You simply disagree that having that picture in fact makes them any safer. Nevertheless, you know it makes them FEEL safer. ETA: Other than this one thing, the person in question seems rational.

Would you comply with what you considered to be an irrational request, or not? How important is it that the needs of the person you're dating make sense to you?

Pam


Frankly, I think most people want to exchange photos just to see if the other person fits their basic range of what they consider physically attractive. Nothing worse than meeting up with someone who has refused to share their photos and knowing at first glance that they simply don't do it for you physically and the whole thing is a waste of time before you even say hello. Personally, I want to see their photo, and want them to see my photo, so we both know what we're getting into.

I have never balked at a reasonable request. It makes sense for someone to want my phone number, for example. I've never had anyone ask for information I thought was unreasonable.

< Message edited by seekingreality -- 10/15/2012 11:49:12 PM >

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/16/2012 12:25:33 AM   
BoundSlave4Life


Posts: 116
Joined: 7/25/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RemoteUser

I didn't exactly dictate what my girl would be wearing when we met. I knew it would be a hot day so I told her to dress sensibly, and then asked for one specific thing. I told her it was up to her whether she fulfilled my request or not, and she knew why I was asking. She also knew this was an actual request, not an order.

She did as I had requested. It was a defining moment involving the D/s part of our D/g dynamic. We have happily stumbled from there, and we've both had our irrational moments. We talk it out when we need to, and we're better for it.


Requested. That's the key word there. There's NOTHING wrong with REQUESTING something.

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Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/16/2012 12:38:25 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

The problem with irrational requests is not that they're irrational, it's that they can ruin a good budding chemistry. Like any aspect of D/s, the sub is dominated via consent, and her (or his) enjoyment of the domination is what leads to consent. When you are given an irritating order, it can kill that feeling, and you wind up thinking that you're going to be submitting to an idiot. I would submit to an irrational request if I wanted to and if they gave a good reason for it, simply because I would want to show willing in regards to submission. But if I didn't like them, already had my doubts, or didn't want to then I wouldn't.


Bingo.


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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/16/2012 3:35:44 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: PurrPett


So, after reading these messages... I feel a little more empowered and confident to submit when & if I'm ready!

Thank you everyone! xox


My emphasis.

As a Dom, if I talk with a prospective sub, it's my place to gauge if she'd be willing to submit to me. If I misread her, we're likely not compatible.

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

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RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/16/2012 11:07:49 PM   
gungadin09


Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
As a Dom, if I talk with a prospective sub, it's my place to gauge if she'd be willing to submit to me. If I misread her, we're likely not compatible.


Steven gets a pass on this, really?

By all means, gauge the prospective sub's willingness to submit. If you misread her and you're not compatible, it's because *she* decided that you're not.

Pam

< Message edited by gungadin09 -- 10/16/2012 11:53:01 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/17/2012 8:10:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gungadin09

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
As a Dom, if I talk with a prospective sub, it's my place to gauge if she'd be willing to submit to me. If I misread her, we're likely not compatible.


Steven gets a pass on this, really?

By all means, gauge the prospective sub's willingness to submit. If you misread her and you're not compatible, it's because *she* decided that you're not.

Pam


Actually, I read that differently. I interpreted that as "if can't read her enough to see if she wants to submit, then we're not compatible" meaning that the connection isn't there.


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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/17/2012 11:56:52 AM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		When Master and i wer first talking he did not get a pic i gave him my number after talking by e mail for a week, i knew i was interested and talking by e mail too much of a time lag. I did not have a face pic onlime but i described my self. When we set to meet i said wi will be wearing a green top and jeans. As soon as he sa me he cane up and saidlittleone? kris? i stood up an hugged him. he said i am glad you wor green i love that color i said i do too. I made it clear ni sex n the first date( actually for the first 3 dates). I did not condiser him asking me for my number irratino. He can dictst to me ehatto wear now i beling to him. Now not before.!

Matt's littleone

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Irrational Requests... - 10/17/2012 4:05:58 PM   
amaidiamond


Posts: 1793
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Watford / London
Status: offline 		it would depend what the request was and how much I liked the person.

Face pic? Sure no issue
Picture of me in the nude - no way not happening...

I also don't do the submitting before meeting thing - I wear what i decide to a first meet

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Profile   Post #: 40
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