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Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 1:41:11 PM

Bearlee

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From: South Central CO
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From LuckyAlbatross’ signature:

“The likelihood of a relationship working long-term is inversely proportional to how often the relationship is announced and how many professions of adoration are made about each other in public.”

I thought I saw something like this a time or two on Celeste’s posts, as well. At any rate; I like it and have been thinking about starting a thread around the quote.

I feel that when two people come together, one of the best ways to make it work is to constantly ‘Celebrate’ the fact. To, on a daily basis, choose to be together…every day to make a conscious choice to BE a partnership, to BE in relationship.

It seems to me a lot of people talk about being stuck in commitments; trapped, if you will, in choices they wish they’d not made or that they feel have changed to the point of no longer being ‘workable'.

I believe people do grow and things do change…but the only way relationships are going to make it is if we regularly commit to them. Yes, profess adoration and celebration of the partnership. Perhaps if people did this (and regularly) they would continue to grow…just not apart.

Somewhere I have a quote that’s something like: “I know you know I love you, I just insist on giving proof” Actually, I think that’s the ‘celebration’ I so much enjoy; giving ‘proof’. Yanno?

How is it those of you in long-term relationshps make them work?

Post #: 1

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 1:47:22 PM

angelface183

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LA will correct me if I am wrong I am sure, but I took her statement to mean that the more that people have a need to profess their love for each other in a public forum the less likely their relationship will survive (think Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche).

quote:

“The likelihood of a relationship working long-term is inversely (not directly) proportional to how often the relationship is announced and how many professions of adoration are made about each other in public.”

*parentheses and italics mine

< Message edited by angelface183 -- 6/14/2006 1:50:44 PM >

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 1:49:21 PM

juliaoceania

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I thought it meant the same thing Angel..lol

I wonder how long TomKat will last...laughing

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 1:57:06 PM

Bearlee

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From: South Central CO
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< ~ ~ <wipes egg from face and sighs deeply>

Okay, I did read it wrong............. ever the optimist?

LOL Please, disregard the quote and just go with the gist of what I meant...whadya think?

(in reply to juliaoceania)

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:00:11 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183
LA will correct me if I am wrong I am sure, but I took her statement to mean that the more that people have a need to profess their love for each other in a public forum the less likely their relationship will survive (think Ellen Degeneres and Anne Heche).

That's about it. There is a reality to it and yet the irony is that we SHOULD of course celebrate who we are and the things we love all the time. It's more the why/how it's done rather than the celebration or pronouncement itself.

The topic is a great one, we SHOULD celebrate.

My partner and I went to Costcos this weekend to get some stuff and hang around. I thought it would be really boring and long because of past experiences with other people. But we had a huge blast! We tried the samples, we made "shopping plans" for our household once we move and made notes, we argued over him buying a gazillion new DVDs that we didn't need (he ended up getting 3) and me wanting 3 lbs of strawberries (at $2.51 a pint!!). True happiness is being at Costco and not imagining being happier anywhere else.

But it really can start to grate on people if you are a Pollyanna. Life does suck sometimes, life does get rough and the people who make relationships work do so out of a long time of work and strife. But taking time to celebrate and simply enjoy is certainly just as important.

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:04:41 PM

KnightofMists

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In a couple days alandra and I will be celebrating our 16th year since we took our vows. We had started our relationship a few years before that, in fact we have been a relationship since summer of 87. I don't rememeber a time that her or I ever had a time that we felt our relationship was in trouble. We never felt the need or have preception that we needed to work on our relationship to save it. Yes we have had issues, but we always come together to solve them!

I do agree strongly that successful relationships celebrate their togetherness. It's not just a question of making big rituals or overtures towards each other or in front of others. It's all the little things as well. Learning those little preferences that make a person feel wanted and needed. It is also feeling useful for each other as well. We nuture the best of each other and support each other in our challenges. We show gratitude for each other with simple pleases and thank you's. I have enjoyed and celebrate my daily life with alandra and for the past year plus I have we have been doing the same thing with kyra.

I believe in us! I celebrate in us! Everyday!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:09:12 PM

Bearlee

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Geezeeeeeeee… I’m actually blushing with embarrassment while sitting here alone in my store! <sigh>

Okay, sometimes I think I’m a little naive, perhaps. HOW is it folks come up with those comments? I mean…isn’t it a little convoluted and defeating to think genuine displays of affection will ruin a relationship?

Gawd, sometimes I feel like such a rube …Honestly, I’m NO Pollyanna!

< ~ ~ StandsWithAFist ( I mean it, I’m gonna change my nic!)

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:11:09 PM

angelface183

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

< ~ ~ <wipes egg from face and sighs deeply>

Okay, I did read it wrong............. ever the optimist?

LOL Please, disregard the quote and just go with the gist of what I meant...whadya think?

You are so cute Bearlee!

Yes you need to celebrate the moments in a relationship. Right now mine is new so everything is a celebration, but I hold on to these feelings and experiences because they will be what holds us together.

We have our private jokes and habits that make me smile when He is gone. SD makes great pancakes and the other day I missed Him so much that I made some to ease the loss.

Silly little private things. Sweet things done for each other with out asking. By the way, He cleaned my apartment the other day when I was at work. It had gotten out of hand and what with the hours I work I could not catch up. When I looked up at Him with tears in my eyes to thank Him, He said, "I just figured that you had gotten yourself into a rut and I wanted to help you out of it." You had better believe that it still looks great now! I would not disappoint him by not keeping it up.

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"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:11:50 PM

darkinshadows

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I agree that private affirmation is also important within any relationship. But I also support Ems quote on the in public stance. I think that the two are very seperate issues.

Peace and Rapture

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...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:19:00 PM

Wildfleurs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

From LuckyAlbatross’ signature:

“The likelihood of a relationship working long-term is inversely proportional to how often the relationship is announced and how many professions of adoration are made about each other in public.”

I thought I saw something like this a time or two on Celeste’s posts, as well. At any rate; I like it and have been thinking about starting a thread around the quote.

I feel that when two people come together, one of the best ways to make it work is to constantly ‘Celebrate’ the fact. To, on a daily basis, choose to be together…every day to make a conscious choice to BE a partnership, to BE in relationship.

It seems to me a lot of people talk about being stuck in commitments; trapped, if you will, in choices they wish they’d not made or that they feel have changed to the point of no longer being ‘workable'.

I believe people do grow and things do change…but the only way relationships are going to make it is if we regularly commit to them. Yes, profess adoration and celebration of the partnership. Perhaps if people did this (and regularly) they would continue to grow…just not apart.

Somewhere I have a quote that’s something like: “I know you know I love you, I just insist on giving proof” Actually, I think that’s the ‘celebration’ I so much enjoy; giving ‘proof’. Yanno?

How is it those of you in long-term relationshps make them work?

I guess from my perspective I never feel like a relationship is a surefire success. Its a lot of work and care and feeding. So there's not a huge amount of celebration for us, although we certainly do profess our feelings to each other on occasion but primarily in private.

I saw LA's .sig line as being about people who make all these public proclamations of love and of success when they haven't even gotten to a year (tho frankly a year isn't much these days either) as though its time forthem to pat themselves on the back. Those are the relationships that I think don't usually end up to hit the long term (long term to me is at least five years) marker.

As for us and how we've done it (we're at about eight and a half years), I have no idea. I think its because we accept each other for who we are and our shortcomings as well as both being strongly committed to the relationship and the dynamic of me being his property.

C~

Edited to add: the kick ass sex, his ability to navigate complex place settings with ease, and our love for each other help also.

< Message edited by Wildfleurs -- 6/14/2006 2:20:56 PM >

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:20:08 PM

DesertRat

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee
I mean…isn’t it a little convoluted and defeating to think genuine displays of affection will ruin a relationship?

The displays themselves don't ruin the relationship. They just don't ensure success and are not necessarily indicators of healthy real-life communication.

Bob

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Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

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Post #: 11

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:21:48 PM

angelface183

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

isn’t it a little convoluted and defeating to think genuine displays of affection will ruin a relationship?

< ~ ~ StandsWithAFist ( I mean it, I’m gonna change my nic!)

I don't think that there is anything wrong with PDA (within reason of course...I don't want to see nipples, coochies, or tonsils...well sometimes I do, but I am speaking in general here). I think though that constantly talking about how great your realtionship is is similar to the guy who tells everyone how wealthy he is. If he has to talk about it, then he is not as successful as he wants people to believe.

Now, I know that I mention SD, and I am sure to some I mention Him a lot, but I am not skipping through the forums talking about how great and wonderful everything is (it is though LOL). I feel that I mention Him in the context of the point that I am trying to make on a particular post. To be honest there is not an individual on these boards that comes to my mind who is guilty of exhibiting this behavior. Julia pointed out TomKat and I would have to agree on that point.

Anyway, I think that we are on the same page here, so go ahead and kiss your lover in public! Just don't dry hump him in front of me in line at the grocery store!

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

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Post #: 12

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:27:09 PM

bignipples2share

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This is also how I understood it, however, I do like Bearlee's slant on it.
As far as a long term relationship, I think that you can fall in love all over again, with the same person, many times throughout that relationship.
To know that you still love the person, even though you may be mad at them at that particular moment.
Try never going to bed mad. That's not always possible, but to make sure that even though mad, you know you still love him, just that you're mad right now.
To always make sure that you're on the same page with your partner, and even if you're not that you can live with it and back him up, for his reasons.
I do think that it's possible for many people to fall in and out of love with each other, multiple times, in a long term relationship. There can be times when nothing, or anything and everything bothers you about the person, yet you can't put your finger on one thing.
I've often heard 60 year relationships say, "oooo I hated him/her for at least 3 months". Then go on to say, "but how can you not love someone such as them, just look at them, how wonderful they are."
I think they bide their time,  adjust, re-vamp, work-on, communicate and go on to fall back in love with each other. I do think that too many are too quick to give up on the other as they sit and go over and over the things they don't like.
When things look bleak, I believe in the T box....you draw a T on a sheet of paper. For everything you think is bad, try to write at least 5 things on the other side of the T that are good. Sounds so simple. Not always easy to do when you're mad. Do include same reasons you decided to be with the person in the first place, even if they've changed. You can put that on the con side and try discussion, or whatever means, to try and get that back.
He's leaving the lid off the toothpaste                        vs.                He gives me presents for no reason at all
                                                                                                          He always makes sure to put the toilet seat down.
                                                                                                          He makes me laugh every single day with his humor
                                                                                                                    etc.

It can kinda help puts things in perspective. It's also interesting to see exactly what differences there are when you're head over heals, jumping up and down and thinking how great he is, vs. what your responses were when you were mad.
~Big
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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:35:20 PM

BitaTruble

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quote:

Anyway, I think that we are on the same page here, so go ahead and kiss your lover in public! Just don't dry hump him in front of me in line at the grocery store!

You know you just broke Benji's heart.

OK, to the OP. Sheesh.. how do we make it work? Hmm.. Well, he eats my cooking, that's a good start.

We laugh during the most mundane activities. We acknowledge the flaws we each have, but we don't let them stop us from enjoying one another. We talk, we listen, we reflect, talk some more.. then we eat cake. We allow for anger and we allow for anger to cool without letting it 'get' us and control what we have. Given a choice between doing something together or doing something apart, generally we like to do stuff together. We like being in each other's company.

I think it works because we both want it to work. Attitude is everything. :) Over 10 years now and we are happy, so something's right.

Celeste

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Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:37:35 PM

Arpig

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My father is a very wise man, and he taught me a simple rule...If you love somebody, tell them, and tell them often.

The "public" protestations of devotion on an anonymouis online forum like this are meaningless...tell your mother you love me and that means something...telling LA (sorry, no insult intended in singling you out, it just seemed appropriate to use you, given that it is your quote and all) here on CM that you love me means nothing.
i prefer the proof...the soft kiss when the alarm goes off...the sandwich made and cut just the way I like it...the hug when I need one but haven't asked, being there when everything as gone to hell in a handbasket...that is what counts...not what one types anonymously...and just to hedge my bets...Sarah, Bob loves you!

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RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:39:11 PM

angelface183

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quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

how do we make it work? Hmm.. Well, he eats my cooking, that's a good start. We laugh during the most mundane activities. We acknowledge the flaws we each have, but we don't let them stop us from enjoying one another. We talk, we listen, we reflect, talk some more.. then we eat cake. We allow for anger and we allow for anger to cool without letting it 'get' us and control what we have. Given a choice between doing something together or doing something apart, generally we like to do stuff together. We like being in each other's company.

I think it works because we both want it to work. Attitude is everything. :) Over 10 years now and we are happy, so something's right.

Celeste

I want what you've got! I think I am on the way to it.

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

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Post #: 16

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:45:24 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: angelface183
...
Silly little private things. Sweet things done for each other with out asking. By the way, He cleaned my apartment the other day when I was at work. It had gotten out of hand and what with the hours I work I could not catch up. When I looked up at Him with tears in my eyes to thank Him, He said, "I just figured that you had gotten yourself into a rut and I wanted to help you out of it." You had better believe that it still looks great now! I would not disappoint him by not keeping it up.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwww… See, THAT’s what I meant!!!

quote:

I don't think that there is anything wrong with PDA (within reason of course...I don't want to see nipples, coochies, or tonsils...well sometimes I do, but I am speaking in general here).

Ewwwwwwwwwww… LOL, I couldn’t agree more!

quote:

I think though that constantly talking about how great your realtionship is is similar to the guy who tells everyone how wealthy he is. If he has to talk about it, then he is not as successful as he wants people to believe.

Yup, or like my damn remodel-er telling me all the time how good he is and how lucky I am to have him (after three months working on my kitchen and it’s only finished to the drywall? <sigh> I'm a cook.....I miss my kitchen!!!

quote:

Now, I know that I mention SD, and I am sure to some I mention Him a lot, but I am not skipping through the forums talking about how great and wonderful everything is (it is though LOL). I feel that I mention Him in the context of the point that I am trying to make on a particular post. To be honest there is not an individual on these boards that comes to my mind who is guilty of exhibiting this behavior. Julia pointed out TomKat and I would have to agree on that point.

Anyway, I think that we are on the same page here, so go ahead and kiss your lover in public! Just don't dry hump him in front of me in line at the grocery store!

LOL, I promise! …but, WHO is TomKat? The only TomKat I know is a cat-o-nine tails (nasty thing; I love it).

Yup, I don't see a lot of those over zealous proclamations here either. The way you talk about SD or Celeste mentions 'Himself' is really sweet...and more the kind of stuff I mean.

Seriously…yes, I understand about the INSISTANCE of relationship rather than the celebration of it? How’s that?

...edited cuz I lost track of my 'endquotes'

< Message edited by Bearlee -- 6/14/2006 2:50:19 PM >

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Post #: 17

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:51:17 PM

JohnWarren

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There is not a day that goes by that Libby and I don't say "I love you" to each other. Sometimes these statements are in private; sometimes they are in public. For example, during this year's seder, I acknowledged that it was Libby, her love and her time in my life for which I was most thankful.

Usually when someone compliments me, I mention that a lot of what I do has depended on the support and encouragement of Libby.

We first met on February 29th, 1992. We moved in together on October 1, 1992. If this acknowledgement of our mutual love has shortened our time together, I've yet to see any sign of it.

_____________________________

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Post #: 18

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:58:52 PM

Bearlee

Posts: 2311
Joined: 10/25/2004
From: South Central CO
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quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
There is not a day that goes by that Libby and I don't say "I love you" to each other. Sometimes these statements are in private; sometimes they are in public. For example, during this year's seder, I acknowledged that it was Libby, her love and her time in my life for which I was most thankful.

Usually when someone compliments me, I mention that a lot of what I do has depended on the support and encouragement of Libby.

We first met on February 29th, 1992. We moved in together on October 1, 1992. If this acknowledgement of our mutual love has shortened our time together, I've yet to see any sign of it.

No, no, no, Sir...that's the whole point (well, my part) of the post. What you describe is not the 'insistence' of love, but rather the quiet celebration of it in public and private. Thank you.

Wow… what a lovely way to end the afternoon. Thank you all, especially KoM and Celeste, I sure like to ‘read’ you two. Arpig and big… wonderful! Thank you, too.

LOL, angel, I want what ‘she’ has too!

(in reply to JohnWarren)

Post #: 19

RE: Celebration of choice... - 6/14/2006 2:59:29 PM

angelface183

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bearlee

WHO is TomKat?

I envy you that you do not know this "name" , I wish I did not. TomKat is Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes.

_____________________________

"...... all that, a bag of chips AND a pickle!!!"

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Post #: 20

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