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To settle . . . or not - 11/5/2004 12:45:14 PM

feline

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After a long period of searching (whatever that may be to you) would you be willing to settle?

And if yes, how much?

And if no, why?

Take care,

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/5/2004 1:06:12 PM

MaitresseEden

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Positivily, Absolutely NOT!. To settle for less than one deserves is to devalue oneself. Something society does to woman enough as it is. I refuse to add to that on my own.

Ms. Eden

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/5/2004 1:14:56 PM

IndySubPrincess

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I have to agree Ms. Eden. I most definately will not settle. I realize my search has not taken place as long as some, but at the same time, I know in my heart that what I am looking for is not unreasonable. It is completely fair and just, and I diserve no less. :)

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/5/2004 1:16:23 PM

LadyShoshin

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From: Burlington, Ontario
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quote:

ORIGINAL: feline

After a long period of searching (whatever that may be to you) would you be willing to settle?

And if yes, how much?

And if no, why?

Take care,

After 5 or 6 years, I have not settled, I have transformed and grown. I have come to terms with the idea that I need at least 2 years on my own to pursue my spiritual/career goal, during which time I am seeking part time partners only. I have accepted that at 55 I may never find a life partner and that after 4 long term relationships, I know what I will and will not accept in my life. Part of the wisdom that came with experience and age is knowing that it is better to be alone than to be with the wrong person.

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/5/2004 2:09:47 PM

srahfox

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I have to agree, I'd rather be alone than settle for something other than right. What would be the point it would never last. I might settle for something superficial. I perfer redheads, but if I can't have that... oh well. But I wouldn't give uo on something I Really want. Honor, love, truethfulness.. stuff like that.

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/6/2004 10:28:59 PM

EStrict

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Even though I relocated in a matter of time that some would seem quick, I have never considered this relationship *settling*. I looked for close to 3 years, not sure what I was looking for.... Master looked for 12 years knowing EXACTLY what he was looking for, and was told by most of his family and friends that *old fashioned* kinda of woman that would say AND mean the word *obey* in a marriage just wasn't around these days... I am lucky that he kept looking and didn't settle. And I know we are both better off for it :)

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/7/2004 2:44:56 AM

kestrelle

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No - i wouldn't settle. It's not fair on the other person or good for Y/your own self esteem to know Y/you're lying to Y/yourself and them - who the hell wants to be a compromise candidate? How can Y/you genuinely invest in a relationship if a part of Y/you is really hankering after some undefined O/other who is better, taller, blonder/younger/whatever? As much as i want to be with Someone i have more respect for myself and for others.

< Message edited by kestrelle -- 11/7/2004 2:46:23 AM >

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/7/2004 6:06:21 AM

Laura

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I'm feeling pretty discouraged about the whole thing too. Hope you are having better luck now. I think when we are here and there are so many personal ads, it seems there are endless men who want to submit. But, in the world offline there are none. Even those we meet from the site turn out to be duds. Good (or better) luck to all of us. :)

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/7/2004 11:08:00 AM

subbiejenn

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No way!

From the bad marriage i was in ... how depressed i felt ... feeling i couldn't leave Him and be on my own with 2 kids ... *blah* never again!

i wont ever settle for less then what i desire, i wont ever settle for less then i deserve. i want happiness, love, commitment, honor etc... until i find that perfect Dom for me i am happy with my life how it is.

It can be depressing looking and searching, that is why i have stopped looking for now. What is meant to be will be and it will find me when it is time.

Settle - Never

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/7/2004 5:49:24 PM

newflowers

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Interesting topic.

I do not have the same certainty that some of you express here in this thread.

The entire package of what I want versus having the most important parts of it - absolutely I would settle.

The parts that I require with a D/s relationship - honesty, acceptance, devotion, caring, communication, honor, intregity - these I would need even if were in a vanilla relationship.

The D/s dynamic - the control and authority of another which allows me to live my submissive nature with one who has the complementary needs of being in control and authority, this I would certainly like, but I think there are some who do not recognize these acspects and still have them.

Yes, I would settle for having the most important parts of what I want and would be more than willing to work and compromise on the rest of it. I would prefer not to have to do so, but much of life is negotiable - I do not think it is impossible.

newflowers

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/7/2004 8:44:02 PM

Laura

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Thank you for bravely posting against the current newflowers.

I would also settle. I'm not 30 something any more, borderline, as I turn 40 next month. I'm not single as I've been divorced. Yes, I'd settle for a man who made space for me in his life. I'd settle for a man who made me laugh once in a while. Etc. If I had to give up the BDSM element, yes, I'd do that to have other things that matter more and will (hopefully) be longer lasting and durable.

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/7/2004 8:56:47 PM

TaurusMCMLVIII

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quote:

After a long period of searching (whatever that may be to you) would you be willing to settle?

And if yes, how much?

If we all waited for the "perfect one" then there would be a lot of lonely doms and subs. I wouldn't consider it "settling" if you haven't found your "perfect one" after a long period so you started with someone that had a "subset" of the characteristics you desire. Good communications is always important as well as honesty. So as long as you don't mislead anyone, it's OK to enter a relationship and still "keeping an eye out" for someone else who matches your needs better.

There are alot of good reasons to do this. Maybe the one you choose will turn out to be more compatible than you expected. Maybe you will change your ctiteria. Experiences will help you refine and be more accurate with your criteria.

Keep it light, have fun, and hang in there!

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/8/2004 6:44:36 PM

kiki blue

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I have areas that I'll compromise on, but the bottom line of what I'm after isn't up for negotiation. I settled before, (oh, the things we do for love) and that made me incredibly unhappy. It's not like my standards are sky high, or otherwise unattainable, I'm not expecting perfection, and I'm confident I'll meet someone who can offer what I seek.

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RE: To settle . . . or not - 11/11/2004 7:43:20 PM

stormiKnightBEAR

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The only person who wins in settling for less is the person you decide is worth settling for.

i.e. you decide Mr. Blue is worth dealing with <blah blah blah>, even tho you swore you
could never lower yourself to that (again)..... you decide to settle because he's good looking
or smooth or whatever... HE WINS, you loose because you settled.

This girl speaks of this from experience and will never again settle for less. Period.
The price is too high for this girl.

Be well and best wishes,

stormi
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