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NuevaVida -> RE: Alright. My real question... (11/9/2012 8:48:40 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: alhamdullilah
My experience as a slave is with an extremist, to say the least. Now, it's time to try and make a life work with a Dom who is NOT an extremist where being Dom is concerned - sexually or otherwise. How do I make this work? I want to. I really do but I always imagined that there would never be someone out there extreme enough for me. Now I'm embarking upon making a life with someone who is not so extreme as to say... "You are of no value unless you are pleasing to me" and smack the hell out of me if I didn't remember to do something during sex, as an example, that I'd been taught... mind you, I got hot over both of those...???? I'm daring to spill this to who ever is reading but I'm hoping it will pay off in answers or rather, suggestions/advice... please.
My former owner was very extreme, always pushing the envelope with me, sometimes even going too far. We didn't work out for reasons outside of physical activity.
He who now owns me, and who has owned me for over 3 years now, is not at all extreme. In the beginning, I kept waiting for him to kick it up a notch, and he didn't. I was a little concerned that his level of play was so mild it might not fulfill me. But here's the thing - he is a really really awesome man, and the ways he fulfills me soar beyond the physical.
Like what MOS said, I'd tell him I loved it when he did this or that, and during play & sex I'd grab at him and "dare" him to totally ravish me, etc.
Sometimes, when just chatting outside of play, I'd ask him about doing one thing or another, and he'd say, "In time." I realized something - you know, we're always talking about on these boards about pushing the sub's/slave's limits, but we don't often talk about the dom's/master's boundaries and comfort levels. I decided patience would be my friend, and one thing I really did have to learn was to accept how kind and giving he is to me....because it gives him pleasure to do so. It was a new and different way of pushing my envelope.
So now, 3 years later, I tease him that he wimpified me, but when he pulls out that cane with an evil sadistic look in his eye, I cringe lol. The last 3+ years have included us exploring his own comfort levels together, and with him pushing my comfort levels in different ways. It's been fun, scary, painful, hilarious, and exciting. We both became creative about play, and it's been an awesome shared experience.
And all throughout, we've both kept the relationship and bond with each other a priority.
I agree with the others in this thread, too, that talking to him is not topping from the bottom. Asking for things is not topping from the bottom. Topping from the bottom ONLY exists if the top allows it.
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