RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission

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LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 6:31:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: enthralled I just don't understand how the mentality can be the same (or as strong) in fantasy as it is in reality. . . especially the 'giving of oneself' to a keyboard and an IM box??? Thanks for any replies in advance. ~enthralled The mentality and dynamics of an offline based relationship are completely different from a long distance relationship and a cyber relationship. That doesn't mean any of them are necessarily fantasy. Devotion, security, trust and communication all come from within a person. It doesn't matter where the other person is located in relation to you- you're still there and you still have what you have. They still are where they are, and they still have what they have. Choose what works for you. I doubt I will ever consciously or actively persue a long distance or cyber based relationship ever in my life- been there, and don't want it again. But that doesn't mean it's fantasy for those who do. It's just a very different dynamic going on.

heartfeltsub -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 6:56:29 AM)
i would agree wholeheartedly with becca, there was a period of time whie still married, while first finding out this in fact was my desires that cybering was all i had as an outlet. i would also agree that after experiencing real time, it does pale in comparison. That being said however, it may be the only outlet for someone in a marriage that for whatever reason they can't end and they want to stay physically faithful.

Arpig -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 7:13:45 AM)
quote: If you want people to accept your kink it's a good idea that you accept theirs. Hmmmmm......since I don't actually give a flying fuck if anybody else accepts me or my kink, does that mean I am free to not accept theirs?[;)]

HollyS -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 7:24:11 AM)
It seems most people choosing to reply here all agree - it's incomprehensible and does nothing for you. It should be no surprise that most people who do understand cyber-domination have chosen to stay far from this thread. If a person wanted to talk to me in the spirit of openness about how people get involved in cyber, why it appeals to them and how it meets their D/s needs, I'm game anytime. In this forum, though, best to just say I understand. ~Holly

BreakMeShakeMe -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 7:29:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HollyS It seems most people choosing to reply here all agree - it's incomprehensible and does nothing for you. It should be no surprise that most people who do understand cyber-domination have chosen to stay far from this thread. If a person wanted to talk to me in the spirit of openness about how people get involved in cyber, why it appeals to them and how it meets their D/s needs, I'm game anytime. In this forum, though, best to just say I understand. ~Holly And the ones that are into the cyber things.. just aren't in the mood for being flamed... lot of that going on now a days on here. I've played around with the cyber ...to a point. Not as a submissive so much... just flirting.. joking.. the what if's..... if in person. But nothing I think would be considered cyber sex. Others might. Oh well.. just another opinion ...

APerfectParadox -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 8:15:01 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MrrPete It really doesn't matter one bit whether you get it or not but it DOES matter whether you are tolerant of the activity. Whether intended or not the overall tone of the posts I've read comes across as latent intolerance. You don't have "to get it" and you most likely never will. If it's not your kink move on What he said

CrescentLuna -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 8:31:24 AM)
Much as it doesn't seem popular, I did a cyber-kink. I have no illusions that they were REALLY and truly who they said they were and blahdeblah. All it was the fantasy of someone being a dominatrix directing my bf to do things to me. It was fun, we got off and got some new kinky ideas. It was probably 90% illusion (I'm giving 10% since someone had to be typing) but who cares? I also did "cybering" with my ex before I met him offline about 6.5 years ago.

HisTicia -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 8:47:19 AM)
When I first started out.. testing the waters..so to speak.. I had an online thing going with a Dom. For me at the time.. since I wasn't really sure of anything..and my knowledge was very limited..it worked for me a bit.. just to give me a glimpse of what it might be like. (I didn't know about cm at the time) Once I was ready for rl though.. I went for it..now.. I can't imagine doing the online thing..though I don't judge anyone for it..I am sure they all have their reasons.. I know that I did. I do talk to my Daddy online..but it's just because we are so far away.. we never do the Dom thing on it though.. nor on the phone.. we just talk about other things. When I am able to be with him all of the time..then the real fun will begin. We need to live and let live..if that is what makes them happy.. more power to them... we don't have to "get it" or even accept it.

embraceme01 -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 8:59:11 AM)
I agree with you His Ticia...I had an online Master when i was first introduced to the lifestyle and what i gained from the relationship has given me a good idea of what i want in R/T...my Master was firm but loving...explored new territory but didnt degrade me...and taught me how to respect myself and expect the same of others...He had a lot of wisdom and what we shared in our relationship was a positive experience for me... I love him in a way i have not felt for another man ..i guess he was my 'first' in this new life...I feel blessed he was the one who guided me and taught me how to submit without losing my dignity. Love is a personal thing ....and shouldnt be judged by others....it is not for us to understand simply support...advise...or listen...

yourbadgal -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 9:32:36 AM)
Thanks, Holly :) I almost fell into a depression from reading this.. I already had several what you call "Cyber D/s" relationships and am in one. I know that many people don't know how it "works", I can't explain either.. It just works for me. Of course I'll meet my partner "offline", but I/we have my reasons not to do so now. I have to trust the person I'd get on a plane for totally, and so we get closer to each other on IM, E-Mail and Voice Chat. I don't know who said it, but I have the same reason as him/her not to go on cam.. Just scroll up, I don't know how to write it.. I always have the feeling: Oh shit, when I come visit him after a week, what happens if he just isn't the right one? What will I do when I just have to leave him but my flight back is just in a week? You can "learn" to trust over a keyboard. Even if you don't believe in it. Anne

Halcyone -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 9:44:47 AM)
I begin to understand why those who've been here for any considerable length of time begin to complain about certain topics cropping up again and again and again. There seems to be a script that is gleefully followed every time this one's posted.

jadedshadow -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 9:45:44 AM)
OK I'm about to the point of pulling out my hair with all the crapola I keep seeing in the forums against online submission. Now, truthfully, I've seen a lot of positive replies in this thread, and I am happy to see it...yet for the ones who claim they can't possibly fathom even the slightest notion how it could be possible, real, or anything but pure dribble or fantasy.. those people have me to the jumping off point. So this post is to them. I know it will get shot down and ripped apart and frankly my dear I don't give a rats ass.. otherwise I wouldn't even bother..but hey, you get to have your say, so wtf.. I want mine! And maybe, just maybe it might shed some light on some of the closed minded self professed "I know everything - you know nothings". Before I go on my rampage let me make a few things clear... YES my collar is from a "cyber" Dom. Yes, for the most part my submission is laid out online. Now automatically I know a bunch of you are thinking that I'm a player, or He's a player and I'm just naive, or I have no r/t experience. All assumptions wrong in that case. This is no game to me or Him. I know that with all my being. Next assumption I am naive and have no r/t experience...wrong again, I have 15+ years r/t, and now can say I CHOOSE ONLINE. I may end up eating my words on this..and that's OK, you live and you learn..well, some do anyways..some think they know everything already.. Now as to why I choose it.. I've struggled with this for a long time now, but I've finally come to terms with it. In the past, offlne, it was rather simple for me to submit to someone I found more dominate than me (I am a switch also BTW, but please save that rant for some other time, 'cause if you can't get cyber.. I don't even want your opinion on switches). Offline it was nearly purely physical. Master or Sir commanded, I obeyed. If I didn't I felt the consequences physically. I'm not saying there wasn't emotion involved, but nothing like what I feel with my Master now. Online, you're limited. If you feel anything physical it's because you're taking it upon yourself to do so. Just as a blind person learns to adapt with their other senses, a "cyber" relationship lends itself to other tools. The eyes are replaced with pics from cams. The voice is received via speakers or translated into the soul from words written in text, either way still conveys the same message. The touch is akin to spiritual, felt on the heart and mind and not the body. The body does still respond tho. You are still aroused, still able to feel the heart do flipflops, still feel the skin crawl, and if submissive, yes can even still reach subspace from these physical responses. You're forced to reach inwards, past the physical, into the reaches of the mind, and soul, and experience submission from the core with all of your being, and not just exert a natural physical response to the dominant party. Obviously, it won't work for everyone. Both, or all parties involved, have to be patient, trustworthy, intelligent, articulate, lots of love and emotions and one capable of experiencing that, and have an extremely creative mind. Of course most importantly you must be open minded, and able to express yourself through communication. Granted, there are a lot of "players", to them this is just a game, but that is not what I'm talking about here, this is not about cyberscening or quickie cyberflings. When my Master commands I do my best to obey. He does not have to be physically standing there ordering me. I don't need Him watching my every move. He has taught me more about myself in the past few months than I was able to experience offline in over 2 decades. He did this by communicating with me, forcing me to experiment, being patient with me, and loving me, disciplining me when needed and forgiving me and most importantly finding my needs, understanding them and meeting them. There is no longer a question in my mind that this is real to me and Him and not a game. I'll admit, yes the question was there at first, but He's proven it time and time again that it is more than that and that He loves me. And in return I offer Him all of me. He controls me fully, what I eat, what I wear, who I speak to..etc, etc., and I obey Him willingly. I cherish every moment we have together. I'm grateful for every second he shares with me. It was no less different offline. His physical touch would be heaven to me, yes, but his presence is always there, always with me and suits my needs and desires. So for all of you who think it's a fantasy and a game..oh well, your loss, not mine. I know what I have, what it's worth and how real it is and don't care who thinks differently about it. I CHOOSE not to limit myself to just the physical, I CHOOSE to open my mind and soul to more. Well I have said my peace, so if you feel you must - flame and rip away.... I will not be replying to such, but if you do have a legitimate question I will do my best to share my thoughts and opinions.

Littlepita -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 9:57:31 AM)
Cyber can be fun. It’s a good way for the bored housewife to pass the day when the kiddies are napping. Or, for the lonely person to connect to another person and share thoughts, fantasies and yes even have some good one handed typing fun. Why the hell not? If someone likes it then go for it. I did it for quite awhile. Then I got bored and decided that I wasn’t doing the “cyber” thing anymore. I decided to concentrate on becoming a good porn writer and as I was searching for an editor, I found my Dom. That turned into a 10-month online relationship of getting to know each other, falling in love and getting our divorces so we could be together. Since my Dom didn’t care for “cyber sex”, we didn’t do it, often. We used emails and IM to communicate for hours everyday on more topics then I can list, and sure there were those late night chats that got me hot and bothered. We also had some great phone sex. Hey! You got to do what you got to do when you can’t be the one you crave. Now that I have been in this “real life” relationship for 4 months, I of course agree that real is best. Nothing compares to having him in person and not having to type to him. To see his face in person with all it’s personality and not over a small screen of a jerky cam. To be able to touch and be touched. It’s like night and day!! But, without the wondrous internet and the fun of cyber I wouldn’t be able to talk about the joys I have now and the life I’m living. [:)]

yourbadgal -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 10:02:18 AM)
jadedshadow, I love you for saying that.. I only have to read his name coming online / being the sender of a mail and I'll go all squirmy.. Sometimes even feel like oops, esp. when it's a reply to what I sent.. (I just experienced that feeling.. I wrote him about what I feel and want and expect yesterday, when the reply came I didn't want to open it.. What if he isn't happy about it? What if I pissed him off? If just had talked to him about it, no, I think I couldn't have done it. It's like being totally open to his "mood" then, and if you aren't quick-witted enough, it'll make you go like [&:][:@]..) Ok, I think this post isn't necessary nor really has a meaning.. But I'll post it :-D Anne Edited to add this: I always say what I think. Many people do. But this can, esp. in a D/s relationship, get you in trouble. But when typing, you can read again and again what you just wrote and change it until its "ok". :P

jadedshadow -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 10:27:24 AM)
Thank you yourbadgal, I'm glad someone gets it...[:)] Oh, and I didn't mean to post as a fast reply before it was a gneral reply to the thread and shouldn't have been in response to anyone in particular..my sincerest apologies for that.

MasterRoissey -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 10:36:38 AM)
sorry

MasterRoissey -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 10:43:52 AM)
I believe that cyber communications can be valuable , especially with novices , or those first dealing with their feeling and needs. My goal in training a "newer" sub is understanding and acceptance of self and their desires.. Many that I mentor in their early ventures can grow and develop tremendously when cyber is a teaching tool, but the goal is always real life experiential learning. And this is often not with Me but with someone local to them. I seldom "dom" a trainee online. It does nothing for Me (RT is so much more gratifying!) "I've seen submissive who have never even met the man/woman they call thier 'Master' and vice-versa... the wearing of a 'cyber-collar'. " That’s just a sad reality for some ...and I believe it comes from naivety, a genuine lack of understanding, or of options. I never claim ownership of novice trainees, unless it moves into RT training over a period of many months.

WorldofSilence -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 11:21:44 AM)
cracks knuckles Ok I have to reply to this, as it looks a good piece, so please bear with me and my grammer. I'm for cyber relationships, spoken word is not my strongest suit, yes I can speak and no I don't always speak, for people like me I need something like this, and I'm sorry to say no matter how "enlightened" you think you are or believe you are, there are people who you will back away from straight away in real life, we are all animals and our emotional state still control us. Simliar to when we flinch, to when we blink, it's automatic. Again I hear you cry "Go to a munch".. how can I do this? For whatever strange reason most people think a good way to communicate is cramming themselves around one table. Or more stupidly go to a place where there is background music or crapply light areas. Now with that said, if that caters for you and you can communicate well through it and you have fun, thats fantastic and I hope you always have fun.... but you know who that completely screws over? People with sensory/pysical impairments, I'm deaf so noisey pub forget it, badly light place forget it, the list goes on. I can only speak through my own experinces, I would never have the nerve to say "Oh I understand" I'm sorry but you don't, like I have no idea what it's like for a deafblind person, someone missing a limb,sufferers of tourette etc etc etc Next time look at where you do yourmunch (if you do the real life thing) look at the accessablity, wheelchair access? Good lighting? Non crowded etc etc, and if you can say yes to all those things then I am so VERY pleased their are such places that exist, if not then you can see why a large portion of D/s is cyber, because they are automaticly pushed away. Plus don't turn around and say "Well they should contact us" thats b/s pure and utter. It should simply exist. Until that day arrives, I will lift my head up from the keyboard and say yes I have solely had cyber experinces thats because I'm pushed out, and no I'm not gonna campain on it and run around with a cardboard sign sellotaped to a piece of cheap mdf. Give it a try if you have munches make it as pysically/mentally accessable to everyone the best you can, you might just surprise yourself, see a membership increase etc as again I can only speak for myself and my fellow deaf community, we are annoyed to always having to bring it up with our little expressions of "Can you do this or this, so I can actually pertake within your social group"! If everything were more accessable, then the majority of people would be exposed to us the minority, and thus with that r/l can come in and a whole new world opens up, plus people will be exposed to us more and not recoil from us when we wish a r/l relationshiop. I won't lie people even now flee from me, when I tell them I'm deaf. Yes being deaf is a big deal to me, it's a huge part of my life, telling me to be other then myself is me telling you to stop breathing. Ok thats done, I hope I made sense? If anything came out as a direct attack it was not my intention, I still have a few problems with context etc.. For those who read my entire post, thank you klindly for your paitence. Blessed be. Marky Poohs

jadedshadow -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 11:55:45 AM)
WorldofSilence, Excellent post. I totally agree. My hubby has a slave and she is also deaf - from an illness she had as a young child. She can read lips and sign and when my hubby took her as His, she was so grateful because she had been outright rejected in the society because of it. Their relationship is currently online. It has been so for over a year now. We're waiting for the day when she can come and be with us (which is the plan). I am also Domme (switch actually, as mentioned in another post), and have had subs on and offline, one who is in a wheelchair, and as far as I'm concerned this changes nothing, but having the tools to communicate online have made it possible for us to get to know one another and meet one another's needs where he's tried so many other times before with people in his area and has no way to meet them at their "munches". Also, as far as the "go to the local munches", what if there are none???? Well, I take that back, there is one in my area, but membership is restricted, because I am switch as far as they are concerned I don't exist. Offline sometimes simply isn't possible for some. Why is that so hard to comprehend?

trippingdaisy -> RE: Cyber Dominantion/submission (6/15/2006 12:07:32 PM)
Fast reply... i am completely baffled at the idea that online Domination/submission is only 'fantasy'. Have i done it? Yes, a couple times, when i was much, much younger and exploring what i wanted. Did it help me figure out who i am? Yes, it did. Is it as fulfilling as a realtime relationship? No, not at all, but you know what? For some people, that's all you have. When i was a young girl and living in a town of 12,000 in rural Oregon, i can guarantee that the only way i was ever going to experience any sort of kink or domination was online. i'm amazed by all the people here that are so judgemental about how other people get their kink on. It's like the difference between breastmilk and forumla...forumla isn't the real thing, it isn't as GOOD as the real thing, but sometimes, it's the only option. Don't be so harsh on others!

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