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Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 11:52:58 AM

Ninebelowzero

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Question:
How do you tell the difference between a British Police Officer, an
Australian Police Officer and an American Police Officer?

Answer:
First - Lets pose the following question:

You're on duty by yourself walking on a deserted street late at night.
Suddenly, an armed man with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and lunges at you.
You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot, however you
have only a split second to react before he reaches you.
What do you do?

BRITISH POLICE OFFICER:
Firstly the officer must consider the man's Human Rights.
1) Does the man look poor or oppressed?
2) Is he newly arrived in this country and does not yet understand the law?
3) Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
4) Am I dressed provocatively?
5) Could I run away?
6) Could I possibly swing my gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
7) Should I try and negotiate with him to discuss his wrong doings?
8) Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
9) Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message
does this send to society?
10) Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content
just to wound me?
11) If I were to grab his knees and hold on, would he still want to
stab and kill me?
12) If I raise my gun and he turns and runs away, do I get blamed if
he falls over, knocks his head and kills himself? .
13) If I shoot and wound him, and lose the subsequent court case,
does he have the opportunity to sue me, cost me my job, my credibility and
the loss of my family home?

AUSTRALIAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG!

AMERICAN POLICE OFFICER:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! 'click'....
(Sergeant arrives at scene later and remarks: 'Nice grouping!)

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 12:56:12 PM

Silentrunner26

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I am reminded of a shoot out back in the 90's . 4 officers shot at 2 men and spent 19 shots and hit one man . The 2 men shot around 16 times and hit 2 squad cars about 12 times . From the reports the gun men where in plain sight and not hidding behind anything . They gave up after they ran out of bullets . To serve and protect ?

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 1:05:19 PM

AthenaSurrenders

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Of course the fatal flaw in the joke is that a British police officer would never be patrolling alone on foot and carrying a weapon. Firearms officers travel together and in vehicles, unless they're airport/nuclear police in which case they'd be carrying something bigger than a handgun.

Otherwise I get it :P

You know I had the priviledge of spending some time with the firearms team at GMP and they are some badass sons of bitches. You do not wanna mess with those, despite the restrictions on them. They have to be re-tested every 5 weeks to make sure they are up to the job.

The good news is, once they shoot you they are required to immediately give you first aid, so there's that to look forward to.

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 2:24:20 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

You know I had the priviledge of spending some time with the firearms team at GMP and they are some badass sons of bitches. You do not wanna mess with those, despite the restrictions on them. They have to be re-tested every 5 weeks to make sure they are up to the job.

The good news is, once they shoot you they are required to immediately give you first aid, so there's that to look forward to.

Met one of these here. SEAL with a couple screws loose is less scary

Does stcking your finger in wound trying to pull out bullet actually count as first aid?

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 2:34:57 PM

Lucylastic

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As my BIL says..* A met occifer of 20 years* He shouts STOP or Ill have to shout STOP again.

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 2:39:25 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic

As my BIL says..* A met occifer of 20 years* He shouts STOP or Ill have to shout STOP again.

Think that's a brit thing.
Here its officer! Bang bang bang officer I just wanted to ask directions...you're an idiot doing that in this neighborhood...bang!

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 3:59:04 PM

LookieNoNookie

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I always liked that one comedians joke (the guy that used to play "Mork")....

Talking about British police versus American police...

Something like....

"So, they have a bad guy running away from the scene of a crime and they yell...STOP!!!!!!........or I'll say STOP again!!!!!!!!!!"

< Message edited by LookieNoNookie -- 11/6/2012 4:00:20 PM >

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 6:39:26 PM

theRose4U

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LookieNoNookie

I always liked that one comedians joke (the guy that used to play "Mork")....

Talking about British police versus American police...

Something like....

"So, they have a bad guy running away from the scene of a crime and they yell...STOP!!!!!!........or I'll say STOP again!!!!!!!!!!"

That would be robin williams live on broadway (first performance live anywhere post 9/11) & it was actually NYPD catch & release program

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/6/2012 6:59:45 PM

yourdarkdesire

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Niney, you mean your bobbys are allowed to carry more than their billy club these days? What a set back!

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/7/2012 1:31:09 AM

Ninebelowzero

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it's not like they can shoot for shit though. An awful lot of them have a finger missing on their left hand.

Shooting long rifles & then dropping down to the shorter MP5 they often forget to NOT put their finger end over the lip of the muzzle break.

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/7/2012 5:10:56 AM

Moonhead

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That joke was Bill Hicks, not Robin Williams.

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RE: Stolen joke - 11/7/2012 5:12:16 AM

Moonhead

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quote:

ORIGINAL: yourdarkdesire

Niney, you mean your bobbys are allowed to carry more than their billy club these days? What a set back!

Patrol officers carry sticks (which require no demonstration), but most stations over here can rustle up a firearms team in a hurry if they need one.

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