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Munches - 11/13/2012 5:47:00 AM   
andromeda06


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/8/2011
Status: offline 		After a lengthy break, I need community again. When advice is given here and elsewhere, it always includes going to local get togethers. And I'd really like to have some like minded people in my life. I have a few kinkster friends (most of whom I've met here) but I need... More. And since I'm delicately and slowly deciding to date again, I figure this is a good start. But it makes me nervous as hell. I'm good at meeting new people. I'm friendly and warm. But I don't know.... Just freaks me out.

Can you all sort of prepare me? Logically I understand that it's just people. Dinner or coffee with people. Nothing super weird about that. And yet... I've never done it because it makes me too nervous. Can you share your experiences at your first munch? What's it like, typically?

I'm not a shy person really and I believe this would be a good way to simply meet people. So please help alleviate some of my silly fears. I think this would be really good for me.

Thanks!
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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 6:20:54 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		A munch is a meet and greet situation with like minded people that most likely will take place in a restaurant. There is no kink displayed and there is no fetish wear worn in the huge majority of these gatherings. As a matter of fact, those things are (generally) forbidden. As a general rule, last names are not asked.

A munch really is just a dinner out with people who share your interests, and should give you minimal cause for worry. FL is marvelous for directing people to meetings in their area. There will be an organizer and contact person, send them an email explaining you are new and would like assistance in being introduced.

Then be brave and take the plunge. Good luck.



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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 6:25:44 AM   
andromeda06


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/8/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks for this. Makes me super nervous but the more I hear and read these stories the more brave I am.

I already found a local group that looks nice. I live in a fairly big city so that wasn't hard. I should check Fl too. I just always have been here, at CC, and so I feel more comfortable. I have sent an email to my local group leader just introducing myself and asking about the next meet up. Exciting. And terrifying lol

Thanks again

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 6:35:40 AM   
ChatteParfaitt


Posts: 6562
Joined: 3/22/2011
From: The t'aint of the Midwest -- Indiana
Status: offline 		You'll be fine, the hardest part is the first step, you know?

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 6:37:50 AM   
cordeliasub


Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline 		The munches I have been to were just dinner with a group of friends. No protocol, no fetish wear or collars or what have you. In fact, and lifestyle discussion was pretty vague due to the public nature of the dinner. We just talked about local events, places we liked to shop, football (lol), etc. Very relaxed. I am on FL, and I messaged a couple of the women beforehand to get to know them a bit, and then they were really welcoming when I got there.

It's great you live in an area with several groups.

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 6:40:25 AM   
xssve


Posts: 3589
Joined: 10/10/2009
Status: offline 		I was going to say, the munches I've been to have been pretty low key, about the only odd thing is the wide range of ages.

We usually discuss racing, as a couple of members are professional racers, lol.

< Message edited by xssve -- 11/13/2012 6:41:20 AM >

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 6:47:25 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You shouldn't be freaked out, don't stab dominants in the eye with your fork, slop gravy on your tie, eat with your mouth open, or trail toilet paper from the bathroom......

After those conditions are avoided, you can claim success at any munch. 

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 7:17:01 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		You keep mentioning your fears, what exactly are they?

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 7:57:59 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline 		Just make sure you get the right venue. My first munch was at a busy pub in London. Unfortunately I got the wrong pub
Its likely you won't be the only new person so relax. Everyone is nervous at their first munch. You will laugh about that afterwards, you really will!
Let the munch runner know that this is your first munch and you are nervous. They will usually make sure that they introduce you to others and sit you next to a friendly bunch. Don't expect them to talk about anything BDSM related or ask you what orientation you are. If they do just be polite and to the point.
Munches are great places for getting to know others.

On a side note, I always tell people; if you walk into a room full of strangers thinking 'omg everyones looking at me' or 'I'm really uncomfortable about this'. People will ignore you because of the vibe you are giving off. If you walk into a room full of strangers and think 'wow I'm really looking forward to this, they look like a great bunch' People will naturally warm to you and you will find you have company for the evening. Try it, it really works.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 7:59:52 AM   
Salinedion


Posts: 198
Joined: 5/25/2012
Status: offline 		My experience (not widely shared here) is that the guys way outnumber the girls and that the assembled group will have a bit of history together and you will therefore feel a bit like a 5th wheel. If you keep on going, you may feel less so, but then again, you might not. The people will be polite and nonjudgmental. Lots of lame humor and unfunny double entendres will lighten or leaden the mood, depending on your temperament.

It's no biggie either way, and it's great to break your isolation and meet some fellow perverts. It's a low investment, small potato's move forward into kink-dom with very likely small potato's return on your price of a few drinks.

Therefore, I too wonder why you're so bugged out about it.

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 8:11:42 AM   
poise


Posts: 9509
Joined: 7/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: andromeda06
I have a few kinkster friends (most of whom I've met here) but I need... More. And since I'm delicately and
slowly deciding to date again, I figure this is a good start. But it makes me nervous as hell. I'm good at meeting
new people. I'm friendly and warm. But I don't know.... Just freaks me out.

Thanks!

Since your interest is in dating again, I'd find it much more scary to meet one random fella from the internet.
Granted, you'd be in a public place for that meet (hopefully) but it's all on you to make sure you haven't picked
some psycho dude who has no experience other than being on the internet. Being that there is safety in numbers,
I'd think interacting with other like minded folk at a casual meet and greet would be a good ice breaker for you.
Perhaps you can have one of the friends you've met here on CM attend with you.

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 8:46:48 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline 		It took me a year to pluck up enough courage to go to my first munch. I messaged the organiser, who asked if I wanted to chat to someone who would go with me.

I started chatting with the guy she talked about. He was absolutely lovely! We met for coffee and just sat and chatted for hours. Then a few days later, he turned up to the munch early (many munches start a little earlier for the noobs) and introduced me to some of the people there. We stood around in a pub, had a couple of drinks and then we all went to a karaoke bar

Although work/life means I can't get to the munch any more, I'm still friends with at least half a dozen of the people I met all those years ago. Definitely worth the effort!

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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 12:59:44 PM   
Nakhla


Posts: 104
Joined: 10/24/2012
Status: offline
I went to my first munch just a week ago! I wish I hadn't been so nervous about this stuff and gone a lot sooner.

I know, you might have scenarios playing out in your head like some guy going "So, what do you think of my Jesus fleshlight?" with a table of nuns opposite you, but my group were so, so normal and there was in fact relatively little kink talk. It was mostly just a BDSM friendly environment where people felt okay to talk about their relationships and proclivities without it being weird, and without people being judgmental, and otherwise, it was really just a pleasant social.

It won't be scary. I promise.

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(in reply to andromeda06)
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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 1:43:25 PM   
PranksterBtch


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/15/2012
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

You shouldn't be freaked out, don't stab dominants in the eye with your fork, slop gravy on your tie, eat with your mouth open, or trail toilet paper from the bathroom......

After those conditions are avoided, you can claim success at any munch. 


Unless those pesky Doms keep bumping into you ... some confuse munches with pissing contests ... then pick up a fork and threaten to use it. Smirk.

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 1:47:08 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		The threat is no social or political faux pas, I assure you.   Like anything else in life, its the doing.......... and uhhhhhhhhh.......

nice SHOES!!!!

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 1:50:34 PM   
cordeliasub


Posts: 528
Joined: 11/4/2012
Status: offline
quote:

"So, what do you think of my Jesus fleshlight?"


HA! I am going to remember that one

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 2:20:29 PM   
SoulAlloy


Posts: 2106
Joined: 8/23/2009
From: Preston, UK
Status: offline 		My first munch...

Couldn't find them, but had been given a number so called them up. Turns out they were sat behind me lol

I was quiet most the night, listened in, met my first kinky partner there that night (I was lucky, or not perhaps as it didn't work out)

I returned each munch, slightly braver and opened up more, getting a feel for the regulars

Now I run that same munch, and know a plethora of people on the scene - perseverance paid off, I have more kinky friends than vanilla now!

I branched out too, tried several other munches around, I still visit them when I can - it's a lot of fun and an eye opener - I would recommend it to anyone.

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"It'll be alright in the end - if it isn't alright, it's not the end." - unknown

Kinky crossdressing Whovian

Host of the Preston (UK) Munch, 2nd Wednesday each month

(in reply to cordeliasub)
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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 4:19:13 PM   
andromeda06


Posts: 24
Joined: 8/8/2011
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the reassuring replies! It's good to read stories and hear experiences. And I can certainly make it through a meal without stabbing anyone in the eye and with good manners. That made me giggle though.

I not really afraid of anything specific. I just don't usually do these kinds of things. I'm pretty open, nice, cute, easy going, and do just fine in social settings. But I blush like a virgin when I'm nervous and ... this makes me nervous. It's also very different than just dating online. Yes, I meet people publicly, but that's a one on one intimate experience. I do great with that stuff.

But you all have encouraged me a lot. I did just find out from the group (leader? administrator?) that the one I was going to attend in two weeks is going to be cancelled so I won't have another opportunity for another month. Which bums me out cause now that I think I'm legitimately ready, I want to go! So I'll keep an eye open for other opportunities, I guess.

Thanks again!

(in reply to SoulAlloy)
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RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 4:21:23 PM   
pompeii


Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline 		There 'is' a wikipedia on the topic.

(in reply to andromeda06)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Munches - 11/13/2012 4:31:20 PM   
Pyramus


Posts: 397
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline 		Don't believe anything they say! A munch is a plot. A con game. What they do is trick you into 'thinking' it's just a get together, out of context, of like-minded funsters - but in reality - oh - you'll find out soon enough - they have this back room. Yep. Behind the mirror. Knock twice on the painting. They push you inside, and lock the door. THEN THE FUN BEGINS.

You're tied to the wall, and every single attendee has his or her way with your naked writhing body. Whips. Tens units. Dildoes in every orifice. They serve food on your body (that's the munch part), and jab with the fork to get all the strawberries out of the holes. After you're filled with butter, hot corn on the cob is shoved into your holes and pulled out, smeared with the melted succulence.

I could go on - but then - I'd let out the real secret ...

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