Kink Interrupted

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sheisreeds -> Kink Interrupted (10/30/2012 11:32:41 PM)
So two months ago today life as I knew it went from a slightly unpleasant squeal to a screeching halt. A month of the not-so-good pain, too many doctor visits, too many doctors touching my girl parts, way too many pain killers, and a lot of really gross crap (even for here, even for me!), and a surgery later I'm finally at the end of my month long post-op don't do anything fun or you'll screw up your stitches time. Between a month of being so sick I couldn't even think of kink, and a month of doctor imposed good behavior I am sooooo rusty. My pain tolerance is shot, and since in reality I am still healing I have to take it slow. It's a very weird feeling since my brain wants blood running arm twisting fist size contusion edge play and my body's freakin' out from the littlest things. As a switch I'm also recognizing how this is going to affect both ends of my evil. Thankfully my relationship survived my body's catastrophe, and as we have that tendency to just keep growing and getting stronger I don't doubt that we're well on our way. Life though just went through a period of becoming unexpectedly severe, disabling, and real. Even though I'm not personally big on marriage, we just had to do that whole in sickness and in health thing in a pretty big way. How have your relationships re-established themselves, and gotten through it? Ever go through a period of needing to be re-broken in? Or got to do the breaking? Or if it's never happened what would you do?

littlewonder -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/30/2012 11:42:49 PM)
OOhhh yeah! Quite a few times actually. When Master first met me I hadn't been with anyone in about 8 years. The ex dom was a sadist and I was able to tolerate a whole lot more due to being fucked up emotionally. So he had to break me in all over again and well...still is and probably will be for a long time. Then when I was having major issues with my daughter to the point I was in tears and had a break down. He had to be there for me to get through it without doing anything stupid. And then there's right now with my stomach issues that have been going on for months now. I think he's been holding off a lot of play due to that because of all the meds are either making me sick or making me fall asleep or not even working at all, putting me in pain all day long. Plus his life has gotten a lot busier so I've been trying to do more for him in any way I can so when he has time to breathe it's not something he has to work on. He can just relax. I've been trying to set my illness aside to do more for him. Oh, when I first moved here, he let me off the hook on a lot of things and we didn't really play nor was he strict with me for the first 6 months because he said he wanted to give me room to breathe and get settled. I think we both regret that a little. But we have moved on and working back up to things again. Basically, I think we all have things that happen in real life that can throw you and your relationship for a loop. You both have to learn to adjust and help each other because you both love one another. We both realize we're not young anymore and there are going to be issues that arise, be they small or huge. This is why for me I could not be with a Dom who was all about sex or who didn't love me and care for me and doesn't just see me as his slave. He likes to say this isn't about me or him...it's about WE.

sheisreeds -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/30/2012 11:59:57 PM)
I have found life has always caused us to cycle, and in a way I am thankful for that because probably at the severity to which we play one of us would be dead or severely maimed by now. Honestly, I am surprised life happening doesn't come up as a topic more often. Really, we have been there too about being so relaxed about play, but honestly, it happens when it needs to. There is also a certain degree as I mentioned above that our cycling helps us. We kind of naturally withdraw and need to rebuild tolerance almost as a means of self preservation. There is something to be said about needing more to get off from both sides of the coin. This is just beyond anything I have ever known, though the silver lining is that I should be better off than I was years prior to surgery, perhaps better than before we met. I can relate A LOT to the stomach issues, as that was a part of all of this, they can really hold things up on all levels, and I hope yours get better! And meds too can make a mess of things, honestly it was a med gone bad that kicked off my month of deathly ill. For me it is extremely hard for me to not be healthy enough to indulge my inner masochist, and not being strong enough to indulge my sadist. On so many levels we have been starving, due to me unexpectedly being out of order. While it's not a part of our dynamic it really shook things up for me not being able to go grocery shopping on my own, do my own laundry, and countless other simple tasks.

littlewonder -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 11:05:38 AM)
Oh yeah...I know what you mean. There are times I push myself even though I'm ill because I'm so used to having to do things myself because I had to while I was growing up and as a single mom. I didn't have anyone else to help me. Now if I'm ill and can't do something but I do anyway, he scolds me. I'm learning to let go and let him help me but I don't think I will ever get used to it. I hope you feel better soon and that you both get back on track. Just remember to rest so that you CAN do that.

sexyred1 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 11:25:40 AM)
When things are going well in life, it seems relatively smooth sailing. It is when life throws you some crap and some major curve balls, that I truly believe is where a strong relationship shows itself. It is also where a weak relationship reveals the cracks. You are lucky to have someone to weather the storms with. In 2009, I got some serious news about surgery I needed and after being with my now ex for many years at that point, I found he was not there for me in any way, physical or emotional. It was finally then that I knew to end it. I was holding on because of the great kink, but this scary life event woke me the fuck up. Kink should be last on the list of a successful relationship; it is important and wonderful and makes our lives fun, but in the end, you do get older, sicker and having strength and dependability and understanding with a partner is far more valuable than any orgasm.

Duskypearls -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 12:18:58 PM)
Sexy, you nailed it, especially with that last paragraph. I, not unlike others I see posting on this thread, have been far too long on my own, and done way too much without anyone's help. There are times I am proud I am self sufficient, but mostly, lately, I'm exhausted, and yearn for another with which to share life, and its burdens. I grew up way too early, way too hard, and have found few that can be counted on for much of anything. More's the pity.

sexyred1 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 1:11:46 PM)
Duskypearls, that is so true. You always find out who your true supporters are when times are tough, not when they are good.

Duskypearls -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 1:18:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Duskypearls, that is so true. You always find out who your true supporters are when times are tough, not when they are good. I've got to be honest with you, Sexy, I am not a great fan of the majority of the human race, and I am sad to say, my own family, most of all. I did hospitalization, recovery and caring for myself completely on my own for the crush injury (4 wks in hospital), the cervical disectomy w/fusion, the ankle broken in 7 places, two medial menisectomies, and this final ankle fusion. Don't think I'd know what to do if someone offered help. Now, ain't that a sad state of affairs! What's even sadder, is during the crush injury and the broken ankle recovery, I actually had to help others. That's nuts!

kiwisub12 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 2:25:57 PM)
I had the opposite - when my Sir was dying i had people assisting me to move us both back to my house. I had one lady drop off a kitchen faucet because she knew i needed on. I had people come over to visit for just a few minutes because he couldn't tolerate it for longer - after a 45 minute drive to get here. I had one couple drop off crawfish from a boil because they knew Sir loved crawfish - and even though he ate just a couple, it was the only thing he ate that day. I am the worlds worst at asking for help - and receiving it, but for my Sir , i asked, and accepted. People don't know what you need and when told either do or don't do. Either way, the only thing you have lost is a bit of pride. For us, the kink was the first thing that went out the window. Once my Sir started to not feel good consistantly, we went pretty much vanilla. And that was ok. Its hard to feel sexy and kinky when you are worried.

sexyred1 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 8:07:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Duskypearls quote: ORIGINAL: sexyred1 Duskypearls, that is so true. You always find out who your true supporters are when times are tough, not when they are good. I've got to be honest with you, Sexy, I am not a great fan of the majority of the human race, and I am sad to say, my own family, most of all. I did hospitalization, recovery and caring for myself completely on my own for the crush injury (4 wks in hospital), the cervical disectomy w/fusion, the ankle broken in 7 places, two medial menisectomies, and this final ankle fusion. Don't think I'd know what to do if someone offered help. Now, ain't that a sad state of affairs! What's even sadder, is during the crush injury and the broken ankle recovery, I actually had to help others. That's nuts! I am so sorry you went through all that. I may not have a good man right now, but I do have the world's most amazing parents. So they have always been there for me. I was talking more about friends and supposed lovers not being there when things are most intense. If you still helped others during your own trying times, that says so much about you as a great person. Kudos to you!

ktfezz -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 9:18:15 PM)
I didn't exactly have a medical issue, but I was attacked in my home while alone, and raped. I had been with a top for about 2 months then. It took me quite a long time to get comfortable with being touched again, and I quickly found out he was more interested in the play than me. Big clue was when he asked me three weeks after it happened if he could start seeing other girls while I 'recovered'. So be very happy if your significant other stays with you through the hard times, cause they are always easier with someone else there...

descrite -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 10:01:35 PM)
quote: he asked me three weeks after it happened if he could start seeing other girls while I 'recovered'. Yeah, I'll be the bastard and ask: Why was his request untoward? Three weeks without physical contact is a long time. Especially when you'd only been seeing each other for eight weeks. How much do you feel entitled to ask from someone who has been dating you for 60 days? If you were diagnosed with cancer two months into your "relationship," would you expect that person to stay with you through three years of chemo?

littlewonder -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 11:00:39 PM)
Sure. Why not? I would hope that he would care enough just as a human being, to help me out. And if we're dating, I would hope he wants to stick around through thick and thin. If he couldn't then that right there would say he's selfish and decided he didn't care for me anymore. If all he can think about is his cock, then I'd wish him the best of luck and show him the door. Maybe it's just me, but I could never be that cold towards someone when they sick, be it a stranger or a friend, lover, or anything else. It's just the right thing to do as a human being.

MistressDarkArt -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 11:33:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite Yeah, I'll be the bastard You certainly are, and it sure seems that's all you have to offer. Can't you even *pretend* to have an ounce of compassion for someone other than yourself? (Who knows...you might not have any for yourself either. Bummer, dude.)

lippybitch -> RE: Kink Interrupted (10/31/2012 11:56:44 PM)
Would I expect a man I'd been dating for a few months to stay with me through chemo? No, it'd be his choice to decide if he still wanted to be with me, even as I go through something potentially horrific. And in either case, if he asked to be able to stick his dick elsewhere I'd politely tell him he could stick his dick where ever he wanted to, but it wouldn't be touching me again.

LadyPact -> RE: Kink Interrupted (11/1/2012 1:26:41 AM)
quote: Honestly, I am surprised life happening doesn't come up as a topic more often. This is exactly why I know that anybody who says that they need kink/sex X number of times a week is automatically incompatible with Me. It shows Me that kink/sex is more important than the human being with whom they are engaging in those activities. No, I don't necessarily expect somebody to stick it out after two months. After two years? Hell, yes! If you can't, please remove yourself from My life. As for kink interrupted, well........ We've had a number of deployments, three surgeries for My other half, periods of grief, several cross country moves, (if you don't think that screws with your sex/kink life, trust Me, it does) and I don't even know what else. Life's not a buffet. You don't get to pick and choose just the good stuff.

E2Sweet -> RE: Kink Interrupted (11/1/2012 5:02:55 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sheisreeds ...Life though just went through a period of becoming unexpectedly severe, disabling, and real. Even though I'm not personally big on marriage, we just had to do that whole in sickness and in health thing in a pretty big way... Our modern society tries to convince us that old fashioned ideas like the institution of marriage (in sickness and in health) are so antiquated. That all seems easy to go along with until reality finally comes to bite us and we realize those antiquated ideas don't suck so bad after all... But, whether we learn the hard way, or the easy way, at least when things happen, most of us do learn something valuable when we face a difficult time period in our lives. In getting to the point of your OP, take you time and let your body heal. Surgery is physically traumatic, so allow it the respect it deserves. Be positive and as active as possible in the meantime, to keep away thoughts of being depressed and such. Once you're well on your way with healing up, look back and reflect on the way you broke yourself in initially, and do it all again...

kitkat105 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (11/1/2012 10:16:41 AM)
I think it all comes down to how serious the relationship is or how casual it is. Everyone has issues & baggage and it does make life a bit easier if you've got someone to help you along the way.

sexyred1 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (11/1/2012 10:28:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite quote: he asked me three weeks after it happened if he could start seeing other girls while I 'recovered'. Yeah, I'll be the bastard and ask: Why was his request untoward? Three weeks without physical contact is a long time. Especially when you'd only been seeing each other for eight weeks. How much do you feel entitled to ask from someone who has been dating you for 60 days? If you were diagnosed with cancer two months into your "relationship," would you expect that person to stay with you through three years of chemo? Three weeks is too long for you to be without physical contact? Oh you poor thing. I guess priorities don't mean much to you. There is no time limit on compassion and empathy. From your posts, it is more than apparent you have such a lack of both that I feel sorry for you. God help you if you ever go through a cancer scare or anything else life shattering. And no, I would not expect someone I date for a few weeks to come to chemo appointments, but if he offered to, he would be considered a potential keeper. If he asked if he could see other people, I would tell him sure and do not ever contact me again.

Spiritedsub2 -> RE: Kink Interrupted (11/1/2012 11:14:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: descrite quote: he asked me three weeks after it happened if he could start seeing other girls while I 'recovered'. Yeah, I'll be the bastard and ask: Why was his request untoward? Three weeks without physical contact is a long time. Especially when you'd only been seeing each other for eight weeks. How much do you feel entitled to ask from someone who has been dating you for 60 days? If you were diagnosed with cancer two months into your "relationship," would you expect that person to stay with you through three years of chemo? I wouldn't expect someone I'd been dating for 8 weeks to hang with me through chemo. I wouldn't even want him to; I'd only want people who had been part of my life for a long time with me. And after just 8 weeks, I wouldn't expect monogamy from him either. Absent exceptional circumstances he wouldn't be getting that from me either. I don't think I'm cold; I just don't invest that much into brand new relationships until they have proven to have some staying power.

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