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Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 7:51:04 AM

slavebutterfly

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k i have it
i was told to better get an idea of the owners perspective i should post here. i was wondering if it is normal (whatever that is) for an Owner of a inexperienced slave to be understanding that they are learning, and what would you as a dominant do, if a slave made a mistake; would you severly punish the slave or talk to them and explain what was wrong?

< Message edited by slavebutterfly -- 6/15/2006 8:04:35 AM >

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 8:30:17 AM

Lashra

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I would talk to them openly, tell them my side of it and then listen to theirs. Punishment without giving an explanantion won't deter the behavior in the future as the person has no idea what is expected of them. Communication goes a long way in any relationship.

~Lashra

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 9:44:39 AM

MisPandora

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A new slave needs guidance and direction. Punishments for misunderstanding, miscommunication or not grasping something are counterproductive in my personal opinion. Reinforcement, monitoring progress, and making realistic goals with the slave are far more positive and will help the slave move into their new way of thinking.

Of course, punishment CAN and WILL happen if something is deliberately screwed up, neglected or otherwise omitted.

And of course, discipline is another thing entirely.

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Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 10:28:03 AM

DommeShi

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Very True Lashra... This I am in Total accord with.

Domme Shi

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 11:55:14 AM

LadyNoel

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It almost seems to me that you are asking several questions, so I will try to break them down and paraphrase a bit:

Is it "normal" for the Owner of an inexperienced slave to be more tolerant or understanding during the early learning stages of a new slave?

My answer would be yes. In the same way I'm not going to bite the new secretary’s head off for using the wrong letterhead, especially if no one told her which to use, but I would be inclined to annoyance if one who had been around a while wasted a box of the wrong one, I'm not going to snap at a new sub or slave for an error. This is especially true if they didn't know any better and it is a matter of me not having adequately taught them of my expectations.

What would a Dominant due if a (presumably new) slave made a mistake?

A mistake is just that, a mistake. It should be discussed in a manner that makes it clear it should not happen again and forgiven. In the event it is not a mistake, but a “knowing disobedience” of a rule that has been expressed to the slave, that is a different matter, and I see no reason to begin in any way dramatically different from how I intend to continue. I might not punish as heavily as I would an experienced slave for the same issue, but if it is willful disregard there will be punishment of some form.

You also specifically mentioned explaining what was wrong...

Any time there is to be punishment, irregardless how experienced the slave is, there should be a clear understanding on both parts of the reason for the punishment, whether this is attained though discussion, lecture, or making the slave themselves explain the reason for the punishment (and correcting if necessary) will depend largely on the Dominant and the slave’s level of understanding.

Hope that helps.

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 6:27:32 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear slavebutterfly, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Training a slave, from bare bottom begins with communicating clearly what is expected and working with that slave as to make sure they understand clearly.

If the slave needs correction, it will be done then and there but, not so overboard as to discourage someone.

However, I must further add, that if a slave does something incorrectly, as to be willfully difficult or being a brat, manipulate or some other controlling attitude, they will be warned and they will be released; as I have found such to be nothing but displeasure. As long as there is an effort, I'll work with them. Stalling, as to delay something won't be tolerated for very long.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 6:58:08 PM

crouchingtigress

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walk softly and carry a big stick...

the big stick in this case being your displeasure or his dismissal.....

a submissive needs to trust and respect you first and foremost....they can not respect someone who they deep down is being excessive about punnishment...oh they may do the thing better the next time but at too high a cost....the foundation will start to show cracks and soon it will be beyond repair.

however if you ask this because you have erred, it is fixable but you have to humble and honest to the submissive and work out a plan that it will not happen again.

such as written infractions and specific consequences for specific actions.

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/15/2006 7:32:13 PM

MysticFireTopaz

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slavebutterfly
k i have it
i was told to better get an idea of the owners perspective i should post here. i was wondering if it is normal (whatever that is) for an Owner of a inexperienced slave to be understanding that they are learning, and what would you as a dominant do, if a slave made a mistake; would you severly punish the slave or talk to them and explain what was wrong?

I believe that when an inexperienced slave makes a mistake, he needs to be educated about why what he did was wrong. I would also ask him why he did what he did. There may have been a valid reason, or he just was not aware that what he did was wrong. I would also explain how I felt about the behavior, and that I do not expect to see it repeated in the future. I think punishing him severely right off the bat is unfair.

Now if he continued the problem behavior after our discussion, that would be a different matter. He most likely would be punished, and if he kept it up still, released. I don't have time for slaves who knowingly, willfully, and repeatedly disrespect My wishes.

Lady Topaz

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RE: Patience and understanding - 6/16/2006 2:35:03 AM

MzMinx

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I agree, discussion talking etc should always be part of any relationship. Any person requires patience and understanding as a starting point and although I dont believe experience is the only thing to take into account. I certainly would take it into consideration.

Any submissive, requardless of how experienced needs to be given opportunities to learn what I want, how I expect them to behave etc

How I would go about doing this would change slightly according to the person, so their experience, understanding, personality etc would all effect things.

But I always discuss any issues with a submissive, possative and negative. If I am not happy or impressed (or the reverse ) they deserve to be told why, be given a chance to share their own viewpoints and understandings and to accept what course or remedy I take.

But even after discussing the problem, I would still not turn first to harsh punishment for a mistake, especially where it is about them learning a new action, expectation or idea . If they repeated the behaviour that would require more serious responces and again, what type of action/punishment/ I would take depends on, the person, why I felt they made the mistake and the severity of the misstep.

*warm smile* for me part of being a dominant is an enjoyment in helping another acheive ... so leading them, training them, or just helping them experience new ideas and concepts is a distinct pleasure ... with such comes an expectation that to learn often requires mistakes or at least experiences that are not what I expected.

How much oil should I put in the bath Ms ? *laughs* is a question one boy knows the answer to very well now

I still remember the look on his face, when he opened the door to the bathroom, where he had just spent an hour or 3 lovelingly cleaning the whole room and prepareing my bath.

How quickly pleasure turned into dispair as not only did he not realise how little bath oil he really needed to use, in his excitment and pride to show me his work, he had forgotten to turn off the water tap when he came to get me, So we where both confronted with the sight of bubbles, rosepetals and water spilling all over the floor he had just cleaned... his crushed look was enough of a punishment ... when he realised instead of getting to bath me for the first time, he would be cleaning the floor again......... poor boy

punishment is but one tool in helping a submissive become who they desire to be ..it is neither the most important nor the most appropriate but just one of many a dominant can use

It sounds like your Owner wants a good slave who learns and understands his needs in order to better serve him... not a cowering confused whipping toy
*warm smiles to everyone *

MzMinx

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