RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn.

RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn. (Full Version)

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thexxxxmaster -> RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn. (10/23/2012 12:32:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance I sooooo wish that I had known my worth, back in the day when I was willing and interested in being in a Poly relationship as the all elusive unicorn. Sorry, a bit divergent from the actual topic but ....every time I read about the "Unicorn," I kick myself for not using that leverage. It's all part of the dialogue so thanks for the comment. You could well be correct. It's interesting that MMF relationships abound and yet single women are very hesitant about FFM. It's never too late.

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 12:47:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VideoAdminChi FR, After seeing how the direction of the thread had changed and consultation with the OP, this is no longer an intro thread in Introductions, but a thread in General BDSM about the definition of "fetish." This change allowed the thread to survive without moderation. VideoAdminChi I would like to express my thanks to admin for the understanding of how this thread developed and felt it was something worthy of discussion. I would like to add another relevant aspect to the discussion. This is also all about how people jump to misplaced conclusions, usually negative, before checking the facts. A simple question, if in fact necessary, at the beginning would have resolved this, instead we an excellent example of people allowing their emotions to overwhelm logic. Even the word "fellow" has now come in for criticism, bizarre or a lack of RL experience, there again emotional linguistics predicts this kind of behaviour also, so no surprise. My replies have reflected the negative emotions expressed by some. Fascinating so far.

autumnember -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 12:51:01 PM)
I respectfully disagree with you. I was not negative. I do not believe that i have a fetish. You took that as some kind of attack upon yourself. I believe that you need to take what is said here with an open mind instead of becoming hostile.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 12:54:52 PM)
My personal experience, for what it is worth, is I know WAY more poly people in a MFF relationship than I do a MMF. The MMF relationships I know of, are where the female was dominant. People say there are way more male submissives than female dominants, and way more female submissives than male dominants. If that is true, and I tend to believe it is, supply and demand is probably a huge factor along with the social norm being monogomous relationships. ETA: one MMF I knew was a female slave. BUT, the male dominant in that triad left because the female slave tried to dictate what he could do. Probably not relevant but I didn't like making a statement that I realized wasn't exactly true. I remembered my friends who had a MMF marriage.

absolutchocolat -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:00:40 PM)
i see you've met the welcome wagon. good luck in finding what you seek. your tastes are yours alone, and i'm glad you're brave enough to share them with us.

LaTigresse -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:12:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thexxxxmaster This is also all about how people jump to misplaced conclusions, usually negative, before checking the facts. A simple question, if in fact necessary, at the beginning would have resolved this, instead we an excellent example of people allowing their emotions to overwhelm. logicEven the word "fellow" has now come in for criticism, bizarre or a lack of RL experience, there again emotional linguistics predicts this kind of behaviour also, so no surprise. OTHER'S replies have reflected the negative emotions expressed by THE OP. Fascinating so far. Dear pot, meet kettle. Welcome and good luck. I suspect you will need should you decide to stick around.

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:17:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: autumnember I respectfully disagree with you. I was not negative. I do not believe that i have a fetish. You took that as some kind of attack upon yourself. I believe that you need to take what is said here with an open mind instead of becoming hostile. Not at all. Check back and you will see I replied that we didn't see ourselves as a "collar", something which I found amusing and you did not. Followed by "you be what you want and we'll be ourselves." Nothing hostile in that whatsoever. I suggest you take your own advice.

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:22:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse quote: ORIGINAL: thexxxxmaster This is also all about how people jump to misplaced conclusions, usually negative, before checking the facts. A simple question, if in fact necessary, at the beginning would have resolved this, instead we an excellent example of people allowing their emotions to overwhelm. logicEven the word "fellow" has now come in for criticism, bizarre or a lack of RL experience, there again emotional linguistics predicts this kind of behaviour also, so no surprise. OTHER'S replies have reflected the negative emotions expressed by THE OP. Fascinating so far. Dear pot, meet kettle. Welcome and good luck. I suspect you will need should you decide to stick around. Evidence? Of course I could also thank you for the confirmation that I am right in my analysis. I eagerly await the evidence which proves your analysis should you decide to stick around.

Marc2b -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:26:21 PM)
quote: FR, After seeing how the direction of the thread had changed and consultation with the OP, this is no longer an intro thread in Introductions, but a thread in General BDSM about the definition of "fetish." This change allowed the thread to survive without moderation. VideoAdminChi But I just found some Unicorns for the OP!

LaTigresse -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:26:59 PM)
Stick around?..........doubtful. You are too easy and boring. I like my prey a bit more challenging........and competent. Someone that actually understands the definitions of the words they use,

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:29:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: absolutchocolat i see you've met the welcome wagon. good luck in finding what you seek. your tastes are yours alone, and i'm glad you're brave enough to share them with us. Well thank you, nice to know there is already an acknowledged train wreck.

JeffBC -> RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn. (10/23/2012 1:47:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thexxxxmaster In case you have haven't got the message yet, collarme is all about people with fetishes of some form or another as is fetlife, identical user base. Really? Cause honestly, here I am fetish free in any definition you care to use yet I seem to do OK here. Really.... there is non of the Bondage, Discipline (I never have even figured out what that word means), Sadism, or Masochism going on in our living room. Our sex is missionary sans paraphernalia other than vibrators. There are no "scenes" and we don't role play anything. All we really have going on is non-sexual dominance and submission. She is my property and she obeys. It's not even D/s the way that BDSM folks mean it. It's just a guy with a bossy personality and a woman who "prefers to defer" trying to make a marriage happen. Yet every time I go through some internal spasm of angst and leave for a while I seem to be welcomed back. I went and checked the main site and it didn't seem to say much about what collarme was for other than "The largest BDSM community on the planet". Wisely they have not elected to try to define what is and is not BDSM and what should and should not be talked about here. They kind of let us (those folks in said community) figure out who belongs and who doesn't and what topics are relevant and what are not. quote: Someone who wears a collar in the context of BDSM is stating they have an unquestioning reverence, respect and devotion towards the person from whom they have accepted the collar. Wow really? That'd be a surprise to both Carol and I. She wears the collar because I tell her to. Generally she hates it outside the house and doesn't care one way or the other inside the house. I had always thought that symbols carried the meaning that people invested in them rather than some intrinsic meaning. Go you!

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 1:52:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Stick around?..........doubtful. You are too easy and boring. I like my prey a bit more challenging........and competent. Someone that actually understands the definitions of the words they use, What's that, you can't provide the evidence, shame on you for making an unjustifiable accusation. And do tell us all which definition you are referring to. Dictionaries are the accepted reference point and do tell me how the user base on Fetlife is in anyway different from the one here. You have a love for blindfolds, which would imply that when you are wearing one you experience an emotional attachment to it unlike that which you have when you are not wearing it. Fits this definition: Urban Dictionary 2. (The good one) A sexual fixation(s) that usually differs from those of the standard population. In other words, something (sometimes totally unrelated to sex) that turns you on and that isn't enjoyed by the majority of people. Foot fetishes, Infantilism, Vore, Macro, Furry, Vampirism, Necro, Bondage, Sadism, Masochism, Slavery... The sky's the limit Well fancy that, even a list of which could have been gleaned from collarme. Yes you are easy and very very boring when you can't back up your arguments with facts, and solely provide a personal opinion, you do understand the difference do you not?

thexxxxmaster -> RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn. (10/23/2012 2:04:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: JeffBC quote: All we really have going on is non-sexual dominance and submission. She is my property and she obeys. It's not even D/s the way that BDSM folks mean it. It's just a guy with a bossy personality and a woman who "prefers to defer" trying to make a marriage happen. Yet every time I go through some internal spasm of angst and leave for a while I seem to be welcomed back. quote: Thexxxxmaster: Someone who wears a collar in the context of BDSM is stating they have an unquestioning reverence, respect and devotion towards the person from whom they have accepted the collar. quote: Wow really? That'd be a surprise to both Carol and I. She wears the collar because I tell her to. Generally she hates it outside the house and doesn't care one way or the other inside the house. I had always thought that symbols carried the meaning that people invested in them rather than some intrinsic meaning. Go you! Thexxxxmaster: is stating they have an unquestioning reverence, respect and devotion towards the person from whom they have accepted the collar. Thank you for confirming the definition you quoted from one of my posts. Of course you could be saying she wears it out of abject fear, one sincerely hopes not.

BurntKitty -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 2:09:38 PM)
Your unicorn called. It's waiting for you. [image]http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2011/5/1/7e8687f3-e573-43d9-9e40-180854dbe9e7.jpg[/image] Back on page 1 I did ask for specifics, after all.

autumnember -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 2:31:23 PM)
Seriously? You are quoting the Urban Dictionary? Sorry my definitions are a wee bit more academic in nature ... You know that silly DSM. I have always understood that there are many who like to call their kinks as fetishes (makes them seem more serious and twue i guess) and fetlife has established and perpetrated this definition even farther. I am a member of that site as well (though I believe that CM exceeds what it is that fet claims to do) I still do not call myself a fetishist.. If i have to pick i call myself a kinkster. You seem to take issue with people that do not identify as that and it is the same as disputing what a Master is.... after all what credentials do you hold to support that assertion? But hey if you want to call yourself that I wont interfere but if you tried to get me to call you that (or if you were to call me that) i would let you know that to me you are not one ... or that i do not identify as one. Edited for grammar

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 2:36:04 PM)
Just for the herd Llamas

MissKittyDeVine -> RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn. (10/23/2012 2:36:13 PM)
Can somebody please enlighten me - do I have a knowse, and if so, where is it?? quote: ORIGINAL: thexxxxmaster I was not expect a barrage of critique from people who obviously can't see past their knowses.

JeffBC -> RE: Seeking the elusive unicorn. (10/23/2012 2:43:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: thexxxxmaster Thank you for confirming the definition you quoted from one of my posts. Of course you could be saying she wears it out of abject fear, one sincerely hopes not Or, even more amazingly, I might be saying that your tiny little boxes don't fit my reality. So now we must all dance to your tune and if Carol dons a collar then both she and I must submit to your view of what that means? What if, for instance, we saw it more like our wedding rings but with the added element of "property". And I gotta tell you that "unquestioning" has never been a part of anything in my life or Carol's. She sure as hell questions me a lot. In fact, as I'm often amused by, she questions me more as my slave than she ever did as my wife. I'm pretty pleased about that actually. But let's get back on track to fetishes. What "fetish" would you say exists in our marriage? The collar itself? Seriously? I assume by that you'd mean this one here: 2. any object, idea, etc., eliciting unquestioning reverence, respect, or devotion: to make a fetish of high grades. But we don't place any such meaning on the collar. In fact, for us, it's kind of trivial. And even in it's heyday in our relationship it never reached the sort of proportions that one might call a fetish by this definition. By this definition, we fetishize love and intimacy and team work.

thexxxxmaster -> RE: WAS: Seeking the elusive unicorn. NOW: what is "fetish?" (10/23/2012 3:02:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: autumnember Seriously? You are quoting the Urban Dictionary? Sorry my definitions are a wee bit more academic in nature ... You know that silly DSM. I have always understood that there are many who like to call their kinks as fetishes (makes them seem more serious and twue i guess) and fetlife has established and perpetrated this definition even farther. I self am a member of that site as well (though I believe that CM exceeds what it is that fet claims to do) I still do not call myself a fetishist.. If i have to pick i call my a kinkster. You seem to take issue with people that do not identify as that and it is the same as disputing what a Master is.... after all what credentials do you hold to support that assertions? But hey if you want to call yourself that I wont interfere but if you tried to get me to call you that (or if you were to call me that) i would let you know that to me you are not one ... or that i do not identify as one. quote: Seriously? You are quoting the Urban Dictionary? Sorry my definitions are a wee bit more academic in nature ... We have not taken issue with anyone who does not call themselves a fetishist, in fact we find the word cumbersome and have never used it, our use of "Fets" was about people with fetishes and if you go back and read the thread you will see that we have said that you have a fetish, not that you are a fetishist, this is something you have made up for yourself. It is you and LadyPact who keep on coming up with Fetishist. In that context we are not fetishists but we are "Fets", you know, half a fetishist, someone who has a fetish or two. We are as we said in our first reply to you, we are also not collars/collarists. As for the Urban Dictionary, it is also the result of academic research as were the other two dictionaries I quoted, or have you conveniently forgotten them. Do try keep up with the discussion, you are showing signs of memory fatigue. Of course we could also come up with Fetties as in Trekkies, but that sounds too much like Fatties and we are seeking slimmies.

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