How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (Full Version)

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skara -> How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 5:23:18 AM)

Hello everyone!

I started a relationship with a new guy. I really like him. From the beggining, I told him that I was a submissive woman and I was into bdsm. He was really interested in what I was saying and he would like to try very much.

I was wondering if someone has lived that kind of situation and how they cope with it. How did you start to bring games into vanilla sex etc... How should I do it so he won't be scared of what I like? How we should begin?

Please!

Thank you!



AthenaSurrenders -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 5:34:13 AM)

If he's into it, then let him take the lead and explore. Let him read about it - I'm sure someone will come in with the book list soon - and try out what he fancies. Give whatever he picks out a good try even if it isn't what you are most excited by. That way hopefully he can find things that he enjoys and get a buzz from dominating you, rather than just acting out what you like. Cuddle up and talk dirty. Read dirty stories. Walk around naked and tell him you'll do whatever you are told tonight. Most importantly, keep it low pressure and don't tell him he's doing it wrong.

Afterwards, talk about it - what he liked, what you liked, what felt awkward, what you should try next time.

And don't expect kink every time you have sex. If he likes vanilla sex, make sure he gets lot of that too.



DarkSteven -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 6:09:13 AM)

First, he'll say anything at the onset. He may be interested in the lifestyle, he may not be.

What do YOU want? Is it bedroom stuff for you, or do you want rules set up and enforced outside the bedroom?

And welcome to collarme!



OsideGirl -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 8:29:16 AM)

I would suggest giving The Loving Dominant and When Someone you Love is Kinky" a read....and then having a discussion about how you envision this to be.



DesFIP -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 10:15:40 AM)

Start with things that don't require special gear. Tying your wrists to the bedposts with a couple of scarves and teasing you till you're begging him to fuck you is simple. So is you coming out nude, draping yourself over his knee and telling him you've been a naughty girl and need a spanking.



littlewonder -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 10:26:53 AM)

buy a pair of fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold. I'm guessing this is only bedroom stuff to you from the wording in your post.



ChatteParfaitt -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 10:30:27 AM)

One of the things I have encountered many times over the years is a sub who wants their husband or wife or b/f or g/f to be their dominant. Generally its' a male sub, but occasionally a female has this question as well.

One of the big mistakes they make is asking their spouse or partner to be their dominant, then get all picky about how they do that. In other words, they ask someone to dom them, then try and tell them how to do it. I've never known this to work.

Do a search for book list, and you should find some links. The Loving Dominant is a great one to start with. When Someone You Know is Kinky is another good one.

Get out into the local community and find a real time mentor for yourself and for your husband. I note you are in Switzerland, I'm not sure what the local kink scene is like there, but the rest of Europe is not that far away from you.

Start slow, see what you both like, and don't forget to enjoy the journey !




VioletViolence -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 10:51:09 AM)

Talk to each other about what you like, show him porn you've enjoyed (and be sure to mention if there's something in there that you're not into), ask what he likes to fantasize about. Read books, any books you can find. 90% of what you read/see/wank to could not be for you at all, but sometimes there's a little nugget of "OMG that was the most spectacular thing ever".



chatterbox24 -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 10:56:02 AM)

Sometimes it just takes patience and seed planting. Sometimes its just much more fun if they end up thinking its their idea......lol. If they don't pick up on it after some time, well most likely they aren't that into it.



PrincessBrienna -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 11:34:16 AM)

Nice idea :) Try the cute fluffy cuffs and blindfolds. Kneel down and have your hands tied to your back when you give him a bj, I think most vanila guys like the idea of domination, at least my vanilla ex did, we dabbled very slightly not too much



skara -> RE: How to explain how my boyfriend can become my Master (10/24/2012 12:41:32 PM)

Thank you everyone for your answers!

I will definetely do things slowly. Buy some books, or I will write down what is my way in bdsm. Having vanilla sex first and putting step by step toys and actions. Hand cuff to start with seems a good idea as a lot of vanilla couple use them, kneeling of course (ah! kneeling!!) and then we'll see! :-)

Thank you!!! I'll try to write here about our progress!



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