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sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 7:47:23 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		last night while my sister and i were coming home from the city she told me that she had sex w/ her ex. it took her about six mo.s to get over this guy. she went on to say that they used to have an unbelievable sex life and she couldnt help it . she called me this morning to tell me he wont stop calling. *i *always thought he was kinda "stalker material" . i felt like reaching through the phone and slapping her in the head . what id like to know is how many of us go back til we finally go foward?

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 8:28:56 AM   
oak


Posts: 2
Joined: 11/1/2004
Status: offline 		This problem has been around since the dawn of time and the reasons for it are many and varied. Your sister may may have wanted to feel needed even if it was just a power thing by here ex. From the ex's perspective, maybe he was excercising his power to call upon your sister at anytime knowing that she would be willing.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 3:51:04 PM   
Suleiman


Posts: 1127
Joined: 9/9/2004
Status: offline 		After I broke up with my mistress, there was an uncomfortable period where I was still living in the same house. She was the sort of person who believed in the healing power of make-up sex, and when I refused to put her collar back on again (long stupid melodrama that has no place in this story) she still would occasionally wind up at my door late at night wanting a quickie. Unfortunately part of why I had been wearing her collar in the first place was because I had difficulty saying no to her, and while I managed to remain resolute about not returning to the same disfunctional dynamic, I still wound up going to bed with her a few times before I could arrange for other quarters.

I think that it is an easy pattern to fall into, especially if sexual chemistry was the primary basis for the relationship. After you've been away from someone for a few months, your brain resets itself and you are once again capable of recieving that wonderful endorphine buzz that makes so many people crazy in love. It's an addictive high, and can be very hard to resist. So far as I know, chocolate is one of the few things you can take that helps to simulate this buzz, and is to be highly recommended as part of a larger program to remove such people from our lives. Unfortunately, if the addictive substance (or person) is itself in frequent proximity, backsliding becomes much more likely as temptation presents itself.

All you can do is try to be supportive of your sister, and try to encourage her to stay away from things she knows are bad for her. It's really hard to resist our personal demons, but it can be done.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 6:50:53 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline 		LOL. I had a brief affair with My ex after W/we were first divorced. Then I had an affair with him quite a number of years after the divorce. He was re-married and had kids. I was divorced (yes, married twice!) and had kids. For Me it was just fun. For him too, I would hope. It lasted a year but when it was over, it was over. No stalking in My situation. The first time, right after the divorce, I think back and believe it was because I gave in to pressure from him and was not quite sure of Myself yet in that I had made a right decision. It didn't last long at all. The second time was just lots of fun. No one got hurt, and I the sex was lots better the third time around.

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 11/5/2004 6:51:12 PM >

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 7:37:59 PM   
velvetvixen


Posts: 378
Joined: 1/19/2004
Status: offline 		I have had sex with an ex-- we were both unattached at the time, actually the few times over the years that it has happened. We live 9 hours apart, maintain a birthday/holiday card exchange friendship and call each other on rare occasions throughout the year(s). The distance between us is what makes everything work out fine when we find ourselves in that situation.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 7:47:46 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		An ex brings with it a sense of familiarity that often isn't there, understandably, at the begining or end of a relationship. So normally in times of confusion or distraught it's common for people to find themselves taking back things they had long since left behind. Anything good coming from it tends to be a rarity though...things normally end for a valid reason.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 8:31:31 PM   
blushes4u


Posts: 278
Joined: 10/20/2004
Status: offline 		I don't think i ever want to have sex with my ex again *shudders*, let alone see him again. JMO

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 8:38:14 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		I'm on good terms with all of my ex-es but one. I don't think I'd be comfortable havings sex with them anymore as we did the friends-relationship-friends thing and there just isn't a sexual dynamic there anymore.

Still, were we both to want it, and my partner not to object, I think it'd be fun and totally non-damaging to our relationship.

The person that I ended on bad terms with? Never. It -would- lead to some bad repercussions.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/5/2004 9:28:34 PM   
cynnacent1


Posts: 340
Joined: 6/25/2004
From: Massachusetts
Status: offline 		i have two 'exes' (never married) and am on decent terms with the first (in the best interest of our child). Am on horrible terms with the second (could be on better terms in the best interest of our child, it takes two to make that work though, and that's another story in itself). The thought of going back (having sex) with either makes me want to puke. They are 'exes' for good reasons (or perhaps that should be worded as 'for all the wrong reasons').

i always do my best to keep the momentum moving forward, and have never looked back.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/6/2004 11:14:41 AM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		i have to agree w/you here they are ex's for a reason. although my first r/l Dom used to make me squirm (in a good way ) just hearing his voice on my machine on my machine . that one took a long time to seperate from. im thinking it was probally because he was my first in that sense . thanks for the feedback :o)

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/6/2004 11:26:28 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I've never had sex with an ex. When I break up with someone it is for a very good reason. I twas well thought out and I never look back.
Doesn't mean everytime I see my old high school/college boyfriend it isn't like a breath of fresh air comes into the room. No sexual desire there whatsoever though.

Anyway, the reason I replied to this topic is because even though I have not done it. My siblings have.
One brother and one sister. Both married to abusive people. Mentally and physically. My sister once lived in a back house I owned. Sometimes I would have to run back there 3 to 4 times a week to save her from her husband. There is nothing you can do when it is not yourself. Other than be supportive and pick up the pieces.
When I was selling the house and bought another. I told her she could move in with me. However he was not going to be welcome in my home. She wanted to leave him badly. She went back and forth with herself for quite a while whether to move in. Start a new life or stay in the old, which really did not make her happy.
It came down to one day. Ok, I'll move in with you BUT, I can't be manless I need sex. He needs to come over one or twice a week to satisfy me. Naturally I had to put my foot down. I said no. She continued on with him. They were together 25 years when she passed away.

My brother is much the same. His wife was a baby making machine. Except she would clean out the house every 6 month's or so. He would have no clue where his wife or kids were. Six months later she would call him and he would allow her to come back. This went on for 25 years as well. They got a divorce and within one week's time frame he was back with an old high school ex who had said no to him in the past. Now they are married. Same abusive tactics. Only now she throws him and the kids out.

Why do people stay? Because their self esteem has been lowered so much by those who supposed to love them. If someone loves you and they tell you are worthless it means a lot more than the casual stranger.
Some people like my sister could care less about the person as long as her carnal appetite is taken care of. It would probably be better if they took their chances on a prostitute.
Also these people already know how to please them in bed. They don't consider for a moment it could turn into much more again. They always think they can just walk away.
Even though that is never the case.

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/6/2004 1:06:06 PM   
Nvernilla


Posts: 303
Joined: 10/1/2004
Status: offline 		I never do repetes, why should you, you already know you can't make it work with them, its a waste of energy

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/6/2004 4:35:08 PM   
aliljaded1


Posts: 121
Joined: 6/20/2004
Status: offline 		gloria ,
my sister and i just bought our very first house together. she is graduating from nursing school (RN) in dec and is looking foward to starting out her life "man free" or at least not living w/ one . she did me a great favor giving my children and i the chance to start over and not have to depend on a man for anything other than.... dare i say , pleasure. i think it gives someone a chance to make better choices about the company they keep (m or f) when you depend on someone for the rent its hard enough. its very easy to fall into the hole where you think the only person that can save you is that person. she is really alot better off already . thanks for the feedback

you sound like a very smart women .. hope the pup is doing good too :o)
warmest regards , jade

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/6/2004 5:01:01 PM   
LadyBeckett


Posts: 865
Joined: 2/4/2004
From: Scotland/Tennessee
Status: offline 		I've never backtracked either. It's just a personal rule. I heard someone say once "Old shoes don't fit" and it just sounded right to me. I've always made effort to part friends and keep it that way, and still attend social gatherings where ex'es (and their current partners) will be present, and we will get along great. There have been moments when one or two of them have made suggestions, and I've discouraged them immediately, but kindly. I don't believe any good could come from wandering down that path. I maintain a very close friendship with my daughter's father and his wife. She calls me about twice a week and we chat on the phone for about an hour or so. When they are in an intimate slump she'll come to me for ideas or to vent, and so will he! lol

I've heard of relationships working the second time around, but it is the exception, certainly not the rule.

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Lady Beckett

_______________________________________________

"Submissive boys yearn to fall into their proper place, so the rest of their life will." ~ Lady Beckett

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RE: sex w/ and ex is it ever ok ? - 11/16/2004 7:56:36 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

you sound like a very smart women .. hope the pup is doing good too :o)


Thank You for the compliments Jade. Charlie is doing ok. I'm a bit wise for the wear though. I guess everyone grows up sooner or later. Then we will all be doing much better.

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