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MistressJadeMTL -> RE: minimum age for a sub? (6/19/2006 9:28:56 AM)
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I believe I should share my personal experience regarding my youngest sub, as it might prove insightful to some.
Now first, one shoud note that the legal drinking and voting age in Montreal and Quebec is 18, not 21 such as in many US States. 18 years is also the minimum age for entry into BDSM, Fetish and Swinger's clubs in Quebec and most of Canada.
My youngest sub "m" was only 19 when I first met him through CollarMe, however he was one of the very few to write a very detailed and intelligent message, with several paragraphs that clearly showed that he had read my lengthy profile in detail. After several online discussions, I decided to meet him at a local café and we hit it off extremely well -- (partially because we are both computer geeks!)
He came across as quite mature for his age and I discovered that he had *already* been interested in various aspects of kink for several years! Now I've met 30-yr old subs that acted like teenagers, so it was a refreshing change to meet a younger person with such maturity.
We have been together now for about 18 months, during which time I have spent considerable time educating him about the various psychological, emotional and physical aspects of the kink lifestyle. I have had him read numerous article as part of his kink education and write small essays regarding his thoughts about what he read. I wanted to make sure that he knew what he was getting into and that he was well-informed about his specific interests.
It was almost a year before I actually "played" with him; doing some very light bondage and light flogging, more as a sensual experience than as a full play session. It was very gentle and non-stressful and totally consensual and did not involved any sexual aspects. I wanted him to have a very positive memory of his first kink experience, so that no matter where he went on from here in his life, that he would be able to look back at it as a good starting point.
I have always stressed that his education comes first, as he is still in college; which has meant that we are not able to be together as much as we like -- but I have always said that he has the rest of his life to explore his kink, but only so many years to make a success out of school.
In fact, it was only this past weekend that he attended his first munch; as he had been rather nervous about them before. It was a smaller munch, only about a dozen people, which also meant it was less intimidating for him. He told me afterwards that he greatly enjoyed himself and is looking forward to attending more of them in the future.
My sub is now going on 21, and is slowly becoming more confident of his kink; to the point of realizing that he would like to learn more about domination someday, but is content to learn as a submissive first. He has even become a helpful resource to some of his friends who are discovering their "dark side", and points them to helpful online resources, such as CollarMe and other local kink sites, and encouraging them to attend munches. He also explains the finer points of BDSM etiquette to them, such as how to write thoughtful messages to potential Dommes, and how to "play safe" when meeting new people.
So I am sure that I am not the usual stereotype of an older Domme/younger sub model; but this is how I wanted to approach this relationship and it has worked *for us*. I have been approached and met numerous other young male subs (25 and under) and have yet to find one who was mature enough for me to feel that there was something to work with.
I believe that it would be relatively rare to find a sub under the age of 25 with enough maturity, who is well-informed and educated. In my case, I just made sure that he was well-informed by spending months educating him before we proceeded any further, and always in a consensual manner.
It would have to be something that is judged in a case-by-case scenario, and would greatly depend on the Domme and the sub and their respective maturity, education, compatibility and overall goals. I would also recommend not to overstep any legal restrictions regarding age in your local geographic location -- basically if they are old enough to vote, drink or serve in the military they are old enough to consider, *if* they have the required maturity.
I hope that sharing my personal experience with a younger sub has proven helpful to those interested in this topic...
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