quote:

ORIGINAL: ARIES83

quote:


And from a Hetro Dom perspective, you can justify it
however you want, even if there's a whole harrem of
supermodel babes, if they have strap ons and are
fucking you in the ass, that aint hetro.

From the perspective of a newbie with virtually no experience, I thought the "thrust" of D/s is that the submissive submits, not just to the parts they like, and the Dom gets to have things his/her way. The only hitch in the giddyup being whether the dominant is able to inspire that submission, through chemistry and the connection.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

For me this would never work. If I saw my dom bottoming to someone I would not be able to handle it. It would just completely turn me off of him. While there may be no power exchange, I would look at him as enjoying receiving pain, being a masochist which for me just really changes things. Even if he was just learning how to wield a tool, I just could not see him as a Dom anymore. If he really needed to do something like that, I'd rather he use me as his guinea pig.

The ex Dom would from time to time, tell me to use toys on him anally. I ended up crying and breaking down each time. I just could not see him the same in my eyes after that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

For me this would never work. If I saw my dom bottoming to someone I would not be able to handle it. It would just completely turn me off of him. While there may be no power exchange, I would look at him as enjoying receiving pain, being a masochist which for me just really changes things. Even if he was just learning how to wield a tool, I just could not see him as a Dom anymore. If he really needed to do something like that, I'd rather he use me as his guinea pig.

The ex Dom would from time to time, tell me to use toys on him anally. I ended up crying and breaking down each time. I just could not see him the same in my eyes after that.

quote:

From the perspective of a newbie with virtually no experience, I thought the "thrust" of D/s is that the submissive submits, not just to the parts they like, and the Dom gets to have things his/her way. The only hitch in the giddyup being whether the dominant is able to inspire that submission, through chemistry and the connection. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

From the perspective of a newbie with virtually no experience, I thought the "thrust" of D/s is that the submissive submits, not just to the parts they like, and the Dom gets to have things his/her way. The only hitch in the giddyup being whether the dominant is able to inspire that submission, through chemistry and the connection. 

Clearly it is for some and not others. Also remember this thread when you read threads about "no limits" and "edge play". Many people who believe they have "no limits" because they have never been with someone who is capable of pushing them. Big fish in a small pond syndrome.

I wouldnt want someone without limits, both so I have something to push and if a woman,cant say "NO" to me, I certainly cant trust her "yes".

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I would think that limits, or maybe proclivities, would be known to each other by the time the D/s relationship engaged to the point of submitting to what is enjoyed and what is not. LONG before the chemistry and connection fully developed. I've read profiles revealing tastes that would keep me away from the person before the beginning. In a way, that is establishing limits from the outset.

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ORIGINAL: NuevaVida

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ORIGINAL: Spiritedsub2

I would think that limits, or maybe proclivities, would be known to each other by the time the D/s relationship engaged to the point of submitting to what is enjoyed and what is not. LONG before the chemistry and connection fully developed. I've read profiles revealing tastes that would keep me away from the person before the beginning. In a way, that is establishing limits from the outset.

Yes, ideally these types of things are best discussed before any relationship commitments are made. However, a long term relationship is rarely stagnant, and people do discover new desires and areas to explore. One *could* say they'd never do such a thing, then years down the road find themselves in a place where such a thing is presented. Then what? I'm your no limits slave and for the last ten years we've had this awesome relationship, but now your limits no longer match my own and I'm not going to give you what you want? I'm going to decide this is a limit of mine and/or end this now? Or am I going to try to work through my struggles for you?

No doubt a tough situation, and we all have to do what's right for us. But things can and often do change along the way, and - for me, anyway - it's an interesting idea to explore.