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RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/4/2012 2:50:49 AM   
Toysinbabeland


Posts: 1693
Joined: 3/4/2012
From: the other end of Cx's leash
Status: offline 		In this age of technology you did not set an alarm?
There is no rest for the weary.


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(in reply to alexander75310)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 12:21:52 AM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Lol... Good idea... It's a great feeling! Highly recommend it :-)

Thank you for your help :-)


(in reply to alexander75310)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 11:44:34 AM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline 		Wait? Unavailable??? Do you mean at the moment due to life commitments like work? Or truly unavailable? As in you cant reach him for extended periods? Or emotionally unavailable?

Currently I am in a similar situation, where we are incorporating both a punishment dynamic and higher levels of pain. So I understand where you are coming from, but haven't worked through it enough to offer any advise.

What I can say, is if he wasn't there for me sort through my reactions. If he hadn't shown me above all else he had my mental and emotional well being as central concern, I would have run.

It is ok to break down, to feel wrecked, but he should be there to help put you back together if you need it.

(in reply to Lilviper091)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 12:42:08 PM   
culareD


Posts: 762
Joined: 8/16/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Talk to him.
I can tell you from my experience that I hate punishing. When I do I detach, grow colder and harder.
Why?
Because I'm about to hurt the one I love and that all sorts of sucks. And I can understand him being distant.
Sorry if this goes against the grain, but some cats don't do aftercare post punishment-they want you to feel it, want you to process things and have to experience them precisely so it doesn't happen again.
But he's the only one who can answer your questions. Talk to him, not us


THIS. If you have peeps, would you punish and not provide a reason, or follow-up. I wouldn't.

And there should be a clear distinction between punishment and funishment.

If things are not CLEAR, then talk to him.

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(in reply to Kana)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 1:33:27 PM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Okay... I need to clarify... we've talked about this all yesterday.
I needed to process what I was going through before we got into it.... I had no idea what to expect and in his defense, I obviously seemed fine when I left him... he did try to contact me twice during the evening and left messages to let me know he was checking if I was okay... but I (underline) missed his calls.

Unavailable meant that it was simply the weekend and I wasn't sure about interrupting it. As he told me, I could've emailed and he would've rung me... but as I couldn't vocalize what I was feeling or why... I didn't see it would have been of any use!
The fact that everything kicked in about a day later, was somewhat more confusing.

As everyone (of help) has mentioned... after care is important and we were on a time schedule sadly... so it was a little "newbie-ness" on my part, not knowing what I needed after the punishment or understanding how it would effect me.

My advise to YOU (lol) just go slow... make sure you ARE okay and brought back 'down' afterwards! :))

Thanks for your time and words. xx


(in reply to artemiss)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 1:41:39 PM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Thank you :)
All talked out and sorted.


Thank you for your input though! :)

(in reply to culareD)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 4:48:30 PM   
theRose4U


Posts: 3403
Joined: 8/22/2005
Status: offline 		If you have a dom "on a time schedule" that needs to be emailed because its the weekend...he's married! Being a sub doesn't mean an after thought while wondering where the stink is coming from.

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(in reply to Lilviper091)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/5/2012 5:23:12 PM   
artemiss


Posts: 88
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

If you have a dom "on a time schedule" that needs to be emailed because its the weekend...he's married! Being a sub doesn't mean an after thought while wondering where the stink is coming from.



Yup yup, most people are more accessible on the weekends. Ya know, because they aren't working?

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/6/2012 8:47:49 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		The guy doesn't get bathroom breaks, lunch breaks, cigarette breaks? Sneak personal calls or texts while at work? Yup, sorry but I think he's married also. I mean, most people have cell phones these days.

< Message edited by littlewonder -- 11/6/2012 8:48:04 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/8/2012 12:58:12 AM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		I was on the time schedule due to my kids :-)

(in reply to theRose4U)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/8/2012 1:03:44 AM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Hmmm the issue I had wasn't the lack of contact.. We have an understanding there.

It was the emotional effects of the discipline.. Which we've since sorted, talked out and things will happen differently next time.. As being me, there is bound to be one or two.

Every Dom on here is single?
As I explained earlier, he did attempt to contact me afterward.. But I was driving etc.

I work weekends... Maybe I'm a minority among the minority.

Thanks for your time :-)


(in reply to artemiss)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/8/2012 1:05:39 AM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		To be honest lol I'm not concerned if he is.
He's told me he's not and whether or not that's the truth is his karma, not mine... And not yours.

I started the thread concerning the emotional conflicts.


But thanks for your opinion :-)

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Feelings of guilt, confusion...?? - 11/8/2012 1:07:40 AM   
Lilviper091


Posts: 19
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline 		Lol!!
I did not expect to fall asleep. ;-)

(in reply to Toysinbabeland)
Profile   Post #: 33
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