Another Woman

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crystalclarinet -> Another Woman (11/8/2012 8:37:44 PM)
So recently my Dom and I had fantasized about him fucking another woman and then him coming back home and fucking me. When playing it out during sex it really turned me on. Recently he informed me that it is something he really wants to do. I have mixed feelings on the matter... He has told me that he really doesn't want me to be with another man in any fashion, but the idea of him being with another is intoxicating, but also I am not sure if this is really something that I will acutally be ok with once it happens. Has anyone else gone through this? Although at the moment I haven't really thought that I have had a feeling one way or another about this everyone else in my life (co workers, friends, ect) that have no idea what is going on have stated that I am coming across like I have a stick up my but. I am just wondering if anyone has acutally dabbled with this for real and how did it affect your relationship, and how did you deal with it?

JanahX -> RE: Another Woman (11/8/2012 9:45:40 PM)
What if he fucks some other woman and gets the cooties? Or - do you already have them and dont care... but then you have to decipher what kind of cooties and oh well ... never mind ... its just too complicated.

absolutchocolat -> RE: Another Woman (11/8/2012 10:05:55 PM)
be honest about the reservations you have. fantasy often differs from reality. if you're not okay with your dom being with someone else, then it's best to be open about it rather than keep it bottled up. remember, it can't be undone once he goes through with it. i've had an open relationship and several threesomes, and introducing another person can change the dynamic. you should definitely discuss things with him. good luck :)

AthenaSurrenders -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 1:16:28 AM)
It has nothing to do with having a stick up your butt. This is one of those things that some people can work and other's can't. I couldn't deal with this personally. I can't say whether or not you could. Fantasies are different from reality. In your fantasy she is some faceless stranger and all the passion she inspires is being poured into you. In reality... well... Be honest about this. I wouldn't advise you do it until you are as sure as you can be that this won't damage your relationship (obviously you can't be 100% certain until it happens) because once it's done, there's no going back. Put it on hold and do some soul searching and serious talking. Set clear boundaries if you do go for it. How will you find this woman? What will you tell her? What precautions will you take? Will it be a one off or a regular thing? Are you the type of person who will be able to move past it if you don't like it, or will it eat away at you? Is he the type of person who will put you first and pull the plug if you change your mind, without making you feel awful? What happens if he/she develops feelings? How will you feel if he fucks her and comes home and doesn't feel like fucking you? Will you be able to enjoy thinking of where he is, or will you be sat at home worrying? Will you meet her before hand? How will you resolve it if one of you wants to do this all the time and one of you wants to stop? Will there be resentment on either part, or pressure? There's no right or wrong answer but there is a lot to think about. Lots of people have relationships which are happily open or have a cuckolding/cuckqueening element, but not everyone is wired for it and I strongly feel it's not something you should do unless you are both communicating honestly and willing to prioritise each other's needs.

GreedyTop -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 1:18:01 AM)
applauds Athena's very wise post

DarkSteven -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 1:25:16 AM)
Athena saved me keystrokes. Thanks, AS.

DeviantlyD -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 2:02:03 AM)
This isn't the OP's first time at the rodeo. http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=3478660 http://www.collarchat.com/m_3441600/mpage_1/key_/tm.htm#3441600 So the idea of another woman was brought up 2 years ago...hasn't the OP determined by now whether or not this could work? From the way the OP has described it, the other woman might not even know that she (the OP) is part of the equation. "I had fantasized about him fucking another woman and then him coming back home and fucking me." So is it a case of your D type being with any other woman without you there? And would she know about you?

ChatteParfaitt -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 3:51:01 AM)
If its taken you more than 2 years to resolve issues about adding a third to the relationship (and your fantasy IS about adding a third, whether you meet her or not), then it's quite obvious (to me) this is not something you can do comfortably. You appear to be very insecure about this man, and after years together that tells me you have insecurities in general. I suspect you have some serious self-esteem issues that you really do need to resolve to be happy in your relationship. Adding a third is not going to "fix" that in any way, it will only play on your insecurities and tear the two of you apart. Have you ever considered counseling? It could make a major difference in your life.

Toysinbabeland -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 3:59:28 AM)
you could always pretend he's done it already because he probably has.

OsideGirl -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 7:58:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AthenaSurrenders There's no right or wrong answer but there is a lot to think about. Lots of people have relationships which are happily open or have a cuckolding/cuckqueening element, but not everyone is wired for it and I strongly feel it's not something you should do unless you are both communicating honestly and willing to prioritise each other's needs. This. Master and I have a relationship where he has had sex with others. Sometimes with me present, sometimes not. But, I have a view that sex is just sex, it is not love or intimacy. We don't do this as a cuckold thing. There were some things in the beginning that were emotional land mines, but talking things through have taken care of those issues. It took compromise on both sides and these things did not happen until I was ready for them to happen.

NuevaVida -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 8:32:05 AM)
Just wanted to say I loved what Athena and OG had to say. And there is no timeline as to when you're comfortable with something. There are things the Mister and I have been talking about, contemplating, and working toward for 2 years, and I'm still not ready. You're ready when you're ready. You may never be ready, and that's OK, too. As is often said here (and rings very true), fantasy is far different than reality. I have the same fantasy the OP does, and I still don't know how I'd react. It's an extremely tricky topic for me.

chatterbox24 -> RE: Another Woman (11/9/2012 9:12:42 AM)
Heres something to think about. Might be great, might make you feel empowered, more attractive, more intimate. Thats if it doesn't open a can of worms. Like he wants to do it alot, maybe with the same person, maybe with others. Think about that scenerio and how that might affect you? There is no going back like already said. Depends on you for sure, your personality, and what you can handle. Sometimes things are better left alone. Good luck on your decision.

ivone1 -> RE: Another Woman (11/10/2012 2:32:30 PM)
no wya in hell that is going to happen in my lifetime... besides cooties and germs its the squirk factor for me... i dont share and i dont care... its that simple

littleone35 -> RE: Another Woman (11/11/2012 3:08:34 PM)
Fanatsy is best left as fanasty. I told Master right from start if i was going to be his i have to be the only one If this is somethimg you don't think you can handle then you should tell your Dom. Say you want to krp it as a fanasty right noe,If you want can revisit the sublect in the future. Please forgive my spelling errors Matt's littleone

Daddyplsfindme -> RE: Another Woman (11/11/2012 3:12:57 PM)
i think if you are even hesitant about it, is best not to follow thru.....just watch some cuckqueen porn together or something :)

CharmingKitty -> RE: Another Woman (11/17/2012 10:55:31 AM)
That sounds like it'll work out great until "coming back home and fucking me" becomes having a shower and a nap.

SayangKitty -> RE: Another Woman (11/19/2012 6:03:21 PM)
If you have the slightest reservation, tell him. Honesty is key. A situation like this can cause lots of pain, speaking from experience.

MAINEiacMISTRESS -> RE: Another Woman (11/19/2012 6:28:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ivone1 no wya in hell that is going to happen in my lifetime... besides cooties and germs its the squirk factor for me... i dont share and i dont care... its that simple Yes, the whole idea is just nasty....are you going to have this woman vet-checked before he screws her? Cooties, yeast infections, jock itch...what about COLD SORES? ...and I'm not going to ask what "squirk factor" is.

LaTigresse -> RE: Another Woman (11/20/2012 4:04:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Toysinbabeland you could always pretend he's done it already because he probably has. That was my first thought as well. Also........what the OP isn't considering, and probably not the guy either..... We are talking about another human being. There is a helluva lot more to the idea of a guy going out and fucking some woman then walking away. (What was that bunny boiling movie......? ) Whether anyone thinks so, in the beginning, you really are opening the door to another person, but also everything they bring with them. Certainly a lot of possible germs, but also, a lot of possible crazy. There are a whoooooooooollllllllleeeeeeee long list of what ifs. What if he bangs a cheating woman and her man comes a knocking. What if she gets knocked up. What if she decides she wants to keep him. What if she is just bat shit crazy. What if he goes the pro route.........annnnnnnnnnnnd gets busted. OP there's lots of shit to consider. In MY mind, it's far better to consider the possible shit, BEFORE, having to deal with it after the fact. But hey, based on your posts I cannot imagine it going well, regardless. You've a load of personal insecurities glowing through your words and having him chasing new tail isn't going to improve upon that.

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