RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub

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OsideGirl -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/24/2012 8:35:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plasticshark If you were romantically interested in a Dom, would you find it off-putting if they began an old-fashioned courting? Actually, I would find if off putting if he didn't. Even though Master and I had been friends for a few years before we dated, he still courted me.

plasticshark -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/24/2012 9:04:55 AM)
Thanks for all the replies. It seems like a silly question, but why not avail myself of the opinions of those who may have already been successful, you know? One of my "false starts" was with a young lady that refused to call me anything but "sir" in private, even though I asked her not to more than once. Just not my kink. I'm in a bit of an odd place in life where I have many, many options as far as "lifestyle configurations" go. As much as the thought of buying a ranch in middle Tennessee and starting a commune for wayward young masocists amuses me, I've come to realize that the romantic itch* is also there. I'll never be content until I have both. That realization should have been rattling around in my brain before, but this weekend really brought it to the fore and it clicked. But it's been an incredibly fun 18 months getting it all sorted out. *to clarify, by romantic I mean what I described in my first post. I've met a handful of women with whom our kinks more or less aligned, we had the same asthetic tastes, and we got along great; it just wasn't enough. I need more than bullet points. This should seem readily self-apparent, but it was so freeing to simply be able to find people that I could be my sadistic self around that it got shoved aside.

DesFIP -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/24/2012 10:33:05 AM)
You know, it wouldn't matter if she disliked it. You really can't be anybody but yourself. If you pretended to a false persona to catch her, you either have to show her the real you eventually or spend the rest of your life acting like someone you aren't. And nobody can keep that up. Be your authentic self and hope that her authentic self is compatible with yours. When it comes down to the bottom line, that's all there is.

plasticshark -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/24/2012 6:35:50 PM)
Pulling the bandaid off quickly - I told her today that I was interested in her romantically, not just as a D/s thing, and she said it was more than she was currently looking for. I had a feeling she'd say something like that, but it's good to know now instead of waiting until I'm deeply emotionally invested. As you were.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/24/2012 8:10:31 PM)
I'm sorry it turned out that way.

littlewonder -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/24/2012 8:26:51 PM)
It sounds like there was no communication from the start of what you both were seeking. She wanted something casual. You don't. Next time try to be sure you talk about this from the start.

sexyred1 -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 7:47:32 AM)
I thought this article spoke to this thread and dating in general in our overly technological world. It is interesting that it primarily focuses on millenials but I find it with older men as well. http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/25/fashion/the-gaggle-says-finding-love-is-a-numbers-game.html?_r=1&nl=todaysheadlines&emc=edit_th_20121025

plasticshark -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 10:00:44 AM)
We'd discussed prior that she was recently divorced and while she said she was looking for something long-term and monogamous, I had concerns that she hadn't had her post-divorce frenzy yet. I don't know if it was that she realized she did want to have plenty of space (though I'd plainly stated I am in no hurry - everything is a process) or it was me in particular, but there's no ill will or regret on my side. I value honesty over everything else. I've had similar experiences with dating people in their late 20s / early 30s as the article mentioned - apparently labels and/or something that makes it feel like it might be work is scary. I can't speak to whether or not 15 years from now people will look back and consider it a wasted time because of the mindset (I went to college in the mid 90s and the movie PCU wasn't far off), but it's not for me. There are probably 200 million women in the world who are in my age range, so it seems like its just a matter of time.

LonDom61 -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 10:24:57 AM)
Sorry it didn`t work out. But, as you said, best to know now. I`m sure it hurts, but it was for the best. You did the right thing. Don`t take away from this that openness (both re intentions and showing your inner Hanks) is a bad idea. I had already planned to woo my next girl. The input here just confirms that. And I`ve got an off-beat funny side, too. Thanks for that, posters. Vive la romance!

AnimusRex -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 12:03:11 PM)
I wouldn't give up yet. When I was courting Kim, she went through a dark period where she needed space, so we spent a long time just with minimal emails and occasional dates. That was 10 years ago and we are married now. Having you as a safe voice, a presence that is nondemanding yet interested in her, can be the thing that she needs right now. A lifetime is worth a bit of patience.

littlewonder -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 12:11:41 PM)
Ya know, when I was in my early teens and mid 20's (I was married in between), the last thing I cared about was courting. I was just looking for casual sex and thinking that if he fucked well then there was the chance for something more. Damned the courting. But once I hit my late 20's, I realized that that just wasn't enough. I needed more. I wanted more because I was tired of meeting assholes and it hit me like an epiphany when I was talking to a family member who has been married forever and the guy is very good to her. She told me about how he won her over, how romantic he is and still is. I realized that's what was missing from my life. My point is, if she's young, this is to be expected. It seems like a lot of the millenials just are not into romance in the same way those of us who are older are. But I think as they get older they will end up "getting it" the same as most of us have. So just hold on.

littleone14 -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 12:12:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LonDom61 I had already planned to woo my next girl. Girls definitely like wooing. Personally, I ignore guys who refuse to try to woo me. Makes me think they are only interested in one thing.........

shadowwink -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 4:52:47 PM)
I'd love to have someone like this. I mean, someone who doesn't only want to play/have sex with me, but also something more. Good luck to the OP and don't stop looking for the right girl :)

theRose4U -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/27/2012 9:20:17 PM)
I think when its right it happens a lot of ways my D/D I literally knocked backwards down a flight of stairs unconscious the first time we met! He showed me around a little after that with platonic interest. It wasn't until a year later I dressed to the 9's pulling out all the stops for a party that he finally "noticed me". Hand went to the small of the back & the rest was history!

kalikshama -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/28/2012 5:56:15 AM)
quote: If you were romantically interested in a Dom, would you find it off-putting if they began an old-fashioned courting? I find it incredibly sexy when a man is an uber gentleman in public and a sadistic kinky fuck in the bedroom.

DaddySatyr -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/28/2012 5:57:56 AM)
Romance is fine but, whatever you do; DON'T take her out to dinner with your friends or you'll wind up owing her an apology! Peace and comfort, Michael

Curvynewsub -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/29/2012 1:54:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen I am a stereotypical Englishman. Uptight, reserved, formal... My girl is a mature woman, but she has a very strong playful streak and she can be very childlike at times. On the face of it, I would have put this down as a recipe for disaster. But in fact she brings out elements in me which I never knew existed. I can be SILLY! I can be soft, I can be childlike myself at times, just like a father playing with his little girl. She loves it, and she rejoices in finding new ways for Daddy to make himself look or sound silly. We PLAY together, and the bond between us is fantastic. She makes me a better person. She makes me whole, and we have a better life together than I ever thought imaginable. So go with it: be yourself, let her see everything you are, and if she doesn't like it then you'd never have worked well together in the long term anyway. My Dom actually told me i am not to grow up lol i am only 22 and he loves the fact that i get excited over making cup cakes for my son's class at school or glow sticks. He thinks it is cute and in a way he makes it easier on me because i can still have fun but he reminds me to be the adult when i need to be. I hope our relationship grows more over time into something as beautiful as yours.

plasticshark -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/29/2012 9:18:27 PM)
Maybe we should all start a club...the Flowers-and-Chocolates Sadists Society. FnC for short. I never give up. Both my career and hobbies involve a lot of rejection. It still stings if its something I really want, but it's life. I'll keep searching, and who knows, maybe in the future she and I will cross paths again when the gears line up better. For now, I hope the best for her and move on. Her last email to me had a definite finality to it. Of course, now I have this huge urge to burn through a bunch of cute, tiny, curvy blonde women. I won't, because I'm a grown up, but the urge is there. Stupid instinct is always to take a failure and then attempt something similar but twice as difficult. The whole experience has certainly stoked the fire. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I have a feeling there's a lot more of us out here than one would expect.

Lilviper091 -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/30/2012 2:57:25 PM)
COURT HER!! lol... mumbles lucky lady! :P I'll settle for an uncle or cousin if the brothers are taken ;) lol Best of luck!

theRose4U -> RE: Romantic courting with a potential sub (10/30/2012 9:27:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: plasticshark Pulling the bandaid off quickly - I told her today that I was interested in her romantically, not just as a D/s thing, and she said it was more than she was currently looking for. I had a feeling she'd say something like that, but it's good to know now instead of waiting until I'm deeply emotionally invested. As you were. Ok this to me is confusing & haope the subs can fill in the gaps for both of us. What drives a sub to allow someone to tie them up & beat their ass but makes them run for the hills that there is any actual affection behind that drive? I don't flog softer because I want a sub to stay for breakfast. What gives?

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