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BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 2:02:14 AM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Hi i am new to not only this site but this life. I have many people who are wanting to help train me; I just don't know what to do with all of the messages. I thank everyone for being so nice since i started this adventure. To give you a quick idea of why I decided to even get into the D/s lifestyle; I want what all of these other sub. women have with their Dom. The love and caring that is there in the relationship knowing that the Dom has every ability to make you happy or take some happiness away from you. The fact that he can be my best friend as well as the man that i can turn to no matter what and he will take care of me if i need him to is kind of a trip for me. I had an ex who was abusive to me and i did everything from keeping the bills paid to keeping the house clean and taking care of our child. I would have been ok with it if he had helped. With what i have gathered from here as well as the other sites i have read, the Dom does take care of his sub as a man should take care of someone he loves. I don't expect any Dom i end up with to pay my bills but i would think that he would at least be nice enough to tell me how i pleased him. If i do good i want him to tell me i did good and reward me be it with physical contact or allowing me to do something i want to do. If i am way off in my thinking please tell me now lol. I just hope that my first D/s relationship is way better than my last vanilla relationship. Wish me luck.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 2:47:07 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Hi there!

The good news is that you have a pretty good idea of how maledom works. A Dom gives you structure and feedback, as well as the loving you'd get in a vanilla relationship.

The bad news is that 99% of the men writing to you are not Doms, but horny net geeks. Anyone offering to train you without even knowing who you really are, is a phony IMO.

Keep at it and see if you can find groups in Alabama.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 3:05:11 AM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		thanks for that. I do have a question. What is a 'true Dom'? the way you put it there is a set or rules or guidelines to being one lol.

PS I love your signature!!!

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 3:11:43 AM   
MsLadySue


Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome Curvynewsub.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 3:25:03 AM   
DaddySatyr


Posts: 9381
Joined: 8/29/2011
From: Pittston, Pennsyltucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Curvynewsub

thanks for that. I do have a question. What is a 'true Dom'? the way you put it there is a set or rules or guidelines to being one lol.

PS I love your signature!!!


A "true Dom", as you ask is something that a lot of us mock by saying "twue dominate". It's a person that believes that their way of living the lifestyle is the only way to live the lifestyle. While that's okay for one's own house, I have no right to impose my views upon anyone that doesn't live within its walls.

I would expect nothing less from a dominant other than the belief that their way is the only that they and their submissives will live.

Having said that; if there are (numbers are only for illustration) 8 million D/s couples in the world, I would hasten to suggest that there are probably between 7.5 and 8 million ways to practice the D/s lifestyle.

My best advice to you is to slow down, a bit, take a personal inventory, decide who you are, THEN decide who you want to be with.



Peace and comfort,



Michael

_____________________________

A Stone in My Shoe

Screen captures (and pissing on shadows) still RULE! Ya feel me?

"For that which I love, I will do horrible things"

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 3:32:10 AM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		thanks for the warm welcomes and thank you Michael for that explanation. I am kind of confused as to what i want and don't want at this point. I know my boundaries and i know how i like sex and day to day life. I guess the most fun part is trying to find a Dom who will accept that i want a 'kind of' 24/7 lifestyle. I know i want to be controlled but i don't want my kids to pick up on it or my family for that matter. lol

(in reply to DaddySatyr)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 5:47:08 AM   
yourdarkdesire


Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline 		Every D/s relationship is different. It is defined by you and your Dom. It is what you say it is. I am quite confident that there are D/s couples out there who are well enough off so that they have a maid, or at least a cleaning service. In those cases, I would suggest that domestic servitude is not part of their dynamic.

It is okay to be unsure of what you want. It is all part of the learning curve. Look through the threads, esp. Ask a Master and Ask a Submissive/Slave. You will learn a lot there. Then come on down to the Train Wreck for your daily dose of humor, and I Admit to bear your soul, even if it is just that you had a cup of coffee this morning.

Welcome to the forums, and best of luck in your search to find yourself.

_____________________________

President, ProSubsRUs

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 6:02:11 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Feel free to ask all the questions you want. However, what I'd really recommend is going out into the community and just watching others' dynamics. At group get-togethers, you'll see very strict Doms and loose Doms. You'll see mono households and poly households. You'll get a feel for how those dynamics would work, and be able to chat with the Doms and subs and see what their lives are like.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to yourdarkdesire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 8:22:19 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums!

A few pieces of advice:

1) D/s BDSM relationships are still relationships. So, use common sense. If you wouldn't tolerate the behavior in a vanilla relationship, you don't have to tolerate it in a D/s BDSM relationship.

2) I agree with Stephen. Get out in your community. I would also suggest that you find yourself an experienced female submissive to be your mentor.

3) Training indicates learning a specific skill set and since you're not with a Dominant now....you have no idea what your Dominant will want you to learn. What the wankers mean when they say they want to train you is that they want to tie you up, beat up and then have sex with you without the relationship. They like novices because it's easy to convince them that the "training" is valid, needed to fit in and expected.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 10/24/2012 8:23:50 AM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 8:26:41 AM   
autumnember


Posts: 185
Joined: 8/30/2012
Status: offline 		There used to be a poster here that used to always tell people who are brand new to take 6 months before getting into any kind of relationship and i absolutely agree with that advice. You seem to still have negative attachments to relationships due to a shitty vanilla relationship. What you described is very attainable in vanilla relationships (in fact SHOULD be present in all relationships). Read (non-fiction), learn, attend a local munch and/or demos and see if this is REALLY what you may like.

You do not need training (i suspect you know how to give a blow job and most men enjoy different things) unless it is by the man you have chosen that you want to enter into a dynamic with. Don't make that judgement lightly. Just because someone tells you that they are dominant does not mean that they are good people (or right, or better, or smarter or anything than other people). The only way you will know if they are a "true dominant" to you is to go in with informed consent (educated and willingly... remember YOU are still responsible for your safety both physically and emotionally) and discover your relationship together

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 10:44:38 AM   
yourdarkdesire


Posts: 4477
Joined: 10/2/2008
From: NeverNeverLand
Status: offline 		Remember that there is a difference between being dominant and being domineering.

_____________________________

President, ProSubsRUs

(in reply to autumnember)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 10:50:35 AM   
Bemyprize


Posts: 43
Joined: 9/26/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: yourdarkdesire

Remember that there is a difference between being dominant and being domineering.


Yes but one of the best things about the life is I went from a controlling, micro-managing asshat, to wonderfully involved Dom---all it took was meeting the right woman... wink...

All joking aside, its a matter of degrees and finding someone who wants to do the same "bad" things to you that you are ashamed to dream about.


Michael...,

< Message edited by Bemyprize -- 10/24/2012 10:51:29 AM >

(in reply to yourdarkdesire)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 12:10:59 PM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Curvynewsub

I have many people who are wanting to help train me; I just don't know what to do with all of the messages.

I want the love and caring that is there in the relationship knowing that the Dom has every ability to make you happy
or take some happiness away from you. The fact that he can be my best friend as well as the man that i can turn to no
matter what and he will take care of me if i need him to is kind of a trip for me. With what i have gathered from here as
well as the other sites i have read, the Dom does take care of his sub as a man should take care of someone he loves.


Welcome to the message board. You are not far off in what a healthy D/s relationship looks like.
My concern for you is that your profile is asking for others to train you, and that word is like a bright
neon sign for many men that are on this site with ill intent.

I would advise removing that word and perhaps stating something like "While I am new to the lifestyle,
I am quite capable of being a devoted and obedient submissive, but it must be inspired, not assumed.

Best of luck in your search!

_____________________________

When the path ignites a soul, there’s no remaining in place.

(in reply to Curvynewsub)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 2:58:14 PM   
ashjor911


Posts: 7793
Joined: 9/7/2010
From: balcony, having a Smoke
Status: offline 		Welcome...

dont mind me looking at your pics .... i am just a wanker

_____________________________

"operative" working undercover for the federal government of bangladesh.

my name is : bonsh ... jamesh bonsh.
code name : 009.5
licensed to give formla

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: BRAND NEW SUB?!?!?!? - 10/24/2012 4:23:57 PM   
Curvynewsub


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I just coppied and pasted the last part i hope that is ok. THANKS TO EVERYONE!!!
quote:

ORIGINAL: poise


Welcome to the message board. You are not far off in what a healthy D/s relationship looks like.
My concern for you is that your profile is asking for others to train you, and that word is like a bright
neon sign for many men that are on this site with ill intent.

I would advise removing that word and perhaps stating something like "While I am new to the lifestyle,
I am quite capable of being a devoted and obedient submissive, but it must be inspired, not assumed.

Best of luck in your search!

quote:

While I am new to the lifestyle,
I am quite capable of being a devoted and obedient submissive, but it must be inspired, not assumed.

(in reply to poise)
Profile   Post #: 15
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