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RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie - 10/25/2012 9:18:56 PM

Duskypearls

Posts: 3561
Joined: 8/21/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LonDom61

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Hi, Pouliche. Welcome to the forums.

The bad news is that there's no way you'll get a BDSM relationship with her. The good news is that's not what you want anyway. You just want kink in bed.

Your idea is to show her some movie that will turn on a switch in her head and she will realize that this is what she really wants. That switch ain't there.

My suggestion is to see if you can change your relationship into one where it's okay to try stuff in bed, to see how well it works. Have a conversation with her in which you DO NOT mention your desire to get tied up, in which you speak more abstractly. Is there something she's wanted to try? What kind of emotions does she feel when she plays with you? How does she view you? How do you feel then? Etc.

Once you know the above, you'll be better able to know whether this might be good for her and, if so, how to approach her.

I do get quite concerned that:

1. She's not willing to make a one-time experiment with bondage in a 2 year relationship, and
2. That you're looking at ending a 2 year relationship due to you wanting to experienced a one-time fantasy.

The relationship's not as secure as it should be.

This response is permeated right down to its component electrons on your screen with WIN.

DarkSteven...I'm not on the boards much. (Well, have been back a fair bit lately, I guess.) I see your posts a lot. From what I recall, they are always considered, wise, kind, resourceful and--if heeded--helpful.

You, sir, are a good guy. So say I.

Right you are, Lon, we are incredibly lucky to have DarkSteven, and I am pleased to know you appreciate him. He is a gem, inside and out, on paper and in person, and I can say that in all truth, as I know him personally. He was actually the wickedly wonderful fellow who invited to my very first party, kept me safely and securely under his wing that evening (until I sprouted wings), while explaining to me so much of that which I did not know about the lifestyle, scening, the nomenclature, etc., etc. He did, and continues to do me, such a good turn. Never has he failed me, and I still do call upon him, from time to time. He is strong, kind, generous, level-headed, funny, informed and just an all around good guy. (I luv ya Steven, can't ya tell?! I'm proud and honored to know you. You are true blue, my friend.)

< Message edited by Duskypearls -- 10/25/2012 9:22:36 PM >

(in reply to LonDom61)

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RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie - 10/28/2012 4:01:48 AM

GotSteel

Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pouliche
She says "I don't like to tie you because then you can't touch my body"...

I mean, I don't really know if she doesn't like it or if she doesn't dare trying it.

I frankly don't see how she could be more clear. She's not into it.

(in reply to pouliche)

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RE: Introducing someone to BDSM thanks to movie - 10/28/2012 5:26:42 AM

Muchtado

Posts: 29
Joined: 3/8/2006
Status: offline

There seems to me to be a communication problem here. Maybe that is not exactly the correct word. Maybe it is a listening problem. Like others have said here, you can not force people to fit into your mold.

It seems to me that you may have a particular view of what you are looking for in the relationship. This view could be only in the bedroom or it could be more of a lifestyle type of decision. Either way, the first thing you need to do is figure out what it is you want.

What she said “I like you to hold me”, is a valid reason for not wanting to tie you up. There could also be other reasons that are not evident here. Maybe siblings use to tie her up and tickle her (or something else). Maybe she has a moral objection to this type of play. There could be any number of reasons. Statistics say that one in four women is raped in their lifetime, maybe this has something to do with it. We do not know.

What I do see, like I said before, is a lack of communication. At this juncture you only have three choices. 1) Decide to talk to her about what you need. 2) Decide not to talk to her about this. 3) Decide not to decide. Just know that when you have a decision to make, and do not make it, then that in itself is a decision.

(in reply to GotSteel)

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Post #: 23