RE: Masochism. Or whatever.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/19/2012 6:08:01 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

I posted one suggestion that I used to do before I found the community; I used to turn on my curling iron (in the pre-natural hair days; i don't have any curling irons anymore), and use it as an insertable toy. It really didn't take a lot of heat to become uncomfortable-yet-somehow-stimulating.

Another person replies "OMFG that's horrible!" and mentions something about self-harm not being okay, and recommends that I find someone safe to play with

Perhaps that person is a fan of "Altered Carbon" and vividly remembers the interrogation scene.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/19/2012 6:11:29 PM

kalikshama

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quote:

Where's the line between Masochism and self-harm?
I know we've had topics about self-harm before, and for me, if I'm doing it to be destructive, then I consider it a bad thing. I used to be best friends with a knife, until I realized that it was only making me dislike myself even more, so we broke up. =p

Someone had a really good answer for this a few years ago; something like if it gets you from Neutral to Fabulous, it's healthy, but if it raises you from the Pit of Unhappiness towards Neutral then it is not healthy.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/20/2012 4:40:01 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ChatteParfaitt

Yeah I have some trouble with the concept that it's perfectly fine if I beat you and leave some marks, but if you beat yourself and leave some marks, it's "self-harm" and you should rush yourself to the nuttery.

The way you did it, in a sexual context, I see as entirely normal in someone with a maso bent. I'm sure there are many, many, masos who use clamps or clips or a variety of other self torture devices to help get them off when they masturbate. It's okay to use a dildo, right? So why not a heated one?

Shesh, who are these people?

You know, I don't travel to that site much except to check meetings dates b/c it's become to IRCish for me. And by that I mean filled with online busy bodies who screech at this and that and love to interfere in other's lives, I assume b/c they do not have one of their own.

Please learn to ignore those people.

+1 to all of this.

I've seen people put whisks and metal wire brushes inside of themselves. Is a low heated curling iron really that bad? =p When people posts pictures of their giant black bruises the size of someone's head - oh but THAT's okay because their partner did that, they didn't do it themselves. I really don't understand that mentality or where it comes from.

I think, as what's usually the case with things like that, is you have a bunch of people who are misinformed but are too self-important to realize it, and they just bandy around bad information and use it to justify treating others negatively.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/20/2012 4:43:32 AM

LillyBoPeep

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Nice to see you, porcelaine ^_^

quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

No amount of mental foddery will change that fact that it's you and the object that's engaging and you're the instrument for its infliction. Tip toeing aside, let's be honest. Would you be the ideal party in this scenario or would the sensation be delivered at the hands of another? Is that always the case? Can you fathom a moment when you'd prefer to be in the driver's seat or is your pleasure derived on the receiving end? I think the answers to these questions reveal a lot.

fiddling with myself, either regular masturbation or hurty sorts of stuff, just isn't something I do very often. It's not particularly interesting t me, and it doesn't take the edge off, it just makes things worse usually =p
I'm not really a fan of being in the driver's seat anywhere but in my car =p But sometimes it's fun to try something out by yourself when you're bored and there's nothing else to do.

But my question is more to do with why is being kinky suddenly a mental health issue when you're by yourself. So you can only safely engage in anything kinky in the presence of another person? =p

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/20/2012 4:49:37 AM

LillyBoPeep

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AthenaSurrenders - that's exactly what that post sounds like. ivone, sorry, but I'm not interested in most of the Doms who come to events around here in anyway besides friends. I'm not going to just go play with them because it's "better" than being by yourself. That doesn't make sense to me. =p

mousekid - I agree; self-harm just kept me in the negative spiral, and kept it going further and further down. S&M play is different, even if I'm doing something by myself. It doesn't come from the same headspace at all.

Many thanks for the replies everyone ^_^

CuriousFerret - when I was self-harming, I did it because I did hate myself. A lot of self-harmers do, so it does kinda make sense when that's assumed, but there was one poster in particular here at CM who did it without any sort of self-hate being involved.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/20/2012 7:06:01 AM

Kana

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quote:

I used to turn on my curling iron (in the pre-natural hair days; i don't have any curling irons anymore), and use it as an insertable toy.

God I love you, Little Bo.
Those sheep are lucky lucky critters

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/20/2012 12:10:26 PM

orgasmdenial12

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If it's the board that I'm thinking it is, it's amazing how many non s&m people are on there. I don't want to sound elitist but true sadism or masochism (in a bdsm context) is really rare these days. Mostly you find Doms and subs who like pain as an element of control and are genuinely shocked by genuine pain play.

Don't take it personally, so long as you're enjoying yourself and giving genuine advice, then that's all you need to worry about.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/21/2012 11:02:04 AM

LillyBoPeep

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Those sheep are lucky lucky critters

Haha, I supposed I'd have to have them first.

quote:

ORIGINAL: orgasmdenial12

Mostly you find Doms and subs who like pain as an element of control and are genuinely shocked by genuine pain play.

You do find a lot of that there, which is fine with me, really. And I have seen some really hardcore masochists post things there, too -- but as long as you're doing it WITH someone, and not just by yourself, it's okay.
Maybe that's from the lens of people who only see S&M as a part of a power exchange relationship - they don't understand how it can exist outside of one.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/21/2012 9:05:28 PM

Aswad

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LillyBoPeep

It really didn't take a lot of heat to become uncomfortable-yet-somehow-stimulating.

OT: If you have a lubricant that stays viable at low temperatures, you can put a dildo in the freezer for 15-60 minutes and then use it with the lubricant. A good brand should avoid having the dildo stick to the vaginal wall (let's not even contemplate that one), while still letting it get quite uncomfortably chill due to conducting heat fairly well. Just don't be too forceful, since it'll eventually numb the area. Done right, I suspect it will be safer than heat (nerves don't like a lot of heat).

I see no problem with self-maso activities in a sexualized context, even if they're a bit over the top.

Tell the concerned parties to sit on the curling iron and rotate?

IWYW,
— Aswad.

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RE: Masochism. Or whatever. - 10/21/2012 9:49:47 PM

kitkat105

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I guess it comes done to harming yourself versus hurting yourself because it feels good, elicits pleasurable feelings/emotions.

I'm a masochist, but have no desire to inflict pain on myself - unless I was told to.

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