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LonDom61 -> RE: needing advice (11/11/2012 6:39:21 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: theRose4U
I'm going to go the other way & hope lon's cranium forgives me
Men are basic. They don't get "feelings" especially when they are bad ones...I'm convinced its a defense mechonism.
Way to deal with this is:
I feel most loved by you, when you ____
I feel most aroused, sexy, desired when you ___
I miss ____
& want to know if you are ok then how we can re-introduce x,y,z
Yes the accusation of topping from the bottom can be made, but better to say something & hear you are wanted but flogging you for an hour during a a70 hour week is unreasonable...or he misses having a 3rd but he knows it negatively affects things with you. Answer could be damn near anything from pushing you over the couch to tearful loss of this 3rd & not knowing how to tell you.
Best advice keep it simple & direct, then expect anything.
Hi Rose. My cranium forgives you and is still shiny. (Well, right now it needs a shave.) Good advice on how to approach discussion. Context being important. Possible outcomes.
I have said that online contact OTOS (ie exploring relationship potential) is like building a dot picture. Each element--the pic, points in the profile and emails, etc--is a dot. We connect them and observe the image that emerges.
It just struck me that we do the same here, when reading an OP and making our pronouncements. And, just as OTOS, we may connect the dots in ways that are affected by our preconceptions.
An OP takes a complex situation and reduces it to a few dots. We then take those few dots and try to zoom it back into a picture. Then offer advice based on the picture we drew.
Ten stars in a constellation...and someone sees a centaur...or a scorpion, or...
The OP says the other girl left. Aries sees -she JUST left-. What is the actual time? There has been enough so that several play times havent happened. How frequent were they? We dont know. OP didnt give us that dot.
Saline jumps to -he is passive aggressive, wants to leave you and is waiting for you to figure it out-. Dunno where THAT came from. He had two girls and he was, presumably, happy. Now he has one and, at least at the moment, is less happy. How do you get to -he wants zero girls-?
I am using examples in this thread. But it is something that we do here all the time. It is, in fact, built in to the medium we are using.
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I am also uncomfortable with statements like the one highlighted in red. Saying men are like this, subs are like that, etc. is using a label that may often (or sometimes) be useful and accurate...and assuming it is accurate in all situations. He is a man. Men are like this. So he is like this. You may think that works. But how about: She is a sub. Subs are like this. So she is like this.
Personally, I can has emotions. And I can has sensitivity to the emotions of my girl. If anything, I am overly sensitive to them. EsPECially bad ones. That can cause problems, too. Did with me & my ex. My challenge is turning that dial down, not up. But that is me. The OPs Dom is different.
Bottom line: Our dot pictures are not reality. People dont fit labels. Generalizations dont apply to all.
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Oh, Aries: I liked the -maybe its not that we have not enough. maybe you goils has too much-. Funny.
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