i'm curious

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domfurrejon -> i'm curious (11/5/2012 9:49:13 PM)
why do subs seem to start by ordering what they will demand of a dom if im going to take the effort to make someone my sub im going to push them beyond there normal boundrys

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: i'm curious (11/5/2012 10:31:02 PM)
That a person chose dominant or master in a check box on a kink website means absolutely nothing. You have zero right to demand submission from anyone unless and until they agree to be your submissive. There is an intermediate "getting to know" stage (which could take weeks or months) where those with a clue treat a potential submissive like a person. And pushing someone "beyond normal boundaries" before they are ready to be pushed is the sign of a desktop dom who lacks control. Submission is inspired, not forced. There is a progression involved; expecting "instant" submission just makes you look like an idiot.

Missokyst -> RE: i'm curious (11/5/2012 10:32:22 PM)
....maybe you can do that AFTER they become your sub.

JanahX -> RE: i'm curious (11/5/2012 10:33:49 PM)
Go for it - have fun finding that instant no-limit slave that puts everything into your hands from day one. Im sure you'll have zero problem finding her/him - or whatever. Most people have limits of some sort -just look for the instaslaves, they are your target audience. Just delete all the rest. See? - easy peezy.

myotherself -> RE: i'm curious (11/5/2012 10:40:04 PM)
Because until you become THEIR dom you are just some random horny guy looking to get his kinky boots filled. [:'(]

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: i'm curious (11/5/2012 10:44:21 PM)
Because before jumping headlong into a power-exchange relationship, sane people will want to make sure the potential dominant is a good match for them. Even we submissives are entitled to be in a relationship which makes us happy. And, yep, that means being picky to start with. 'Pushing boundaries' may or may not happen down the line when there is trust and commitment. Most boundaries and limits are there for a damn good reason and if you jump in day one trying to remove them, you're asking for disaster.

faithNZ -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 12:48:30 AM)
Just because someone identifies as submissive, doesn't mean that you have any more right than some stranger on the street to order tham around. That is earnt, not granted because you label yourself 'dominant'.

Killerangel -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 12:56:35 AM)
The fact that you view people being cautious and looking for a good match as them ordering you to do something is troublesome. Do you expect a stranger to just let another stranger do what they like with no regard to what it is that they want to get out of the experience, or no guarding of their personal safety? Everyone has the right to get what they want out of dealings with someone else, just because they are submissive doesn't mean they take any person coming down the road who says they are a Dominant. That would be really dangerous and stupid.

DarkSteven -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 3:10:37 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domfurrejon why do subs seem to start by ordering what they will demand of a dom if im going to take the effort to make someone my sub im going to push them beyond there normal boundrys 1. You focus on the effort required to begin a relationship. Note that subs go through the same effort. 2. Pushing past boundaries can be done numerous ways. I get the feeling that your way might involve ignoring them altogether. Not a good method. 3. Picking a Dom is NOT effortless. It involves determination of compatibility, kinkwise as well as vanilla. Your dismissal of a sub's say in that process is, to me, alarming. 4. I have in the past pushed subs part their soft limits. It was done because the limits were preventing me from getting something from them that I enjoyed and wanted. In order to do so, I needed to first ensure that they trusted me. With all due respect, your attitude will not foster a sense of trust and safety.

LonDom61 -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 3:17:13 AM)
To save people who are also -curious- a few clicks...this is his profile I cut out a lot of spaces. And added the bold where I thought appropriate. = = = my name is jon i play video games and roam the computer i watch cartoons to help me relax i have been a dom for awhile, yet i have just found this site. i live alone, i chose who i want. ---- so do they, dude i dont go into something blind. i was raised by military parents and have learned strictness and loyalty and that is what i shall only accept someone loyal and able to follow orders i dont not want a sub/ slave who im never going to see in person. that is all now send me a message I'll view your profile then choose if i shall reply to you = = = = = OP: Everything everybody above me just said. Plus... In the English language, when we use the first person pronoun--or the name of a person--we capitalize them. Beyond that, folks here may or may not buy into the lowercase for subs or slaves idea. But lowercase for Doms (personal pronouns, your nick and your actual name) is just...wrong at least twice over. Relevant to the op (oops, lowercase): cuz your profile text, your nick, your pic (yet another bathroom mirror job; cameras have timers now dude; a mirror--or a friend--not required.) are all part of how you come across. And how you come across determines whether (and how) THEY choose to reply to YOU.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 3:29:57 AM)
jon (no caps intended when addressing a mere child), Read. Read often. Get an education. Find a job. Get your butt off of the couch. Subs (first cap in a sentence, and in this case a sub trumps a troll wannabe) don't get handed to you on a silver platter. You can't even master English. Bwahahaaa

littleone14 -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 6:14:42 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domfurrejon why do subs seem to start by ordering what they will demand of a dom if im going to take the effort to make someone my sub im going to push them beyond there normal boundrys Just because I'm a sub doesn't make me less of a person. I've only been on this site a few months and I have PAGES of emails from doms trying to get me to submit to them - some on the first email, some after one or two short one line get to know you emails. Very few really care to get to know me as a whole person, not just wank fodder or kinky sex. THOSE are the ones I might want to meet and see if we connect - both in vanilla terms and kink. What you are seeing as ORDERING is just a human being trying to see if the two of you mesh, and whether she'll get what she needs out of the relationship as well. Where on earth do some doms get the idea that just because you are a sub, you aren't worthy of anything?

poise -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 6:50:35 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domfurrejon why do subs seem to start by ordering what they will demand of a dom if im going to take the effort to make someone my sub im going to push them beyond there normal boundrys It sounds like your asking "Why do subs get to decide what type of dom they want in their life". That's like asking why you have to water the grass in order for it to grow. Duh. [:-] If you can't be the type of man a sub ~~demands~~ needs in order for her to thrive, then her buttons will be so far out of your reach that pushing them will be impossible. This isn't like putting on a superman cape and all the submissive women swoon at your feet. You cannot dominate those that you can't inspire.

OsideGirl -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 7:52:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poise quote: ORIGINAL: domfurrejon why do subs seem to start by ordering what they will demand of a dom if im going to take the effort to make someone my sub im going to push them beyond there normal boundrys It sounds like your asking "Why do subs get to decide what type of dom they want in their life". That's like asking why you have to water the grass in order for it to grow. Duh. [:-] If you can't be the type of man a sub ~~demands~~ needs in order for her to thrive, then her buttons will be so far out of your reach that pushing them will be impossible. This isn't like putting on a superman cape and all the submissive women swoon at your feet. You cannot dominate those that you can't inspire. Poise nailed it.

mnottertail -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 7:54:57 AM)
I am now thinking after poise's comments, and Osidegirl's agreement that I will be wearing a supermarket apron, to enhance my stature and also to compromise (or be seen to, at any rate)

PrincessDonna11 -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 8:09:02 AM)
LOL Ive noticed that alot too or they start with what their last Domme did ( who usuallly was a pro) or an old girlfriend that was "DOMME" in bed...and that is why I am soo selective...

sexyred1 -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 9:06:47 AM)
I was going to reply to the OP but it is becoming too exhausting to answer deluded men.

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 10:36:39 AM)
It sometimes alarms me when people who want to take control over another person's life show a profound inability to understand and empathise with other people's points of view and motivations. It shouldn't take much effort to see why a person would have standards in chosing a partner. This isn't a complex issue. If you can't fathom why a person might not want to submit to someone who doesn't tick their boxes, then how are you going to navigate the far more complex situations that will arise in an adult relationship? This isn't entirely directed at the OP, but rather something I often think when I see posts along these lines. Seeing things from other people's points of view is a crucial social skill. How do these people manage at work or dealing with family or making friends? Most seven year olds can grasp that other children won't want to come over and play if they don't think you will play nice. How is it that grown ups can't say 'well I wouldn't accept just anyone in a relationship, so other people must have standards too'?

theRose4U -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 1:11:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: domfurrejon why do subs seem to start by ordering what they will demand of a dom if im going to take the effort to make someone my sub im going to push them beyond there normal boundrys Umm yeah good luck with that!! WIITWD is generally a 2 way street especially in the beginnig. Being male & thinking that makes you so special women will fall at your feet will be a source of great frustration

theRose4U -> RE: i'm curious (11/6/2012 1:19:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I am now thinking after poise's comments, and Osidegirl's agreement that I will be wearing a supermarket apron, to enhance my stature and also to compromise (or be seen to, at any rate) You'll want to make sure you get the extra long ankle length waiter style, little bar girl apron would just be silly!

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