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Should I even be here? - 10/23/2012 2:34:45 PM

misterPresident

Posts: 1
Joined: 10/23/2012
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A little background about myself first. I haven't dated anyone since college. I find the subtlety involved with the dynamic of dating too cause too much drama. I would rather tell/be told something then be given hints from my partner. I have enjoyed casual sex too but lately it has been feeling... empty.

I was introduced to this lifestyle just over a year ago. I am a Dom to a sub, and while I enjoy what we have it will never evolve past a "weekend relationship." She has other commitments in her life more important them me.

I see a lot of kink and sex here while I am interested in these but I am ultimately looking for a loving relationship where I am Dom and where me and my partner are upfront with each other. It sounds too good to be true, someone who wants to submit 100%. Am I a potential Master? Is this what a slave wants as well? Have I arrived or am I lost in a fantasy?

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RE: Should I even be here? - 10/23/2012 2:47:02 PM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I can only speak from my experience.

A D/s relationship is like any other relationship right at the beginning. You get to know each other, learn to trust each other and evolve into a D/s interaction.

Which pretty much means that, for me, there is absolutely zero difference between 'nilla and D/s in the first several months of the relationship. It's only when you get past that slightly awkward "getting to know you" phase that you, as Dom, can start making the decisions.

After that, and again from my experience, it takes a long, long time before you get the level of obedience and trust you're aiming at. In my case, that was a couple of years. Not through lack of want or trying, but because that's now long it took for it to evolve naturally between us.

So if your sub is anything like me, it looks like you're going to have to do the whole subtle thing anyway. Of course, you could always make sure that your partner felt comfortable in confiding in you and discussing relationship stuff with you in a very up-front way, rather than relying on subtle signals. Worth a discussion with her right at the start, eh?

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RE: Should I even be here? - 10/23/2012 3:01:18 PM

autumnember

Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline

I am with the bunny here. If you attract drama in vanilla relationships you will attract drama in kink relationships. It takes time for a relationship to develop trust and strength.

Oh and silly me ... welcome to the forum and good luck with what you search for

< Message edited by autumnember -- 10/23/2012 3:04:01 PM >

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RE: Should I even be here? - 10/23/2012 3:12:16 PM

Bemyprize

Posts: 43
Joined: 9/26/2012
Status: offline

Dude,

GREAT PICK UP LINE... or you are really asking. Ok so if you are just starting out forget all the books etc. If you are like most guys its going to be a trial and error thing. (going slow so you dont mess up is highly recommended).

Going to munchies, etc is not going to help you other than finding the ones who are big into the scene. Try this and then let me know. Find a NON-PRO domme, or a Daddy Dom (domme is going to be better its easier for them to help you find your voice, we (Doms) can be a bit.. THUS SAITH MYSELF.. LORD KING DOM.. (its the constant ego stroking of a great submissive.... it goes to your head).

You are going to need to give up your submissive, if you are going to find that one. Unless you are poly its hard to find a submissive who wants to give you that level of commitment in order to be your gal on the side.

Try this, find a submissive in your area, (ignore the hot model shots that use words like, Im real, and real master needed, relocation, my x master isnt happy with me..yadda yadda) then TALK TO HER. Find out how her head works and what she wants. Its important because you are asking her to trust and let you in. Ok... good luck,

A side note, it can happen fast or slow when you find the right one, so you should be freaking out learning what it is about you that makes it work for you.

Michael...,

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RE: Should I even be here? - 10/23/2012 10:24:43 PM

yourdarkdesire

Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline

Great advice Michael!

MrPrez.....what you are looking for is certainly within your grasp. There are a number of couples that met here on the site, moved into real life, and are now married. The most recent addition to that group is Odeen and kitkat, who just got married last month. So it can happen.

But, you will have to get rid of the part time girl. Be prepared to devote your time to your search. And most of all, be patient.

Welcome to the forums! Look around, read, learn, and then come visit us crazy people down in Casual Banter. Bare your soul on the I Admit thread, and get your daily dose of humor in the Train Wreck, both found in Polls and Other Random Snippets.

btw, I would go to the munches if you can. Not necessarily to meet subs, but to learn.

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