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newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/24/2012 12:18:12 AM

subbydream

Posts: 3
Joined: 9/22/2012
Status: offline

Hello,

I am an alpha on the outside, beta on the inside kind of guy. I've been fortunate that past girlfriends have indulged me in exploring some fem-dom fantasies, but these light experiences only leads to wanting more. I feel incomplete with out it and now that I am dating again, the idea of a "dominant female" has slowly become a prerequisite, yet I don't know how to find dominant women.

In the end I would love to end up having a lifelong 1-way poly relationship with a woman I hopefully "love". I would do as I am told by her, and she is free to court anyone she wishes into physical relationships in which my consent or involvement is not required but always appreciated. Outside of this our lives would be no different then any other long term couple that is either married, or common law or whatever.

Any advice?

How would one even begin to discuss this with let's say ...a girlfriend? ...or someone you're just dating?

Soo many questions, but I'll leave it at that for now...thanks

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RE: newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/24/2012 4:33:33 AM

SadisticMs2

Posts: 203
Joined: 8/10/2011
Status: offline

Go to local munches and BDSM organizations. Meet dominant women.

Not so hard, eh?

(in reply to subbydream)

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RE: newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/24/2012 5:43:20 AM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subbydream

In the end I would love to end up having a lifelong 1-way poly relationship with a woman I hopefully "love". I would do as I am told by her, and she is free to court anyone she wishes into physical relationships in which my consent or involvement is not required but always appreciated.

This is a difficult topic. I completely understand your desire. The only problem is that it's YOUR desire, not hers.

Most women are wired to be monogamous. So the typical woman isn't going to respond well to your request for her to have sex with other men. She's likely to think that you view her as a whore, or that you're simply using this as an excuse to justify your own cheating. Either way, you're more likely to end up in the doghouse than in bed having passionate sex.

You know your partner. How does she respond to the idea of infidelity? Is it something that she talks about in a positive way? Has she ever shown an interest in other men?

Unless you're meeting women at a swingers club, suggesting that she sleep with other men is something that should be done with the greatest of care. You're very likely to wind up with her hand print clearly embossed on your face, and a size 7 high heel shoe buried deep up your ass.

Good luck. You're gonna need it.

(in reply to subbydream)

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RE: newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/24/2012 12:21:39 PM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline

Although Roch is correct that there are women who aren't into any sort of sharing, period, there are those who are interested in what you're looking for. The main trick is to make sure you're not approaching a woman/women *JUST BECAUSE* she happens to be interested in cuckolding/mono-poly relationships. I could see that sort of arrangement being really hot, but I'd have to be in a relationship with someone for some time before introducing that sort of dynamic. With that sort of kink that needs such intimacy and trust, there needs to be a damn good vanilla foundation before I'd go there (and I'd be willing to bet good money other ladies who are into it feel the same way). Mention it as an interest to make sure that it's not a deal breaker, but if a lady's interested in it/curious about it and really into you, chances are she'll want to explore soon enough
...aka don't make it all about your fetish and you'll be fine :)

(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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RE: newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/24/2012 12:52:54 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

there are those who are interested in what you're looking for. The main trick is to make sure you're not approaching a woman/women *JUST BECAUSE* she happens to be interested in cuckolding/mono-poly relationships. ........aka don't make it all about your fetish and you'll be fine.

And I agree with you. The only problem is that most of the guys who come on here seeking a cuckold relationship DO make it all about their fetish. In fact, the woman is typically only a prop in these guys' porn-driven cuckolding fantasy. The cuckolding is typically far more important to them than the relationship.

(in reply to VioletViolence)

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RE: newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/26/2012 4:57:09 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

there are those who are interested in what you're looking for. The main trick is to make sure you're not approaching a woman/women *JUST BECAUSE* she happens to be interested in cuckolding/mono-poly relationships. ........aka don't make it all about your fetish and you'll be fine.

And I agree with you. The only problem is that most of the guys who come on here seeking a cuckold relationship DO make it all about their fetish. In fact, the woman is typically only a prop in these guys' porn-driven cuckolding fantasy. The cuckolding is typically far more important to them than the relationship.

With a fantasy as complex as cuckolding, I worry that many men simply feel they have no choice but put the cart in front of the horse. That is to say - if they find a woman who is actually INTO it or open to it, that's the biggest hurdle - figure out the chemistry later! Whereas women often consider chemistry THE most important road to intimacy or any kind of relationship - whether it be for kinky play or something longterm. No chemistry = no step one.

For some cuckold fetishists == woman into cuckolding equals chemistry (probably!) since that's the biggest hurdle by far - after all, she posses one of the single most attractive traits in a woman - the desire/honest passion to engage in it.

In some ways I think this is where a lot of men who have a variety of fetishes hit unknowing stumbling blocks. If they meet a woman open to their fetish or interested in their fetish, this is SUCH a big rarity, it's a huge score as far as "chemistry" on their end. For the woman though, maybe not so much - they desire chemistry on a lot of levels before engaging in step one getting to know someone or play.

I still remember very early on when I discovered "the scene" after years of just "dating vanillas and turning them kinky," meeting sub guys who would say "but I'm sub and you're dominant we should at least get to know each other who knows maybe we could play" - it just wasn't the single most important "connection" point for me. A common interest in hobbies, profession, humor or art along with a willingness to be kinky was more of a connection.

Akasha

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)

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RE: newbie sub needs advice on cuckold desires... - 10/27/2012 1:53:29 PM

VioletViolence

Posts: 169
Joined: 1/30/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rochsub2009

quote:

ORIGINAL: VioletViolence

there are those who are interested in what you're looking for. The main trick is to make sure you're not approaching a woman/women *JUST BECAUSE* she happens to be interested in cuckolding/mono-poly relationships. ........aka don't make it all about your fetish and you'll be fine.

And I agree with you. The only problem is that most of the guys who come on here seeking a cuckold relationship DO make it all about their fetish. In fact, the woman is typically only a prop in these guys' porn-driven cuckolding fantasy. The cuckolding is typically far more important to them than the relationship.

With a fantasy as complex as cuckolding, I worry that many men simply feel they have no choice but put the cart in front of the horse. That is to say - if they find a woman who is actually INTO it or open to it, that's the biggest hurdle - figure out the chemistry later! Whereas women often consider chemistry THE most important road to intimacy or any kind of relationship - whether it be for kinky play or something longterm. No chemistry = no step one.

For some cuckold fetishists == woman into cuckolding equals chemistry (probably!) since that's the biggest hurdle by far - after all, she posses one of the single most attractive traits in a woman - the desire/honest passion to engage in it.

In some ways I think this is where a lot of men who have a variety of fetishes hit unknowing stumbling blocks. If they meet a woman open to their fetish or interested in their fetish, this is SUCH a big rarity, it's a huge score as far as "chemistry" on their end. For the woman though, maybe not so much - they desire chemistry on a lot of levels before engaging in step one getting to know someone or play.

I still remember very early on when I discovered "the scene" after years of just "dating vanillas and turning them kinky," meeting sub guys who would say "but I'm sub and you're dominant we should at least get to know each other who knows maybe we could play" - it just wasn't the single most important "connection" point for me. A common interest in hobbies, profession, humor or art along with a willingness to be kinky was more of a connection.

Akasha

I've often gotten the same feeling and with more than just cuckolding. The men who message me do so because they see similar kinks and hope to get some play while figuring out if we're compatible....where for me I need to figure out if there's compatibility before I'll want to indulge my kinks. It's a frustrating state of affairs.

(in reply to AAkasha)

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