Where did you come from (Full Version)

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Muchtado -> Where did you come from (10/19/2012 8:10:49 AM)

I have read posts here for a long time but only recently started posting. Yes, I was a lurker. I have read some interesting questions and even more interesting answers. I also observe that the answers that are given are based on being in the lifestyle for a long time. A person that is new to the lifestyle can look at the posts and get some good advice.

What I am having problems with is that there seems to be little connection to being in the lifestyle for years and just starting out. To clarify this I will say that I know where I am in the lifestyle today and how I got here. I have made many mistakes and would like someone else to benefit from those experiences. But to someone new they do not have the experiences that I have and are trying to figure it out.

So I thought I would start this thread. What experiences in your past have helped to mold you into the dominant or submissive you are today?

I will start by saying when I first got into the lifestyle (I think FDR was president then) I thought I was a submissive. So I looked for a Domme to “show me the ropes” so to speak. When a Domme contacted me I was so excited I went for it without thinking of the consequences. A beautiful Domme wanted me to meet her so I did.

I ended up spending the next six months in misery. I did not like being told what to do, I did not like receiving pain, I did not like being denied orgasms nor did I like being shown off. I did not leave because I did not know I could leave. That was never a choice that was given me.

Eventually I did leave and then I was lost. I was not a submissive and I did not think I was a dominant at that point. (Understand that I was nineteen at the time). For almost two years I was in a state of limbo. One day I met another dominant and I told her that I was a submissive. We talked a lot and she determined that I was either a switch or a dominant. After that I now had a new reality that I had no idea what to do with and no idea how to pursue this new truth.

So like any newbie that had been given good advice I followed it. I found a girl who agreed to be my submissive but I screwed that up. The only point of reference I had was when I was a submissive. I did not give her any choices because I was not given any and I thought that was the way it was.

One day (I was in my early 20’s) I met a dominant that took me under his wing to help me explore where exactly I fit within the lifestyle. He was not a play partner but more of a mentor. We explored both my switch side and my dominant side. He was patent and showed me many things. One thing he stressed is do not do anything to someone that you have not experienced yourself. Because of what this dominant taught me I became, in the long run, a better dominant.

That dominant was my good friend till his death about ten years ago. I still have the utmost respect for him and always will. Much of the way I think about the lifestyle is because he challenged me to think of not only myself but for others as well.

I believe that new people to the lifestyle can benefit from our personal stories. Many of them struggle with decisions and could have an advantage from our experiences. I think that if a dominant or submissive could understand the progression that we went through to get to where we are, then they could realize that we all started in the same place – Not knowing anything about this lifestyle.

They see us comfortable with this life and wonder if they could ever get there. By letting them know that our knowledge is hard earned maybe we can help to close the gap and make it a little easier us all to live as a community. Remember it takes a village to raise a child.

So my question is this: Are you willing to tell how you first got into the lifestyle and what was your early development within the lifestyle?

Larry



RemoteUser -> RE: Where did you come from (10/19/2012 10:25:55 AM)

Mine is very basic.

I entered the lifestyle hooking up with a girl who was submissive. She immediately identified with me as a Dom. After a year of playing I was inclined to agree with her. We were together for seven years, my longest relationship ever, and we are still good friends even now.

Oh, and welcome to the site, Larry. [:)]



AVegasMaster -> RE: Where did you come from (10/19/2012 4:21:50 PM)

I've always had the urge to be dominant. This goes back to my earliest memories.



chatterbox24 -> RE: Where did you come from (10/20/2012 11:28:03 AM)

I started out as a cheater. Married for many years and came across a man, I intended to cheat with, but he had other plans. I had no knowledge of the life style at all. To me it was about freaks who had serious mental problems, who beat each other up, cause something was surely wrong with them.
I was totall intrigued, but at the same time very lost. A lost angry soul searching for answers in all the wrong ways.
I was a tool, and was very used, and guess what I am glad it happened. THe emotional pain was extreme though, and Im not sure extreme is the right word. EXCRUCIATING is more like it.
But along the way I have found myself, 45 yrs old and it took all this time to find myself, what a crazy journey.
I found it took the power in myself to conquer what ailed me.
Are there still problems? Oh yes, but I have the strength now to fight them, and be more at peace.
I am still married, it is still not perfect, but it is better.
ANd that man who caused me the worst pain and who once was my master and used me, is now my friend.
I needed the lesson I learned. IM fortunate that I met a real master. Not a dom but a master.



littlewonder -> RE: Where did you come from (10/20/2012 11:36:14 AM)

I'm of the crowd that says you are either a dom/sub or you are not. I personally would have labeled you a kinkster.

As for me, I've always been submissive. I grew up shy and aloof, never liked confrontation, always loved doing the best I could for my partner. I've always been attracted to dominant men. For me it was natural and simple.



NiceButMeanGirl -> RE: Where did you come from (10/20/2012 2:56:11 PM)

I grew up as a shy child who had problems being assertive, I was indecisive and always let others make decisions. I was happy that way, as I didn't know any other way to be and I never thought I would ever be any other way. When I entered the land of kink in 2008, it was as a submissive. I was totally convinced that's what I was. And I was at that time.

Then, during 2011, I started getting curious about how to do things, skills that a Dominant would need such as flogging, knots and ties with rope, etc. So I started learning and discovered I liked Topping. As I learned more skills, I also became more confident and sure of myself. Then, as time went by, by the end of the year I realized I no longer liked taking orders and obeying someone else, even part of the time. I wanted to be the one in charge. So I left switch behind and now I'm a Domme. I don't think I will ever go back to sub or switch, I like where I'm at now and I have a submissive of my own.

NBMG



Ravensnake -> RE: Where did you come from (10/21/2012 3:05:59 AM)

Privately educated where punishment was the accepted way of things.
Now, though I'm more into sex and submission, rough sex, rape role play etc. which satisfies the nympho in me as opposed to bdsm per se (pain doesn't hold the same attraction as it once did)......though I still do the occasional singletail/firewhip demo in clubs if I'm asked.
Boarding school in the 1950's and 1960's was where it all started to germinate.



JiminyJ -> RE: Where did you come from (10/21/2012 6:48:34 AM)

I've always found these questions difficult to answer "how did you get into the d/s role you are"

I personally believe that you're experiences throughout your life and your personality formed from that play a big role in this.

For me, i've always had traits of being a submissive and i've always had traits of being a dominant but it wasn't until i joined another site and saw d/s relationships first hand with a Domme friend of mine helping me and just observing other friends of mine in these relationships did i realise i was a switch.



mikeyOfGeorgia -> RE: Where did you come from (11/13/2012 3:17:35 PM)

quote:

Where did you come from?


Second star from the right and straight on till morning...LOL



dublinemma -> RE: Where did you come from (11/13/2012 5:28:14 PM)

I think a lot of things influenced my submissiveness (is that even a word??), but I'm not going to get into a woe is me spiel.

I've always liked having direction, something to aim for, goals being set for me. I fantasized a lot about this when I was quite young but never understood what it meant. I've always liked my men to be men, a bit rough around the edges, take control and basically just be an alpha male (but not in the beat my chest and hear me roar way :P). I got into it through a sexual encounter that was for me at the time, out of the ordinary. This resulted in me googling a lot, discovering this lifestyle, and saying fuck yes, I want this! I did go through a lot of guilt and "this isn't right" and tried to be 'normal' for a while, however, I never felt fully at ease in a relationship, I was lying to them and myself. So now, here I am trying to learn and hopefully develop relationships with other like minded people!




Hillwilliam -> RE: Where did you come from (11/13/2012 6:16:33 PM)

I grew up as a small but athletic guy. I became a really good wrestler (4x natl qualifier) and was described by teammates as "a fucking Sadist". I was also known around school as "the anti bully" because I used to like to beat the hell out of those who preyed on the weak.
College in the late 70's, my gf was 6 years older and used to kneel and say "Thank you Sir" with my sperm dripping off her chin. (Fukin ROCKED) A few years later when I was in my early 20's another gf invited me to a 'private party' where I saw things I had only read about. I obtained a mentor.

The rest is history.



BurntKitty -> RE: Where did you come from (11/13/2012 7:44:57 PM)

I've always had a thing for pain, paddles, belts & other hurtie things. Prolly as far back as late 1980s when I met my son's sperm donor. Really rough stuff, choking, etc.

Fast forward to 2006-ish. Met a guy online (non BDSM site) and after going out to dinner, he announced he was my "dom" and took off his belt and whacked away on my butt for being 15 min late. (My son needed a ride to a middle school graduation party, his ride couldn't make it. My son is #1 in my life, btw.) "Dimdom" gave me 1 whack for each minute I was late, and asked if I had anything to say to him afterwards. I replied: "I thought your name was Dave, but cool, Dom it is. How did you know I'm into s/m?" I'd never heard of d/s previously. He felt I should be shared, and sprung that on me at a party one night. (I walked out.)

Shortly after that, I met another so-called dumbinant via B.com, and after 3 months of IM, emails & phone calls, we met & played & had a grand weekend. He strung me along for close to 3 years with promises of a life together, and all the nasty things he was going to do. Except this "widower" forgot to tell his wife. I finally Googled him after one too many cancellations of flights for me to visit.

Present day (yay!) - d/s is not for me. Not simply because of the experiences, but because I'm not the service or submissive type. I'm me. A snarky sadomasochist who will top or bottom at dungeons, but love love love the wicked things my sadistic fucker does to me in private. We're currently Chicago - So Fla, but that will be changing real soon.



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