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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/18/2012 10:20:38 AM

kalikshama

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OP - If you think this is non consensual, call the police and let them sort it out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub32

Oh yeh Myo about the dumping him she has actually brought up the subject with him, respectfully of course and he has told her he's in charge and he decides when and if she can leave.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub32

The first time he punished her in front of me on cam he had her dump alcohol sanitizer in her pussy she did say no she don't think that's safe yes I thought still ok this is pre recorded so I told her say my last name which is not a common last name she did I was shocked I told him to say some weird stuff too. I was shocked she did beg him to punish her another way he said she don't have a say so about half a bottle went inside her I felt bad she was crying and screaming then he handed her a lighter told her burn it. She flipped out he said if he did it it would be worse so she did it.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/18/2012 11:50:47 AM

DesFIP

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Some people are fine not setting limits, others aren't. The ones who want them aren't good partners for the ones who dislike them. That's all there is to it.

I'm betting it was fire play on the shaved area, not in. The op doesn't seem to have heard of fire play before being new.

But this guy isn't a good match for a newbie, that's all there is to it op. Go find someone who is a better match for you. And maybe the best match for you would be a newbie also, then you could have the fun of exploring and learning together.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/18/2012 1:07:14 PM

littlewonder

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I'm doubting it was actually inside. If it was inside you wouldn't even get a flame. There's not enough oxygen to do so and too tight a space. I'm thinking it was on the lips. I can't even see how you would get fire play inside a cunt.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/18/2012 2:45:49 PM

Kana

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Look, this is simple (I seem to say that often here-wonder why?). If you ain't comfortable with what's happening, split.
And if it's not that bad, try and work things out.
How?
You know, like talking. Communication is the key element in any relationship, and especially so in BDSM where trust in integral to the surrender.

The lilone is talking about a different circumstance with us. We're in a long term committed relationship and have been so for over five years (Actually I think it's closer to seven). So of course we both have a lot invested-you're damn skippy right I'm gonna fight for that(Cuz anything good is worth fighting for and a man who won't ain't much of a man in my book). But folks who have just met or played around a bit? That's a whole different ballgame.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/18/2012 9:39:30 PM

AnimusRex

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm doubting it was actually inside. If it was inside you wouldn't even get a flame. There's not enough oxygen to do so and too tight a space. I'm thinking it was on the lips. I can't even see how you would get fire play inside a cunt.

It would need to be large enough to have an echo.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/18/2012 9:49:19 PM

littlewonder

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AnimusRex

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I'm doubting it was actually inside. If it was inside you wouldn't even get a flame. There's not enough oxygen to do so and too tight a space. I'm thinking it was on the lips. I can't even see how you would get fire play inside a cunt.

It would need to be large enough to have an echo.

You mean one like this?

Attachment (1)

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/19/2012 6:20:50 AM

Muchtado

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I can understand that you would want to learn as much as you can before you try anything. I think most people do the same thing. But you need to understand that there are so many kinks that they could not all be listed here.

What you got was a show of how that dominant plays. If it works for him and his sub then that is fine. It sounds like what they were doing does not sound fun to you and that is okay. What you need to do is look for someone that has similar interest to you.

Being you are new I will let you in on a secret that I was not told when I first got into the lifestyle. Shhh, do not tell anyone because we can not afford to let this out. As a submissive or slave, you are the one that decides who you are going to submit to. Unless you are kidnapped and held prisoner then you can leave any time you want.

Submission (and dominance for that matter) has two sides. Both of you are giving to the other what they need and in return you are getting what you need. As far as individual types of play, I am not going to talk about that too much. What I will say is this, if both parties are not getting what they want then, like in a vanilla relationship, it will not last.

Whoever this dominant is seems to have an understanding with his slave. I am sure that the level that their relationship is at grew over time and is where both the slave and the dominant want it to be. It also seems that he wants you to come into the relationship ready to give the same level as his existing slave. If that is true then he will probably push you faster than you are comfortable to get you there as quick as possible.

If you were in the lifestyle for years and knew what you like and do not like then I would say go for it. But this does not sound like this is the best match for you. What you need is someone that will work with your inexperience and help you to grow within the lifestyle.

Personally I do not know anyone that could read the first time they picked up a book. Likewise you can not know what you like or know what your limits are until you have explored those ideas. There are some types of play that I have never tried and never will (scat comes to mind). I know there are people that are into that but it just is not for me. But if the dominant you choose is into spanking, and you have not tried that then give it a try. You may or may not like it.

Others on here have talked about trust and I agree with them. You can not give someone trust, it has to be earned. It takes time and effort to establish that trust. This guy sounds like he wants you to trust him just because he is a dominant with a slave. I am willing to bet that his slave trusts him and he had to earn that trust. Now he is saying that because she trusts him then you should also. Sounds like a red flag to me. But then again I could be wrong. Contrary to popular belief, I do not know everything. I know that surprises you but hey I’m not perfect. (but do not tell my wife, it would ruin my rep.)

I am glad to see that you have brought this up. The fact that you are questioning what you have seen and read shows that you truly want to learn. So many, including myself, when they first get into this lifestyle jump in with both feet and do not look for the rocks under the surface. I do not see you making some of the mistakes that I made or others have made. Keep asking questions, take the answers you get and research them. The answers will give you a starting point for your investigation.

Hope this helps

Larry

< Message edited by Muchtado -- 10/19/2012 6:49:42 AM >

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/25/2012 9:33:53 PM

y687master

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ok shysub32,

I want to be very clear about this. As a Master/Daddy, I, myself believe in RACK/CSS credo(look it up on google, search for "RACK BDSM", the wiki link does a good job explaining).

Now then, for their relationship; what you are describing is a VERY SADISTIC relationship. Even as a slave, you have the right to refuse any command that would cause bodily harm. It would appear there are other things at play than BDSM in their relationship; or she is very much an extreme pain slave. NOTE: drop all communication with this Master you are describing. If you are living with him, get the hell out now!!! Something very devious is at play and trust me when I say you want no part of it.

Yes, there are some Masters (primarily Sado Masters) that take advantage of their roles. Any Dom-Domme/Daddy-Mommy/Master-Mistress understands that their paramount concern before all others is the safety of their charge. If that is ever in question, then as a sub/son-daughter/slave you have every right to refuse or terminate the relationship.

If you have any further questions, feel free to ask.

Master Devan

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/25/2012 11:24:16 PM

littlewonder

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It takes two.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/26/2012 3:05:10 AM

JeffBC

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Carol and I are in a no limits relationship. We had been married for over a decade before that happened. Her limits don't coincide with mine so sometimes I change them. But she certainly has ample evidence to trust and respect me. She also knows quite well that I love her more than I love myself. Such a relationship also just happens to fit our natural inclinations. In her case at least offering up this level of trust wasnt a rash decision and it's worked out quite well for her.

I just wanted to put a more positive spin on how TPE could work out.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/27/2012 10:27:01 AM

graceadieu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I personally would not see the alcohol thing as a big deal. If you do it right the alcohol just burns off and doesn't do more than that. It's just a shock and effect type thing. They were getting off on watching you be shocked by it.

Hah, you know, that's true. I've never done fireplay, but I remember when my high school chemistry teacher (who liked to do flashy demonstrations) doused his hand in rubbing alcohol and lit it on fire. We were all freaking out, but of course he was totally fine. I don't remember the actual lesson he was trying to teach us, lol, but I do remember that.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/27/2012 12:00:13 PM

littlewonder

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Yeah, because he knows that will stick in your mind and you will (usually) remember the lesson. And I think a lot of people do that....the shock and awe because they want to make a name for themselves, they want to stand out as unique or they want to be popular. They want attention which they know they will get it.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/28/2012 8:56:18 AM

Missokyst

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This is where I part with ideas about submission. If I wanted to end things I would. I never understand people who must approach these things "respectfully". Before that end though, bringing up things that are not working me would be part of our communication, if they could not be resolved, then it is time to exit. I generally say, "when you come home I won't be here", then I exit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub32
Oh yeh Myo about the dumping him she has actually brought up the subject with him, respectfully of course and he has told her he's in charge and he decides when and if she can leave.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/28/2012 11:08:30 AM

graceadieu

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yeah, because he knows that will stick in your mind and you will (usually) remember the lesson.

Well, I'm sure I did 12 years ago, hahaha. There's an awful lot I learned in high school that I don't remember very well.

quote:

And I think a lot of people do that....the shock and awe because they want to make a name for themselves, they want to stand out as unique or they want to be popular. They want attention which they know they will get it.

Yeah, I'm sure there's something gratifying to the ego to have somebody go "wow, you guys are SO hardcore! I could never do that!" etc, even if it's just some random person on the internet.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/28/2012 4:11:57 PM

GrandMasterChet

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A sub is just the submissive one in the relationship.
Your DOM is carrying out acts defined as Sadist.Masochist
and that is NOT what you agreed to....MOVE ON ASAP

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/28/2012 4:19:27 PM

AVegasMaster

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub32

Hi everyone. So i'm new to this and have been reading about the lifestyle but I know its not the same thing as real life. I have managed to meet a dom/sub couple online. Now I know everyone has their own thing but I get confused. I have read about limits and hard limits and all that good stuff and how a Dom is supposed to respect that. The Dom that I met online does not allow the sub to have limits he tells her he is in charge. I'm not sure if that's how its supposed to be or is he just taking advantage of her? Yes she does tell him if something makes her uncomfortable which some of the things would make me feel weird too such as him making her burn her pussy. (yes with actual fire) Like I said i'm new and I want to know if we are allowed to set limits or is that just BS they put in books to make us feel better.

There should be much more to it than that.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/28/2012 10:40:25 PM

MAINEiacMISTRESS

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quote:

ORIGINAL: y687master

ok shysub32,

I want to be very clear about this. As a Master/Daddy, I, myself believe in RACK/CSS credo(look it up on google, search for "RACK BDSM", the wiki link does a good job explaining).

Now then, for their relationship; what you are describing is a VERY SADISTIC relationship. Even as a slave, you have the right to refuse any command that would cause bodily harm. It would appear there are other things at play than BDSM in their relationship; or she is very much an extreme pain slave. NOTE: drop all communication with this Master you are describing. If you are living with him, get the hell out now!!! Something very devious is at play and trust me when I say you want no part of it.

Yes, there are some Masters (primarily Sado Masters) that take advantage of their roles. Any Dom-Domme/Daddy-Mommy/Master-Mistress understands that their paramount concern before all others is the safety of their charge. If that is ever in question, then as a sub/son-daughter/slave you have every right to refuse or terminate the relationship.

If you have any further questions, feel free to ask.

Master Devan

I agree wholeheartedly! There is something really messed up here. If you are seeing "red flags", WALK AWAY!

Good luck, I hope you find someone who is a good match for you.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/29/2012 1:20:09 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: shysub32

Hi Myo oh no i'm not his sub this is a couple I met online. They are together in real life. He has tried to make me be his sub but I declined because what he does is scary. Peppermint you are right he may be a fake idk. I only started talking to them to try to get some insight on this lifestyle. I have been reading posts on here and I see there are a lot of respectful Doms which I like and want. Oh yeh Myo about the dumping him she has actually brought up the subject with him, respectfully of course and he has told her he's in charge and he decides when and if she can leave. I may not know much about this lifestyle but speaking to them allows me to see what I definitely do not want.

RUN don't walk to the exit!!!! Besides how do you know this is actually a couple if you've never met? What I call bully doms looooove to make up an entire train of girls that swear burning their vaginas is the best ever & if you were a "true real sub you'd like_____"...they're fake!!!

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/31/2012 1:28:27 PM

wulfelaw

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There is a lot of good advice already, but I'll throw my two cents in with something I've said to many subs, many times before.

A sub has limits, a slave may have limits, a True slave has none.

A sub is a person, just like a Dom or Domme. He or she has every right to establish boundaries and set limits. A true Dom/me fully respects and appreciates those limits, if the "dominant" partner in the group does no respect them, and says things like "you have no limits, I am in charge,"... not a true Dom/me. We have an assortment of other titles for them. Now, should a Dom and His sub sit down and discuss the established limits, and should that discussion reveal that the Dom's desires go beyond His sub's limits, and should the sub desire to please her Dom as fully as she can, THEN a decision can be AGREED UPON that the Dom will teach and grow his sub, to show her and guide her on the path that leads to transcending those limits in a safe and sane way.

Slaves are a completely different story. A True slave and a True Master are equally rare. And, as such was not the content of the question, I won't blather on about it.

I hope this helps clarify some of your confusion, kiddo.

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RE: is this what being a sub is like? - 10/31/2012 4:25:47 PM

absolutchocolat

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alcohol + vagina = cupcake on fire. and not in a good way. don't ask me how i know this.

i'm inclined to think that the OP is entertained and/or turned-on by this couple's particular brand of depravity, or this thread would be moot. could be another case of "tap, tap, tap", which would definitely make my halloween!

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